a/n: here's the next chapter! i wrote this quick-ish, ahah. not really. I'M SORRY
Logan steps onto the small white box gingerly, staring down at the small monitor with lackluster in his eyes.
The number's gone down by 10 since the last time he checked, which was something like a month ago. He sighs and steps off, going downstairs and towards the kitchen. He opens the fridge, pulls out a bottle of water, and drinks it on the way back up to the scale to step on it.
When both of his feet make contact with the box again, the number is two units higher than it was only minutes ago. He accepts the illusion of increased normalcy for no reason other than he wants nothing more than to do so.
He trails back downstairs and the vacancy in the room is now nonexistant, as he can hear the quiet buzz of hushed voices in the living room.
He runs a hand through his hair, crackling and popping, and sighs. He can hear his name, worry clear in Kendall's voice, defeat heavy in Carlos'. He can hear words like 'anorexic', 'skeleton', and 'suicide'.
Worry-filled, venomous words are all intertwined with his name like a braid of barbed wire- slicing his skin and overflowing acid at the seams. He wants to comfort them, tell them it's no big deal, he's just never hungry, it's not on purpose, but his feet are made of lead.
"I can't handle this anymore, Kendall." Carlos says, his voice thick with molten sadness.
"I know, bud. I hate it too. But it's not his fault. I-it's not. He's just too busy stressing about James."
"Too stressed to eat? Kendall, that's bullshit." He flinches at the rare occurence of Carlos using profanity. Logan's heart is heavy, cracking stone and crumbling alabaster, but he still doesn't move.
"Face it, he just doesn't care anymore, Kendall. And if he doesn't, then why should we?"
Logan sighs and turns around, stalking off into the starless solace of his room. The negative sound of his roommates' conversation fade into dullness with the other useless voices in his mind.
His stomach's full of water, but somehow, he still feels empty.
/
They're at James' room again, three days later, and they've made absolutely no progress with getting him to explain what happened. It's a lost cause, it seems, and the (relatively) mentally stable members of the band seem to be defeated- especially Logan, who was sitting in the corner of the room and staring at the other three with a scowl plastered on his face.
They sit silently for what seems like hours, but is really two minutes- and Kendall's already down to his last nerve.
"James, can you at least try and tell us?!" He blurts out impatiently, ignoring the incredulous expression that Carlos gives him. James stares at Kendall with fear and shock in his eyes. Kendall gulps and steps back cautiously, fearing another panic attack, but continues his verbal onslaught.
"Look, James." He goes on, his voice softer and more patient. James looks on with blatant prudence shining in his eyes. "I can't.. we can't handle not knowing." He gestures to Logan and Carlos. "I get if you can't tell us the details, but you at least have to tell us where you've been, right?" Kendall manages a sad smile.
James looks like he's about to have another panic attack. Kendall sucks in the breath he had been slowly letting out and gags a bit as the sudden air chokes him.
"Yeah, you're right." James says, slowly. "You're right. I'll tell you." He takes a deep inhalation and looks at the other three determinedly. "If I don't tell anyone, then I'll never feel better.. right?"
Kendall and Logan and Carlos eagerly nod.
"That's the spirit!" Carlos and Logan creep forward on the balls of their feet, skittering towards Kendall nonchalantly. "So..?"
James takes a deep breath.
/
Logan stares down at the toilet bowl feeling sick to his stomach. Half-digested wads of food are tainting the perfect white porcelain, and it's a very disturbing(yet very familiar) sight to see. He rubs a hand(the clean one) across his mouth and flicks the excess vomit into the toilet, then does the same to his other hand, except both saliva and vomit fly into the bowl this time.
He swallows harshly, feeling the scratchy, raw sensation in the back of his throat. He stifles a pained groan and gets up off his knees, walking over towards the sink sluggishly. He washes his hands and watches as his sticky red insides run down the drain, crushed rubies and plastic diamonds. Logan washes his face and leaves the bathroom, careful not to stare at the mirror in fear of making eye contact with the ugly monster inside.
(If Carlos doesn't care, if Kendall doesn't care, then neither does he.)
/
"It's not his fault, Carlos." Kendal gulps, takes a breath, feeling his heart bursting at the sound of Carlos being so broken. "I-It's not. He's just too busy stressing about James." Kendall says, completely unaware of Logan's presence hiding in the shadows. He can't do this, he can't give pep talks to his shattered friends when he's a wreck himself- it's hypocrisy, it's madness, its-
"Too stressed to eat? Kendall, that's bullshit." Kendall flinches at Carlos' use of profanity. "Face it, he just doesn't care anymore, Kendall. And if he doesn't, then why should we?" Carlos spits, venom springing from his voice straight into Kendall's bloodstream.
"Because we're the dream team, Carlos. Fulfilling each others dreams until the end, remember? But you know what the problem is, Carlos?"
"They don't have dreams right now, because all they can have is nightmares." He says firmly, hoping his words are getting through to his conscience-shaken friend. If he's listening, Carlos is showing no sign of it. He just stares at the glassy surface of the table with an unreadable expression on his face. "Don't give up on them, Carlos." Kendall's voice drops an octave, he tries to speak in a way that would get through to his friend.
Carlos' lip twitches, but he doesn't move.
"Not when they need us more than ever, not ever at all." Carlos finally lifts his gaze from the table, staring up at Kendall with thinly rimmed, foggy eyes. Kendall's heart recoils from the intense depth in his friends' ecru irises.
"You're right, Kendall. We can't give up on James, we haven't given up on him. So we can't give up on Logan, either."
Maybe there's hope for their card deck yet.
/
(But Logan doesn't think so.)
a/n: woo-hoo! that's another chapter done. so, does anyone want to see any ships in the next chapter? there's already kogan-ish, but if anyone wants a different ship i'd be glad to make it happen. ;D as usual, if you liked or hated, go ahead and tell me! i'm still eagerly awaiting my first hate message.
also i think that was a cliffhanger, right? cause now your silly asses ain't gon' know what happened to james.. or at least, until the next chapter. ;)