2
Leavin' on a Jetplane
"Okay, guys, I think we have to go this way to the gate," said Emma, reading her boarding pass as she walked, carrying her leather carryall bag.
"Hon, you sure it's this way?" Bae asked. "I thought the ticket lady said gates 95-105 were to the west of the check-in counter?"
"No, I'm sure she said it was this way. Besides, there's a bathroom over here and I need to use it," Emma said, making a beeline for it.
"So do I," Belle said. "You just wait here, Rum." She followed Emma into the ladies room.
"Mommy, I want French fries," Regina said, tugging on Snow's hand.
"Okay, Regina. We'll get them after we . . . uh . . . use the potty. Do you have to go?" Snow asked.
"Nope, I'm good," Regina assured her.
"Okay, then you wait here with Daddy while Mommy goes," Snow said, then she indicated that David should stay with the toddler and went after Emma and Belle.
"What is with women and having to use the bathroom all at the same time?" David muttered to Bae.
"Search me, buddy. Maybe it's like a group mentality? You know, some kind of mental herd thing?" Bae said. He looked at Henry. "You need to go, tiger?"
"Nope. But can I get something to drink and some Cinnabons, Dad? Look, there's a place right over there," he pointed to the glowing light-up kiosk right across from the restrooms.
"Yeah, I want a latte, Papa," Alina said. "Can I have one, please?"
Rumple dug in his pocket and handed her a fifty. "That's the lowest denomination I've got, dearie. Get yourself whatever you want and bring me back an Evian, okay? And you can keep the change."
"Thanks, Papa!" Alina ran over to Henry and the two dragged Bae off to the Cinnabon kiosk.
While they were doing that, David spotted a magazine vendor and said to Rumple, "Would you mind keeping an eye on Regina for a minute? I want to go over and buy a magazine or two to read on the plane. I . . . uh . . . left the book I was reading on the bed this morning. And maybe I'll get some gum too. Want anything, Rum?"
"No, I'm good. Go ahead," Rumple waved him off. "Regina and I will wait here."
David went over to the magazine vendor and Regina tugged on Rumple's hand, bringing him over to a slidewalk that ran straight down towards gates 95-105. "Unca Rumple, what's that?" she pointed to the slidewalk, where people were getting off and on it and some kids were jumping on and off it like it was a ride.
"I don't know, Regina," Rumple admitted, having never seen anything like it before.
"Can I try it?" Regina begged.
Rumple sighed. "Okay, dearie. But you get right back on after you get off, understand? You run anywhere and you'll be in serious trouble, got me?"
She looked up at him, recognizing the warning in his tone. "Serious trouble like a spanking and time out?"
"That's right. So don't do it."
"I won't. C'mon, Sofia!" she shrieked and jumped on the moving black strip, her sneakers glowing.
As the slidewalk pulled her gently down it, Rumple watched carefully, ready to use his magic to bring her back if she took it into her head to disregard his orders.
He was so intent upon watching Regina that he didn't notice the rather large man in jeans and Lakers shirt with a blue baseball cap on come up behind him until he said rather loudly, "Hey, Gramps, you want to get on, or you gonna just stand there like a retard? Let's move it, I ain't got all day."
Rumple turned slowly, unable to believe this rude lout was addressing him in such a manner. "Excuse me? Are you speaking to me?"
"What are you deaf too, old man?"
Rumple was about to give the big idiot a piece of his mind when Regina stepped off the slidewalk and ran over to Rumple. "Unca Rumple, I did it!"
"Hey, kid. Tell your grandpa to quit blocking traffic and move his geriatric ass," the fat man grunted.
Regina glared at him. "Yo, mister! He's not my grandpa, he's my uncle, and you don't talk like that to him! Didn't your mommy teach you any better?"
The big man flushed at being scolded by a three-year-old and a few people walking by started tittering and snickering. "Why don't you buzz off, you know-it-all little brat?"
Rumple seriously considered rubbing together his cufflinks and turning this ill-mannered pig into a bug or hexing his mouth shut, when Regina snapped, "No, you buzz off, buster!" She held out a hand as if it were a gun and said, "You're under arrest! Hands behind your back and spread 'em!" she ordered in her best big-sister Emma tone.
"You for real, kid?" snorted the man, sounding even more like a pig. "Ooh, now I'm really scared! Why don't you and your lame uncle take the short bus back home to wherever you came from?"
