Hanging by a Moment
- Unbound a.k.a Lost Sons (part two)
Chapter Eight
Author: Jen
The hand in his added slight pressure, his gaze slowly lifting at that to meet the ocean blue eyes - as he clasped the hand tighter; feeling the smaller hand responding to his as there gaze became one in that moment. There thoughts interlinking.
As Catherine's ocean blue eyes fell away from him at that moment, the anguish in her gaze saying what they both felt. As he looked at the official private and confidential document which lay open between them.
With his wife's gentle touch leaving his at that moment, as the red-head's professional tone carried across to him - and what was there with it, what he could read on her delicate features and what she was unable to hide from him.
The pain they both shared and that they were now in this moment - in a whole new kind of territory and that it was something which for them both; had brought an altogether different level of anguish as Catherine's tone minimized:
'We're looking in the wrong place'
His blue eyes shot his wife a glance the ice blue pools giving him, the same look back as they now carefully butted the point.
With the red-head beating him to it and that she was not going to be dissuaded either:
'It's not bringing us any closer Gil'
The tone matter of fact, the ocean blue eyes locking with his and that they were in disagreement. With there fresh leads what Greg was following up for them running dry and the individual the suspect they were looking for.
Was remaining in the wood-work with them having to dig deeper - and what added to his wife's feeling at this moment, for it was something which ran with there line of investigation.
That they could not get Ewan Carnahan here fast enough. …
As he looked the red-heads way once more taking her fine beauty; and the fire which went with it. For it was something stoked at this moment - and that his wife's thoughts were now elsewhere her gaze no longer on him, as his own gaze fell back on the file. ….
His thoughts slowly drifting over these last few hours, as his gaze remained stagnantly on the document. His blue eyes closing at that moment with the Texan the individual who Catherine had brought with her from Dallas, solely being under there care and protection.
With him being reticently quite and that what had shook him the most. For it was something which what had disturbed him also; and that it lay far and beyond the vacant look which was in those brown warm eyes of the Texan - and that he held no memory of them…...
For it was it was combined with:
The nervousness, the slowness of his actions and the stillness which petered; his every move and that it was something which was aberrant - and what lay with it that the Texan was only the shell of the man he once knew…..
As his blue eyes opened his gaze finding the sanctuary of his wife's gaze as the blue ocean eyes rested on his; there thoughts interconnecting and that what they were unable to speak – only merged there pain.
With the fragile trust what Catherine, held with him.
Being something which was now at this moment slipping away from them, with his wife fighting to keep it - the tide turning against them and that he himself had been unable to add to it…..
The red-head alone holding any sway with him and that it was adding more pressure onto the Texan, something he did not want…..with his thoughts shifting and that Nick was at this moment under Warrick's care while he and the strong woman across from him scouted for anything further.
As he looked into his wife's ocean blue eyes.
That were, tear tinged the sparkle in them being distant, as he reached out taking the smaller hand gently back into his; with nothing being said between them as he now spoke the blue ocean eyes glancing into his:
'Sara'
There colleagues name falling between them as he shifted his wife a further look; and that he was sidelining the issue, with Catherine's steady gaze falling once more as the hand in his tightened its grasp.
The touch alone sweeping through him as he looked at what was at his left hand side on the desk before him, the black watch lay there the dials unmoving; as he looked at what now sat beside it.
Something authentic looking - as he looked at the number on the social security card and that it was a small crucial piece of the puzzle as he glanced at Catherine. Whose blue eyes were at this moment focused on the black watch, the hand releasing from his as the ocean blue eyes lifted.
There thoughts tying as one in that moment, as the red-head continued to keep her steady gaze on him. The look unwavering as he sunk himself deep in those blue ocean depths, his steal gaze answering too the unspoken call that was in his wife's eyes.
As his own, gaze went at that beyond the red head to the open office door and the long corridor it looked out onto:
His thoughts turning at that moment solely to Nick; the individual under there care with the Texan being in the main unofficial room - on the left hand side of that corridor he was currently looking out onto and that Catherine had spoken truth…..
…..That they were no closer to finding the individual responsible and that they were running out of time as the red-heads small hand linked back through his. There gaze meeting as he looked once more; at the open missing person file before him - and that it was what there entwined hands rested on…..
With the red-head setting him a look, one that hit his heart, as her gentle tone cut back across to him and that her words what she was telling him at this moment - was there only option.
The one they had too take for it involved the two individuals who had the soul right to know about this as he thought again of that little boy; and that he and his mother. The woman who all this would mean most to - had been kept in the dark long enough….
With the gamble which Catherine, had taken:
In bringing Nick back here away from his Texas roots, his family there; and from Ryan Stokes an individual who the finger of suspicion still lay upon, for it was irresolute and what went with it, what his family in Dallas were left suffering - and that it was not the first time….
……With them putting the vulnerable defenceless man; who was under both there care and protection at an even greater risk and that it was something he could not help either. Plus the fact that he could not blame either the Dallas authorities or his family for wanting the Texans safe return to the lone star state….
As his thoughts slanted thinking again in that moment - of the soul a little further down that corridor and that what had threaded his live, the system itself was not helping them any, with the suspect remaining indeterminate…
Plus what hurt more than anything for it brought an altogether different kind of pain and that it was something which lay entwined with there own guilt and that it was something itself which had found a new alcove.
For it was what engulfed his wife and bled his own heart, that they could not help him, with Nick being a stranger to them. His hand slowly disengaging from the red-heads at that thought – there hands no longer entwined, and that no matter the consequences and the further pain he was now about to cause:
He knew that the individual, the woman and single mother; he was about to call upon was the only person who might be in anyway - able to reach that vulnerable soul and that he was in no way about to give up on him, that it was Nick…..
With his thoughts; compounding at that thought.
Not wanting to think otherwise - that it was too much to bear; and the simple fact what lay within there own findings for it was something he and his wife were at this moment were unwilling to accept. That the Texan was never likely to remember them….
As his thoughts turned instead at that moment to there investigation with there trail running even now from hot to cold; and that the last crucial pieces of this puzzle still lay beyond his own grasp and the one further certainty -
For it shone at this moment in those ocean blue eyes of Catherine's; that who ever had orchestrated this had known exactly what they had been doing from the start and that they were now at this moment.
Playing a deadly game of cat and mouse with the individual, who they were trying there hardest to pin down, lying close - as he looked his wife's way and what was also there in those blue ocean eyes, for it was something they were both aware off….
…..That time its self had eradicated anything that might lead them, to there prime suspect with Ewan Carnahan being there only other means; along with one factor for it was something which neither of them could forget.
That Ryan Stokes was the loose pivot……
As Catherine's blue eyes flared at him and that they were in this together; for it was the live which bound them as one - as his wife's hand slid gently back into his.
His other hand lifting the phone, with his steal gaze becoming one with the ocean blue eyes in that moment as they turned to look at one thing - the black watch - and the significance it held to them both…..
With Catherine's slender hand tightening its grip there thoughts thinking only of him in that moment; and that this was a phone call like no other…..
Sara looked at her five year old son, partly in pride he was growing strong and bright for his years but she also felt guilt when as she looked into those innocent warm brown eyes of her son, it was his father that was looking back at her and the fact he would never see this little man grow and become like him, it choked her even know almost six years later.
