HANGING BY A MOMENT
Chapter Nine:
Hanging by a Moment
By
Jen
The awkwardness growing as she now hesitantly nods this way. Trying her hardest to wield my attention as my gaze wavers unsurely and nervously under hers something else now un-expendably hitting my worn out concentration.
As I hear a sound from behind me - the door - into this meeting room that the brunette could only have entered from. As I like her follow my gaze to the sound. Seeing the ease at which the child now enters the room.
The fountain pen remaining, in my own hand as I look slowly taking him in. Knowing instantly that I am looking now at mother and son the strong features uncannily alike and at a rough estimate.
He is no more than four or five with him running agility to her side as our eyes again meet. With the dark starlight eyes now diverting quickly of my own as I nervously look between them the boy giving me a puzzled look in return.
As he now looks to his mother the independent woman across from me remaining where she is as I draw a slow breath, unsure of what I am missing. Her beauty blinding me as I attentively look to her hand finding no wedding band there either as I touch the scar on my left temple.
Swivelling the fountain pen again, without thinking the boy watching my every move as I see the fear, pain and confusion in his young eyes; eyes that are a different colour from hers as my emotions wield in something unfamiliar and daunting.
As I look from the boys warm features to that of his mother the dark starlight eyes reading my own instinctively. As I slowly find what little confidence I do have and that more importantly. I want to hear the sound of this woman's voice. As I at last find something to say to her and what is there hidden in the depths of those dark eyes even though she is a stranger to me.
Guilt and pain that I can in no way, understand as her gaze for a second times drops from my own. As I now speak her arms wrapping protectively round the little boy who seems unfathomably somehow familiar to me:
"Ma'am what's his name?"
The nervous Texan tone crossing the distance between us the brown unfocused eyes remaining stagnant and it is the question, which loosens the tidal wave within, as a stray tear falls freely from my own cheek.
With the small hand linked in mines tightening its grip as I gaze to the stranger before me the Texan who is this little boy's father as I reply in the only answer that forms:
"Nicky"
The name drifting across as I gaze uncertainly between them the dark starlight eyes clear after her tears as I glance at her delicate features hesitantly know dropping my own eyes. With it being the name that the redhead had used to first address me back in Dallas.
As my head lifts in slight understanding the, dark eyes cascading as the brunette finishes what my thoughts are only just beginning to thread:
"After his father Nick"
Her words now ending and she is talking solely to me. As our gaze for the first time merges to one - the fountain pen falling from my hand - at that with it being too much to comprehend. As I hesitantly stand backing away from them both in the same moment.
Not wanting to believe what she has just said. The chair falling behind me with the fountain pen remaining on the table and without meaning too I have frightened them both the brunette taking a step back the boy doing the same.
As she now watches me with it all being too much my thoughts spiralling uncontrollably and I cannot remember her even though I know I should. With it being like the redhead as I backup even further remaining facing them as I see the fear in her eye grow a tear running down the little boys cheek as I stammer.
The only words I feel at this precise moment:
"I don't belong here."
The independent woman flinching to my own words as I make it to the door turning at that moment as her soft gentle tone reaches out speaking solely to me:
"Nicky"
With it not halting me as I hear the door click shut behind me.
Escape being my only operative and thought. As I make it two steps further forward before coming to a dead halt. Uncertainty and not knowing anything of where I stand being part of the reason with it being something else deeper - that has halted, my flee - as I now slowly swivel back round.
To face the room I just came out off. My brown eyes remaining on the tiled floor as I step back. Feeling a cold sweat as my head turns undecidedly to the left on this long sweeping corridor seeing at its end before the corridor sweeps of to its right.
The redhead and her husband in an office the door open into that office. With them both fearfully gazing this way - as I look again to the woman who brought me here first my thought's looping.
Trying to scrape the fear away and I am completely alone in this long bright lit corridor. As my head returns slowly to its lowered position the tiled floor becoming blurred for a second. As I hit the glass behind me.
Leaning my full weight on it the slump of my shoulders resisting the agony that now claws from my left temple. As my brown eyes slowly rise to look directly at the room, I have just left seeing the pretty brunette and her child.
