A/N: Wow, sorry for the late update, have been working on several other projects and blah blah blah excuses. Anyway, here is is, complete with another new song.
5. Over A Shiver
Travelling North was a thankful change in direction, though it had not been any consented choice. No, it had been the dragon who had selected the route this time, no meddlesome fillies or tracks in the mud. Still, hooves were tired and sore, bodies were aching and dragging along, and as the sky began to darken, they unanimously decided it would be best to find somewhere to rest. It was what was best for Rainbow Dash anyway, Applejack hadn't had an opportunity to fully inspect the injury she had suffered yet, nor had she cleaned the wound adequately.
They had crossed the train tracks already, and the day had dragged on long enough that even the sky was getting drowsy. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were confined to the camp site they had staked out, but Applejack had dragged Rainbow Dash to the bank of a nearby river. From their location, they could already see Foal Mountain just beyond a small woods, the last landmark they had seen the dragon approach. Stars began to lean out from behind the glare of the usual sun, and the moon, in but a sliver, hung nonchalantly over the horizon.
Beneath the beautiful sky that she loved so dearly, Rainbow Dash found herself unable to look up, and instead stared at the reflection of it all in the water beside her. She shifted on her haunches as Applejack fondled the bandages as delicately as she could, finally undoing the loosest of ties. It began unravelling, but Rainbow Dash had other things on her mind than a silly wound.
"I can't believe this was all just some game," Rainbow Dash muttered to her hooves, shuffling them around irritably as the blonde mare took care of the rest, "Just to have an adventure, those kids put each other right in harm's way."
"If I r'member right, we weren't much different." Applejack replied with a smile, finding the whole scenario somewhat nostalgic. Even to this day they embarked on all kinds of dangerous adventures, and not always did they seem to have a good reason.
"You don't sound all that bothered by this, Applejack. I mean those fillies dragged us all the way out here, tricked us into thinking Scootaloo was in danger, and then actually got her kidnapped by a dragon. This is serious stuff!" Rainbow Dash snapped, growling the words as they emerged.
"I know that, but it ain't gonna do nopony no good punishin' them kids right now when we got more important things on our minds. I gave 'em a stern talkin' to already, but they'll get the rest of their dues after we get Scootaloo back." The farm pony calmly explained, letting out a slow sigh.
"Still, it seems like they weren't telling us everything." Rainbow argued, furrowing her brow as if to think of what it could be. Of course, the Crusaders had left the true matchmaking motive out of the explanation. Rainbow twitched as the last wrap of bandages peeled off her sensitive wings and made a sickly sticking noise.
"Relax Rainbow, havin' you tense up like that ain't helpin' your wing." Applejack tried to tell her, and though the sight of such a damaged wing might have made another pony ill, Applejack's expression went soft with empathy. She moved a little closer to the cool water of the stream and picked up a canteen in her mouth, leaning down, "I'mma wash the dirt n' dust outta it, the water's probably pretty cold."
"Don't let me stop you." Rainbow's voice was uncharacteristically stoic, but Applejack could pick out the hint of sorrow or guilt in there even so. Applejack removed the canteen from the water and could feel the cool liquid on her nose even as she brought it to the wing in question. Rainbow Dash fought the shudder and shiver that came with the cold water, biting back a surprised yelp as if she somehow deserved this trouble.
"You're beatin' yourself up about it, ain't cha?" Applejack dipped her hooves into the water to make certain they were entirely clean before she poured the last half of the canteen over Rainbow's wings. She gently brushed away any remaining dirt from between the matted feathers, "It ain't your fault y'know, you did what you could. Nothin' wrong with that. And don't start thinkin' it's over yet, we're gonna find her, 'kay?"
"Maybe if I was just a bit faster, or stronger, maybe," Rainbow's voice drifted off a bit as she closed her eyes and let Applejack clean her wing, the odd and unfamiliar sensation rather hypnotic. Applejack paused for a breath of a second before continuing on, hoping Rainbow hadn't noticed the hesitation. Applejack had not been expecting such a pitiful and sorrowful reaction from the pagasus, but it kind of made her chest tight to watch.
"Does it hurt?" Applejack managed to ask, careful with her voice so it would not betray the lie against her swelling interest.
"No," Was Rainbow's immediate reply, but as the last few drops of water slid down her sleek wings and fell between the two, she felt that she did not want to act so falsely tough, "A little."
Applejack's hooves moved from Rainbow's wings, as they had been mostly cleaned by now. She heard some sort of sensitivity in Rainbow's voice that was foreign to the rest of her personality, and attributed it to some inflated sense of guilt she must have felt. The pegasus pony in front of her leaned back slowly, her wings folding between them. She must have subconsciously desired some kind of support, and the pressing against her friend seemed like a viable option.