Carefully lifting him, ruffling the brown hair, the kid smiled and she hoped at least in some ways he would not take after his father but by the looks of it, with that smile and those innocent eyes she had no hope and wished once more that Nicky Stokes was here to see this.
She sighed long and deep looking out her window Catherine would be coming in a short time, after she had got back from some special case in Dallas… Dallas her thoughts turned inwards, Nick had came from there and ended up working in the dazzling back drop of Las Vegas as CSI.
A smile came to her face remembering his enthusiasm and humanity that he applied to everything, something she had loved from the first, without even knowing it. Only fate brought them together and the seed that had been there since the first moment she had laid eyes on that vulnerable but strong man was allowed to flourish the friendship turning to something more before it was all taken from her, almost all as she looked at her son…
Tears started to come as she looked out onto the bright suburban street, which was her backyard. For a moment she closed her eyes, took her hand to her cheek wiping away the tears, she was not sure how long she had looked out that window thinking about him, but the tug at her arm implied that someone was hungry but she was mistaken looking down into the all too serious eyes of her son:
'Where is daddy?' the one questioned she had always dreaded and knew would inevitably come and the truth was although he was more than likely to be dead she could not bring herself to say it.
The boy stood impatiently looking from her to the one of the few photos' there was of her and Nick together, it was an old photo, long before there relationship but it captured them perfectly:
Nick to taken with the work at hand, was busy showing her what he had unearthed, he was looking up at her, she smiling down at him questioning what he had found. The light of the camera silhouetted him to the grimy but photogenic backdrop but it was the look on that handsome face of his more than anything, the love in those intense brown eyes even then for her, he was reaching up to grab her hand just as the camera had clicked, picture perfect and it felt like a life time ago, as the same brown eyes of his son, asked the question she could not answer.
It was at that moment the phone rang and once more those serious brown eyes looked into hers:
'Will I get it mum?' somehow with that look in his face and confidence far beyond his years; she quickly regained her composure she had to be strong for his sake.
The phone was still ringing and had thankfully given her leeway to get of the subject of his father, she shook her head:
'I'll get it' and with that she smiled her son looked at her, with that same look as his father on him again, gaining strength from that look, she tried to block out the flashback of Nick wrapping his arms round her and the safety that came with that feeling. However it was pointless as she remembered the warmth of his touch and the protection that came with it but her son quickly brought her back to the present the image gone:
'I love you mum' they looked at each other a moment longer and then she raced to get the phone, hoping it would be Catherine.
With it not being Catherine – that it was Gil's voice at the other end of the phone. The tone unfamiliar his message to the point and that he was giving her no chance to reply as the phone line at that moment went dead and that he had hung up on her…..
Her dark eyes giving the phone receiver a puzzled look and that there had been something else in his tone – an urgency that she had never heard as she slowly put the phone down and that he had asked her to bring Nicky with her. Something she would have done anyway.
As her thoughts stayed there, her suspicions aroused that something was up and that it somehow involved them both with her shaking her head at that, dismissing the thought; and that Grissom's lack of words had only worried her more.
With her thoughts returning at that to the question, she had just been asked only a few moments before the phone had rang as her features gave way at that moment, her dark eyes closing in pain…
Thinking only of him -
The man who she loved with all her heart and soul…..
With the record alone stating one thing - that though he was still missing.
Nick could be nothing other than deceased - and that it was the one thing that she was unwilling even now to accept and that he the good strong man - who was the father of there child.
Should have been at her side, to share every moment of this with her:
To have seen the look in those intense brown eyes of his, at there son's first words, his first faltering steps and too all she herself had felt; the heartache and joy of watching this little boy the seed of there love…..
Grow from the tiny baby in her arms, the toddler under her feet - to the enthusiastic, strong and vibrant five year old he now was and what made it hurt all the more what brought a different ache to her heart.
That he could not be there with her at every high and low of this little boys life; and what went with it what struck at her heart - and added to the pain for it was something which had only grown with the years.
The guilt she could not help but feel, the responsibility she held and that she had brought this little life, the one they had forged, into the world without him - and that her child, his son had not made his way through. To see who the phone call had been from……
Something which was unlike him - as her dark eyes slowly opened with her thoughts holding there on Nick as she came back at that moment to the present. With her lifting the Tahoe keys as she made her way back through.
Coming to a stop as she did so:
Her gaze tenderly watching the little man before her and that he had not seen her yet as she stayed where she was and that he had lifted the one photo from the mantelpiece.
The picture of them both - with the brown innocent eyes taking in everything that picture revealed to him and the image of his father - and that he was unaware off her. The head bowed as he sat on the rug clutching the photo.
With tears coming to her eyes at that moment fresh guilt passing through her and that he had never known his father - the vulnerable man, who had touched her live in the way no other could - as she continued to look his way and that this little soul.
Who was off both there flesh and blood was the only part of him left to her, as her thoughts caved to what all she had kept from him; too what had happened to Nick – and the investigation in his name, something which had lain quiescent:
With those details along with what they had turned up - being what she had protected this little boy from and that it was something which they both would have wanted, as her thoughts went into free fall her dark eyes closing and that she had maintained contact with his family in Dallas.
This little boy knowing his cousins there as her dark eyes slowly opened her thoughts turning at that moment to Ryan Stokes the eldest son of the father, who Nick had never been close to and that on the few occasions. When she had seen him in these years she had seen the effect that this little boy had, had on him.
The dark brown eyes softening at the sight of him; and that it had cancelled any last doubts in her, own mind to how Ryan had felt towards Nick as her thoughts combined thinking of all his siblings and that Matthew Garrett, the man held responsible.
Was dead with law and justice entrapping them and that there had been no closure with the passage of time giving one answer, the one she refused even know these years later to relent too that Nick was dead - and his love…..
Something untouchable and endless like the stars, in the heavens above lay forever in her heart as she looked again at the boy before her. Her dark eyes drifting at that moment to the window her gaze going beyond the urban suburbs to those mountains.
Which struck out in the distance with her dark intelligent eyes resting there on that vast frontier thinking only of him; and the love which he had encircled and enveloped her with was something which had never faded - that it had only grown as her gaze returned at that moment to where it had been.
To look at the young set features of there son:
With this little boy being her live - with her bringing him up to in everyway know Nick the vulnerable strong man who she loved; and what wrenched her heart, that the individual, the man who would have went to the ends of the earth for her - could be nothing other than dead….
As a fresh tear slid freely down her cheek at that thought…..
Her dark eyes returning at that moment - to where they had been seeing the strong set features change the look touching her soul as she slowly walked forward coming down to his height at that moment as he now sat on her lap.
With her gently taking the picture from him:
The head rising to look into hers - with her placing the picture back where it had always sat her dark eyes for a moment staying on it, taking in the image of the man she had never, once stopped loving as she now looked to his son.
Whose warm brown eyes were focused on her; the live vibrant in his gaze as they continued to look at one another with nothing been said as he gently in that moment wrapped his arms around her.
Giving her a hug as she brought him closer to her, the little body responding as she came out the hug, with her managing to find a smile for him, her hand coming up to touch his cheek - before going through the short brown thick hair of his, with her smoothing it down.
