12

Lions, Monkeys, and Camels Oh My!

The next day was "zoo day", as Henry put it, and they all got on the subway at nine o'clock in the morning so they could be at the Bronx Zoo when it opened at ten. All of them were dressed in their most casual clothes, even Gold had forgone his usual Ferragamo and his suit jacket in favor of his casual Armani slacks and one of his less fancy Brooks Brothers blue shirts, because he needed the sleeves for his cufflinks.

Once they were inside the park, Emma looked at a map and they decided to go to the reptile house first, because they were having turtle feedings at 11 o'clock, and until then they could look at all the reptiles inside.

David made sure to keep a good grip on Regina, not wanting a repeat of poor Rumple's experience at FAO Schwartz, and when they came to komodo dragon exhibit, David looked at the giant lizard and murmured to Bae, "That's a lot tamer than any dragon I've ever met."

"Yeah, tell me about it. The last one almost roasted Emma and me, even with preventative magic spells," Bae replied.

"Daddy, does this dragon breathe fire?" Regina asked David.

"No, sweetie, this is a different kind of dragon," he answered. "This one spits poison . . . I think."

"Oh. Where's the other kind that breathes fire?" Regina asked.

"Umm . . . they don't have that kind here," David told her.

"Thank God!" Bae muttered. "Otherwise there'd be barbecued children."

"Nah," Regina shook her head. "Daddy'd kill it. Or Emma. She killed one too."

An elderly lady standing next to them went, "Aww! How sweet! Your daddy's your hero, right, punkin?"

Regina turned to her. "Yeah, and my mommy's a princess an' my uncle's a wizard!"

The lady laughed. "She's got quite an imagination!"

"Yeah, she does," David said, and then he picked her up and said, "Let's look at the boa constrictor, honey," and he thanked God that Regina was too young to be taken seriously by a stranger.

As they processed through the exhibits, Henry, Alina, Belle, and Rumple challenged each other to animal trivia, where they memorized facts about an animal they saw and then had to recite them back to each other five minutes later while looking at a different animal.

The four of them had a great time, though Emma said to Snow that, "Just listening to them makes me feel stupid. I don't know how they can memorize stuff like that in such a short amount of time."

"Don't feel bad, Emma. Not everybody has a head for facts like those four. I don't," her mother said.

"But you teach," Emma objected.

"Yeah, but I have lesson plans and cheat sheets," Snow admitted. "I don't have a photographic memory like Rumple."

Finally it was time to go over to the turtle pond, where one of the keepers was to watch the turtles being fed. There were a few groups of people there, including a group of grade school kids, and everyone crowded eagerly around the pool, watching.

"Daddy, I can't see!" Regina whined.

David went and put her on his shoulders. "There, is that better?"

"Uh huh."

The keeper for the turtle pool introduced him and showed everyone how this particular species of turtle ate a special diet of certain kinds of grubs and worms, making some of the school kids squeal with disgust.

Regina wrinkled her nose. "Why'd anybody eat worms?" she frowned.

"It's an acquired taste, dearie," Rumple said slyly. "Like caviar."

"Yuck! You ever eat one, Unca Rumple?"

"No, even I wasn't desperate enough to ever do that," he chuckled. "Now listen to what the nice man over there is saying."

After each kid had gotten to stroke a turtle, the keeper turned and asked if anyone had any questions. A few children raised their hands, they were about eight, and he called on one of them. "Okay. You in the red shirt."

"How can you tell if it's a boy turtle or a girl turtle?"

"Uh, well, there's a pattern—" the zoo keeper began.

"Duh, Ollie! The boys have penises!" interrupted one of his classmates.

There came giggles from some of the students and gasps from the teachers.

"Looks like they teach them the facts of life early over here," Gold muttered.

"Uh, well . . ." sputtered the keeper, trying to rein in the conversation.

That was when Regina blurted, "Daddy, what's a penis?"

David went red. "Uh . . . sweetie . . . let's go over here and see the Bug Carousel. Look, there's a grasshopper you can ride." He said, walking quickly out of the reptile house and down to a small carnival like place with the Bug Carousel, some other small rides for children, and booths that sold hot dogs, popcorn, cotton candy, peanuts, and drinks.