The orange mare behind her was not about to bring it up of course, she knew how sensitive Rainbow was about pride. Instead, she just wrapped her forelegs around the pegasus, pulling her just a little closer. She pressed her muzzle into the crook of Rainbow Dash's neck from behind, resting her head on her shoulder and allowing her to relax. No pony should have to feel the ache of some filly she cared for being torn away from her, Applejack knew that if it had been Applebloom who was kidnapped she would be in tears, or chasing after her until her hooves turned to dust.
Applejack felt nervous and anxious in the position despite her desire to comfort Rainbow, there was a sinking feeling in her stomach that felt like guilty pleasure, like she was taking advantage of the pegasus. She chewed at her lip a bit as she tried to force the feeling away, but feeling Rainbow shuffling a bit between her bent legs made her go crazy. Applebloom's earlier question had stuck with Applejack, even though she had already noticed the feelings herself beforehand. Now though, the desire was brought once again to the surface. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly, casting out the impure thoughts as best she could.
Rainbow Dash was shaking a bit in her arms, the seriousness of the situation seeming to dawn evermore on her conscience. Scootaloo was out there alone, and she could do nothing to help. Her feeling of futility sunk into her skin, and she just wished for something to take it away, if only for a moment. Applejack's embrace was warm and comforting, which would usually bring both parties to guffaw and make some joke, but right now they were both silent.
The scent on the blue pegasus' fur was cool, like a fresh mist or fog through autumn trees, like the first rain of summer, like the sun melting the snow on Hearth's Warming Eve. It was intoxicating, and Applejack only moved closer to the scent, feeling it fill her lungs entirely. Before she even noticed, her lips were against Rainbow Dash's neck, the same place she had consolingly rested her chin. At first it was just a simple touch between lips and body, but one of them let out an easy hum that told of contentment. Applejack moved her lips again, kissing more firmly and tellingly on the back of Rainbow's neck. A tender moment passed between the two without much of thought, and Rainbow leaned her head away to provide better access to the sensual and unacknowledged kissing. It seemed entirely friendly, entirely comforting and platonic, but there was a heat between their bodies and an urge to go on that defied such innocent contact.
Neither admitted anything aloud, neither even admitted to themselves that anything odd was happening. But whatever they were or weren't doing, it felt good. Rainbow Dash felt her heart speed up, and listening to her body she tried to turn, if only a little. She looked back and found Applejack's intense and attentive eyes focused only on her, unblinking and serious. Rainbow Dash moved again, turning to face the mare just as daringly as she ever was. Their lips were perfectly aligned now, mere inches keeping them apart, and the only thing that seemed to be missing from such a romantic scene was a little purple headed filly whispering something about imminent kissing.
Rainbow Dash could feel her good wing unfurl a bit as she adjusted her position, and Applejack's eyes went a bit wider as it lightly brushed against her stomach. She bit back the initial chuckle, but as the two moved ever more the feathery sensation became unbearable. Applejack burst out in a fit of tickled chuckles and knocked both of them off balance, sending them tumbling right into the river.
Rainbow Dash surfaced first and spat out what seemed to be a stomach full of river water, chocking a bit until the words came out, "What did you do that for?!"
"I'm sorry," Applejack shook her mane a bit and blinked as the water slid over her eyes, "It was an accident is all, that wing'a yours tickled me somethin' fierce!"
"Speaking of which," Rainbow Dash turned over in the water to try and get a look at the wounded wing, which still curled in and appeared to be in pain, "I guess it's pretty clean now."
"Yeah, so's the rest of you." Applejack snickered a bit until Rainbow Dash huffed a laugh of her own. Neither was about to speak up about the moment before, too afraid of what might come as a reply. So instead, the pair trod water a bit and looked towards the mountains.
Rainbow's face fell a bit as she flipped over onto her back, floating around with her wings submerged. Applejack followed her lead, watching Rainbow's moonlit expression grow more sullen. Still but a sliver swaying in the reflection of the water, the moon's white light was an ambient glow that held near to Rainbow Dash, as though gently rocking her to on the breezy waves. The river was rather still at this bend, eaten wide by time and deeper than a pony's tail to nose. Their bodies drifted slowly across the surface of the water, shifting them around each other gradually. Once or twice the silence was hushed by the sound of a hoof kicking through the water to adjust their swimming, but little else was said for a long few seconds as they let the moment slip away.
