This is a major re-edit of chapter 5 as me and AJSK got carried away and so we have edited the innapropriate themes in this. It is, after all a humour story. Really, we weren't too sure what we were evn writing, so apologies for those who have already read this chapter etc. But we hope this one is better for you... if you read it...
Chapter 5. Hiding out and bickering.
"Well, that was fun." Anakin said from the back seat.
"Not so fast. What do you mean YOUR apartment?" Obi-Wan said as he looked back at the Jedi Knight that was trying to hide.
"Well...I go over there enough that...Um..." But he was cut off.
"Are we really going to try the lying thing again?"
"If it works?" Anakin shrugged.
"It's not going to, Padawan,"
Anakin shrugged. "Ok... So I left out the tiny detail that we got married after Geonosis, and I now currently live most of my life in 500 Republica with Padmé..."
Obi-Wan flinched and said nothing.
'Ohhh, poodoo...'
"YOU GOT MARRIED, SKYGUY? HOW COULD YOU!" Ahsoka screamed at her Master.
"Snips, it was when I was still a Padawan. I fell in love." He looked at his Father. "Dad...I'm really sorry."
"Hmm..." Was all Obi-Wan could muster to say at the moment.
Siri turned back around to face Anakin and started doing the hangmen's noose look. "You're so dead," She whispered.
Then she noticed Obi-Wan cold stare he was giving her and that the speeder had stopped in traffic. Her smile fell like that of a child who doesn't get the Christmas present they wanted. "And it would appear that I am dead too..." She finalized.
"Do you want me to go and dig up your graves now?" Ahsoka chimed in, sitting casually back in the seat and sharing amused glances at everyone, for she was in no trouble with any one. "Where shall I dig 'em?" She pressed. "Somewhere nice?"
Both of the Jedi gave her the look that said that she was going to go with them. The Togrutan Padawan instantly fell silent.
They reached their destination, Anakin jumping out first and using Force to cut his binds. He walked around on the balcony, and then called out, "Padmé!"
The woman ran out of the Apartment, ready to pounce on her love, when she saw the other Jedi. "Anakin?" She tried to look confused. "What are you doing here? Did something go wrong?"
"Erm... well I did kinda reveal to these three here that I'm married to you," Anakin said, gesturing to Obi-Wan, Siri and Ahsoka, the latter of the trio standing there waving with a stupid grin slapped across her face.
"Oh," Padmé said a worried note easily distinguishable in her voice.
"And... I kind of accidently said it in front of the entire council and pranksters too.." He admitted lamely, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
"What and WHAT!" Padmé yelled, her voice taking a pitch higher, brown eyes widening to the size of ping pong balls.
The room went deathly silent.
"Well," Ahsoka said, breaking the ice. "This is awkward,"
All eyes laid on her, two pairs blazing and the other two cold.
"I'm just going to...Um...I'll wait in the Speeder then..."
"Anakin! You'll be kicked out for sure!" Padmé screamed as she shook his shoulders.
"It's going to be O.K. Padmé. We just need to stay here for a few nights."
"You didn't. I told you not to pull the prank! They'll probably kill you now!"
Obi-Wan, who had been silent this whole time, finally spoke up. "At least I'm not the only one that he disobeys."
Anakin cringed. "Dad, please. I'm sorry! I should have told you! It was a mistake!"
"Dad?" Padmé repeated, shocked.
"Urr... yeah... He's been my dad from when I was... well... nine... But we only just really finalized it today..." Anakin explained rather lamely.
Padmé really didn't find any words to say anything, and so her mouth snapped open and closed like a fish underwater.
"Doesn't even listen to his own wife. The woman of the house who is also older than him," Obi-Wan added, speaking now for the second time.
"In my defense, it is only by five years!" Anakin snapped. "It's not like we're fifty years apart!"
Siri didn't know what to do. Obi-Wan was about to snap back at Anakin and then her 'family' would be in ruins. So she did the only things that she could think of. She pulled both lightsabers off of each Jedi's belt, and held them away from them.
The two Jedi felt naked without their weapon for defence. They whirled around on Siri and gazed at her like hungry Nexu waiting for pounce on their injured prey. "Give it back, Siri," Obi-Wan demanded in a calm but desperate tone.
Siri grew a mischievous smile and shook her head, her blonde tresses swishing across her face softly, catching in the wind. "No can do, Master Jedi," She replied coyly.
A vein in Obi-Wan's temple pulsed.
"Master," Anakin began in a light tone. He was clearly going to make a joke out of this. "If you're that desperate to gain your lightsaber from her, why don't you just kiss her and take her breath away?" He spread his arms, open for an agreement.
"Finally, at least some logic is coming out of that brain." He picked the blonde Jedi Knight up, embracing her in his arms. He gently caressed the small arch of her back, making her lean forward with pleasure. Then, gently teased her soft, succulent lips, lightly touching them with his, then pulling away, until she was forced to lean in more to enjoy them.
While she was distracted, he grabbed back his lightsaber as well as Anakin's, though not throwing it to the Knight. Then he sat her down.