"Cool!" Regina shouted, and David put her down so she could run over to the carousel, thanking his lucky stars he'd gotten her out of there before the conversation could degenerate.

"Here, let's go on this grasshopper," David said, putting her on one.

Regina giggled and grabbed onto the pole sticking out of her insect, then called to David, "Daddy, do grasshoppers have penises?"

"Oh God!" Charming groaned. "What do I do?" he asked Snow desperately. "She keeps talking about it."

"Just . . . pretend you don't hear her," Snow said. "If you act like it's a big deal, she'll keep bringing it up."

"Or show her something that's more interesting and she'll forget about it," Rumple suggested. "I think there are more rides over there." He pointed to a spot further up near the exhibit of African mammals.

"Oh, good. Maybe I'll show her the zebras. She loves horses," Charming said in relief.

"That's good, honey. You know, there's a live bird exhibit over there," Snow pointed down a trail. "I think I'm going to see what that's all about."

"Maybe I'll come with you," Emma said, figuring she ought to spend a little more time with her mother, since Regina was with David.

"Mama, let's go and feed the baby llama over there in the petting zoo," Alina said, pointing to a sign that advertized feedings for two baby llamas and a goat.

Belle smiled, and said, "Okay, let's. That looks like fun."

They made their way over to the petting zoo.

Emma and Snow walked over to the aviary, which was a large round house with walls made of fine netting and shaped like a ball. The roof was also netted, and the area filled with all kinds of trees and benches and pretty foliage and pink flowers and a stream ran through it. You could buy small cups of bird seed to entice the birds to land on you, and there was also hand sanitizer and wipes for after you were done visiting the aviary.

Snow put several quarters into a machine, and bird seed poured out into two cups, she handed one to Emma. "Here. Now let's go and see what kinds of birds they have."

Emma took a cup dubiously. "Mom, I don't know about this . . ."

"Come on, Emma! It'll be fun!" Mary Margaret chirped. "Birds are our friends."

As Emma and Snow entered the aviary, Bae, Henry, Charming, Gold, and Regina had started to walk up to where they had some more rides after Regina had ridden the Bug Carousel twice on different bugs. There was an enclosure that read zebras and other related equines.

"I wonder what other kinds of animals they have in here?" Bae said, looking out across a broad grassy field.

Henry stared and then said, "Hey, Dad! I think I see some donkeys over there in the corner."

Bae looked . . . and his eyes widened. "Aw, hell no!"

"What's wrong?" asked his son. "They're just . . . umm . . ."

Bae quickly covered his son's eyes. "You don't need to see that, tiger, trust me."

Henry squirmed. "Dad!"

"You'll be scarred for life," Bae muttered, quickly turning Henry away from the rather alarming sight.

"Daddy, why are the two donkeys jumping on each other?" Regina inquired innocently.

David blushed. "Uh . . . they're . . . playing . . ."

"They're playing leap frog, dearie," Gold said, trying desperately to cover. "Now why don't we go and find some zebras?" He quickly led the three-year-old away.

"Is there anything at this zoo that isn't doing that?" David muttered exasperatedly as they walked quickly to the other side of the exhibit.

"Maybe it's that time of the month or something," Bae whispered.

Henry rolled his eyes. "Dad, I've seen Animal Planet, you know."

"So? That doesn't mean I want you watching it in real life," Bae objected. "Damn donkeys!"

David observed his rather red countenance and said, somewhat amused, "What's the matter, Bae? You've never seen horses at stud before?"

Bae shook his head. "No. We never had any. We had a blasted goat, I used to milk it and brush it to get hair for Papa to spin, but that was about all the livestock we had."

Regina had run slightly ahead of them and was now pointing at the zebras grazing. "Lookit, Unca Rumple. Zebras!"

"I see them dearie," he said, and put an arm about her as she climbed on the fence to see better. "Just look, Regina. Don't lean over. You could fall." And that would be the last thing we needed . . . a toddler loose in the zebra pen.

"I like their pretty stripes," the toddler prattled. "I like 'em almost as much as the winged ponies."

"What winged ponies?" Rumple asked.

"You know . . . like on TV," she said, giving him a typical little kid stare.

"Oh. Well, we won't see any of those here. They're not real," he said, thinking or at least they're not in this land.

