a/n: okay, so i write about the hospital in here. :3 i have no clue how hospitals work, but i am doing research on it as i write this and so i hope you'll forgive me for any mistakes. (i do know the basics though because my whole family works in medical this or medical that xP)
anyway, here it is!
Logan wonders what it's like to be lost at sea. He wonders what it would be like to be found, after years of uncertainty and feeling hopeless.
He thinks he has a pretty good idea of both.
/
Kendall's talking to a receptionist, figuring out what the hell is going on, while Logan fills out paperwork and Carlos paces the strip of tile between them. Ever innocent, he's not entirely sure what's going on- just that James apparently showed up a few hours ago, collapsed at the door of the hospital and was now in the PCU.
But.. how? He'd been told that a search party had gone looking for days, weeks and hadn't found James- and now he was being told that James had found them? He just didn't understand it. He looks over at Kendall, listens into the conversation.
"He's in room B16, only family can visit him right now, though. You all are brothers, correct?" Kendall nods, and Carlos looks away bitterly. Some brothers they were. He then shifts his gaze to Logan, who's filling out forms on the other side of the counter- feet away from Kendall. He wonders if something happened between them, and decides, yes, something definitely did. He could see it in the set of Logan's shoulders, the distracted focus in Kendall's eyes.
Logan's sending nervous glances wayward to Kendall, cosmic dust dances in his uneasy pupils. Carlos can't help but let his gaze linger on the starless-haired boy for a few more moments before looking back to Kendall, who stands up straight and turns to face them, tan skin turned ceramic.
"So?" He steps forward hopefully, and Kendall's lips are tight, a thin line, and he stalks off, just as Logan puts down the pen and hands the papers to the receptionist. Carlos follows quickly after Kendall, vaguely aware of Logan's presence trailing skittishly behind him.
"James is fine, apparently." Kendall says over his shoulder. "Or, well, he's alive, anyway. No details, though." Carlos' heart swells with fear and suddenly air is scarce, the space in his lungs collapses in on itself and his forehead is slick with moisture. Kendall makes a turn, steady steps on nimble feet, and eventually comes to an abrupt stop in front of an ivory door. The door is barely open, a crack of flourescent, artificial light shining through, piercing their retinas.
Carlos bounces on the balls of his feet, uncomfortable in the midst of his ignorance and unknowing, the anxiety of an impending broken body burning from the inside out. Kendall's valiance kicks in and he steps forward first to open the door. Carlos and Logan step up after him hesitantly, the paler of the two trailing behind slightly. It only takes seconds of muffled brightness for Carlos to realize that his eyes are closed.
It's not that bad, Carlos tells himself, it's not that bad(but really, who is he kidding?)
Slowly, he opens them.
It's worse than bad.
/
When Kendall was younger, him and James used to take turns on the tire swing in his backyard, pushing each other upupup until they could comb the galaxies through their toes.
They spent hours exploring the woods behind his old townhouse, splashing through murky creeks that reminded Kendall of sun-kissed skin. James would climb trees and look down into Kendall's eyes, blinding sunlight reflecting off his pupils, and Kendall would pull him down and they would run, run until their legs gave out atop obscured hills, bristling wildgrass and cattails tickling their bodies.
They'd stay out until the stars shined, and Kendall would admire the way James was so philosophical, an intelligent side to him that no one's eyes had seen but his.
And that's exactly how he liked it.
/
Logan hisses sharply, all of his breath exploding from between the cracks of ivory bridgework in one quick noise. It sounds of dissapointment- like a balloon deflating, fzzzmmm. He looks at the body in front of him and steps towards it, his pupils blowing wide with the shock, reflecting blood and bandages, alabaster and crushed clay.
James lays in the hospital bed, looking bruised but not broken. He has bandages all over his body, but not a single broken bone. His head is the only unbandaged body part that Logan can see, but James appears to have jaundice, his eyes wilting yellow and his face is covered in many, many, many a myraid of scratches, red ticks that completely throw Logan off. On his stomach is an especially bulky bandage with smaller bumps underneath, what look like staples. Standing straighter, Logan turns around and reads the clipboard hung up on the gaudy white wall. As he reads it, his face pales.
