A/N: This chapter contains several songs. Sorry about that; if it's not your cup of tea, they're italicized for easy skipping. But I suggest you check out Lauren Hoffman if you're more into lyrics and less into the way things sound than the average person.
I come in and she's talking to the cook or bartender, or whatever he is. She's making small talk about the color of tea. And it isn't terribly awkward. As far as conversations about tea have ever gone. Then I see Sikowitz walking towards her, and I think better of fully entering the room. He spots me though, and I have to walk over. He's drinking soy sauce…?
"Okay, I'm here. Why?"
Psychowitz… I mean, Sikowitz starts explaining, "Because you two need to learn to play a husband and wife, believably."
Tori asks the obvious question—I don't understand why that girl bothers questioning his logic anymore, though. "What does that have to do with sushi?"
"Listen, I once did a show where I had to play a man in great pain. So to prepare, I threw myself down a flight of stairs…you wouldn't believe how many times I hit my head!"
I tell him, "Yeah we would."
Tori seems to be really amused by my comment, and also decides to agree. "We really really would." Score! I managed to make her happy without bringing us closer together!
"Now, to prepare for your roles you two must date. So have fun."
"With what?" Okay, now you're either clueless or in denial, Tori.
"Your date!"
Two can play at this cute and clueless game. "What date?"
"This one. It begins now at seven o twelve pm. You two will stay here, eat, drink, chat and giggle" he makes little girly jazz hands for emphasis, "until the restaurant closes, at midnight."
Five hours, next to Tori. No distractions. I can't torment anyone for that long! "What, forget it, I'm leaving."
"Yup, me too." Is she disappointed in Sikowitz's idea, or that I want to leave?
"Ahh, if either of you leave before midnight, you both get an F for the semester." Well, fuck.
WHAT. We're going on a date? Calm down Jade. It's not a real date. And he has spies, so it's not like it could even turn into one. Sikowitz is forcing her closer, so you just have to push away harder. Then again. Is this just barely functional in society? I could always use something that works.
Oh my god! I have a date with Jade West! This is so exciting. I mean it's not a real date, it's forced. And we're getting spied on. Okay, let's be honest, Sinjin would be spying on us no matter what. The point is I get to act like I'm on a date, in public, and she has to go along with it! Oh, but look at her face. Maybe I can make her happier. "'Scuse me? My date and I were wondering if you have a flight of stairs we could throw ourselves down." Dang. I thought for sure she'd find that funny.
Okay, that was really funny at the beginning of our date, but…This isn't working. I feel so awkward. I think she's trying to get my attention by slurping her soup. I look over, and I'm not so sure anymore. I quickly twist my face into a hateful one, mainly out of reflex. And I scream no at her. Classic Jade behavior. I can't even be civil for thirty minutes. But I really hate it when people slurp.
"Worst night ever." Did I say that out loud? That's not fair, I didn't even mean it in my head.
"Do you think I'm having fun on this 'date,' cause I'm not." Maybe that's because we haven't done anything but drink and eat since we got here.
"Then let's not talk." That way stupid things won't come out of my mouth. Ugh.
"Fine!
You know,"
I make a really loud crying sound at that. She's off again. Talking about how we should just complement each other. I tell her I like it when she's sad. The only real compliments I have are so profound that… I should just tone down what I feel. "Uhhh, okay. Your singing isn't… awful." It's gorgeous. Annnnnnd she looks offended. I may have…over corrected a bit there. Oh well.
"Thanks so much."
"Now let's hear you say something nice about me." Definition of fishing for compliments.
"Sure. Umm, I admire how you're never afraid to say what you think."
"That's stupid!" And also completely false.
"See?"
"Now your turn again."
"Uhh, I guess some people might say… that from certain angles, you're pretty." A long pause. It seems to draw on for so long that I rush my next comment, "You could say I'm pretty."
"You are pretty." She quirks up a smile, and I try hard to look away and not care that someone wants so much to care about me.
We spend a good amount of time eating and drinking in silence. Then two boys show up and sandwich us between them. I really hope I'm not blushing right now.
There are two guys pushing me into Jade. And flirting with us. I think one is named Chad. As angry as I am at them for disrupting this, they are pushing us together. And then they stop the only good thing they're doing, but keep flirting with us. So I pull my phone out to try to distract myself, and update slap. These guys are making this the worst date ever.