"Aww!" she groaned, then she laughed as one of the zebras began to run across the enclosure.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

Meanwhile, Belle and Alina waited their turn on line to get a bottle filled with special formula and feed the baby goat, called a kid, and the two baby llamas. As they got their bottles and Alina began to feed the kid while Belle fed a llama, Belle said, grinning, "This is kind of like practice for when I finally have my baby, only these babies can stand up and drink."

She laughed as the little llama butted her hand, getting milk all over her, and she petted the whispery soft coat. As the little animal latched onto the nipple and began to suck again, Alina petted the goat and said, "They sure are cute and fuzzy, Mama. And hungry. Will our baby be like that too?"

"Sometimes," Belle said, thinking wistfully of the last time she had held a baby in her arms, right after Alina had been born. She had just had time to nurse her once before Alice had taken her away to hide from Maurice and Gaston. "You can help me feed the baby and everything once it's been born."

Alina's eyes sparkled. "I know. And I can help you change it and give it a bath too. I'm not squeamish like some kids are around babies. I helped Ashley with Alexa sometimes when she needed someone to babysit after school when she worked over at Fire Mountain."

"That's great, Alina, because I know I'm going to need a lot of help the first few months, even though your father has been through this before. I'm sure you'll be a great help to me and I'm so glad you're excited about this baby." She gently removed the bottle from the llama's mouth, as it was empty, then she cuddled the little thing on her lap.

"What do you want it to be, Mama?" Alina asked, hugging the goat to her.

"Oh . . . I'm not sure. I think whatever I have is fine," Belle said.

"I know Bae wants a little brother, but I wouldn't care if we had a little girl," Alina said. "What do you think Papa wants?"

"He's said he really doesn't care either, just as long as it and I are healthy," Belle said. She slowly rose to her feet, the empty bottle in her hand. "Come on, love. Let's give someone else a turn."

Alina skipped over to her and took her hand, petting the llama, who ran after Belle bleating as they left the pen. "Aww! I think she liked you!"

"She's adorable," Belle said. Then something else caught her eye. "Look, Alina! They took our picture while we were feeding them. Shall we get it as a keepsake? We can put it in a frame and hang it on the wall with all your other ones."

Alina nodded and they scanned the wall of screens for their picture, and soon found it, the two of them sitting next to each other smiling and feeding a baby animal. "There we are, Mama!"

Belle smiled, and had the portrait lady put a cardboard zoo frame around it that said Belle and Alina Gold, Bronx Zoo, 2013. Now she had a picture with her daughter to hang on the wall next to Alina's school pictures and the ones she'd had taken at Christmas and Easter and other holidays with Rumple for so many years.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

While Belle and Alina were bonding over bottle-feeding, Regina had gone over to David and begged to ride a camel in the kid section of the zoo. David had eyed the camels reluctantly, he didn't really trust any animals except horses to ride, but upon seeing the fun the other kids seemed to be having on the animal, he nodded and went with Regina to buy a ticket.

"Do you want to ride one, tiger?" asked Bae.

Henry shrugged. "Maybe later."

"I'm kind of thirsty," his father said. "I'm going to go and get some water over there," he gestured behind him to a kiosk selling water, soda, and fruit punch. The line was rather long, as it was a warm day.

Rumple looked over at it and said, "You sure you want to wait on that line?"

"Yeah. I don't mind," Bae said. "Be back soon."

Henry looked around and said, "I saw a hot dog cart somewhere near here. I think over by the monkey exhibit. Can I have one, Grandpa?"

"Sure you can. Where is it?"

He followed where his grandson had pointed and soon came to a cart selling familiar Sabrett hot dogs. "How many do you want?"

"Uh . . . one big one's good. With Onions n' Sauce, please. And some popcorn."

Gold bought Henry one of the foot long hot dogs and some popcorn, and then decided he wanted one also, and got another, but with mustard and relish, and another bag of popcorn, as well as two bottles of water.

Grandfather and grandson sat on a bench and ate companionably. The bench was right near a large enclosure where several kinds of monkeys were climbing the trees and the wire mesh of the enclosure.

As he ate his popcorn, Henry counted at least five different species, including spider monkeys, Bandar monkeys, squirrel monkeys, pygmy marmosets, even a large mandrill. The monkeys seemed interested in him, trying to reach through the mesh at him, their long prehensile fingers beckoning.