Her rare beauty etching me - as I hold back a cry of pain my shoulders rising instantly from their slump seeing my own reflection of the glass as I continue to gaze for a long moment into those dark starlight eyes.
Surrendering myself to them the look sending me free falling… and I am unbound by it love and pain shining unrequited in them. With my own sharp reflection hitting home hardly knowing my-self as my memories now re-collide none of them making any sense either.
As I glance again to my left knowing for the first time. The two individuals who are caringly watching from that open office door as I give a puzzled look to something the redhead had told me.
With my brown, eyes magnetically now reaching for home…. taking a clear breath as though I have hit the surface after a long time under memories of a different sort now flooding me - a hint of a full smile now hitting those delicate features that have always so mesmerised me.
As I lose myself in those dark cascading eyes looking slowly again to the boy at her foot with what I feel for her being beyond anything on this earth as something catches out the corner of my right eye something that gut wrenchingly tears my own gaze from the woman: -
Who I love with all my heart and soul….
With a vaguely familiar face standing at the end of the corridor watching me. With it happening in slow motion as I see the gun rising. My brown eyes returning to where they had been fear and shattered memories engulfing me and in every way possible my life is hanging by a moment…..
Feeling the cold sweat drain from me Sara Sidle's firelight gaze resting tenderly as I for a moment blank out the immediate danger. Instead touching my left wrist finding only an old scar with what I am looking for not being there: -
As my memories now tumble incoherently together and it is not helping any….
Drawing another unsteady breath, as I regain the foothold I am clinging desperately too my rugged attire not fitting these surroundings either. As something sinks deep within at this moment that it has been a long time since I have stood where I am standing now: -
My brown eyes beginning to focus…
The throbbing from my left temple growing to a new sphere as the cry that I have held back unwarranted finely breaks free. Ringing out round the vast emptiness of this quite corridor my eyes darting infrequently to the figure standing a number of yards from me on the right and they have made no further move.
Instead only making the most of it as I, straddle the cliff of my own inner memories. Finding only sanctuary in the dark starlight eyes which are directly across from me through the bullet proof glass as the intelligent gaze alights to a deeper fire within those dark spheres.
Her gaze leading me to quite pastures of rest as the love in them ignites sending me into free fall once more as our gaze entwines to one… lightly touching as I do so the silver of the ring on the middle finger of my right hand.
As I now fight the wave of emotions that cascade - with the love in Sara's dark starlight eyes holding me. With what I can and cannot remember being intermediate at this moment as I make sense of at least part of it.
What drove me back to the only other place I could call home - Dallas - as I swallow piercing what else I am unable to comprehend the pieces that as of yet I cannot place or put precisely with this figure standing of to my right being the indirect cause of it.
My certainty of that final and though the memory of it is somehow gone it stokes a fear like no other. As I grasp the only lifeline that can now save me those dark eyes that soar with love and understanding.
As I for a second time in a matter of seconds bypass the immediate danger. To look at the green checked shirt and faded jeans. Screwing my features up at how holly unsuited they are to these surroundings along with the unkempt staggered brown hair.
That is partially covering the scar on my left temple. As I note indiscriminately that I am more than a little worse for-ware. As I register that the woman through the glass. Is even more beautiful than I can remember and along with the child at her foot.
The brunette mane of hair is a little shorter than I remember it. As our gaze merges to one at that moment the look in those dark pools sending me - to the stars above and those Rocky Mountains not too far from here - with those dark eyes forever leading me my heart and soul unbound as I now feel my every heart beat….
With those dark eyes that draw me like no other, now transferring an entirely different message beyond the love in them and that she has read my every thought….
As the dark starlight eyes of Sara Sidle reach out solely to me…
…the brown intense eyes merging in understanding and love the glazed look now gone from them entirely. As the intense gaze re-forges – the brown still depths opening fully to reveal the heart which is his alone. With the love - unique and immeasurable - shining clear and true from that intense gaze. As the five year old at my foot the child who is of both our flesh and blood and his son.
Now moves towards his father….
With those same brown intense eyes that are not mine. Now coming level with my own - Sara Sidle's - voice breaking across to us both in the same moment. With the boy whose resemblance to her I cannot shake my gaze remaining instinctively and protectively on him.