Ugh. That ass is trying to tickle Jade. Everyone knows even if she was ticklish, she'd just hide it. Also, everyone likes getting tickled on their bellies. Not their neck. Thank god she elbowed him. Now to get the rest of my jealousy and rage under control. And then she tells them where we go to school. Good move, Jade. At least now we have an opportunity to get up away from these idiots and give them a little "songy song action." I realize I bite my lip slightly as I'm talking to her. Which, let's face it, not the first time I've flirted with her a little.
And so we start singing. I love her voice. It's so…full and resonant. It reminds me of what I see when I look into her eyes, past all the eyeshadow. More the moment when I first saw her eyes, really. Where I felt like my soul got kicked back into my head a little… in a completely good way. And I swear I feel her looking at me and smiling more than once. And I can't help but smile because our improvised choreography has us in close quarters. We start beating up on the guys that were flirting with each of us. And as we walk away, I see her elbow Chad. And give him more of an evil eye than she was giving the other guy. Maybe, if I play my cards just right, I have a chance after all. Good God, the way she's walking towards me right now. I think the guys might not get the message if I look any more smitten, so I try to ignore it. But with Jade, even the less predatory steps are hard to ignore. And at that they leave.
We go back to sitting down and drinking tea, and Jade suggests that the next three hours would pass faster if we sang. So we decide at least one song every half hour, and in between we "try to be civil."
Tori's going to sing. A lot. I love my plan. The first song she picks… I've never heard of before. It doesn't even sound a little familiar.
"You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that
Wanna take you in my hands, wanna bring you back
You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that
Wanna fill up the spaces, and be everything you lack" She keeps looking back at me.
"You're a little bit jaded, and you're closing the door
And all that you felt then, you don't feel it anymore" She winks at me when she says jaded. I guess she thinks it's a funny pun. Still, this song is a little eerily fitting.
"I'm the picture that's faded, I'm the love you don't trust
Take the girl out from under glass and she'll always want too much" And with that line I'm not too sure this song is strictly about friendship anymore. But then, a lot of songs are about romance. I would be hard pressed to find one about a really profound friendship that wasn't also about death, drugs, sex, or falling in love. And people would rather sing their strictly platonic friends songs about love, even if it is the romantic kind.
"I know you're just broken
I know you're just broken, you're just broken
You're a little bit damaged , I'm a sucker for that
So in the moment I lost you, I wanted you back
But that's a feeling that's fading, and I'm closing the door
And all that I felt then, I don't feel it anymore
I know you're just broken
I know you're just broken, you're just broken
You're just broken, you're just broken
You're just broken, you're just broken" I'm crying a little by the end of the song. The way she sings it with so much sadness about being shut out, and then just forgiving. I'm pretty sure I don't want barely functional anymore. At least, not with Tori. I go to the bathroom and rinse my eyes off with cold water, and reapply makeup. She'll never even know they could cry, let alone did.
By the time I come back, she's singing another song, it sounds like in the same style.
"We're on a wire but it's better than drowning
And I don't care if I fall cuz I've never been higher
Everything's changing but I don't care for sameness
'Cause safety makes graves of the fearful I find" As she sings the next verse, I can't get this one out of my head. Safety makes graves of the fearful. Is staying in one place out of fear essentially killing any effect you might have on the world? And then if safety comes from stability, does that mean seeking stability essential kills you as far as the whole world is concerned?
"A ride on a wave, a home on a wind-blown cloud
Make your body loud for me"
"Could you be safe in my arms, and scared at the same time
Running towards and away 'til you're standing still" She sings this twice. Seriously, this song writer must have written all her songs to me.
"The mystery's calling, come if you dare
And find what is there when you tear down the walls" This is… this is exactly what I need to be told. Otherwise I probably just would have asked for more than barely functional and never did anything about it. That settles it, I'm going to be nice to Tori.
"No you're gonna wait til the moment is certain
While I've been out searching for reasons to fall
Hard is the ground you're wrapping your arms around" The writing in this song is really something to think about. A while ago, thinking like this would have been a dangerous thing. Usually, I get so absorbed in my own conflicts, I just wind up showing myself to hate myself. That's what I get for having a mind that runs away from me and with me at the same time. But Tori has been like meditation to me. She focuses me on the present.