Gold went to throw out some of their trash and as he did so, Henry went over to the enclosure, and held out some popcorn to a few monkeys.

The offering was quickly snatched and eaten. The boy smiled, and thought how cute the monkeys seemed, with their old man faces and bright beady eyes and long tails curling about their tree branches.

Suddenly, a monkey's head popped out of a gap in the mesh, unnoticed at first by the boy. Wriggling through the gap made by the sagging mesh, which had become weakened by Sandy's torrential rains and wind, and gone unnoticed because the hole had not been apparent a week and a half ago when the fences were checked, the spider monkey raced along the outside of the mesh and hopped right onto Henry's shoulder.

"Hey! Where'd you come from?" the boy cried, astonished.

The monkey chattered at him, and Henry said, "Okay, here. Have some popcorn."

As he fed the primate some popcorn, several other monkeys discovered the weakness in the fence and escaped as well. Before he knew it, Henry was surrounded by at least twenty different monkeys, all clamoring at him and on him for popcorn.

"Henry?" Gold gasped when he saw the boy standing surrounded by monkeys.

"Grandpa! Help! They want my popcorn!" Henry cried, and started throwing it around, trying to get the monkeys to stop grabbing him. He had monkeys all over him, on his head, his shoulders, climbing on his legs, their little fingers and tails curling about him, their claws pricking him through his jeans and shirt.

Some of the monkeys went after it, but more were coming through the gap in the mesh and scurrying over to the boy, screeching and screaming.

Frantic, Henry repelled some of them with his magic, but it wasn't enough, and he turned and ran down the sidewalk, a crowd of monkeys chasing after him.

"Dammit!" Gold swore, and threw his own popcorn at the primates, hoping to distract some of them.

But only ten sprang over to eat it, and now other patrons were screaming and flipping out over the escaped monkeys making it almost impossible for Gold to get to Henry, or to use any kind of showy magic.

Cursing under his breath, the master sorcerer ducked behind a potted palm, a huge thing that filled almost an entire corner of the walk. Then he clicked his cufflinks together.

Henry ran as fast as he could, chucking popcorn behind him until the bag was empty, then he threw that at them too. Behind him were over twenty howling monkeys and he no longer thought they were cute at all, but a crazed mob out for his blood . . . except he didn't have anything to give them. He concentrated, and summoned two more bags of popcorn to him and started tossing it at the monkeys pursuing him while slowly backing away towards a tree.

Now he could hear people running and screaming and the monkeys became frightened by all the commotion and began leaping above him into the trees and running along the metal railings of the other exhibits. "Grandpa, where are you?" he gasped, wondering if Gold had gotten attacked by monkeys too.

Suddenly, a huge tawny shape came out of nowhere, landing on four graceful paws before him. It was a huge lion, with a brown mane and tufted tail and amber eyes, muscles rippling beneath the tawny coat.

Henry nearly screamed in fear, but the lion did not attack him. Instead it turned around to face the leering monkeys and gave a single loud roar that seemed to echo in the air.

The boy smiled then. "Grandpa!" he whispered.

The great lion stood like an immovable icon before the boy, his teeth bared slightly.

The monkeys skidded to a stop and then fled in fear, scampering away as fast as their little paws could carry them.

The lion huffed pointedly, his lip curling above his fangs, his head lowered, amber eyes glaring.

A second group of monkeys appeared and raced towards the boy . . . then doubled back as the lion roared again and raced right back where they had come.

Henry grinned. "All right!"

The lion turned and winked at him before springing behind the tree he was leaning against.

An instant later, Rumple walked out from behind the tree and came up to Henry. "You okay?" he asked, putting his hands on Henry's shoulders.

"Fine. Thanks to you," Henry said, and hugged him.

Just then several zoo employees with nets dashed past, crying, "Hey, did any of you see a lion or something around here? Because some people swore they heard one roaring."

"No, we haven't. But there were some monkeys who escaped and chased my grandson here," Rumple answered, still holding Henry. "I think they wanted his popcorn."

"Was he hurt?" asked one.

"No. I'm fine," Henry assured them.

"Okay, kid. If you need to, you can visit the medical center. We're really sorry about this. But now we have some monkeys to round up," said one and then he dashed away.

