The next few days seemed to fly by in a blur of ecstasy. As far as Draco was concerned there wasn't enough time in the world that he could spend here. As his last day came to a close he could feel the cold tendrils starting to latch onto him again. He tried to resist them but he could feel the anxiety building up inside him.

"Are you sure you have to leave? You're welcome to stay here you know." Hermione said as they lay together in his guest bed on that last night.

"I'm not staying. I'm going home." He said sternly.

He couldn't just look away forever; he had to go back at some point, right? Besides, if he wasn't there, Pansy would perform a curse to turn him inside out.

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe I want to go back, alright?" He snapped.

She didn't say anything back, she could feel the tension building inside him and she knew that when he felt it his anger started to become more pronounced. She felt him release a sigh.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

She nodded into his chest before he sat up and ran a hand through his hair anxiously.

"Maybe we could just try and forget." She said softly.

He scoffed. "Yeah, that sounds possible."

"Even if it's just for one night we could-"

"What? We could pretend like I don't have to go back to a miserably empty house and you don't have a perfect life?" He said coldly.

"I don't have a perfect life." He scoffed again and she stood up and walked out of the room without another word.

Sometimes he was just so infuriating. She stormed into her bedroom and closed the door quite loudly. Her parents were already in bed so odds are they wouldn't have noticed that.

Draco tightened his fingers around the bed sheets. He didn't mean to get her upset; he just seems to have that effect on her sometimes. He breathed deeply for a minute before heading out to knock quietly on her door.

"Hermione, I didn't mean it." He pressed his fingers against the door. "I'm sorry."

She opened the door a little and looked out. "You know you really have to learn to control the way you speak to people when you're angry. It's all good and well to feel like that sometimes but you can't go around making other people feel bad about themselves. It's not always their fault." She said.

"I know." He sighed, still trying to calm himself down. "Can I come in then?"

"No, we'll go to your room." She tried to squeeze out of the small space between the door and the frame but Draco penned her in and tilted his head a little.

"You know I've been here almost three days now and you've never let me into your room. Is there something you're trying to hide in there?" He tried to look past her but she forced herself through the gap and pulled the door shut behind her.

"No, there's not." She looked up at him with a weak smile and he looked slightly bemused.

"So why can't we go in there?"

"Because that bed is bigger."

"It doesn't really matter we only take up half of it anyway." He smirked a little.

"Don't you give me that look." She shook her head.

"What look?"

"That smarmy look you get when you think you're right."

"Well, I think I am right."

"Everyone thinks they're right if they thought they were wrong then that would be kind of pointless."

"Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I don't know!" She leant her head back against the door. "I don't know I guess I just thought it was quite personal. And maybe a little embarrassing."

He stepped in closer so that his body was pressed against hers. "Weren't you the one who told me to just be me? Why can't you do the same?"

"This is hardly the same thing I am an open book compared to you."

He smirked again. "I guess you're all talk Granger."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. "I don't think I've seen much in that respect from you Malfoy." She narrowed her eyes and he smiled.

"Please?" He said gently.

With another roll of her eyes she turned the brass doorknob and opened the door with a flick of her light switch.

Draco stepped inside and took a good look.

The floors were hardwood and there was only a bed, a dresser and a desk, the room was remarkably clean. There was a pile of old textbooks in one corner. Draco recognised the classic Hogwarts: A History from back in first year sitting by the bottom and the newer ones at the top. His old books were probably collecting dust somewhere but hers looked like they had been adjusted and read through many a time since they had been required.

He took a few more steps in and looked around a little more. There were pictures set up on her dresser. One of her and her parents with her acceptance letter, this one was a muggle photograph; all of the others were proper pictures. There was one with them; it must have been a few years back though. There was a picture of their little fight club from fifth year with all of them in it. Draco could see Luna at the front of it smiling like she was having such a good time. They were all smiling like that.

He felt his skin prickle with hints of jealousy at that. There were pictures of the Weasley family, all of them, and of Hagrid and Dumbledore. He even saw a picture of Sirius Black and Lupin up there.

"Just looking at some of those makes me sad, to think, a lot of them are gone now." She said.

He nodded without a word and walked over to her bed, which was not all too much smaller than the other one, and sat down.

"I should have brought you in here earlier, I just didn't want you to get upset at those photos or angry."

He looked down at his feet. Was she really that worried about letting him into her room because of those photos? He must have been worse than he thought in the past.

"I'm not angry."

She walked over to sit with him. "I know my father gave you a good lecture about keeping your distance after dark but please stay, it's your last night here." She rested her head against his shoulder and put her arm around his stomach.

"I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes.

They climbed beneath the covers and she wriggled into his arms as always. As they drifted off to sleep Draco spoke quietly.

"It's about a witch who falls in love with a muggle." He said.

"What?" She murmured.

"Blue Cauldron, the book." He said tenderly and with vulnerability laden in his voice.

"Oh, what else?"

"He's not really a muggle, just a muggle-born that no one really paid any attention to. He was kept out of their school by the headmaster, but they meet three years after school finishes. Its… it's my favourite… book." She could hear his heart thumping like a hummingbird's wings so she leant up to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered in his ear, her warm breath caressing his face.