"Could you be safe in my arms, and scared at the same time
Running towards and away 'til you're standing still" Again, she sings this twice. But she walks towards me as she sings it, and hugs me on the second "safe in my arms," practically whispering it in my ear. Sentimental weirdo. I give her a questioning look and pull away a little. Not because her hugging me is weird, but because doing it in the middle of a song is weird. Then she goes back up to put the microphone away.
The first thing I ask her when she gets back is who wrote those songs.
"Oh, you noticed they're the same artist? Lauren Hoffman wrote them. Sometimes she talks more than sings them, but the words are gorgeous and so… well, they seem to resonate with my life. "
"I just asked you who wrote them, Vega." Not quite the settling it I had planned on. But then you don't travel a thousand miles in one day. Well, if you're on a plane, but that's not how my life works. I don't even have shoes most of the time.
"Sorry, Jade. I didn't mean to give you so much information."
"No… I really should be more civil. How'd you learn about her? She's certainly not popular as far as I know. And she's not your usual choice of music either. Again, as far as I know."
"This one show, South of Nowhere… not the best acting, but not the worst either, and pretty adorable. They put some of her songs in there, and I really liked two of them. One was the second one I sang, the other was called Ghost You Know."
"Huh. I'll have to check out an episode someti—oh, shit."
"What?"
"Doctor Chad's back."
"Listen, ladies, if you're going to sit here by yourselves all night, why'd you chase us away? Afraid we might be just what you're looking for?"
"That fear never crossed my mind." I see Tori smirk at that.
"Well if you have dates, we'd be happy to leave. But we went to the whole trouble of buying mints."
This is clearly going nowhere fast.
"We're actually here together. On a date." She puts her hand over mine and stares him down. Why didn't we think of this before?
"You know, lesbians just haven't met the right man."
Oh, he did not just say that. This little freak of nature is going to be in a world of hurt some day. Might as well start now. But Tori keeps her hand on mine as I move to pummel his ass. Or maybe sheer his pants with my scissors, then pummel his ass. She tells him, "You could say the same thing about straight girls not having met the right woman, if you believe that. Of course, then most girls would be out of luck, seeing as I already found her. However, most closed minded bigots and proud idiots can't see that some people really just want to date people of the same sex. Or, maybe they just want to be left alone by people like you." Use your words, Vega. Use your words to tear him a new one.
"So you're saying you're not gay, but trying to get rid of me."
His jerk of a friend adds in "Unsuccessfully, too. Maybe you want us to stay."
"Well, technically speaking, I'm not gay. But I've had crushes on a total of 5 guys, none of which were you. And they weren't even that strong of feelings, and toward much better men than you. So you might as well write me off as gay."
Chad's such an idiot. "So you're bi then. That's hot."
I can practically see her fuming. So I tell them "Piss off before I find any scissors, we just want to be alone." They don't really move.
"I still don't believe you want us to leave."
Then she does one thing I did not expect. She grabs me by the ears, and kisses me. Rather hard. And rather well. I feel shocked, and I must show it a little, because she pulls away for a second and whispers "Make it look convincing," behind her hand, which is still attached to my ear. So I put my hands on the back of her head, and damned if I don't feel lightheaded even before our lips touch.
With that, she pulls away, and stares them off. I try to not blush, but it doesn't really work. I just kissed a girl in public. The blush may help our story a little though. I lay my head on her shoulder and smile up at them. And with that, they leave. That scenario was a close second to tearing them a new one.
Oh. My. God. I just kissed Jade. And it was wonderful. But it means if we ever get together, this is our first kiss. I think I can deal with that. And also I just kissed Jade. She's not gonna freak out, is she? I mean stage kisses happen all the time, right? But I just want to lean back in. And press my whole body against her this time. "Uhm… I'm going to go sing another song." That way maybe I'll stop blushing and wanting to kiss you.
I pick a song based on the suggestion I gave Andre about being in love with Jade. Of course, by now I know I won't get her out of my system. But every song helps me express it a little less, if not think it a little less. Instead of dancing around though, I sit on a stool. Just to curb my desires a little more. I still move a bit, but not off the stool.