"Probably not as many as they think," Rumplestiltskin said. "I kind of told those that were here before to get back where they belong . . . and I think they'd have listened to me."

"That was so cool!" Henry said. "I didn't know you could shift shapes like that, Grandpa."

"I don't do it often," Rumple admitted. "There's always danger in shifting. Lose concentration for an instant and you could forget who you really are and remain trapped in that shape. More than one apprentice has done that . . . and never been restored because they've gone wild and lived out their days as a wolf or a bird or something. But this time . . . the price was worth it." He gave Henry another quick hug, then said, "Why don't we try and find your father and see what he's up to?"

Henry nodded, and together the two sorcerers made their way back towards the children's section of the zoo.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

In the aviary, Snow showed Emma how to coax a bird to her hand and fed it some seed. "See, Emma? Aren't they precious?"

Emma smiled at her mother, who reminded her at this moment of nothing so much as her Disney counterpart, who was able to call birds to her hand and sing to them. "You're the one who can talk to birds, Mom," she said. She held out her own hand, which had some bird seed in it. "See, I can't do it . . ."

A yellow bird landed on her arm.

"Emma! Look!" Snow cried, pointing.

"Oh! One came by me!" she gasped, feeling suddenly joyously happy. "Look, Mom, it's eating out of my hand."

The yellow bird happily pecked the seed from her cupped palm while Emma stood frozen.

"I told you could do it," Snow enthused. "They just had to get used to you." Another bird fluttered onto her other shoulder.

A bird landed in Emma's hair and then she gasped. "Umm . . . I think this one just . . . pooped on me."

Snow quickly came forward and wiped Emma's shoulder with a tissue. "Uh . . . yeah . . . sometimes they do that . . ."

"Great," Emma sighed. "The things they never tell you in those Disney movies." Then she started giggling as the bird on her head flew onto her hand and began eating what remained of the seeds.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

"Daddy, lookit me!" Regina crowed, waving at him from the back of the dromedary she was seated on. The camel was a white one, with a colorful saddle and a blanket of many colors.

David waved back and snapped a picture with his cell, thinking how adorable his little girl was.

The camel handler began to lead the camel around in a circle, and Regina grinned and waved as she went around, just like a little princess on parade, he thought proudly.

Suddenly, there came the sound of monkeys screaming, people running and yelling, and then a something like a lion roaring.

That was enough to send the camel, normally a sedate beast, into a full blown panic.

Bawling, it threw up its head and half-reared, jerking the line out of its handler's fist and then it spun and bolted, smashing through the fence with Regina hanging onto its neck.

"Daddy! Help me-e-e!"

"Regina!"

Horrified, David watched the camel streaking across the ground, his baby clinging precariously to the saddle.

Instinct took over then, and the former prince went and grabbed the camel who was tied to a post, yanking the reins free and springing onto its back. "Hee-yah!" he yelled, kicking it into a run.

"Hey! Buddy, you can't just—" cried the keeper.

Charming ignored him, urging the camel into a flat lope, chasing after the runaway dromedary with Regina upon its back. "Come on! Yah! Yah!" he called to the odd beast beneath him.

The camel ran with an odd gait, but it began catching up with the white dromedary. "Regina!" Charming cried, slapping the reins down upon his camel's neck, standing up in the stirrups of the odd saddle.

"Daddy!"

"I'm here!" David yelled, as his camel drew alongside his daughter's mount. Then he leaned over and grabbed his child off the running camel's back in a maneuver he'd done a thousand times from the back of a horse during his training as a knight in King George's palace.

"I've got you, baby! I've got you!" David panted, clutching his little girl close and sitting back in the saddle. His heart thundered in his chest as he tugged hard on the reins to slow the galloping camel, but he knew one thing, and that was his baby girl was safe and sound in his arms.

Regina wrapped her little arms about his neck and clung to him, shivering and scared, but gradually her shivering ceased as she realized she was now safe in her father's arms. "Daddy . . . you saved me . . ."

"You're gonna be okay," David murmured, finally managing to stop the camel. He dismounted, Regina still held in his arms.

Several people applauded as he touched the ground, the camel's reins still clutched in his hand.

"Mister, that was amazing!" gushed one bystander. "Never saw anything like that in my life."