His brown eyes tear filled, there gaze resting on one another; as he found his voice again in that moment:
'Who was on the phone mum?'
The look turning inquisitive at that moment as she looked his way and that he had carefully changed the subject away from his father and that she was unable to hold back her own tears at that moment.
As she took in the look in those warm brown eyes of his; and that he was trying to be strong for her as she now replied.
Her tone clear:
'Grissom'
With him putting two and two together, the features turning serious again before lighting up:
'Does that mean we're going to the labs?'
As she wiped away her tears, smiling at him; giving him a nod in answer as her own gaze slid back at that moment to the photo, with memories flooding her as gaze focused now on her son - seeing a look of determination cross into his set features.
With that look being enough; and that he needed her as she lifted his denim jacket helping him put it on. There gaze coming to meet in that moment; and that he was her strength, with this boy….
….His son being her only hope, that he might yet be alive; the small hand linking with hers at that moment as she looked his way, taking in his sturdy agile frame and that no one could fill his father's place, that no one was able to…..
That her heart beat one with his - and that she would remain true to him in the way he would have to her - and that her spirit, heart and soul were forever his; as she looked into those intense warm brown eyes of the boy, who was his son.
With her hand coming up to gently once more touch his cheek as that moment with that golden smile of his coming to the fore as they shared a look. The boy at her side now talking to her - as she listened intently to his words seeing; the elaboration and heart that he put into everything.
As her dark intelligent gaze gave him a glance the serious brown eyes playing of hers as she now gently lifted him to her hip the boy settling himself there. With her dark eyes taking in at that the familiar surroundings of the place which was home for the two of them and that the part Nick had played in both there lives.
Was visible in every part of this room as she pushed back her tears; concentrating on the life beside her and that she was unable to fill the gapping space in both there lives with there only ever being one individual who could; the good strong man who was this boys father …..
…..The Texan who she loved in every way and that if he were in anyway alive, that he had somehow survived - then there was one further cross to bare, as she looked to there son…..
Seeing the love shining there in his brown eyes and that if Nick were out there she would do anything for him; and that she could not give up hope as those brown intense eyes, of his son hit sent her a look.
With the ache in her heart growing - as the innocent gaze focused solely on her seeing only the love and protection which Nick had encircled her with, shining there in the brown depths as she carefully let him down, the boy staying close beside her as they reached the Tahoe.
Her gaze staying on him, his brown warm eyes resting only on her - and that it was though he had been able to read her every thought - with her son's gentle voice at that moment carrying across to her.
With him asking about the labs - as she turned the key, the Tahoe engine starting up as her dark eyes closed; and that the man she loved only belonged in the past tense as she looked once more to the boy beside her.
The serious brown eyes set on her own as she thought only of him – to be in his arms, his embrace - as tears slid once more down her cheek. With an old habit kicking in at that moment as she now slowly started to sing, the tears coming freely.
As she once more took in the look on her son's young set features.
With the brown innocent eyes resting lovingly on her as her voice rose; at that moment her heart breaking - and that this little boy there son, was all she had left of him…..
As his mother continued to sing his warm brown eyes closing listening to her; and that his heart ached as it always did:
When his mother sang and that she was crying - something which made his little heart ache all the more, as her gentle voice rose at that moment; and that he had upset her something he had not wanted to do and that he loved her.
With his mother being there for him ever since he could remember; and that whenever he was upset or had, had bad dreams….
She was the person there for him to hush him and sooth him - and like what she was doing now; she would sing to him - knowing its effect on him and that her singing voice was something shared only between them.
As he pushed back his tears once more at that moment; and that it was something connected deeply also to his father……
With his thoughts personifying as he once more looked to his mother his brown eyes opening and what was there in those dark starlight eyes of hers – the immeasurable love, for the individual who he had been named after….
…..The person who he loved and who he had never known; with it being only what other people had told him about his father - that had given him any kind of idea as his features clouded at that moment….
With his mother and Lindsay being the ones to give him the most information as his features now gave way his eyes closing; and that it was Warrick and Greg that were the two people who were in anyway a kind of a father to him - and that though he liked them both.
They were not his father…..
His brown eyes opening once more at thought - with the anomic stories that Grissom, Warrick and Greg had filled his heart with:
Giving him a further clue to what his father's exploits had been and that from what he had been able to read into it his father had been a bit of dare devil; and that he had also been well liked…..
As his gaze fell on his mother, seeing the tears in her dark starlight eyes and what he did not doubt for he could see it at this moment in her gaze and that it was something he had always known - was how much his parents had loved each other:
With it being here in Las Vegas where they had met and fell in love…..
His thoughts drifting at that as he looked again his mother's way her gaze finding his at that moment as she continued to sing and although he knew his parents had never been married; his father had been there in every way possible for his mother and that they had been deeply in love:
As his thought's - now progressed.
Thinking again of his father and though he knew both his parents had worked together for a long time. There relationship the time they had, had together as a couple had been a short one and that he had no memory of his father….
With his warm brown eyes closing his thoughts holding there; and that it was the one thing which no one mentioned to him - that it was a no go area…. and he was aware that whatever had befallen his father had happened before he had been born.
As his brown eyes slid open at that moment.
His thoughts deepening - and that his mother was no longer singing, as he registered the reason why - with them having hit the early evening Las Vegas rush hour traffic with his mother's dark starlight eyes back on him…..
As he now rose purposely under her tender watchful eye to look out the window at the vehicles which were whizzing past on either side of them his gaze staying there and this Tahoe.
What they both sat in and what his mother was currently driving had been his fathers with his mother not changing it - that she had kept it.
As his thoughts focused solely; at that moment on his father.
His brown eyes continuing to look at the other vehicles for a moment more before his brown eyes gently closed and that his father; seemed to fit the cowboy persona and that he had been there for others…..
With his thoughts becoming one in that moment and that he missed his father, with all that he had been told not being enough –
As his thought's quadrupled. Hearing his mother's singing voice once more and though she was not singing it right now:
There was one special song that she would sing to him.
For it was the one which he knew the words to heart too - and that when she sang it he knew it would be his father, not him that she would be seeing in those moments as his warm brown eyes fell open once more…..
His gaze going lovingly to his mother seeing the look in her dark starlight eyes; as his emotions gave way completely at that moment and though it was something never mentioned to him or talked about.
He was aware that something bad had befallen his father and that he did not know; something which only confused him further - and that he had only what he had been able to figure out for him self - and what added to the pain…
For it was something which he had been told often enough.
That he should look so much like him….
As his thoughts broke at that moment his gaze returning to his mother seeing the pain across her fine features and that she had taken him twice to the lone star state. To Texas - and too Dallas.
To the home where his father had grown up - with him happily playing with his cousins there and that he had liked it there; while his mother had talked quietly to his aunts and one uncle, someone whom he was less certain off.
As his thoughts now trailed shifting direction and connecting the two - and that the question he had asked his mother. Was the one that until know he had not wanted to ask. That he had been frightened of what her answer might be; and that it was the one thing never touched upon…..
With a stray thought entering his head at that moment his features caving at that moment too when he had indirectly mentioned it - and that it had been both; Warrick and Greg that he had put on the spot at different times.
The latter of the two turning quite, while Warrick had quickly changed the subject away from his father; and that the only other two people that he might have asked were that little bit older…..
