Repost of a Chapter that got Deleted
FLAMERZ BAK OFF OK. Make me! mi engish is fine You spelled English wrong, dumbass. Sure it is, maybe you were in the special class. u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos. if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced. i red dis book a lot of tims i fink i no der names. Dude, my cat knows their names better than you. So clearly, you "fink" wrong. I think there should have been a Mexican character in the books , too. Carlose sounds fun=)
and wateva u say, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. Holy shit! Oh Lord...OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER She ruined SO MANY things for me in her abomination of a story! I have terrifying My Immortal flashbacks ALL the time.
OK HERE IS CHAPTA 2. THE HORROR! Oh no...
XXXXXXXXXXXXX CHAPTER 2 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that. Don't be prejudice against vampires. Oh lord...) he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans. I didn't know Romans played the piano. My Chemical Romans? Niiice;) i started 2 sing in my beatifull Shoot me. voice Of course it's beautiful. You're a fucking Sue. "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me. I don't like you.OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths. What the actual fuck? That's completely normal.
"WOT R U DOING?" i creamed. Oh, that's just gross! I'm not sure what crapfic it was from, but they described themselves as "creaming their panties" so now when someone says creamed, I shudder. Crapfics have ruined me. deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. Vampires don't sparkle. They are SAVAGES. ALL vampires are savages. Well, they're SUPPOSED to be. den they stoppd and confused.
"Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. What were you going to do? Have a massive orgy or something? it wnt hapen agen" I bet it will. puting bak on mi clothe. Put your clothes on yourself, lazy!
"Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" i excplaned. MARY SUE. Cough, cough. they all understod.
"it must be ur blood" Vamps don't have blood! They can't GET IT UP. Which is yet another reason why Bella could NOT have gotten pregnant. sed carlose VIVA LA VAMPIRE! in horrofied. "Beauty, I thought your name was Twila. Beauty is one of her middle names, I think...u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it. You're a vampire, too! I want to watch it spill all over my floor. Okay, that was a little much, but still...itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"
"Dat bytches nam is bella" sed jasper growling. Midnite hugged him When did she get there? so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk. That's not possible. He'd probably drink her dry first. Don't destroy canon like that, Stupid Girl.
"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alisehu was a plebian. She's married to Jasper! Canon killer! edward rowred RAWR! at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed! I hope he eats everyone.
"OMFG NOOOO" That sounds like Ebony. i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt. eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels. R Patz is rather unattractive with his shirt off. We all saw in New Moon, don't pretend you didn't notice. Nor does he have "mussels". his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice
"TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI" What the literal fuck did I just read? he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her. Someone's overreacting, don't you think? Wait, I thought Avril was a "Prep". Tara would be disappointed in you! He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me. Typical. *Sigh*
"Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat srry im not a lebian." alice started 2 cry tearz of blood. You should get that checked out. Yet another My Immortal similarity. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios Aren't you a vampire too? Why don't you know? Yeah? SIR, I DOUBT YOUR KNOWLADGE OF VAMPIRES!
"Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time. Its was the best piss of his life. He missed the Sue coming in. "wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN" She can't hurt you, you're a vampire too! Or did you already forget?
Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie At least it wasn't Rosalie. Rosemarie is a herb. instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety Like, of course she isn't! Wow, the sarcasm is dripping off of my fingertips.as me n her throat flew open. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it. Gross. Just, ew. Vampire's don NOT have blood!
"Ohh mi satan" Oh, I forgot. You're into the whole "Satan is amazing!" thing. i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. You should go jump off a cliff. Or out a window on the hundredth story of a building. edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time! I've never kissed anyone. Sorry, that was unnecessary, but I wanted to comment on that and didn't know what to put =P (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed What? That's so racist. I should refer you to "Turtle" for MORE racism tips. (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET That name looks Anime, so I wouldn't have a clue what you're talking about..I'm too lazy to Google it, too. I don't read/watch anime.) n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life." YOU CAN'T DIE. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD.
so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf. we had berger king 4 diner You don't eat human food! You eat the humans! bcuz i had 2 hurry. n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my. Was it hot enough for you to spontaneously combust? I hope it was. his body waz so warm Not possible. He's dead. n i culdnt wate to c him agen. He's an ice cube.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTA THANK GOD.
A/N: Well, I'm probably gonna go add a piece of paper to my pimp hat, found another comment-worthy crapfic. What we do to decide what to commentate next is we put the story titles on slips of paper, put 'em in my pink, cheetah print pimp hat, and pull one out randomly. Yea-yuuuuh! =P Anyway, found another last night. It's a Twilight fic, too..Reviews are like Butterbeer on a cold day!