Gold stiffened and hissed, "Watch how you speak to my niece, you ignoramus, before I impale you on my cane!"
"You threatening me?" the guy growled, too dumb to recognize the warning in the other's tone, and he got right in Gold's face, one hand leaning on the metal railing of the slidewalk.
He was so busy trying to intimidate Gold that he failed to notice that Regina had a pair of handcuffs in her hands, she'd been playing with a set of Emma's the other day and had put them in a pocket of her jacket and forgotten about them until now.
The little girl didn't like this rude smelly stranger at all, and she was furious that he wasn't listening to her, and so she snapped one cuff on his wrist, which happened to be the one resting on the slidewalk, and the other cuff she snapped onto the metal bar of the slidewalk, saying, "Gotcha, you big fat bully!"
"Shut up, you little—" the man began, and that's when Henry and Alina returned with a box of Cinnabons and saw the man threatening Regina.
"Hey, mister! Don't look now, but the cops are coming!" Alina cried, and pretended to look behind him.
"Where?" the bully yelped and looked behind him for the police.
Henry made a discreet gesture and the man was suddenly repelled away from Regin and Rumple down the slidewalk, stumbling backwards so fast he sat down on his ass and was pulled along until he reached the end of the slidewalk.
"Good one, Henry!" Alina whispered and they high-fived each other before they ran up to Regina and Rumple.
"Look, we got Cinnabons with extra frosting, Regina!" Henry said, and the two took the toddler's hands and began to skip down the aisle towards the gate, with Rumple limping alongside.
"Yummy! Can I have some?" Regina asked.
"Sure you can," Alina said, then she looked over at her father. "Want some?"
"No thanks, dearie. I'm not very hungry right now," he said, then he leaned over and whispered reprovingly in Henry's ear, "Don't think I don't know what you did, Henry Gold."
Henry gave him a guilty sheepish grin, reminding him sharply of Bae at the same age. "Uh . . . yeah . . . but nobody threatens my grandpa or my little aunt like that."
Rumple heaved a sigh and said, "Okay, I'll let it go. This time. But next time, young man, you'll be grounded and forbidden to cast spells for two weeks."
They started walking over to one of the tables beside a Nathan's, while behind them on the slidewalk the luckless bully was still cuffed to the railing and struggling to free himself. "Hey! Hey, kid! Come back and let me loose, okay? Hey! Don't just leave me here!"
Henry and Alina exchanged glances. "Maybe we ought to—" Henry began.
"How, dearie? We don't have the keys, Regina borrowed those cuffs from your mother and she left the keys back in Storybrooke," Rumple reminded them with a sly smirk. "Don't worry though. Someone will come along and let the big oaf loose . . . eventually."
"In the meantime, let's eat!" Henry said, and they all sat down at the table and he handed round the box of Cinnabons, cutting one in pieces for Regina to eat. Alina gave Rumple his bottle of water too.
As she ate the gooey treat, Regina told Henry about the really rude fat man, "And he called Unca Rumple a really bad name and was gonna push him down, so I under arrested him just like Emma, Henry!"
Henry started laughing so much he almost choked on his Cinnabon, and Rumple had to swat him on the back.
"Easy, boy. I don't want to have to explain to your parents why you nearly choked to death," his grandfather said. "Here, drink some water," he gave Henry his Evian.
"She under arrested him!" Alina giggled. "That's the funniest thing I ever heard of."
"He was lucky that's all that happened to him," Rumple growled. "In another minute I would have magicked him into something that crawled on its belly."
Just then Bae returned with some bottles of iced tea and David joined him with a plastic bag of magazines and gum. They helped themselves to the Cinnabons and soon after that the ladies all came by and Snow went to get Regina some French fries with ketchup and a hot dog for herself and Charming.
"Anybody else want something to eat?" she asked.
"No, I'm good," Emma said.
"I'll have a hot dog," Belle said, handing Snow some money.
"Could you get me some cheese fries with bacon?" Bae asked, giving Snow some more money. "Henry, Alina, we can share them."
"Cool, Bae," said his sister.
Snow returned with a tray of food a few minutes later, and they all scarfed it down, since they had to wait at least two hours before they boarded.