Severly malnourished, lacking vitamin D especially. infected stab wound on lower abdomen, third degree burn on chest(appears to be purposely inflicted, possibly branded), multiple slash wounds on both arms, not infected, but possible tendon damage, and worst of all: Possible trauma, most likely will need Psychotherapy after physical recovery completes.
Possible trauma.
He runs a finger through his hair sharply, trying to distract himself from the white-hot moisture stabbing at his retinas- but it's James and he's so broken and it's been onetwothreefourfive five months since he's last seen him so of course warm tears are pouring down his face and of course he can barely breathe, of course he's remembering every single fight he's had with James since the beginning of time, how he was never a good friend to him and how he always turned his back on him when he needed him mos-
"Hey, James." Carlos steps forward first. Logan looks over at Kendall and cringes when his gaze meets with an leaf green gaze. There's either thoughtfulness or understanding enscrawled in the greek fire, Logan can't tell. He looks away sharply as Carlos leans forward, his fingerpads grazing a particularily red bandage on James' chest. James' eyes fly open and he shudders, screams so loudly that Carlos darts back to hide behind Kendall with fear in his eyes. James' eyes are wild, large hazel pools rippling and quaking with hysteria in a way that only the truly disturbed could.
"No!" His pupils are darting back, forth, back, forth, crushed garnets and spilled cocaine. His chest heaves quickquickquickquick, bats flying in and out of chapped lips at the speed of sound. It's a panic attack, and Logan's there in a flash, not laying a single hand on him but calming him with gentle vocabulary. It's only minutes but they stretch infinitely, Kendall and Carlos witnessing their newfound friend at the edge of his sanity, the only sounds besides Logan's voice are the quick beepbeepbeep of James' heart monitor and their own thudding hearts, chipping pottery cutting their insides. Logan is reciting the date like a mantra now, telling James you're here, you're here and it's working, the beeps are slowing and James' chest is evening out.
"James, you're okay." Logan
Brontide resounds outside, and the thunderclaps are powerful, cracking Logan's earthenware heart.
/
"Do you think my dad's up there?" Kendall asked, looking up at the star-smeared sky with the universe in his eyes. James shook his head, shooting the long-legged blonde a sidelong glance.
"Of course not. Your dad never left."
"James, he's dead. He has been for a long time, you know that." Long time, indeed- it'd been something like four years since Kendall's dad had lost the battle, sickness and failed chemotherapy having stolen his last breath. Kendall turns to look at James, the corners of his mouth turned down in hurt. James was supposed to be supportive, an auxiliary crony there for the purpose of lessening his pain.
"No, Kendall, you're wrong." James sat up straight, and Kendall remembers the way his skin flickered like embers. "Haven't you looked in a mirror lately? Your dad is still in you." His voice is strained with emotion, but then James blinks and suddenly, the ferocity evaporates into the night.
"You look just like him, Kendall." He says, his voice softened by the sound of fireflies and gentle wind. "He's not gone, he never will be." James reached forward and patted Kendall on the knee, and it was in moments like those that Kendall truly appreciated hazel-eyed companionship. It may have been awkwardly done, but Kendall appreciated the gesture nonetheless.
Their eyes misted with moisture, voice crackling like dying memories, Kendall and James talked for the rest of that night, not giving a single fuck about their curfew.
/
James calms down, staring at Logan in shock as sanity finally comes back to the surface for air. He closes his eyes for a beat and then lets his lashes flutter open lazily, hazel rings tired and rough and worn. Logan sits at the edge of James' bed, careful not to touch him, and instead tries for gentle conversation.
"Hi, James. Haven't seen you in a while." He chuckles halfheartedly despite himself and tries to ignore the loud sound of his heart fracturing further.
"Hi." James croaks, and he looks surprised at his own voice. "I'm sorry about.. that." He coughs uncomfortably and looks up at Logan slowly, apologetically. Logan only smiles back.
"I.. uh." Kendall steps forward hesitantly, Carlos clinging to him from behind. It's a sight that makes Logan's pupils flare with jealousy, envy, territorially.