As his thoughts turned at that to Gil and Catherine and that like his mother, he felt they were not the people to ask and that he liked them both a lot; with Grissom's office being a treasure trough to him and that Gil:
Would at the same time; tell him different things about his father….
With him taking it all in - and that he reckoned Grissom had thought a lot of his father. As he remembered something his mother had told him. That it had been Catherine who had been close to his father -
His thoughts cantering at that; and that the red-head frightened the life out of him and that whenever she was around, he knew he was to be on his best behaviour something which had proved difficult on more than one occasion. With Catherine being there for him at other times; when his mother was unable to be…..
As his thoughts now meandered – his gaze returning lovingly to his mother at that moment and that when she was not there, that when she was at her work; he would be in the care off someone close and that if it was not Catherine, Warrick or Greg:
It would be Lindsay's careful eye he would come under and that Lindsay had been the one too give him the best picture of his father, something which he had clung too; and that she had been the age he was now, when she had known his father.
With Lindsay being the only one out with him mother…..
Too not over describer-rate his father as his thoughts now turned inwards and that the pictures and stories which he had been told, had given him no physical metaphor. His gaze lifting at that moment - too collide with his thoughts.
With the Tahoe slowing slightly in the buzzing Las Vegas traffic – as his brown warm eyes moved at that onto his mother's fine features with her singing silenced once more by the traffic as he seen.
The tears which lay fresh on her cheek's and that he was unable too comfort her as his gaze rested there where it was; and that his mother's love for his father…..
Was something which had never wavered, as his thoughts now catapulted for it was something which pulled at his little heart; and that it was the dark thought, he was unable to shift.
For it was the one which had always been there - as he pushed back tears once more and that maybe if he had not come along….
His parents might still be together; and that his father would be there for his mother with Lindsay letting something else slip. Something which had brought that dark thought to the forefront of his mind:
With it being not so long ago that it had happened and when also he had been as today looking at that one photo of his father and mother, with Lindsay coming over to gaze at the photo as well before lifting it down for him so he could take a closer inspection of the photo. Where his parent's had looked so taken on each other.
As he now remembered Lindsay's words to him then and that her features had paled her tone dropping before subsiding as she had slowly in her own way told him one fact something at the same time which he could not completely understand or comprehend.
That his father was listed somewhere as being missing and that she did not know whether he was alive or dead only that he was gone from all there lives as her gaze moved from the photo - slowly to him and then to the window and the view that he and his mother shared out onto those mountains beyond the suburbs.
With Lindsay's gaze staying there her words silenced as he too for a long moment looked out onto those peaks and then back to Lindsay seeing tears in her eyes as his gaze returned to the photo.
Taking in every inch of the image of his father and what instincts alone had told him that his father had been badly hurt in someway and though the jumbled pieces did not fit Lindsay's small amount of words had helped answer one thing.
That maybe he was the reason why his father had been hurt in the first-place and that if he were not dead if he were in anyway alive, then he was in someway responsible - for his father being missing….
….With Lindsay giving him nothing more that she had told him too much then and there - and that she had given him more than most, with her carefully taking the photo back off him at that moment, returning it to the mantle-piece to its rightful place.
His own gaze lingering there for a moment more before with, Lindsay adjectively diverting his thoughts and that what she had told him that day had remained only between them. That he had not breathed a word of it to his mother and that he had not wanted to land Lindsay in trouble either.
When she had in her own way only been trying to help him a little, too understand something that no other adult in his life would talk to him about. As his thoughts now came to the present hearing his mothers singing once more as he took in the words, to that one song, the one he knew by heart.
As he looked lovingly at that moment to his mother and that she was no longer crying, her dark eyes instead full of fire as he thought again of his father and that he would do anything to see, touch - and hear the sound of his father's voice.
With his brown eyes closing his thoughts one and what went along with that question he had asked his mother. For it was what his little heart could not committee too and was etched at this moment on the fine features of his mother.
For it was part of the vast pain that she was unable to hide from him and was what had upset them both so much for it lay at this moment unspoken between them. The words she had been unable to speak….
That his father was more than likely to be dead as his brown soft eyes turned once more to his mother and too what she had been trying her best to protect him from - and that he loved her with all his heart and soul.
As his features gave way at that moment a tear releasing as the ache which clutched his little heart gained. With the last notes playing across to him at that moment as his mothers singing voice rose.
His brown warm eyes focusing solely on her and that she was the centre of his world with her always being there for him and that she had along with it, brought him up alone and that the gap in both there lives.
The loneliness and heartache he could see at this moment in his mother's dark starlight eyes for the individual who she loved and who he had been named after always being there and that he could in no way bridge that gap….
As his thoughts inwardly tore apart - his gaze sweeping outwards once more to what he could see beyond the tahoe's passenger windows and that the suburban streets of home were now far behind them.
The monumental architecture of the foyer of Las Vegas instead rose on either side of him and that his mother was taking him by the scenic route and it was one that he hoped would continue once they got the lengths of the labs.
As his sensitive gaze watched the shadows of the buildings as they played of each other, light and dark merging over the Tahoe as it travelled forward with the traffic now beginning to disperse, a little on its different routes.
His gaze staying there as they weaved forward with his brown eyes taking delight in the monumental frontier as his gaze moved, the high buildings depleting slowly and to what had just come back into view rising magnetically from the desert way in the distance.
The Rocky Mountains where his mother so often took him and that he so loved. With his thoughts shifting back at that to his father and going by all, his mother had told him.
Those mountains had also held a special place in his father's heart as he turned at that his mother's way. Her singing now past and that it had helped sooth them both with the fire which burned deep in her dark starlight eyes now aflame.
As her gentle features turned at that moment to look his way as he sent her a smile, this time receiving one back and that the distress which lay rooted and unspoken between them was not entirely gone.
With his mother's starlight eyes moving at the same moment as his, to those mountains in the far distance. As they now shared a look. His brown eyes serious in return and those mountains like his mother were a constant too him and that there was something more in that look of hers at this moment.
That it made his little heart beat all the faster, with that full smile of his mothers enveloping him and that he felt safe and protected under her steady gaze with the father that he loved with all his heart and soul.
Being missing from both there lives - as his gaze moved pushing back tears once more in that moment the landmarks now becoming distinctly familiar to him the tahoe beginning to slow slightly.
With his brown eyes taking it all in, his thoughts etched at that moment only on his father as they exited the freeway thee metropolis now distant his thoughts coinciding and to where his mother had once taken him….
…..To where she herself had grown up near San Francisco with his gaze looking out upon the mighty Pacific Ocean and that he had wondered at that moment while he had stood close to his mother if his father had ever laid eyes upon that same ocean….
As his gaze swept at that precise moment back to his mother seeing the ocean of love and fragility in her dark starlight eyes and what broke his little heart even more the guilt he could not once speak off and what lay compounded with that:
That he missed his father in everyway possible…..
With no one ever being able to take his father's place and for his small number of years. He wished he could do more to help his mother who did so much for him and the immeasurable pain they both shared.
Was something which only grew along with him and that he could do nothing to diminish it as his gaze leapt to his mother his father belonging only in the past to before he had been born and to what went along with the photo's of his father - the images.