As they headed to the security checkpoint, Bae briefed them all on what to expect, saying that they would have to take off their shoes, coats, and so forth and put them in little plastic baskets so they could be X-rayed. "That means your cane too, Papa."
"Bae, I need that to walk," Rumple objected.
"Don't sweat it, Papa. It's only for a few feet and I'll help you if you need it," his son soothed.
"And our shoes too? How very . . . uncivilized!" Rumple grumbled.
"It's so they can check if you have bombs or something in them, Grandpa," Henry explained.
Rumple rolled his eyes. "Ridiculous! As if I would ruin my Gucci loafers by putting an explosive in them."
"Well, you never know," David snickered, and Rumple shot him a death glare.
They all managed to get through the security checkpoint all right, though Regina fussed a little about putting Sofia in the basket, but the lady doing the checkpoint explained to her that her doll was just getting an X-ray like at the hospital and Snow helped Regina walk through the scanner and the little girl stopped whining once she saw Sofia on the other side.
After they had all collected their belongings and put on their shoes again, they went down to the gate and waited there until it was time to board. Henry and Alina read on their Nooks while Bae and Emma played Candy Crush on their cells, Belle and Rumple read paperbacks, Regina played a game on her Leapster, and Snow and David talked quietly about what it would be like to fly for the first time.
Snow was excited about it, but David was rather nervous, though he didn't say anything to his wife. As she babbled excitedly about the miracle of aerodynamics, David Googled a few facts in his phone and read them before they announced the flight was boarding.
Because they were first class passengers with a small child and a disabled person, the Golds and Charmings were allowed to board first, and the way the seating worked out was that David and Rumple ended up together in one row, with Snow and Regina in another, Belle, Alina, and Emma behind them, and Bae and Henry in front of David and Rumple.
The kids were almost bouncing off the seats, they were so excited. Regina kept playing with the buckle of her seat belt until David leaned over and told her to stop, or else when the plane took off she could fall out unless she was wearing it. That kept the curious toddler from taking it off repeatedly, though Snow shot David a frown at his exaggeration.
"Hey, at least it worked," her husband muttered.
He was feeling more uneasy by the minute, especially when the flight attendant came up and began going over the emergency procedures with them and talking about what might go wrong with the airplane and where the exits were and the oxygen masks and so on.
Gold looked slightly alarmed, and began mentally calculating if he had enough magic stored in his cuffs to keep the plane airborne if something did malfunction.
Snow and Belle listened blithely, too excited to be nervous about the plane crashing. Emma and Bae had flown before, so this was old hat to them and they dozed through that part. Alina and Henry were also unconcerned, after all, they had magic, so if the plane crashed, they'd magic themselves a shield and not worry about it. Then too, they were sure that if anything happened, Rumple would save them.
Snow made sure she and Regina had gum to chew and handed out pieces to Belle, Rumple, and Alina and Henry. Charming had his own and so did Emma and Bae.
Finally they were airborne and the fasten seatbelt sign was turned off. Snow peered out the window and was amazed at how pretty everything looked from the plane. "David, we're flying!" she chirped happily. "Like birds! Look out the window and see all the beautiful clouds!"
David gave her a faint smile. "I know, honey. It's . . . wonderful!" He was seated next to the window and quickly looked out the window and then just as quickly glanced away. His hands gripped the seat rest and he surreptitiously wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of hand.
Rumple noticed and said softly, "Something wrong, dearie?"
"Oh my God, Rumple! We're gonna die!" David hissed.
"Die? What are you talking about?" Rumple turned to look at the former prince.
"Do you know how many planes crash every year?" David whispered. "I Googled it on my phone and . . . it said . . . there were over 3,000 crashes last year alone . . . and over five hundred of those were fatalities . . . I'm telling you, it's not safe . . . there's a chance something could go wrong . . . like something malfunction in the fuselage . . . or there could be a gas leak . . . or we could run into a flock of birds and one could get sucked into the engine . . . or an instrument could fail . . . an engine could blow out . . ."
"You're not serious?" Rumple gasped.
"Look. It's all here on my phone. I told Snow we should have taken the train," David gasped. He clutched the seat rest for dear life, pale and sweating.
As Rumple read the statistics on David's phone, Snow and Belle were giggling like schoolgirls and pointing out different anomalies in the clouds and how magical it was to fly through the air like birds.