The boy now coming to an uncertain halt just outside the door I have just came out off and he too has sensed that other figure still standing there the gun now switching between us as those brown warm eyes that are the same shade as my own: -
Respond in loving fearful, understanding and that he is my son….
With him now falling back protectively into his mother's arms as my brown eyes stay put. Love for them finding a whole new level. As those dark pools again look this way as I hear the cold hard metallic deadly sound of a trigger being pulled back: -
As my emotions, memories and feelings re-collide to one sure certainty.…
That the figure holding that gun - who has always hated me- and who is now right at this moment is about to finish what he once started. As my brown eyes slowly tear away from the woman and child I love.
Glimpsing Gil and Catherine in that office once more as the gun aimed towards me becomes a certain hit…
*
Gil Grissom's gaze lifted slowly away from the black watch. The red-head's doing the same as the woman his wife now spoke her thoughts merging with his:
"Nicky."
With it being the lone figure who stood in that empty corridor that their concern and worry was aimed at. The look in those brown eyes still the same with the Texan having come to a halt just outside the room he has just left.
His gaze coming this way for a moment the look glazed and unreadable as the strong woman beside me again mutters something beyond my hearing. As my own eye focuses on the one other thing left of this investigation.
The watch which had stopped that belonged to Nick by right. As my steal gaze again rises to the forlorn vulnerable form who has made no further move with him having turned back to face that all important meeting room. The handsome Texan features at this moment hidden from our view the shoulders slumped.
With the head turning momentarily this way, the brown eyes having changed in sphere as the gaze lingers. The Texans head again bowing as if deep in thought. As the brown warm eyes move back to where they had been….
The handsome features becoming steadily paler as the gaze swings back this way. The brown eyes for the first time shining clear. Fresh unbinding hope flooding through me as the look turns to one of clear puzzlement as my own thoughts hit home base.
Seeing the Texan of long before standing there once more the brown intense gaze backing that up and that it is indeed Nick Stokes. The CSI who I had mistreated who I have come to look upon in the years which have past as a blood son with him even now remaining unaware of that thought….
….As I see another less than friendly face now step into that corridor the Texan barely managing to stay standing. As it is at this moment with a gun now lifting swiftly from that other individual as my thoughts now shatter completely….
The last pieces of the puzzle falling terrifying into place fresh unrequited fear engulfing me as I remember another time and place the feeling of powerlessness then:
With my eye picking up on a smaller figure the young Nicky Stokes coming into view and the underlying look between father and son. As the boy now steps back under his father's gaze the look of love and understanding.
As the vulnerable figure in that corridor again sends a look this way the message clear…as what clutches my heart. Now strengthens its hold and that we are spectator's only. To what is happening out there in that corridor as the gun steadies, Catherine's touch on my shoulder turning into a death grip. As I hear her now speak her words echoing out:
"God no."
With that view the one the red-head my wife shares now getting cut off with yet another individual entering the frame. Rounding the corner onto this corridor from this side and it's a much younger colleague. Another who in his own way I have come to look upon as a son.
As my gaze strikes past him - to the Texan and Conrad Ecklie - the trigger even from this far distance being pulled back….
*
Greg Sanders rounded the corner his gaze lifting to look at the long quite stretch of corridor in front of him Gil Grissom's office directly behind to his own right - as he glinted for a second that way seeing Catherine there too.
As his thoughts merged quickly to one and what was all wrong too what he could see. Directly in front of him to his left. Forcing him to swallow hard while at it the documented folder the case-file in his own hand. What holds my past colleagues name and who himself. Now stands some feet down the long corridor in front of me.
With the paperwork falling abruptly to the floor the sound not registering as my gaze readjusts coherently. Seeing who stands behind Nick Stokes with the brown eyes of my once colleague and friend still looking this way.
The brown depths of the Texans eyes recognising me clearly and it is, the Nick Stokes that I know. Who is now standing there at this moment with my long ago thoughts that the individual responsible was someone this team themselves might also know: -
Also bearing truth as his hazel eyes moved to Ecklie reaching for my own holstered weapon. The light in the corridor encompassing the scene my years of experience out on the field coming to the fore as my thoughts fold to one. To the man I looked upon as an older brother….