"James. What happened? Where've you.. y'know.. gone off to?" The uncertainty and high-pitched tone of Kendall's voice is a fine combination, the sheer childishness of his stature alone is enough to make Logan's mouth turn up in a smirk and it does, his warm brown gaze asphyxiated on the long-legged blonde standing across the room to him. James balls the sheets up in his fists.
"Don't want to talk about it." He says frigidly, his body going stiff. Logan walks over to Kendall, who's about to protest, and murmurs "Don't push him, there's time." into his ear. Kendall sighs and nods.
"Whatever, as long as you're okay."
James smiles weakly and looks down to his hands awkwardly, fiddling with the IV needle implanted deep into his veins.
"Can we watch TV?" Carlos asks hopefully, already scrambling for the remote, and James chuckles and gives him the okay to turn it on. Logan can't help but think that even though this James is so similar to the one that he'd seen not half a month ago, he's also so different- what with his soft-spoken-ness, his softer curves, his new down-to-earth-ness. He can't understand it, but whatever had mauled him the way that it had, whomever had done this to him, they had scarred him deeper than the skin- the damage wasn't just in crushed clay and crusted blood. He sighs outwardly and runs a hand over his face, pulling his fingerpads off his cheeks just in time to see the credits sequence of iSnarly flash on the screen. Smirking in amusement, he turns his head to look at Carlos, who is bouncing excitedly at the sight of it.
"I haven't seen this show in forever!" He grins excitedly, watching as the credits fade out with the promise of a canine-packed marathon to come after the commercials.
"Carlos, it's a kids show." Kendall deadpans, but Carlos is cute when he gets all excited over the little things, and it's hard not to smirk at cute things, much less cute Carlos'.
"Nu-uh," Carlos argues. "It's a young adult show. And so what? Even if it is a kids show, you watch Pooh's Clues."
"Do not!" Kendall argues defensively, hackles bristling and Logan can't stop the laughter that explodes from his chest like fireworks.
"Do too! I know you're the one who put it on the DVR! That and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!" This initiates a very impressive slap-fight that Logan can only look onto with a smug expression, but his attention is diverted when he notices James stiffen profusely. Frowning, he's about to ask if the pretty boy is okay when his hazel gaze looks up directly at the TV and suddenly-
/
Carlos was going to end it all yesterday, had decided why be trapped in eternal nightmares, eternal screaming when you could just sleep forever? But a certain coal-eyed bandmate of his had changed that, reminded him that he wasn't alone. By the looks of the bags under his eyes and the slump in his step, Carlos figures Logan needs him more than the other way around, anyway. He know Logan's thought about it, ending it, leaving. But he can't, he can't. If Logan left, they'd fall apart more than they already had- a foursome isn't a foursome when it's just two, and as much as he loves Kendall he doesn't think he'd be able to stomach the lonliness of two ghosts dogging his every step.
If Logan left, who'd save them- save him - when they needed it most?
/
beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.
And they're back to base one, James' eyes are completely black and he's screaming No, No, No, Stop, and tears are streaming down his face and he's thrashing and oh god this is worse than base one. The heart monitor is going out of control, erratic beeps pulsating discordantly. James thrashes so hard that the IV rips from his hand and an arc of blood rains down on Logan, encrusting his face with red. At this point they're being shoved out of the room in a confused daze, but Logan has enough time to look up at the television to see what triggered James' panic attack.
It was a commercial for Disneyland.
a/n: What's going on with James.. and what the fuck does Disney have to do with it? Ya'll'll know soon... ya'll. xP I hate this chapter! But its okay, cause its done, har har.
you know what's sad about this fic? :c i scared myself writing it. i'm such a dumbass argh xD it's not even at the scary parts yet but i drew out the main antagonists and I DO NOT DEAL WITH THIS WELL
oh well xD guys, if you like this fic, review! favourite! send me a PM! if you do the last one, you'll have a clingy friend for life! :D don'tcha like clingy friendddsss? :3
okay i'm done xD thank you for giving this story the time of day, and have a good day yourself. ^_^ until next time!