vii. Better or Not?

"Hey, Jake and I are going out for burgers. You wanna come?" Amy said, barging into my room.

Burgers. Huh, funny thing. I used to love those things, and now I can't even force myself to eat them. Or anything else for that matter.

"Well?" Amy tapped her foot impatiently against the rugged floor. "Are you coming or not?" I look at her in turn, a confused look on my face, as if I don't understand the question.

"No." It's a simple answer, and judging by the look on my face, she should just go and leave me alone. But, of course, she won't. This is Amy we are talking about.

"Dan, is something wrong?" She asks, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I, in turn, shrug it away. "This...isn't about the Vesper situation again, is it?"

It has been five years till that situation. But, she is correct. It...still bothers me to this day.

But I have learned to mask my emotions. And I do not wish to reveal them to anybody.

Not even to Amy.

"No, it's not."

So, naturally I lie.

"You're lying. You're still thinking about it, aren't you?"

And, naturally, she sees through it.

I can hide my true feelings from everyone. But from my sister...no, that isn't possible.

"Dan...not this again." She sighs. "All that happened a couple of years back. You need to let go of the past and embrace the future-"

"I'm not like you. I don't forget easily."

"Huh?"

"What's the use Amy? Of awaiting the future? We try to ignore our past, and run toward the future...but what happens in the end? Our evil past catches up to us...and then, spoils our future too."

"Dan-"

"That's why, I'm done. I'm done with trying to look forward, and expecting the best. And then, having it all destroyed in the end."

"Dan! How can you say such things? How can you be so darn pessimistic?!"

I turned to her, a grave look on my face.

"Because I've always tried to be optimistic." I clenched my fists. "And, in the end, I've discovered, that being optimistic just doesn't work for me."

"Dan. Stop all this. Come outside, talk to all of us, and you'll feel much better."

"Talk. To whom, Amy? To the guy who lost his sister and mother because of the incident? To the people who lost their only son because of the incident?"

"Dan, it will get better, why can't you-"

"It will get better. And how can you guarantee that yourself, Amy? You may have escaped from our dark history, but I gave up a long time ago. I have been entirely consumed by it. You, on the other hand have a lot to look out for. You have a bright future ahead of you, seeing that you have a boyfriend, a steady job and a high post among the Cahills. So, when you say, it will get better, do you mean that while putting me in context, or while putting yourself?"

She hesitated to answer. I scoffed.

"As I thought. Amy, please just go."

I thought she would protest, but she left the room without a word.

Would it get better or not? I'm afraid I cannot determine the answer to that question.

People may call me a pessimist. They may call me a sadist. But I call it looking out.

Because I'm not a fool. I do not build my hopes up (only to see them come crashing down).

Because one time was already too many.

Hey guys. You must be wondering why I am not updating my other stories, and I must apologize for that. I am, indeed busy these days, but it is also due to my laziness. I will try to update them soon, especially The Prince, The Peasant and The Jake.

Thanks to all reviewers/followers and favoriters.

-Ghost.