The want that Siri had been craving instantly turned into rage. He had used her to get something that he wanted. "How dare you Kenobi! You're mad at Anakin because he had enough guts to go against you and the Temple. You're mad at me for trying to stop you from making a mistake that could wreck your life forever. The only person that you should be mad at is yourself. You're the one that keeps bringing us in then pushing us away. Once you realize that, then you can come back for me." She huffed out of the room and slammed the guest bedroom door shut.
Obi-Wan stared at the door where her figure had retreated to, flabbergasted. What had just happened? One second she was enjoying being in his arms, and then she was screaming at him, claiming that he'd brought them together and then pushed them away again. What the hell was that supposed to mean!
"What is it with women?" the Jedi Master said aloud.
Anakin sauntered up to him and clapped a hand onto his former mentors shoulder. "They are strange creatures, Master." The younger Jedi then noticed Padme staring expectantly at him. "Master, this upcoming conversation with my wife is not going to be pleasant. You might want to go and find some solitude."
Obi-Wan nodded and left the vicinity swiftly, leaving Anakin to face the wrath of his wife.
"So...How's the Senate going?" Anakin tried breaking the ice with his wife.
Padmé settled him a death glare, her brown eyes blazing with an undying fire.
"What?" Anakin said exasperated, spreading his arms wide and trying to pull off an innocent puppy dog look. 'That always melts her,'
Unfortunately, it didn't work, for Padmé still settled him a death glare. 'I guess... not...'
"Stop staring at me like you're the dragon lady!" He yelled, the last two words coming out in a tight squeak once he realized what he had just called his wife.
"WHAT!"
'Now TWO people want to kill me!'
Obi-Wan was pacing about the room, thinking about the fifty ways Siri could murder him with her little finger. The thought sent a shudder through him. She always called him a Gundark. Who knows, maybe she'd throw him into a Gundarks nest. Oh, and wouldn't that be splendid.
'Anakin really is going to be the death of me,'
It was then that he heard the ruckus outside the room.
"I AM NOT A DRAGON LADY!"
"I didn't mean it in that way! I just meant that your gaze was kinda scary and it seemed that fire was going to come out of your eyes!"
Obi-Wan shook his head. It was too bad that Jedi couldn't take pain killers. It seemed that the Force was not on his side when it came to headaches.
He quickly got up and rushed out of the room, closing the door as to try and block out the noise from his sleeping beloved.
Anakin noticed his Master's presence and turned to him, his eyes pleading. "Master! Please help me!"
Obi-Wan fixed his friend a wry smile. "Oh no, I'll leave this to you, Anakin. I'm not brave enough to face an angry Padmé. And you're her husband, so you must surely know what must be needed to calm her down."
Anakin fixed him a glare that spelt, I'm-so-going-to-kick-your-sorry-**-in-our-next-sparring-session.
Obi-Wan fixed him with a glare that spelt, And-I-can-kick-your-arrogant-little-**-right-now-because-I'm-your-father/Master/older brother.
Anakin instantly became pale. He already had Padmé mad at him. He didn't need to make his former Master any angrier than he needed to be.
"Now, Padmé. Let's be logical. I'll take you out tonight. Just you and me. No calls, no missions, not anything. Just you, me, a bottle of good strong wine, and some dinner. Sound good?"
Padmé's expression softened slightly. She smiled. "Alright," She agreed. "But it better be one hell of a good evening or you'll have me and Master Kenobi out to kill you."
"But - but I'm the Chosen One!" Anakin spluttered.
"Yes, but just know that as your Master, and since you're a married man, technically me and Padmé do have a sort of sense of authority over you," Obi-Wan winked.
"Actually, I'll be watching you on the alcohol," Padme warned.
"Uh..." Anakin groaned, his shoulders sagging downwards. Then his face lit up suddenly like that of malfunctioned lights that suddenly began to work again. "Well, what are we waiting for! Let me take you on a romantic date so you can forgive me! You can't stay mad at me forever, right?"
Padme smirked and began walking away towards the veranda.
"Right, angel? Angel? Padme! Am I right!"
Obi-Wan stared after them as Psdme led him on towards the awaiting black speeder hovering near by, and a grovelling Anakin trailing after her asking if she'll forgive him for calling her a dragon lady.
The older Jedi shook his head and, once the married couple had departed, he turned around and perched himself on the edge of the sofa, contemplating about the ways Siri would probably kill him again, and then realising that Ahsoka had taken it upon herself to wonder 500 Republica and do anything she wanted.
"Where's Ahsoka?" Obi-Wan asked himself, concern leaking into his tone.
He brushed it off. Ahsoka was an experienced padawan who was maturing with age. She was seventeen and, when placed in a serious situation, could be very forward and commanding.
Not long after, the togrutan padawan marched in and slumped down onto the sofa next to him, one leg propping up over the arm and an arm covering her eyes. "I'm tired," she moaned.
"So sleep," Obi-Wan replied dryly.
"Mmm, good idea," and she was out like a light, but unfortunately for Obi-Wan, the female snored extremely loudly, bringing on a headache.