All that his mother, Lindsay, Catherine, Grissom, Warrick and Greg had filled his head with were unable to fill that vast void, for it was what clutched his soul and that his mother along with it was alone in the world with no one at her side and all she had taught him.
The inner strength, the foundations of his life coming from his mother who was the centre of his world and that the all inspiring mountains, the diamond deserts which he had looked out upon for as long as he could remember and were the alcove of this part of Nevada.
For it was the other thing she had taught him well and lay envisaged in his fathers Britannica collection something alone which was sacred to him the geography of every state its significance along with its history…..
The battle of Wounded Knee and Little Bighorn - the pioneers, the cowboys and Indians, the people who had conquered this un-ruled land and that it had personified his scope too the vastness which was his homeland frontier with it intriguing and firing his imagination and what had astonished his mother.
That along with all she had taught him there was something which had forever sent his gaze to the heavens. To the golden eagles that soared and glided over this land and there significance that they were emblem of power and that he knew every species of bird.
The labs holding the same type of intrigue for him and that it had also been his father's place of work with the individual who he missed with all his little heart being someone who he could not think of as being gone.
That he could not think of his father in that way of being dead and that his extended family in the southern state of Texas were on the same axis. That his father was never the less missing and that however small the odds he in so many different ways wanted his father to be alive as his thoughts cascaded.
His brown eyes watching the blur of the passing buildings his mother once more beginning to slow the Tahoe as the route now opened out on either side of them and that they were nearing there destination. With the labs being a place of scientific knowledge, law and justice and though he did not fully understand all of these things.
He knew the full importance of his mothers work and that when he had grown up a little. He wanted in every way possible to follow in the footsteps of what both his father and mother had done as there profession.
With his mother adding something further - how much being a CSI had meant to his father - and that he had been by his methods and philosophy, a lone star in every way with the shear determination and stubborn nature of his.
Being something that he himself had inherited big time - and what his mother was more often or not telling him about as his golden smile at last came to the fore thinking about the individual who he had never once met and who he took so much after.
His mother picking up on it at that moment, with her sending him a wink as his smile broadened with her now talking about who they would see at the labs, the dark eyes strong, her features pale and that for the moment. The subject of his father was no longer up for discussion.
As his gaze focused solely at that moment on his mother - knowing how much she had loved his father and to how much they had been there for each other and that he did not know, whether he was alive or dead.
That he was left only with the not knowing and the burden, what his own instincts and what little he had managed to figure out for himself lay yet strewn before him as the cataclysmic ache which filled his little heart for his father - only in that moment grew in strength.
His smile fading once more as his mother's gaze again found his at that moment, her spirit lifting him as he shot her a look there gaze playing of each other. With her full smile coming to the fore at that moment as he melted under the look and that they were nearly there.
With him rising, a little to get his first view of the labs, his thoughts remaining where they had been on his father - the Texan who his mother had loved with all her heart and soul and that he was his father's flesh and blood.
His son and that he needed him with no one ever being able to fill his fathers place and that he loved his father with all his - little heart and soul as his brown eyes descended his thoughts giving way fully at that moment and that it was his mother alone.
Who was the strongest link to his father, as he now heard her gentle voice calling on him there gaze linking and becoming one in that moment. The Tahoe slowing at that one last time as they now entered the main public car park of the labs.
His brown eyes taking in at that the many vehicles there as his thoughts came fully to the present seeing the love and protection in his mother's gaze and that it needed no words between them as he gained strength from that look as she now found a space for them and it was not to far from the official entrance as she pulled the keys from the ignition sending him a smile at the same time.
As he gave her a serious look before falling suit - giving her a lopsided grin with her carefully unbuckling him at that moment as she now made ready coming round to his side of the vehicle. His brown eyes taking in all, he could visibly see at this height.
With the Tahoe passenger door opening his mother, watching him as he now jumped down to ground level. Standing at her knee height as she now carefully locked the Tahoe his gaze looking up at her, before going sky ward's to the Cherokee blue sky, as his brown eyes moved to look at the distant mountains that stood out against the skyline.
As he now looked closer to where the first lone star sparkled and to where the blue of the sky changed to an aurora of colour against those mountains the late October sun having just set leaving the horizon now a blood red against it as he stood there for a moment unwilling to move.
Looking at the streaks of light playing of each other and the lone star which sparkled brightly against those mountains as his gaze swung back at that moment to his mother as they stood together, his small hand reaching up at that moment linking them as the smaller hand in hers, now gave a gentle squeeze.
The boy at her side thinking the same as her as they for a moment more gazed out onto those mountains and that one star in the heavens above with the last light jetting from the horizon as she took a breath, her earlier tears melted as her gaze slid back to him…..
As she now felt the cool air beginning to descend as she began to make a move towards the main public entrance to the labs, seeing the insignia there at the entrance as the brown soft eyes followed hers to the same place.
Her son staying close beside her the small hand linking back through her own, as they now clambered up the many steps to the glass doors passing under the American flag as they did so.
Seeing the brown eyes light up at that moment as the first signs of visible life came into view the main entrance frantic as her dark eyes adjusted to the changing light, the hand in hers, tightening its grip at that moment.
As she now entered the building the boy beside her keeping pace with her as she came once more to a halt. Lifting him carefully at that moment, as he now gave his mother a hug, seeing her producing at that her CSI cards to the security.
His brown eyes enjoying the view as he looked around him finding him self again at adult height in his mother's arms, as they moved slowly from the foyer his gaze searching at that for any familiar faces.
He seen only, one as he swallowed the individual, not spotting them as his mother now turned changing direction letting him down to walk on the now tiled floor and that they were a little way yet from the main labs as he now ran ahead.
Hearing his mother's re-assuring voice once more telling him to slow down, with him for a moment paying no heed as his pace quickened before slowing letting her catch up on him.
With his hand linking once more through hers, as she now kept him in check as she glanced, briefly at the time on the wall clock which could be seen from here and that when they reached Grissom's office. It would be periodically the quietest time of day in these labs.
As her thoughts consolidated at that infrequency her gaze returning protectively and without thinking to the boy beside her and that they were being slowed again by the on coming traffic of lab technicians and others who were finishing there shift.
The hand in hers loosening, its grip at that moment with the occasional person also now greeting them both with the boy beside her, taking up most of the attention as she smiled gently letting him talk as the brown warm eyes returned lovingly that moment to hers.
His small hand coming back into hers as she seen for a moment that look of his father on him with her dark eyes closing once more at that thought - with his son, the boy who was of his flesh and blood and there child now taking the next step. Along the longer main stretch of corridor that would lead them to the lockers and Grissom's office with the main corridor branching out now on either side.
As they stuck to the main passageway the sounds of the labs now becoming more distinct as they turned a sharp right and then a left, the corridor widening at that moment the glass inter-tracing them on either side there reflections playing there as there pace now slowed.
Turning once more to there left onto an even vaster stretch of corridor as they now walked past what would have been in her working hours her first port of call and the opening section of there own part of the labs.
The lockers which were in half light - twilight on the right hand side of her and to what she could see from here, the only one other corridor which swung of this one, at its mid way point on the left.
With the height of the corridor above them now rising to its full magnitude, giving the vastness and scope which depicted these labs and all that they held, with her son stopping at that to take it all in and that they were now almost half way to where the corridor took its one turn.