"I never got to teach her how to fly," Rainbow's voice fractured the air with a shaky tone, most of the sound absorbed into the water from her submerged throat. Applejack watched her carefully as she got her confession out, "She's a pegasus, and I was going to teach her to fly. Her eyes, like, sparkled and stuff when she looked up at the clouds. I could tell from the way she looked at me, A.J., she wanted to fly just like me. She would have loved the sky."
"I outta break your good wing for talkin' like that," Applejack growled lowly, though she did not sound nearly as angry as she could have. She kicked herself a little closer to Rainbow Dash to get a better look at her expression, "Nopony said she's gone just yet. There's still time for all'a that."
"The kid was snatched by a dragon," Rainbow Dash pulled her front hooves out of the water and stretched them out in front of her, expanding her arms in opposite directions to display some perception of the creature's size, "A dragon!"
"Maybe I was wrong when I thought you were the type not to give up so darn easy," Applejack muttered as she swam a little further away, letting the words soak in a bit as Rainbow Dash made a face. "Come on sugar cube, we best be gettin' outta the water. Gotta get some rest."
"Kay," Was a less than enthusiastic response as Rainbow Dash watched Applejack swim to shore and shake her coat out from mane to tail. She flipped around again in the water and slowly trudged after her, dipping her muzzle under the water to silence her grumbling. She pulled herself out of the water easily, but went to unfurl her wings and cringed again. She groaned as the full realization hit her, and she glared at the farmer before her, "I can't even dry myself off like usual, since I can't fly. Now I'm going to be damp all night."
"Ah, quit your belly achin'," Applejack smirked as she approached the pegasus, putting her hooves onto Rainbow's back. She gently moved them across her spine, pressing down on the fur so she corralled the water in waves off her sleek coat. Rainbow Dash seemed to enjoy the sensation, and proceeded to squeeze the water out of her hair and tail. "Go shake out, and check on Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, would'ya? I bet they're feelin' awful guilty too."
"They should." Rainbow Dash grumbled, until she saw Applejack's hardened and scolding expression. Rainbow flipped her still wet mane and dragged her hooves back towards the girls a little ways away, "You coming or what?"
"Yeah, I'll be right there. Just need a minute is all." Applejack told her as she watched the pegasus return to the camp site, hardly looking back to question her oddly elusive behaviour.
"Whatever." Was all Rainbow managed, leaving the orange Earth pony alone for once.
Applejack found her staring as the blue mare disappeared into the darkness, her tail still drooping and dripping about. She bit at her lips mercilessly as she did, trying to hold herself back willingly from following close after. She may not have wanted to admit it to Rainbow Dash, but she was at least going to be honest with herself as best she could.
She sat her damp flanks on the grass and pressed a hoof to her face, utterly humiliated by what almost transpired. They were so close together, their bodies literally pressed up against each other, and the mere thought had her swallowing hard and resisting the creeping of a blush upon her freckled cheeks. She had no idea when these odd urges had started, and the more she thought about it the more she realized they seemed to always have been there, unacknowledged and unsatisfied. Applebloom had really tortured her by bringing it to the surface, and Applejack tried to shake the thoughts away with her head but they held firm.
She knew that Rainbow Dash loved her friends dearly, but not in any other way than a friendly sense. Was she so awful to want something more than that? Their group never trifled with or spoke of dating, besides Rarity perhaps. The rest of them had their own business and duties to perform, they did not have time for fantasy or romance. Besides, there was so much going on in Equestria that seemed to call their immediate attention, anything more than friendship seemed ridiculous and selfish.
Applejack sighed, feeling trapped and enclosed by the great spaces around her, the great loneliness. Anything was better than this feeling, even cold winters or storms or what have you. She would gladly face any thunders or prejudice if it meant not experiencing this terrible lonesome hollowness. She wanted nothing more than to tell Rainbow, and from the way she had reacted to their momentary lapse of judgement, she even thought for a second her feelings might be reciprocated, mutual. But she swallowed the truth again, though it pained her to do so.
The wind blew about and snagged on the wetness of her fur, giving her a nasty chill and an accompanying shiver. She moved a little further from the camp, hoping to speak the honest truth to no one but herself and the great spaces around her. She summoned the courage to speak, though it was quiet at first and directed to somepony who was not even present.
(Over a Shiver, lyrics by Ezrienel)
"This ain't easy, so listen close,
I'munna speak the best way I know how.
Words don't come easy, I suppose
I'm like a farm girl without her plough.
But if a fancy-speaker I just can't be,
Maybe you'll still like me just for me.
So let this wind come take me away,
If I can't say what I wanna say,
I welcome the rain, and the snow too,
They can't be worse than a life without you.