Bae and Henry were playing Jeopardy on Henry's tablet, while Regina and Alina were watching a movie on their mini TV's. Emma was taking a nap.
"David, can you believe we're up so high?" Snow said. "Over 20,000 feet! It's so amazing!"
"Yeah, it's just great, Mary Margaret," her husband said, giving her a fake smile.
Only Rumple noticed his hands were trembling. "Pull yourself together, man! You've fought a dragon, for Godsake! And ogres! You're fought King George's mercenaries too."
"So what? I was on the ground where I belong, not in the air in some metal contraption," Charming whimpered. "I couldn't crash and blow up. Didn't you read those statistics?"
Rumple nodded tightly. They hadn't looked good, and now he was starting to feel uneasy too. Could they be sure this airplane was reliable? After all, it didn't use magic to fly, and there was an awful lot that could go wrong. "Maybe you should read a magazine," he told David. "Try and relax."
"I can't. I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Breathe, dammit! You're not going to puke all over my good suit," Rumple ordered. He signaled the flight attendant. "Miss, may I have a ginger ale for my . . . err . . . cousin here? He's a little nervous. And I'll take a Guinness or gin and tonic, if you've got it."
"Of course, sir. The drinks are complimentary for first class guests," the flight attendant smiled at him.
Soon she returned with the drinks and Rumple gave David the ginger ale in a plastic cup with ice and then put the rest of the can down on the tray table. "Here, Nolan. Sip it, and breathe!"
David began to do so, while Rumple drank his beer. It was Sam Adam's ale, not bad.
They were about ten minutes into the flight when the plane began to bounce up and down and the captain's voice came over the loudspeaker, telling them not to be alarmed, it was just a little turbulence. "Nothing to worry about, folks. The weather's fine in New York."
"But we aren't in New York yet," David shivered, beginning to hyperventilate. "We're gonna die . . . the plane's gonna come apart . . . Rumple, I'm gonna pass out . . . tell Snow I love her . . . and Regina . . ."
Rumple half-turned, shielding David from anyone looking over at them. "Stop it! You're making me nervous. Now take a deep breath . . . come on . . . that's right . . . . breathe . . . one, two, three . . . again . . ." he gritted his teeth as the plane bounced again. "You don't want Snow to see you like this, right?"
David shook his head. "Please, Rumple . . . don't tell anyone . . ."
"Shh . . . I think you need something stronger than ginger ale." He signaled the flight attendant again. "Miss, he'll have a rum and Coke, please. And I'll have another beer. Same kind as before."
More drinks arrived and so did a snack. Snow and Belle had a fruit plate and some bread with butter. Regina had cheese with crackers and some of Snow's fruit and a carton of milk. Alina and Henry ate the rest of their Cinnabons and had chocolate milk.
Bae and Emma had a cold cut plate with grapes and saltine crackers. Gold had the same thing and so did David, but he could only eat the crackers for fear he'd get sick all over Rumple, and if that happened, Rumple told him he'd shove him right out the window.
To cover up his own nervousness, Rumple held up two fingers as the flight attendant came by with the drink cart, and she happily gave him another beer and David another rum and Coke.
"How many of those have you had?" David asked softly as the attendant brought Rumple a third beer.
"Three, maybe four. Why? I feel perfectly fine," Gold replied breezily. "Don't worry about me. See, the plane's not crashing. We're still all here."
"We still have forty minutes or so until we land," David whispered. "And more accidents happen while landing than anywhere else."
Rumple promptly ordered another beer. "Don't worry. If anything happens, I can keep us safe. With these," he indicated his cufflinks.
David looked somewhat relieved, but he didn't relax his grip on the seat rest much.
Across the aisle, Regina was peering out the window on Snow's lap and singing the Air Force song, "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder, flying high into the sky . . ." she made flying and swooping motions with her hands, giggling and saying, "Mommy, we can fly just like birdies!"
"I know, sweetie! Isn't it the best thing?"
"Yeah and the world looks so tiny up here, like the anthills in Africa when I watched Animal Planet with Archie."
"She's adorable," said the flight attendant. "How old is she?"
"Regina, tell the lady how old you are," Snow said, smiling.
"I'm three years old," Regina said proudly and held up three fingers. "And I can tie my own shoes and everything!"
"Wow! You're almost a lady!" laughed the stewardess.