'The Force had to be the one to grant me the migranes…' he complained.
About an hour later, merrily laughter filled the room. ObI-Wan startled and looked around for the source, noticing Anakin and Padme stumbling in, arms linked and cheeks a brilliant shade of red. Looking over towards Ahsoka, Obi-Wan noticed that the padawan learnrer was still slumbering.
Anakin's face was slurred with drunkenness. His eyes were half closed, and his mouth slurred. He looked full of contemptment. His senses were obviously dull from the intoxication of alcohol in his system.
"Ohhhhh, that was merry!" The Chosen One slurred, shifting his feet in a lazy attempt to keep balance. He then turned and saw Padme clinging onto his arm for full on support. "Well, hello, beautiful."
"Ani," Padmé said, she was a bit tipsy herself, but not as much as Anakin. "It's me,"
"Ohhhhh, pretty!" He cooed, stroking her hair lovingly. "We should go somewhere more quiet than here. My wife lives here,"
"I AM your wife!"
Anakin gave her a sloppy grin. "Oh, yes, well this has been a lovely date, sweetie and I hope you have forgiven me because I LOVE YOU! Do you love me?"
"Of course!" Padme beamed. They both collapsed onto the couch together, entwined which cause Ahsoka to jump awake with a start, her body nearly toppling off the sofa. "Ahhh! Who, what, when, where!" her hands were flailing madly about and she was reaching for her lightsaber and shoto.
"Woah, there, Ahsoka," Anakin said, grinning like an idiot. "I didn't know you were there!"
"What are you, blind?" Ahsoka yelled, enraged from her interruption of a long and well deserved sleep after long months deprived of the luxury.
Instantly, Anakin felt like a dragon had sprung out of him, and this only came instantly as he had no control over his emotions when inducing drinks that dull a Jedi. He only got it from distracting Padme with random sightings and secretly taking swigs. He was never one to obey the rules.
"I am you're Master, and you will treat me with respect!"
"Well, this takes me back a few years," Obi-Wan commented, and everyone glanced at him for a second before Anakin and Ahsoka stared each other down again and continued to throw insults at each other violently.
"KNOCK IT OFF!" Obi-Wan yelled, then instantly became only mildly annoyed. "Anakin, go to bed." The Togruta Padawan smirked at her now Silent Master. "You're not completely innocent either Snips." Obi-Wan continued. "You need to listen more. How do you think that you earned the name snips? Wasn't Anakin just over saying that you were Snippy when you got it?" She too fell silent and stared down at the ground.
"Hmm, that's what I thought. Now, I'm going to put you both down and you're both going to stop fighting. Are we clear?"
"Yes, Master," Ahsoka mumbled, lowering her eyes.
"Yes, dad," Anakin ground out, mildly annoyed being a fully grown man suspended above the ground by the Force... by his OWN Master.
"Good," Obi-Wan said cheerfully, before lowering the two onto solid ground. The pair found their feet, yet continued to glare ice daggers at each other. "I mean it." Obi-Wan reminded them, both making them stop glaring ice daggers at each other and halt the silent threats.
Anakin telepathically told Ahsoka, "Later." She nodded at him.
Anakin went over to Padmé and tried cuddling into her. She pushed him away at first, but then after getting tired of fighting him, let him rest his head on her chest and pout. Anakin hoped that Obi-Wan would just go to sleep already so that he could get Ahsoka to calm down.
Obi-Wan was sure Anakin would still try to get Ahsoka later, so he vowed to himself to stay awake. He would drink coffee and eat anything with energy in it to stay awake.
He would just keep the Master and Padawan team, apart for a bit to let things simmer down between them. Or let them face the wrath of Siri. That brought a smile to his face.
Just then Siri burst from her secluded space, a look of fury on her face. "What is all the noise!"
"Anakin and Ahsoka are at each other throats," Obi-Wan informed her. Her sapphire eyes flickered to meet his storm for a moment before flickering back to the master/padawan pair.
"Anakin, go to bed before I drag you by the ear, and Ahsoka go into my room and sit on the bed for a bit. We'll vent about men in a bit."
"All right, Master Siri," Ahsoka sighed as she walked past them and plopped herself down onto the bed in Siri's room.
"Do I get an award for beginning to dispute the argument?" Obi-Wan asked Siri innocently. Her quickly received a slap to the cheek "OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"
Siri looked slightly more amused now. "That was for earlier. Payback," she said simply, smiling before going to join Ahsoka and closing the door, leaving Obi-Wan to hear muffled voices and the holoprojector thrumming useless talk on a discovery channel no one was listening to.
"If only Anakin listened to me like he does Siri just then…" Obi-Wan thought aloud.
"He's your rebellious younger brother, Obi-Wan," Padme's soft voice drifted to him as he walked over to the sofa and sat next to her, staring blankly at the floor in-between his boots. "He sees it as almost a priority to annoy and disobey you."
Here we go! Edited and more appropriate and hopefully still an amusing chapter to a degree. Once again, sorry about it's predecessor.