"It's a masquerade
Until you take a chance and show your face
We're all strangers here
But I want someone to know me
I want someone to show me who I am
Well you can't live your life in a golden cage,
One is all you got you know, he said
Surrender to my love, surrender
It's a silly game
Hiding all your cards and hoping you'll be safe
I want to fall in love
No I don't want to fall in love
I want to fall in love
No I don't want to fall in love
Well you can't keep your heart in a golden cage,
One is all you got you know, he said
Surrender to my love, surrender
And I will be the ship that sails you to land
And I will be the heat to warm your small hands
Yes my love I know, you can survive on your own
But tonight I'm yours alone, so… yeah…"
And I feel every word of it. I walk back over to Jade, and I see her eyes. Probing, sad, but less defensive and angry than ever before. Again, she asks me "Who wrote that one?"
"Lauren Hoffman again…"
"Really, I wouldn't have guessed… wait a minute, you have an addiction. You're not allowed to sing any more Lauren Hoffman songs tonight." She's getting a little playful. I had no idea she could act this way with me. I mean, I had seen it with Beck, but… this seems happier. And I love it.
"Aww, but Jade, I—"
"Nope. If you only want to sing a Lauren Hoffman song you will be doing no singing."
"Then what are we going to do for the next two hours?" We could always kiss more.
"I have an idea. If we call Sikowitz and say our lines, well this time, maybe he'll let us go."
"That's brilliant! I really didn't want to be up till midnight. I stayed up late last night studying." Not that I don't want to stay with you until midnight.
"Alright, I'll call him now." She walks off with her phone, and I check on Sinjin and his bell pepper eating friend. They look very entertained from the whole evening. I see Jade smiling into the phone, then she hangs up and walks back.
"I take it he agreed?"
"Yup. He'll be here in 10 minutes. We should probably run the lines until then, considering your beauty sleep tonight depends on it."
"Yeah, got to keep those certain angles appealing to some people." Jade laughs at this, then looks down, almost in regret. But Jade doesn't regret things.
After a few minutes of "You're an astronaut"s and "I love you"s, Sikowitz shows up. And he lets us go. I call Trina to pick me up, and guess what: no answer. I guess it can't really be her fault since I told her midnight.
"Hey Tori, need a ride?"
"Sure. Yeah. Trina's not picking up. Thanks Jade."
"No problem."
We get in the car and I leave Trina a message saying I won't need a ride at midnight. I'll probably call later too just to make sure she gets it. I do not want her to get angry at me, I'd never hear the end of it for a week.
Jade interrupts my thought process. "What'cha thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"Well this is going to be a boring car ride if you won't even tell me what that expression on your face was all about."
"Oh. Trina. I don't want her to accidentally drive out at midnight and make my life hell for a week to a month because of the 20 minutes she'd waste stopping by Nozu."
"Yeah. I don't know how you deal with her."
"She's family."
"That's a stupid reason. Family doesn't always mean love, or even toleration. Sometimes it means society forces you to stay in close quarters with people who make you want to take acid baths. Rarely, but sometimes."
"I guess. Then my reason is I love her. And she does make my parents think I'm really responsible. And they're used to a lot of things from her, so when I came out to them it really wasn't a big deal."
"Oh. So you were telling the truth to the good doctor."
"Yeah." Several moments of silence, then Jade turns on the radio. And she has no idea how much truth Doctor Chad got.
Awkward. Tori just told me she's pretty much gay. So I turned on the radio instead of saying anything. I'm such a dufus. "That's cool then. How come no one at school knows?"
"They did at my old school, and I didn't like how I got treated. I mean they weren't bullying me or anything, but they treated me differently."
"Oh." There's not much you can say to any of that. I mean I could… and another few minutes pass. "Yeah, I like girls too. But I guess I like guys more than you do."
"Really? That's… huh."
"What's huh?"
"I was going to say that's surprising, but it's not. But it's not expected either." She flashes a wide grin at me when I blush awkwardly. "Jade, you're about to miss the turn. Signal."
"Huh? Oh yeah." I turn onto her street, and pull up to her house. "See you in rehearsal tomorrow."
"Good night. Thanks for driving me home Nancy." And then she kisses me on the cheek. What is it with her and kissing me today?