Who had been missing only to now be found alive Nick's son being the epitaph of that and through that little boy. Not one of us had ever given up hope of ever finding him alive as my hazel eyes ground beyond these labs and to what is happening directly in front of me.
To what the dual layer of bulletproof glass is furthermore reflecting back into my line of vision in this half twilight. The Rocky Mountains that can be seen from this part of the labs beyond this tiled corridor as my breath catches to all Grissom and Catherine have taught me along with Sara and Warrick.
With my lesser years counting as the danger and vulnerability of the prone lone figure before me hits home. Plus at this moment I am unable to see Sara Sidle, her son who is of this Texans blood or Warrick Brown either deeper instinct telling me though they are all within the very near vicinity…
As my hazel eyes focus completely taking aim while at it as I glimpse for a moment too the look in the Texan's brown soft eyes. Seeing pain, fear and understanding in those depths that realize me for who I am.
The thought hanging their as I shift my emotions pulling back the trigger aware of the file and sheets of important documentation at my foot….with a friend and comrade's life hanging by a thread. Only that it is now happening directly in front of me and I am the only individual who can do anything about it.
As my hazel lighten my thoughts merging completely: -
Firing now with certainty the bullet seeming to take forever though it is barely a second which has past. My eye watching the bullets flawless passage with Conrad Ecklie's weapon firing almost in unison too, my own and I have only staved him.
His shot ricocheting badly of the defenceless Texan as I see Nicholas Stokes fall back hitting the bullet proof glass behind him blood seeping superficially. From his right temple even from this far distance as the Texan slumps to the floor.
Hearing a child's heartfelt cry in that same moment with the five year old who is Nick's own son now stepping clearly into view. Another figure now drawing him back, quickly from the bloodshed my hazel eyes instinctively knowing it is Sara.
My gaze locking hold with Ecklie's feeling at that moment Catherine and Grissom's growing terror behind me. Conrad Ecklie's cold calculative eye follows mines to the Texan whose gaze is on Sara and the little boy at her foot….
…As I take aim for a second time realizing that I have hesitated for a moment too long. The gun swinging from Nick to point directly this way Ecklie firing spontaneously the moments of my own life now crystallizing through every atom of my body…
The bullet hitting at break neck speed pain searing from my chest the gun falling from my own hand to the official file at my foot, as my eyes slowly close. A cry echoing from my lips as the world around me drifts into darkness and eternity…..
*
The gut wrenching sound puncturing the still air my brown eyes closing as I hear the death cry echoing round this corridor. As I now slowly open them ignoring the dark starlight eyes and brown soft ones that are looking my way. Instead looking to my left to the pool of blood and the friend who lies motionless there…
My breath staggering in pain as I lift my head feeling the blood trickling slowly down my right temple my lost memories finding a new alcove. As I look straight forward to the woman and child standing a little in front of me. The dark starlight eyes, sending me free-falling the love in them cascading, her gentle feature's mesmerizing me, as the palm of my hand touches the cool tile below.
Feeling my every heart beat as my brown eyes turn for a moment directly to Catherine and Grissom before switching back and that I sit. At the boy before me's height as I hear a clear click of a trigger.
Ecklie finding my own gaze in that moment and it has come down to this. With it happening in front of all the individuals I care about my life hanging by a moment in time. With there being no comeback my brown eyes shifting to the woman I love with all my heart and soul….
…As my warm eyes drift now shift past Sara and the boy at her foot looking Conrad Ecklie in the eye as the gun takes aim for my own heart. Not stopping him as I feel the taste of blood in my own mouth from the ricocheted shot.
My gaze falling to the ring on the middle finger of my right hand before looking to the boy before me, as I feel each passing moment the strands of my life merging to one whole as my brown eyes close my head falling back the strands of my brown hair touching the old scar on my left temple.
Thinking of only one individual the woman who I love, whose heart and soul is one with mines as my brown eyes open. The image before me different from before as my head turns. Time slowing as the gun stays aimed on me my cry merging with the sound of a bullet…..
TO BE CONTINUED…