Her dark eyes focusing there as she now lifted him, the brown soft eyes coming back to once more look into hers as she lovingly ruffled the short brown hair, receiving that smile of his at that moment.
As they now took the turn – two familiar figures of her colleagues coming into view as they now, at that moment lifted there heads in unison. To look there way and to the boy in her arms - as her gaze slide at that slowly between the two as her dark eyes tried in someway to read what was going on there…..
Between Gil Grissom and Warrick Brown with the latter of her two colleagues being unable to meet her gaze and that they stood just short of half way down that long corridor, which swung of to its sharp right after that.
With her gaze for a moment looking beyond them, to Gil's office which was at the end of the long corridor at that turn and that it was brightly light the office door open and to her other colleague who stood there just inside that office door – Catherine.
As she felt confusion spreading through her at that moment, as Catherine's blue eyes briefly met hers before falling, her gaze instead going to the boy in her arms as she now clutched him closer.
With him picking up on it sensing like her that something else was wrong as her dark intelligent eyes swung back at that to Grissom seeing the silent unquestioned message he was sending her in that gaze, as her dark eyes fell to what she could see in his hand.
Even from this distance the official file in his hand with Warrick know breaking away coming towards them seeing the seriousness of his gaze at that moment as she now gently let her son down keeping a hold of him as she did so.
The small hand linking back through hers as her dark eyes focused on the uncertainty and anxiety playing now in Warrick's features - as she looked again Gil's way and that he had not moved that he stood on the right hand side of corridor his gaze for now not on her.
That he was looking elsewhere to what was directly in front of him through the glass as she looked once more to the folder in his hand. Not quite making a connection as she did so as her gaze struck on him and to where he stood.
With it being the main area and one of the most important rooms in these labs for any CSI that he stood on the outside off. The meeting place and where every major or none major case were put up for discussion and that it was also the informal area.
Where every CSI was put through there paces and disciplined along with it and that it was where the heartache and vigour of what went with the job came through the lighter moments being shared there as well.
As they now took a step forward her pace sharpening with them getting no further than quarter way down the long corridor with Warrick, catching her eye again at that moment sending her a warning glance:
'Sara'
The tone alone emphasizing the look in his eyes as they came to a sharp halt , the small hand in hers giving a gentle squeeze as the brown soft eyes looked up into her, own confusion and fear showing in them.
As she now hushed him trying to soothe the anxiety playing in those brown eyes as her thoughts returned again to the one question he had asked her earlier her thoughts staying there thinking only of him and that Warrick had now broke the main distance between them.
Her dark eyes staying where they were as the brown eyes linked and became one with her own, her hand releasing from his to gently come up to his cheek, with this little boy at her side speaking solely to her.
His smile coming back to the fore and that it his attention was now diverting towards Warrick as she played along, letting Warrick do the talking the small hand linking back through her own at that moment, as she tried to read what was going on behind there.
Her colleague giving her nothing more though as there gaze came to meet as she now greeted him casually her gaze at that sliding back to her other two colleagues and that Catherine had remained where she was.
With Greg being no where in sight and that Grissom had walked a couple of paces further forward, past the room which he had been standing on the outside off and that his gaze was firmly set on them both.
The look making her more nervous as her roused suspicions folded deeper with that gaze and that Gil's concerned steal glare had switched away from her, to the boy at her foot who was now like her trying to draw what was really going on.
As she turned back to him, her hand going through the brown hair as she came down to his height, there gaze meeting at that moment, as the set features turned serious her own gaze doing the same.
Her words coming gently as there gaze stayed linked and though she was unsure of what was coming next this little boy was relying on her in every way possible as she carefully took of the denim jacket of his. Handing it to Warrick, there gaze for a second time meeting in that moment.
Before her dark eyes shifted back too where they had been with this little soul seeing what had passed between them in that moment and that he like her was not convinced or sure of what was taking place.
As her gaze swung instead to the right, to the room that ran directly parallel to Gil's office and to where Warrick would be taking him too for it was where the games console and any other item that was not strictly allowed in the labs found its home.
With it also in more recent years being the main over spill, from the room which Grissom had just moved along from as her thoughts fused there as the brown gentle eyes once more met hers seeing the love shining in them.
The small hand clutching hers in that moment as they swapped nervous glances and although Warrick had said no more, she could feel like the boy beside her, the awkward hesitance which was rarely ever seen in her colleague and that he was unable to look her in the eye.
Even know as her dark eyes rose to meet his as she glimpsed something else for a moment before her colleagues gaze quickly shifted again with Warrick taking this boy's hand, the other safely linked through hers.
Plus what they were both thinking as she looked her colleague's way for it was what was in the little boy's head – to try and make a run to Gil who stood a good part down the long corridor ahead of them and that it was the one thing that she could not let happen, her instincts following on that.
With Warrick's steady soft gaze backing her up and that she could now see the frustration appearing on the young strong set features for something that would usually, come second nature. The brown eyes now turning stubborn for a moment as she again spoke.
There gaze meeting, her tone firm but soft as she now gently kissed his forehead, getting that smile of his in response and that the brown intense eyes were now following her as she sent Warrick a silent message, letting go of the small hand at that moment.
The touch leaving his as he watched his mother turn, her pace slight Warrick lifting him his gaze for a moment switching away from his mother as he righted himself nestling deep into Warrick's shoulder blade as his brown eyes turned back at that and that he now had a birds eye view.
Warrick making no further move as he glimpsed his mother who was deep in talk with Grissom and that he could see she know held in her hand the folder that Gil had been carrying. His brown eyes puzzling over that as his gaze for a moment went beyond his mother and Grissom.
Sensing that someone else was watching him and that it was Catherine as he swallowed his gaze diverting back to his mother there gaze linking into one Matawan and that he could see even from the long distance that now separated them.
That there were tears in her dark starlight eyes and that she was upset as Warrick now moved giving him little chance to read anything further as his brown eyes remained there and that something else had flickered in his mother's dark starlight eyes.
Something that desperately made him want to go to her - and that he knew what else lay in that look. That she was also trying to protect him from something. With whatever was going down on that corridor involving him in some way and that she could no longer look him in the eye…..
…As he held back his own tears at that moment his hand reaching out to empty space in a silent gesture. His mother now looking again through the glass next to her with the dark starlight eyes turning slowly back to him and that she now stood alone. ….
Gil heading towards his office - and Catherine who still stood there as he caught the last glimpse of his mother whose gaze was still on him with the look going straight to his little heart.
Before her head turned - her gaze returning to where it had been with Warrick now closing the door and that there was no other visible view out onto that lightened hallway with the closed blinds, covering the glass as they usually did in this one room. As now he took a slow breath.
With only the thin ream of glass at the old style door frame offering any real view as he now found him self gently being put back at ground level and that Warrick now stood between him and that closed door.
His brown eyes measuring the distance to there - and how much further it was to his mother on the other side of that door as he looked at her blurred view through the glass at the frame and that she had not moved yet and this was the room he had been in just the other day with Warrick.
The games console being the main attraction as he looked around him, taking in everything else as he now took one of the controls and that he was under Warrick's careful gaze with them now sitting side by side the game starting up at that moment.