His heart started to slow again and she slid her hand under his shirt to feel his skin. She traced little circles with her finger as they wandered into a well-needed sleep.

Draco left her room at around seven the next morning, just in case her parents came up to rouse them, which was unlikely but possible. He changed into jeans and a fresh T shirt before he headed downstairs with Hermione who had done the same.

"I don't know why we're up so early if you're not leaving until noon." She said as she sat down at the table.

"I don't know, just trying to spend some time doing something today. It's a four hour train ride you know." He sat beside her and rested his chin on his hand.

"Well, you could apparate, it would be quicker." She offered.

He turned up his nose. "I would have to do it on an empty stomach and I'd probably lose my trunk somewhere along the way." He sighed.

He really wasn't used to that feeling yet, let alone trying to take his luggage with him. The train was far easier, and it meant that he didn't get home until later. If he could delay it as long as possible then he was happy.

"I have to say that I don't like the feeling much either, but it goes away with practice. Or so I've heard." She reached out to put her hand on his arm.

He felt colder somehow, she knew he was dreading going home but she didn't think it was quite that much. Maybe there was something else.

Hermione had no idea about Pansy coming to collect him and take him to a meeting to spark some kind of dark revolution. He had kept both halves completely separate. He didn't want to face the wrath of either woman; they would be equally as furious.

She would never guess the reason for his apprehension. If she could, she would never let him leave.

"Are you sure you have to go?" She asked for one last time.

"Yes, I need to go back."

She nodded even though she didn't understand. She had thought that he hated that place so much that he wanted to escape it forever. Her mind trailed to the story he told her about the aconite leaves and she instinctively leaned over to kiss him.

"Well, if you hate it that much promise you'll write to me." She knew that she sounded like one of those sad little fourth ears that you hear about, going after the boys like a crazy person but she was just worried that some of his old ideas might start coming back.

"I'll burn all the aconite if that makes you feel better." He said with a little smirk.

She felt her cheeks flush and she turned away, a little embarrassed.

Was it going to be like this every time he got angry or anxious? It was like he flipped a switch and suddenly all the negative things became prominent in his mind and he acted like he did for all those years. Maybe that was just Draco.

People always say that you have to take the good with bad but Hermione wasn't sure if she could. It was just such a dramatic change. She knew that he had been through a lot but they all had and somehow he just didn't seem to understand that. Being with Draco felt amazing but at the same time it was a daily struggle.

She would have to do some serious thinking over the rest of the week. She pulled away from him once and hated it. He chased her back and they fell straight back into it. She didn't want this to be over but maybe it just couldn't work.

They spent the morning having breakfast and then going for a walk around her neighbourhood. Draco was doubly on edge and it made the atmosphere a little tense but he seemed to loosen up a little. They walked through the streets hand in hand and he kept glancing around from place to place.

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked.

"We're pretty open out here. Anyone could see." He replied.

"What does it matter when we're here? No one from school lives out this way; at least I've never seen them. Someone's going to have to see us at some point, aren't they?" He didn't respond to that one so they didn't say much more.

They didn't say much more for most of the day.

When it got to eleven thirty and they were packing Draco's things into the car his mood had gotten a little worse. Her parents would have never guessed, he was still as polite as ever with them.

That's one thing I suppose, Hermione thought, he obviously wants them to like him, which means something. He's just being cold because he doesn't want to leave.

She tried to convince herself that she believed it. In the drive up to the station they said nothing to one another; instead they looked out their windows and listened to Hermione's father chattering on.

Draco looked over at her from time to time but she never looked back. He didn't mean to push her away. He knew that he had been doing it but for some reason he couldn't stop.

Mr Granger said he would wait in the car as Hermione walked with Draco up to the platform. There were only a few others sitting there waiting so they walked up to the edge of the platform and waited.

"I guess I'll see you when we get back then." She said flatly.

Draco sighed and turned to her, putting his hand on her waist and looked down into her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just… this isn't easy." He put his fingertips on her chin and tilted it up to meet his lips.

He didn't want to leave her; he just hoped that she knew it too. She rested her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

"Yeah, I know." She still wished that he would stay.

He swayed her gently until they heard the train approaching. He pulled back and she grabbed his neck for a quick hard kiss.

"I'll see you soon." She said as she brushed a short strand of his hair away from his face.

"Yeah." He replied.

With one last stolen kiss he dragged his trunk through the doors of the train and he was gone. Hermione waited to watch it pull away and leave the station but she couldn't see his face, she didn't even know if he was looking back.

She waited until it rounded a bend and disappeared before she headed back to the car.

"He seems wonderful darling. We should invite him back once you've finished school." Her father said as she climbed back into the front seat.

Hermione merely smiled back and they began the drive back to their house. She was going to be doing a lot of thinking for the rest of the week. Why did he always seem to have that effect on her?