"Yeah, how did you learn to ride like that?"

David shrugged. "I've always been good with horses. This is sort of like one."

Bae dashed up to him. "David! I saw you riding that camel! Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Regina's camel ran away with her and I had to go after it," David explained.

Regina looked at her big "brother". "Bae! My camel ran away and Daddy saved me!" She had an arm about Charming, and a look in her eyes that Baelfire recognized.

It had been the same look he'd given Rumplestiltskin once upon a time, as a child.

The look of a child for her hero.

"It's a good thing you know how to ride," Bae said to David as they walked back towards the pen so Charming could return the camel.

"Tell me about it. Riding one of these . . . animals isn't like riding a horse, but I had no choice," David said, and he tied the camel back to the post of the pen.

"Something's happening over there," Bae said, pointing towards the opposite end of the park.

"Yeah. Something sure spooked that camel," David remarked.

Henry dashed up to them, panting slightly. "Hey, Dad! You'll never guess what happened to me and Grandpa. We were like eating popcorn on this bench beside the cage where all these monkeys were and . . . I went to see them and I gave one some popcorn—"

"Henry, I don't think you should be feeding the animals anything," Bae interrupted.

"Um . . . yeah, I know that now, but . . . anyway, all of a sudden this monkey came on my shoulder and I was like, wow, and then there were like tons and tons of monkeys all over me . . . it was like I was a tree . . ."

"What?" Bae gasped. "The monkeys got out of the cage and climbed all over you?"

Henry nodded. "Yeah, and I was like surrounded . . ."

"I think they got out from a weak link in the fence," Rumple said, coming up to them. "And they went after him because he had popcorn."

"What did you do?" Bae asked.

"Well, I started throwing popcorn at them but they just kept coming after me, and then I ran after I . . . err . . . repelled some of them . . . and they kept chasing me and I thought I was like monkey stew or something," Henry told him. "Until this huge lion came and drove them off and it was Grandpa, Dad. He changed into a lion and saved me!"

Bae stared at his father. "You . . . became a lion to save Henry?"

"I had to. There wasn't much I could do with all the people around," Rumple said.

"It was so cool!" Henry cried, grinning up at Rumple. "My grandpa was the King of Beasts!"

"Shh! Not so loud!" Rumple reminded him, feeling an odd fluttering in his chest. It had been a long time since he'd been looked up to with that degree of awe from a boy. Not since Baelfire was around Henry's age.

"Sorry. But it was," his grandson said.

"Henry, my camel ran through the fence with me and Daddy came and saved me!" Regina boasted.

"Oh my God, David!" Snow cried, having come up just in time to hear that. "What's been happening here while Emma and I've been gone?"

"Lots of things," David replied.

"Papa, look at the picture Mama and I got," Alina said, running up to Rumple and hugging him. She showed him the picture of herself and Belle feeding the llama and the goat.

"That's a lovely picture, dearie," Rumple said, hugging Alina in one arm and Belle in the other. "We can put it up on the wall when we get home."

"Along with a lot of other pictures," Bae snickered, winking at David. He looked at Emma. "How was the aviary?"

"It was . . . interesting," she allowed. "How about you?"

"Well, I waited about ten minutes on line to get some water when all of a sudden everybody started running and screaming, so I never got anything to drink, but wait till you hear what happened to Henry and Papa and you'll see why . . ."

"Mom! Mom, wait till you hear this!" Henry said excitedly. "Regina almost got stolen away by a camel and Grandpa went all Lion King on those monkeys' asses and saved me!"

"Henry! Language!" Emma scolded automatically.

"Uh . . . sorry, but that's what happened," her son said. "The monkeys escaped from their habitat . . ."

Emma and Snow listened while Henry retold the story of the Great Monkey Fiasco or How Rumple Became Mufasa, and when he was done, Emma just shook her head. "You know, this could only happen to us."

"Got that right, dearie," Rumple said. "We seem to attract potentially catastrophic incidents."

"You can say that again," Bae sighed. "Well, I'm going to see if I can't get some water . . . again." He started back over to the vendor with the drink cart.

"Just watch out for flying monkeys, Bae," Alina called, smirking.

"You're a riot, Dorothy," he called back. Then he glanced up at the sky . . . just in case. Because with this family, you never knew.