Come the storms, come the thunder,
Come the ice, come and freeze my fur.
Come the drought or the famine,
Come contempt in the eyes of my kin.
Come the storms, come the thunder.
I'd never take loneliness over a shiver.
I wanna tell you, I really wanna.
I just wish that I was stronger.
The monochromatic melodrama
ain't quite enough any longer.
Rainbows are the reason I'm here.
I'd hate to see them disappear.
If dragons are all I have to face,
Then I ain't got no time to waste.
I welcome the danger, I'll see it through,
It can't be worse than a life without you.
Come the storms, come the thunder,
Come the ice, come and freeze my fur.
Come the drought or the famine,
Come contempt in the eyes of my kin.
Come the storms, come the thunder.
I'd never take loneliness over a shiver.
Come the fires, come the quakes of the Earth.
I'd never take loneliness over a shiver.
Come the storms, come the thunder.
I'd never take loneliness over a shiver."
Her voice drifted away on the wind, the words once spoken were lost forever and forgotten. Nopony had been there to hear them, nopony had written them down or known to recall them verbatim. No, just as Applejack had hoped, the words had disappeared without repercussion, falling on the ears of nopony. Nopony, save one.
Applebloom leaned against the tree a few paces from her sister, pressing her front two hooves against her mouth to hush any breath. Applebloom's eyes even began to water, suddenly coming to understand that what Sweetie Belle was trying to force could actually hurt somepony, and that it seemed entirely true. Sure, she had imagined maybe a little crush or something, but this was bewildering. She had not anticipated such emotion from her sister, the pony who was always strong, reliable and honest. And such emotion it was. Applejack was willing to take any punishment for the chance to not suffer alone any longer. Was she really that miserable, and told nopony?
Applebloom rolled onto all four hooves and hurried off, not wanting to hang around and potentially be caught. Her heart was racing into her ears, and her breath was unusually heavy. It seemed so unbelievable, not only that her sister felt this way, but that Applebloom herself never even known. She never asked her sister if she was lonely, in fact, they never discussed that sort of thing. Applebloom's brows dropped onto her eyes, she was determined to be a better little sister, to let nothing else slip past. They would find Scootaloo, that was their first mission. Then, they would make Applejack happy.
She skidded back into camp and fell into a slower step, hoping not to alert either Rainbow Dash or Sweetie Belle. Rainbow Dash was shivering a bit as she tried to dry off, and sweetie bell had been eating some weeds and flowers in a small patch just a short ways away. Applebloom hurried over to Sweetie Belle, who gave her a confused look upon her return. She had not even realized she left the camp.
"Sweetie, Sweetie I need to tell you somethin'!" Applebloom whispered in a low tone as she crept up beside her friend. Sweetie Belle just raised an eyebrow as she continued chewing on a flower or two. "Come'ere, and listen real close will you?"
Applebloom pushed her friend another few hooves away, glancing back over her shoulder as her sister trudged back to the group, her face clearly still as sunken as before. Rainbow Dash gave her some irritated or expectant gaze, ruffling her wings a bit. Applejack seemed to get the hint and went back to her saddle bag, pulling out another round of bandage from within. She went to the pegasus' side and began applying the bandage again, the wound still fresh and more visible than either pony would like. Applebloom let out a slow and steady breath and she began to speak.
"I think y'were right 'bout my sister," Applebloom muttered as she watched to see if her sister and Rainbow could heard any sound from the distance, but there was no tell of such a thing. She looked back at Sweetie Belle, who didn't seem the least bit surprised, "I mean, real right. Like, nail on the noggin, right."
"Did you talk to her about it or something?" Sweetie Belle inquired, perking up at the news. Applebloom shushed her and made facial gestures pointing to the pair a little ways behind them.
"Not exactly, but from what I can tell this ain't no little crush, y'see?" Applebloom looked back, watching the way the Applejack tenderly wrapped her injured friend's appendage, cradling each feather delicately, "This is really eatin' my sister up. And I wanna see her happy."
"Then we'll make her happy," Sweetie Belle shook Applebloom, trying to cheer her up, though she still looked nervous or uneasy, "I am not out of ideas just yet, and who knows? Maybe this crisis plan will work out in their favour," They looked over at the older mares again, as they finished up bandaging and must have been speaking about something, "If not in Scootaloo's."
"Do y'think she's okay?" Applebloom asked eagerly then, her worry apparent.
"I don't know. I probably wouldn't be," Sweetie Belle swallowed her fear and tried to keep talking, "But Scootaloo is tough, isn't she?"
That question would go unanswered, as the two young fillies merely looked at each other and wondered if that was enough.