"Yup! And I'm Daddy's princess too."
"Who's your daddy, honey bunch?"
"The man in the blue jacket over there by the window next to Unca Rumple," Regina pointed. "His name's David but Mommy calls him Charming."
"Oh, how cute! Like the prince?"
"Uh huh. And that's my big sister Emma an' my brother Bae and Henry behind us and Alina, she's my cousin and next to her's Auntie Belle."
"Okay, kid, I don't think she needs our life history," Emma chuckled.
"She's very smart," the flight attendant gushed. "And she talks so well for her age."
"Sometimes she talks too much," Rumple said, amused.
"I'll bet she keeps you on your toes," laughed the girl.
"That she does, dearie," he replied, his brown eyes sparkling.
"Where do you all come from?"
"Storybrooke, Maine," Regina sang out.
"You've probably never heard of it. It's a small town, very rural," Emma said quickly.
"And you're all going to New York?"
"Family vacation," Bae said.
"That's so wonderful! Most people go to places like Disney on vacation, not New York."
"New York's closer," Bae chuckled. "We can do Orlando when Regina's a little older and won't be scared of all the characters."
"How long's that flight?" asked Snow brightly.
"Oh, not long. Maybe two and a half hours," the stewardess said.
"You're taking her," Charming informed Rumple sotto voce.
"I am not. Bae and Emma are," Rumple shot back.
"How much longer do we have for this flight?" David asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"We should be there in about ten minutes. The captain will tell you to fasten your seatbelts very soon and then we might circle a little before we land."
"Circle?" David asked, puzzled.
"In a holding pattern, sometimes JFK can have a bit of traffic, so we have to wait till air traffic control tells us we can begin an approach. Don't worry. It only takes ten or fifteen minutes if we have to do that," she reassured them.
Charming gulped. "You get . . . traffic in the air? But we're flying."
"It only happens sometimes, sir. And in that case you just relax and wait," She gave him a sweet smile. "See you. Hope you enjoyed your flight."
"Oh, yeah. It was great," David nodded.
As soon as she was gone, he resumed his death grip on his seat rest, and started praying, "Please, don't circle. Please. I just want to get on the ground, is that too much to ask? Just let me get on the ground."
Rumple patted him on the shoulder. "We're going to be there soon."
"Unless we circle. Dear God, anything but that!"
"You want another drink?"
"No. I'm fine."
The seatbelt sign lit up and the captain's voice came on telling everybody to put their seatbelts on and put their tray tables in an upright position as they were beginning the approach to JFK.
Snow, Belle, and Regina squealed in delight.
"Honey, we're landing!" Snow looked over at David. "Are you all right? You look kind of pale. Do your ears hurt?"
"No, I'm fine, Mary Margaret. Just peachy," he smiled at her.
When she turned to give Regina a piece of gum, David closed his eyes and began reciting the Hail Mary.
Rumple fingered his cufflinks and gripped his own seatrest.
As the plane descended, the air pressure changed, and their ears popped.
Regina shook her head and pulled at her ears. "Oww! Mommy, my ears hurt!"
"Chew your gum, sweetie," Snow urged. "It'll help."
"But . . . oww!" the little girl started to cry. "I wanna get off!"
"So do I," murmured her father, now sweating bullets.
"Don't you start crying," Rumple muttered.
"Shh! Regina, hold your breath and then blow your nose," Belle said. "Sometimes that equalizes the pressure in your head."
"How do you know that?" asked Emma.
"I read about it online," Belle replied.
But the little girl continued to hold her ears and cry.
David nudged Rumple. "Can't you do something?"
"Like what?"
"Use your . . . err . . . you know" he twirled his finger around.
"I'm not crazy!" Rumple snapped. Then he shook his head. He hated when little kids cried. "All right." He brought his wrists together and touched his cufflinks. There was a brief purple spark and he could feel magic surging through him. Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up, reaching across the aisle to put his hand on Regina's head. "Here, dearie. Don't cry, baby. There! Is that better?" He quickly healed Regina's ears.
Regina quit crying and grinned up at him. "Lots, Unca Rumple! Thanks!"
Rumple smiled back and then sat down again, re-buckling his seatbelt. Crisis averted. He caught Snow and Belle's thankful looks as he did so.
