a/n: hi guys! sorry i haven't updated recently :C i've been doing a lot.. and there's a lot of stuff going on in egypt right now, so i'm a little bit too busy fearing for my life to write chapters. xP but here's one, so quit yer bitchin!
ahhhahh this was supposed to be finished by carlos' birthday but fuck it xD my own birthday is actually today! or it will be in about one hour anyway x) yay me!
aNYWAY READ THE CHAPTER(yes its short but you'll see why in the authors notes at the bottom)
Kendall buries his hands deeper in his pockets, pacing back and forth heplessly.
It's been an half hour or so since James' last panic attack but every time he trains his gaze onto him, Kendall feels curiosity set his heart on fire and has to resist bombarding James with questions otherwise he might set off another panic attack.
At the moment, James is wearing an oxygen mask on his features and he's fast asleep- recharging from the physical strain of the attack, Logan had said. He lets his gaze linger just a little bit longer on the gentle rise and fall of his chest before adamantly shaking his head.
As he passes them in his pacing triade, he looks down at Logan and Carlos, who're both staring back at him with sleepy eyes. He tries not to acknowledge Logan too much, but instead stares at the whiteness behind his spiky tendrils of hair.
As he drags his gaze away, it brushes over Logan's face, and like magnets, he finds the brown eyes riveting back at him. Memories of the awkward intimacy they had shared only hours ago was revived, beating at Kendall's heart like a first-degree explosive.
He still had absolutely no clue what to think of it, of the way that the void in his head filled with stars and imploding sparks when Logan's lips had moved, when they brushed arms by accident or when he reassured the blonde that It's okay, this wasn't our fault, don't blame yourself.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his cheek, stopping his pacing just as a male nurse walked into the room, picking up the clipboard hanging on the door and reading it without even looking up first.
"Hello, Mr. Diamond, let's change your bandages, shall we?" He says as he walks fully inside, moccasins on tile, looking up to James just as he passed Kendall.
The green-eyed blonde watches helplessly as the nurse steps up, completely unfazed by James' unconscious state, and pulls the thin hospital gown hes wearing over his head and sets it aside, shuffling the thin blanket sitting on James' legs so that they cover his naked crotch. Kendall flinches as he sees the healing staples on his torso, but is completely unprepared for what comes next.
The tall man gently unravels James' biggest bandage from his chest, the razor-thin fabric coming off in graceful, bloody ribbons. Kendall watches as the nurse collects the damp cloth in his arms and when he goes off to dispose of them properly, Kendall sneaks a glance to James' bare, exposed chest.
He can't register the symbol that the impossible-to-ignore blackened skin is shaped like at first, he just sees crackling and crumbling ashes, but suddenly he realises what it is and everything makes sense- he freezes.
He can hear his name being called in the back of his mind, but it doesn't surface, doesn't register in his head. He can feel dull touches on his shoulder, is vaguely aware of both Logan and Carlos on either side of him. He hears Carlos speak.
Holy fucking shit, Kendall hears him say.
\
"So where's your dad gonna go?" Carlos asks, with curiosity flaring bright and amber in his eyes. He looks up, past the arcs of celestial light as they reflect off James' hair and stares into tired hazel eyes.
"Dunno. Don't care." He mutters the last part. James shrugs and tucks his thumbs into his jeans pockets, slowing down his pace just barely. It's quiet from then on, no sounds except the crunch of marigold leaves underneath their rough soles. Carlos tugs at the shoulders of his too-big-tee shirt, calloused fingers awkwardly fumbling with the thin fabric.
He looks over to the taller boy and bites his lip, wondering how to console a friend after their parents divorce. But nothing works, he can't think, not when James looks tired enough to crumble in front of him, not in a situation like this. He's never been good at assuaging, not in the way that James needs him to be and it makes Carlos sad sometimes that he can't provide the emotional comfort for his friend that he clearly needs desperately.
Carlos' mind stays blank for the rest of the walk, the exasperation takes hold of his mouth and forcing him to eat his own words before they could even come out. He keeps sneaking glances at James, consoling phrases and empty sentences searing his tongue, but he doesn't speak, not once. Not about the divorce, not about the contrastingly bright pastel clouds, not about how the sun's starting to set and they should hurry before it gets dark. They walk wordlessly, and soon their feet are on gravel instead of autumn's spawn, the silence hollows out their ears and just when they get to James' house, Carlos knows he has to say something, anything that comes to mind (because god he hates silence) as long as he at least made an effort. James beats him to it.
"Thanks, Los." Carlos' neck snaps up so quickly he gets whiplash. Rubbing his aching muscles, he asks, "For what?"
"Being there for me." James shrugs and walks inside the white-wash mansion, leaving the door wide open as an unspoken invitation.
Needless to say, Carlos accepts.
\
In branded, burned, scorched, blackened skin is the fourth letter of the alphabet, the fancy script of the capital letter contrasting heavily with it's own peeling, dead appearance. The worst part is that Carlos has seen that very same symbol somewhere before, bitter nostalgia curling up unwelcomely in the back of his mind.
He stares in paralyzed horror as the nurse coats the burn with some sort of cream, checks it for infection and then wraps it up, but only when the horrifying image is completely replaced by white bandages does Carlos move. He steps back from Kendall and Logan and the unconsious lump on the hospital bed and stares up at the TV, seeing his horrified facial expression reflected on the unlit screen.
"Guys.." Logan says slowly, but Carlos doesn't rip away his gaze from the dead monitor.
"I think that James didn't just 'get lost' for the past five months."
a/n: Guys so here's the thing. i was thinking and.. im really shitty at commitment, right? and writing chapters is hard. xD but i realised im really good at writing them very quickly to a certain length, then they get shitty. so basically you guys have two options: 1) i can update faster with smaller chapters and more cliffhangers ORRR 2) i can update slower with longer chapters and less cliffhangers.
this chapter is an example of one of those shorter posts.
which is it, then? if no one answers the question i'll do option one because it's less strenuous on me and there's a lot of bad shit going on in my life that would make it impossible basically for me to just sit down and write a 4k worded chapter in one sitting. v_v they'll probably be this short(like 900 ish words) at the worst and go to be as long as 3.5 or 4k if i get really passionate about it. ^u^
anyway, if you liek, review! if you dun like, flame! or review angrily. ^u^ thankies babus i love u all
(im off to party now BAIII)