Peter enjoyed being Jason's friend. Honestly, he did. And he really did try to make the butterflies he felt whenever they were together disappear, but he couldn't. There was something about Jason that made him feel indescribable things. He was afraid he had gotten in too deep. He found himself trying to lean closer to Jason when they sat by each other, or laughing at everything Jason said, or just smiling at him a lot.

Peter knew he needed to tone it down. Liking Jason like that would get him nowhere. It wasn't like he even had a chance with him. And he was so afraid that someone would notice, someone would find out about him, and then he would lose all the friends he had worked so hard to keep.

Like one night in late May when Lucas was out doing God knows what and Matt and Peter were sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor common room and just talking while Peter tried to finish an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Peter wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation, but he was fairly sure it was about Ivy due to the fact Matt was groaning and saying, "Dude, crushes freakin' suck."

Peter nodded absentmindedly. "I hear you," he said, trying to remember what a Grindylow was.

Matt sat up straighter, raising his eyebrows. "Oh really? Do you have a crush on someone?"

Peter's face turned red. "Um, no. But I have. In the past," he didn't look at Matt.

Matt laughed. "Come on, Peter, we're like, best friends. You can tell me. I tell you about my crush on Ivy all the time."

Peter rolled his eyes. "You have a crush on Ivy? I didn't know that," he replied, purposefully avoiding the question.

"Come on, Peter," Matt pleaded. "Your secret is safe with me."

Peter looked up from his scroll of parchment, his heart racing. "Um. Diane," he said the first female name (who wasn't Ivy) that came to mind.

"What?" Matt asked.

"Diane," Peter repeated. "I have a crush on Diane."

A smile slowly formed on Matt's face. "Dude. Seriously? That's awesome. She's nice, and pretty cute."

"Pretty cute," Peter agreed, hoping he hadn't done something horrible.

"That's great, man. You should ask her out!" Matt's eyes lit up. "Oh my god, I could ask out Ivy, and we could go on a double date. And Lucas has a crush on Tanya, and he could ask her out, and we could all..." Peter tuned him out again, going back to his essay, occasionally nodding and making vague agreeing noises.

He really hoped he wouldn't have to ask out Diane.

Summer came and went as per usual. Except this time, he actually wrote back to Jason. There was a part of Peter that was still thrilled by the fact that Jason honestly wanted to be his friend. Jason wrote to him about his summer, how he hung out with his friends from school and played Quidditch and all the dates he went on. and Peter lied about hanging out with the neighborhood kids (who ignored him) and a girl who was interested in him (who didn't exist). He figured what Jason didn't know wouldn't hurt him. And there was a lot about Peter that Jason didn't know.

Peter was so happy with where he was at the moment that he almost hoped nothing would ever come of his feelings for Jason. He loved being his friend, and having all of his other friends, and he hoped that nothing would ever come and mess all his plans up.

Then, fourth year happened.

It was a sunny Saturday in late September. Peter had finished all his homework the night before so he could relax, but it ended up with him and Matt sitting in the library all day trying to help Lucas, who was basically a lost cause.

Peter rolled his eyes at Lucas, who wasn't even trying, and looked over as he heard the library door open. It was empty; most of the students were outside enjoying the sun. Peter smiled when he noticed it was Jason, waving him over.

Jason smiled back, holding a few textbooks and some parchment. He looked almost nervous, but Peter brushed it off. Jason was never nervous.

"Um, hey, Peter, can you help me with my Potions essay? I'm totally lost," Jason laughed, making Peter smile more.

"Yeah, sure," Peter began to pull a chair, but Jason shook his head.

"No, not in here. I was thinking outside? Because it's really nice out," Jason said quickly.

Peter gave him a confused look, grabbing his own books and essay. "Yeah, whatever, lead the way."

Jason smirked at him and they started walking. They sat down outside under a tree, far away from where everyone else was.

Almost immediately after they sat down, Jason looked at Peter and said, "Look, I'm not good at this stuff."

Peter frowned slightly at the way Jason was looking at him. It was almost like he was judging him. He nervously looked down at the pile of books. "Um, okay. What specifically don't you understand?"

But suddenly his head was being tilted up, and someone's lips were on his lips, and he realized it was Jason, Jason's lips were on his lips, barely brushing enough to be even considered a kiss.

Jason pulled away after a brief moment, terror in his eyes. "I-" he began, but Peter kissed him again. It lasted longer than the first one, but it felt like it ended in an instant, and then Peter and Jason were staring at each other, faces blank, afraid to say or do anything. After what seemed like an eternity, Jason stood up, looking confused and scared, emotions Peter would have thought Jason could never feel. Then again, lately Jason seemed to be surprising Peter in all aspects.

"I, um," Jason stuttered and stumbled over his words. "Bye," he grabbed his books and was gone in a flash, leaving Peter alone to wonder if that really had happened, if Jason McConnell had really just kissed him, or if this was just another dream.