Emma and Bae were dozing in their seats, while Alina and Henry were looking out the window and trying to estimate how long it would be before they landed.
"Hey, I see water," Henry called over to Alina.
"I think that's the river," she said. "I think we're by it so if the plane crashes we can land in the water."
"Oh, so that's good then," Henry said cheerfully.
"Yeah, real good!" David gasped. "Now will you stop talking about it! God, they're gonna jinx us!"
"Calm down. We're almost there," Rumple encouraged. "Say a couple more rosaries."
"Our Father . . ."
Finally the plane touched down and they were taxi-ing.
"Continental is pleased to welcome you to JFK International Airport and we hope you have a pleasant stay and come fly with us again!"
David mopped sweat from his brow with his sleeve. "Over my dead body!" he muttered to Rumple.
"Uh . . . you know we have to fly back?"
David looked like he was about to pass out.
"Don't worry, big guy. Next time . . . I'll get some tranquilizers," Rumple assured him.
Page~*~*~*~Break
Rumple gripped his cane hard as they walked down to the baggage claim to get their luggage. He was feeling sort of . . . unsteady on his feet and didn't quite know why. Maybe it was an aftereffect of the flight? Like being on a ship, when you needed to get your sea legs? Maybe you needed to get your land legs?
David walked beside him, his carryon slung over his shoulder. "Uh, Rumple? Thanks for back there."
"N-Not a problem," the sorcerer answered. His tongue felt thick. "Glad to help out a . . . comrade-in-arms. Y'know." Then he staggered.
David reached out and grabbed his arm. "Whoa! Take it easy! You okay?" He peered at the other man. His eyes looked strangely . . . unfocused.
"I'm jush . . . having a bit of trouble . . . walking . . . just a little . . ."
"Err . . . okay," David said, still eyeing him with concern. If he didn't know better . . . he'd say the older man was . . . drunk. But surely three or four beers wasn't enough to do that?
Rumple was feeling strangely happy and silly by the minute. They passed a huge light up recruiting poster for the Marines and suddenly he turned to David and cried, "They wanted me . . . y'know . . . t' go fight . . . that's how I got this . . ." he smacked his left leg pointedly.
"I know. You told me," David said, keeping one arm upon Rumple's elbow.
They had reached the baggage claim area and Emma and Bae led them to the proper carrel and said they'd have to wait a little to get their bags. Belle, Snow, and Regina were staring at the conveyer belt and Regina was asking Snow, "Mommy, how's that work?"
"It's run by a machine," Henry informed her.
Suddenly, Rumple started waving his cane around and yelling, "An' that shtupid offisher said 'Charge 'em, boys! Right for the center an' then stick yer spears right up th' enemy's ass!"
Several people turned around to stare at them and Charming said quickly, "He's an old soldier, sometimes he . . . uh . . . gets like this when he talks about old campaigns, you know."
Belle stared at her husband. "Rumple! How many did you have?" she gasped, coming over to him.
"Of what, dearie?" he smiled goofily at her.
"David! Is he . . .?"
"Uh, yeah. I don't know why . . . he only had three beers," David said. "Okay, calm down, Rumple! The war's over." He managed to get the inebriated sorcerer to stop waving his cane like a sword.
"It is?" Rumple peered at him. "Then we must be . . . having a party!" His head was spinning around like a top, he thought, but somehow it was all good. Smirking, he began to sing,"Oh, Danny boy! The pipes . . . the pipes are callin'! From glen to glen . . ."
Regina stared at her normally quiet uncle and said loudly, "Mommy, what's wrong with Unca Rumple?"
Snow hushed her, saying quickly, "Oh, nothing, sweetie! He's just . . . happy to be here, so he's singing."
Regina giggled and skipped over to him. "Unca Rumple, teach me that song!"
The sorcerer began happily belting out more lines to the toddler, while Snow grabbed Charming and hissed, "How many did he have, David! Why didn't you stop him?"
"Why're you blaming me? He . . . had a few beers, no big deal," David protested. "So he's a little wasted."
"David, that is more than a little!" Snow scowled, just as Rumple and Regina started bellowing "Danny Boy" together.
Belle was wringing her hands, just as Emma and Bae came up with some of their luggage. "Bae, what do we do? Your father is . . . err . . ." she gestured to the swaying sorcerer, leaning against a pillar.
"Oh my God!" Emma gasped.