As he looked Warrick's way and that like him his gaze was returning to the closed door at regular intervals. His warm brown eyes taking in the worried frown that had settled across Warrick's features and that anytime his gaze went his way there was an added tension there.
Something which he had not missed as he now stormed, the first game and the rap-our which was his competitors defining characteristic was no where in site either as his puzzled gaze for a second time returned to Warrick.
His thoughts delving inwards at that moment and to the look which had also been in his mother's dark starlight eyes - a look he had never seen before - and that it pulled his very heart to beyond breaking point and that he was unable to reach her at this moment.
With Warrick's soft tone instead reaching across to him as he played into it, his thoughts staying where they were though thinking only of his mother, the individual who was the centre of his world and that something more was wrong.
As his brown eyes focused on the console, his gaze moving from there to the door and though Warrick stood between him and that door, he knew his little legs had the speed and agility to outrun his opponent as long as he had a head start.
His features turning to a serious frown at that moment as he bit his lower lip deep in thought and that there had been something else in his mothers gaze, something he was unable to read and that it wrenched his very soul as he know gave the games console a stubborn look.
Warrick not missing the look either as he again spoke softly - and that he was not listening to him either, that he was thinking only about what had just taken place out in that corridor to the look which had been in his mothers starlight eyes and that he was now patiently bidding his time.
For the opportune moment to when he could make an escape from this room, to be at his mother side - as his gaze once more found itself back at that narrow slit of glass and that he could no longer see her……
His brown eyes shifting back at that to Warrick answering him as he did so and to the one other thing that was keeping him here and was also confusing him at the same time, the inner tension and shear worry that was now mounting steadily on Warrick's features and that he was unable to cover it.
With that alone telling him something - as his ever increasing confused thoughts went into free fall his mind only half on the game which he was trying to play and though he was a little unsure of what door his mother had went through.
He had a rough enough idea as he thought only of her his brown warm eyes searching again that now empty corridor for her as the ache that entrenched his little heart found new depth and for all his small number of years. He was in no doubt she needed him at this moment…..
Her gaze stayed where it had been, her hand lightly touching the handle of the door as she stood for a moment more, in this bright lit corridor her breath slow and that the individual and person who was on the opposite side of that glass.
Was completely unaware of her gaze, as her dark starlight eyes slid at that to the official folder that she now gripped tightly in her left hand her dark eyes closing and the words Gil had just informed her off moments before.
As her dark eyes sprang open at that thought and that the man she loved, whose heart and soul was one with hers was indeed alive with the investigation in his name, once more wide open as she thought only of his family in Dallas.
To how much this meant to them and to his one brother with the information what Grissom had briefly fed her being to much to take in - and that he was no longer missing - as she looked again at the lone figure through the glass.
Her gaze focusing there on that vulnerable soul as her dark intelligent eyes slowly moved from him to further down that long corridor, to the door shut by Warrick as her dark eyes rested there for a long moment.
To the boy who was his son - and there flesh and blood - as her gaze fell at that on that lost soul, her dark eyes closing as she held back tears for the man who she loved with all her heart and soul with the hard evidence what they now held residing here in Las Vegas.
As her dark eyes lifted her gaze falling with despair on him as she grasped the handle and of what else she had been told - the irreparable damage done - as her gaze strung on him, with what she could in no way accept, tiding her as her grip tightened on the handle and that the Texan needed her…..
Her dark eyes resting once more there as her gaze swung to the folder in her hand and to the one other unknown precipice that was adjoined to it - that whoever was responsible for this was still out there - as she breathed the air, pushing those further thoughts away.
Concentrating only on what was before her as her gaze flickered and became one tracing his lean form through the glass and that he was sitting at the main table of that room his back to her as she thought again of the boy who was his…...
With him at this moment being unable to see her that he was facing the other direction and the guilt which had been hers and hers alone - finding a deeper crevice at that moment, as she now slowly opened the door letting it shut quietly behind her as she stood where she was.
Her heart missing a beat and that he had in no way heard her:
The head remaining bowed as she slowly and carefully took in every inch of him as she listened also to the familiar sounds of this room the constant drone of the fridge and the microwave which were on the right hand side in the less formal area and to the one other uncharacteristic but recognisable sound.
Her thought's homing into the audible sound at she now focused on the dishevelled figure in front of her and although she was unable to see the handsome features the last doubts that it was not him had been cancelled out.
With her heart, which was his and his alone - reading the silently still form in front of her, the demeanour in itself completely unrecognisable to the once strong vulnerable man she had known. As she now tentatively drew forward keeping herself at more than arms length from him…
As she took to the left drawing slowly past him and that he had in no way registered her as her dark eyes now rose reading every detail there as she held back the cry from her heart that yielded unbroken:
Seeing instead only the nervousness of his manner, the leanness of him, the brown short rugged and staggered hair - and the familiar sound which had filled the air for a brief moment had stopped.
The right hand now hesitantly rising, touching what was in front of him on the table as her gaze went with his to the fountain pen before him seeing it now slowly rotate on the table - the sound clearly distinct - and that it was what she had been listening too as she now watched the fountain pen come again to a stop….
As she watched at that, the right hand slowly lift once more, the movements uncertain and to what else was, there her dark eye's focusing in on it for it was what she had missed the first time - the silver ring on the middle finger of the right hand and that it was what had helped find him…..
Her heart giving way at that moment and that he was concentrating only on the fountain pen alone – and that he was completely unaware off her presence - or anything else in the room, with what was taking up his attention being something from Catherine.
Seeing its movement now slow as she moved a pace closer taking in the loose green checked shirt and the faded jeans and that they in there own way only added to what she was aware of the intense internal damage done - and that it was both physically and mentally.
As she shut those thoughts of not wanting to go there her emotions beginning to break as she placed the official folder in his name on the table, the fountain pen now slowing at a faster pace as the head now slowly rose.
The handsome set features for the first time coming into her view at that moment as the brown intense eyes for a second found hers and that it was – Nick Stokes the look alone verifying that.
As the gaze now quickly departed from hers, as her dark eyes now penetrated the deep scar on the left temple and that the brown staggered hair was unable to cover it as her gaze looked further. To the paleness of the features and that there was, a few more lines across those handsome set features.
With it not being that which shook her most as the left hand now rose, the gait growing in nervousness as he now under her gaze lifted the fountain pen, there gaze meeting completely in that moment and that the features were taunt and translucent.
The handsome features etched, the cheeks hollow, the square jaw line defined, the jaw bone abstract with the attire emphasising the lean thinness of him and that the once strong muscles were fragmented - as her dark eyes slid to the left wrist and that the sleeve had moved a little.
Her gaze adjusting at that seeing the scar there on that left wrist and that it had been deep with there also being no watch upon that wrist either as her thoughts merged her dark eyes rising at that moment, to once more meet his.
Seeing also the slight stubble that still remained across the set jaw line and that he had been cleaned up a little with what he had been put through in Dallas and here - now telling painfully in those brown eyes.
That were sunken and lifeless, the light which shone in them - dim and unaware her gaze unable to move and that the soul before her now was broken as the brown warm eyes stayed where they were, a different sound filling the air between them and that he in no way recognised her….