For Draco the train ride just wasn't quick enough. It felt like no sooner had he sat down and pressed his hand against the glass as he watched Hermione grow smaller that he was pulling into his station. The light was getting thin and the temperature had dropped quite significantly. He walked off the platform and took out his wand and enchanted his trunk to pull itself along. If a muggle walked past he would just take a hold of it.

It wasn't too far to his house, by car or broomstick, but it was about an hour's walk. Draco wasn't afraid of the night, nothing scared him much anymore, none of the normal things at least. He put his hands in his pockets and scuffed his feet on the clean streets.

Maybe the school has sent word to his house that he would be returning; maybe his parents would have no idea. He had sent them an owl, but whether they had received it was another thing entirely.

It was getting very dark by now and the street lamps were shining yellow light down on the pavement. There weren't many people about but he could smell the muggles cooking their dinner as he walked through the streets of bleak houses and he saw the faint flickering lights of their televisions on in the windows.

As he got closer to his house the blocks began to get larger until he was walking in between houses with three stories and an abundance of grass and trees with long paths leading up to the front door.

He could see his house from the end of the street. Somehow it seemed to stand even further alone than he had ever known it to. The great black fence that surrounded it seemed almost twice as foreboding and the cold that swept over his already icy body was something that could have frozen him in his tracks. Instead he waved his wand to unlock the gates and heard them creak and clang; they probably hadn't been opened in a while.

His body felt heavy as he walked up the long path to his front door and it felt even harder to breath. The cold didn't help him in that regard. As he approached the steps he took as deep a breath as he could and reached out to open the door.

It made even more noise than the old gate and with two more steps he was back inside. It was as bleak as ever.

He let the door close loudly behind him and he released the trunk from its enchantment. It made a little thud as it fell flat. He didn't need to move it again, not until tomorrow.

He could feel the crushing sadness that had once been a part of him start to creep back over him. He didn't want to let it engulf him anymore. His mind flickered to the aconite joke that he had made to Hermione and it made him feel worse still. He shouldn't have said it.

He has said lots of things that he probably shouldn't have. The ones he regrets most are the ones he has said to hurt her. That was the last thing that he ever wanted to do.

To clear his mind he headed to the library, it was the one place that could take his mind of everything, if only for a while. As he made his way there his mother came swooping out of a doorway with her wand at the ready.

Draco leapt back against the wall and just stared at her. For a moment she did the same. Then she lowered her wand with a perplexed look on her face.

"Draco? What are you doing here? What's happened?" She almost sounded… worried about him, but he knew that she was just in shock.

"They gave the students a week long break." He said, not moving away from the wall.

"Oh… funny, I didn't know." She said.

She looked ashamed that she hadn't heard and it made that crushing feeling intensify for Draco.

"I sent you an owl." He said, avoiding her weary eyes.

"We don't much check the owls now." She looked into the distance, a sadness in her eyes that just didn't belong.

"I'll be leaving in the morning." She looked back at him and tilted her head with a longing to reach out and stroke his cheek, but she was afraid that he would flinch away from her touch.

That was something she just couldn't bear. He was her son after all, and she loved him more than anything. She knew that he blamed her and his father for the things that happened to him and that they could never take back what they forced onto him at such a young age. When she had broken down after the war she hadn't been there to comfort him and she could see in his eyes the torture that it was to have to endure what he did.

She should have been there for her son, her husband had needed her more than he ever had, but Draco needed someone too. Anyone.

Now, his eyes were cold, vulnerable. He would never look at her again the way he once had and she had no idea how make him understand that she would always love him. She no longer knew how to reach out and let him know that she never wanted any of this for him.

The damage was done, the wounds were too deep, all she had left was to let her eyes tell him what her words could not.

I love you, and her eyes grew glassy and wistful.

She remembered him as a boy, so happy and full of laughter. When he was upset she was the only one who could stop his crying. She would pull him into her arms and hold him against her chest so that he could listen to her beating heart and calm down. Hush, Draco. I won't let anything happen to you. She would whisper. And he would look up at her as she cradled him and she would know that he wasn't scared when that twinkle came back into his eyes. It hurt so much to see his grey eyes full of pain and all she had ever wanted was to make that go away.

She looked at him now, almost cowering before her, his eyes despondent, full of so much sorrow, and all she could do was stand before him.

It broke her heart to see him so defeated.

It broke her heart to know that she could have stopped it all.

If she could go back in time she would change everything, even if it meant sacrificing her life, or losing her husband.

If only she knew what she did now.

She took a shaky breath.

"Okay." She said.

He dropped his eyes and walked past her and on to the library.

She remained where she was, the tears finally breaking from her eyes. "I love you…" She whispered in a barely audible breath.

Draco heard nothing, he was already gone.

He fell asleep in the library that night, Blue Cauldron lying precariously on his chest. There was nothing in his dreams, but it was anything but peaceful. By the time he woke up it was mid-morning and he barely had time to pat down his hair before someone was hammering on the door.

He walked slowly down the stairs, in no hurry whatsoever, and waited a moment to pull open the big wooden doors.

Pansy stood before him, looking more than a little annoyed.

"Hurry up, it's time to go." She barked.

He grabbed his trunk and followed her down the pathway and to the street without a word.