"Jesus H. Christ, Papa!" Bae cried. "He's like three sheets to the wind. How many free drinks did he have?"
"David says only three, but it has to be more," Belle told him. "Nobody gets drunk on three beers unless you're . . ."
"On an airplane," Bae groaned. "Alcohol doesn't affect you as much at higher altitudes. Until you get on the ground. Emma, what do we do?"
"You're asking me? How do I know? I've never seen him drunk before!"
"Neither have I," Bae said. "But . . . he might use magic," he whispered.
"God, that would be a disaster," Emma gasped.
"Yeah, I know, so . . . why don't you use yours and . . . sober him up?" her husband suggested.
"I don't know that spell! He never taught me it! It's not like we hung out having a cold one!" Emma shot back.
" . . . and all the roses are fallin' . . . and ye must go and I must bide . . ."
"C'mon, hon. You can invent one, necessity's the mother of invention. Quick, before we have an . . . uh . .. incident."
"Like we don't already!" Emma growled, then she began frantically trying to come up with something while Rumple and Regina sang about summer in the meadow in Scotland.
Alina and Henry came up then, dragging their suitcases, and Henry looked at Alina and said, "Gee, Alina, I didn't know your papa liked to sing."
"Neither did I," the little girl said. "He must be really happy or something to be here."
"Yeah, and how," Henry said, then he started giggling.
"Hey, buddy, you're not half bad," said a tall man in a suit to Rumple. "What's your name? I own a recording studio . . ."
Rumple blinked at him. "My name . . . it's . . . R-Rum . . .Rumpleshstilshkin . . ."
"Say what?" the man goggled. "Rumpleshstiltskin?"
Regina tugged on the man's jacket. "That's not how you say it, dearie," she said mimicking her uncle perfectly. "It's Rumplestiltskin," she enunciated, rolling her R's.
Alina and Henry nearly fell over laughing.
"That's a pretty cool stage name, buddy."
"Emma, quick!" Bae gasped.
"Excuse me, sir," Emma said, coming between the stranger and her father-in-law. "Papa, you know how you get when you forget to take your medication . . ." She put her arm about Rumple's shoulder and tried to cast the spell she'd invented.
"Medication?" the guy stammered.
"Anti-depressants," Bae said, shouldering him away from Rumple and Emma.
"Are you his manager?"
"Yup and we're not interested in any contracts now," Bae murmured, praying Emma's spell worked.
"Sorry . . . maybe next time, here's my card."
Bae took it and shoved it in his pocket. Then he glanced back at Emma and his father. To his relief, his father seemed more . . . like himself. And he had quit singing. "Okay, does everybody have everything?"
"We're good," Snow said, looking about and noting everyone's luggage, even Gold's was there.
"Good. I'm going to find our driver. I know Papa hired one," Bae said, and walked outside to look for the limo Rumple had booked to take them to the Plaza.
What a vacation this was turning out to be!
Page~*~*~*~*~Break
With Bae and David's help, they managed to get a half-drunk Gold to their suite, which was actually a block of three rooms that shared a common kitchenette and den with a large HD flatscreen TV, complete with cable and a DVD player, and two bathrooms.
"C'mon, Papa. You're gonna take a little nap, okay?" Bae said, steering him towards the queen sized bed.
"Bae . . . Bae, I have to go collect the rent . . ." Gold was protesting.
"No, you don't," David said quickly, gently pushing the still inebriated sorcerer down on the bed. "Today's Sunday, right, Bae?"
"Yup, and you can just take a nap," Bae nodded, then he whispered to David, "Quick, undo his cufflinks!"
David quickly removed the cufflinks and Bae undid Gold's tie and unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt and pulled off his shoes. Then Bae managed to coax his father into lying down and pulled the covers over him.
Within moments, Rumple was asleep.
"Is he gonna be okay?" David asked worriedly, placing Rumple's cane in the corner near the bed.
"Hopefully he'll sleep it off," Bae sighed. "But he's going to have the dickens of a hangover tomorrow, I'd wager."
David winced. "Been there, done that."
"Me too," Bae admitted, then they tiptoed from the room and went to get unpacked and take showers and get something to eat from room service.
A/N: Okay, now who knows some good hangover cures here? Me, I don't drink so I could use some help . . . and so could poor Rumple, LOL!