The fountain pen falling sharply from his grasp at that moment the sound tingeing the air as he slowly drew in at that the single woman. Who stood before him now and that he had been unaware of her presence or even sure of how long she had been standing there.
With her being of his age and height, the long brunette mane of hair falling to almost shoulder length, her gentle features sheltered by it as his brown eyes, drank in her rare beauty and that it was something entirely different from the red head's who had brought him all the way here.
As he for a moment looked deep into those dark starlight intelligent eyes his gaze moving quickly at that of hers his heart galloping for a second and that he was unable too look her in the eye either with the casual elegant clothing she wore only helping to illuminate her lithe form to him.
His gaze shifting slowly at that from the snug jeans, to the open suede jacket, too the white traditional top below and that it mirrored the paleness of her milky skin, with the top gently revealing a little of her cleavage as his heart missed a beat and that it was not only that.
For it was the dark eyes that rested gently on his and that he could see at this moment and even from the vast distance that she stood from him. The beat of her heart under the full breast and that like the red head also. She looked to be the independent type and that in those dark eyes that were, aflame there was something else -
A fragility that he had never seen before a spirit that was as wild and free as those mountains as he lost himself there. His thoughts trying at the same time to detect what else was going on behind there and that he could not keep his gaze on her for long.
With her in every way being out of his league as his nervousness grew, his hand automatically reaching for the fountain pen at that moment and that she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes upon…..
His hand tightening its grip of the fountain pen at that as he tried to now manoeuvre his gaze off hers - and that he had been alone in this room for a little time, with the red heads husband a man who had been his once boss and colleague.
Talking to him for a short time, with the air of authority what had struck him about Catherine's husband in the first place only putting him further on edge and that it had been then at that point that Catherine had intervened.
When it had been getting too much for him and that he had in no way remembered him either with the red head easing the air and that he had seen for it was what Gil Grissom had been unable to cover.
The same pain and concern that had been in his wife's eyes and that before they had left, he had seen something had passed between them and that he had been the cause of it.
With that thought now remaining as he looked once more to this brunette, trying to detect again what was in that gaze and though he in no way knew her. She had not addressed herself either.
The awkwardness growing as she now hesitantly nods this way. Trying her hardest to wield my attention as my gaze wavers unsurely and nervously under hers something else now un-expendably hitting my worn out concentration.
As I hear a sound from behind me, the door into this meeting room that the brunette, could only have entered from as I like her follow my gaze to the sound. Seeing the ease at which the child now enters the room.
The fountain pen remaining in my own hand as I look slowly take him in, knowing instantly that I am looking now at mother and son the strong features uncannily alike and at a rough estimate.
He is no more than four or five with him running with agility to her side as our eyes again meet. With the dark starlight, eyes now diverting quickly of my own as I nervously look between them.
The boy giving me a puzzled look in return as he now looks to his mother. The independent woman across from me remaining, where she is as I draw a slow breath unsure of what I am missing her beauty blinding me.
As I attentively look to her hand finding no wedding band their either as I touch the scar on my left temple swivelling the fountain pen again without thinking the boy watching my every move as I see the fear, pain and confusion in his young eyes.
Eyes that are a different colour from hers as my emotions wield in something unfamiliar and daunting, as I look from the boys warm features to that of his mother the dark starlight eyes reading my own instinctively.
As I slowly find what little confidence, I do have and that more importantly I want to hear the sound of this woman's voice as I at last, find something to say to her and what is there hidden in the depths of those dark eyes even though she is a stranger to me.
Guilt and pain that I can in no way, understand as her gaze for a second times drops from my own. As I now speak, her arms wrapping protectively round the little boy who seems unfathomably somehow familiar to me:
"Ma'am what's his name?"
The nervous Texan tone crossing the distance between us the brown unfocused eyes remaining stagnant and it is the question, which loosens the tidal wave within, as a stray tear falls freely from my own cheek.
With the small hand linked in mines tightening its grip as I gaze to the stranger before me the Texan who is this little boy's father as I reply in the only answer that forms:
"Nicky"
The name drifting across as I gaze uncertainly between them the dark starlight eyes clear after her tears as I glance at her delicate features hesitantly know dropping my own eyes.
With it being the name that the redhead had used to first address me back in Dallas as my head lifts in slight understanding the, dark eyes cascading as the brunette, finishes what my thoughts are only now beginning to thread:
"After his father Nick"
Her words now ending and she is talking solely to me as our gaze for the first time merges to one, the fountain pen falling from my hand at that. With it being too much to comprehend.
As I hesitantly stand backing away from them both in the same moment not wanting to believe what she has just said. The chair falling behind me with the fountain pen remaining on the table and I have without meaning too frightened them both.
The brunette taking, a step back the boy doing the same as she now watches me with it all being too much my thoughts spiralling uncontrollably and I cannot remember her even though I know I should.
With it being like the redhead as I backup even further remaining facing them as I see the fear in her eye grow, a tear running down the little boys cheek as I stammer the only words I feel at this precise moment:
"I don't belong here."
The independent woman flinching to that as I make it to the door turning at that moment as her soft gentle tone reaches out speaking solely to me:
"Nicky"
With it not halting me as I hear the door click shut behind me escape being my only operative and thought. As I make it, two steps further forward before coming to a dead halt.
Uncertainty and not knowing anything of where I stand being part of the reason with it being something else that has halted my, flee as I now slowly swivel back round to face the room I just came out off.
My brown eyes remaining on the tiled floor as I step back feeling a cold sweat as my head turns undecidedly to the left on this long sweeping corridor seeing at its end before the corridor sweeps of to its right.
The redhead and her husband in an office the door open to him, with them both fearfully gazing this way as I look once more to the woman who had brought me here.
My thoughts looping trying to scrape the fear away and I am completely alone in this long bright lit, corridor as my head returns slowly to its lowered position the, tiled floor becoming blurred for a second.
As I hit the glass behind me leaning my full weight on it the slump of my shoulders resisting the agony that now claws from my left temple. As my brown eyes slowly rise to look directly at the room, I have just left.
Seeing the pretty brunette and her child, her rare beauty etching me as I hold back a cry of pain my shoulders rising instantly from their slump seeing my own reflection of the glass as I continue to gaze into those dark starlight eyes.
Surrendering myself to them the look sending me free falling and I am unbound by it love and pain shining unrequited in them as my own sharp reflection hits home
hardly knowing myself, as my own jumbled memories now re-collide none of them making sense either.
As I glance, again to my left knowing for the first time the two individuals who are, caringly watching from that open office door as I give a puzzled look to something that redhead had told me.
With my brown eyes magnetically now reaching for home taking, a clear breath as though I have hit the surface after a long time under memories of a different sort now flooding me as a hint of a full smile now hits those delicate features that have always so mesmerised me.
As I loose, myself in those dark starlight cascading eyes looking slowly again to the boy at her foot with what I feel for her being beyond anything on this earth as something now catches out the corner of my right eye something that tears my own gaze gut wrenchingly from the woman, who I love with all my heart and soul….
With a vaguely familiar, face standing at the end of the corridor watching me with it now happening in slow motion as I see the gun rising towards me my brown eyes returning to where they had been fear and shattered memories engulfing me and that in every way possible my life is hanging by a moment…..
TO BE CONTINUED
& the next chapter is HANGING BY A MOMENT….