Authors Note: I seriously didn't expect the feedback—or that many a response. Only goes to show—sometimes writing can be a serious crapshoot. Whenever I plan out a story, it ends up kicking me and leaving me high and dry. Whenever I give in to weird musings and let random madness come out, people read them. What's up with that?
Thank you. I whine. I complain. But I am grateful and so I thank you. All of you, who read, snorted, chortled and smiled throughout this tale. Here's to me, enjoying the image of someone out there with coffee shooting out of their nose because of something I wrote.
Best image ever.
October 2013 – Updating and tweaking. Finding out what I did with this thing that made it work.
Rules of Engagement
Second Act
"Life's a game, all you have to do, is know how to play it."
Ostensibly, Alessandro Valerius Corvino, 17th successor to the Corvino Famiglia, is languishing in splendor at his family's official seat of power to recover after the rigors and demands of his Inheritance ceremony. With an established famiglia such as his whose line of power had been uninterrupted and uncontested since its founding, it was taken as only natural that the newest boss would take time to familiarize himself with new alliances, review his staff and recruit the would-be members of his permanent entourage. Such periodic withdrawal from the Underworld Society by its prominent heads and successors were taken as the time when plans and strategies are made before plunging right into business. There was no rush in his case after all, no vacuum of power that must be filled immediately, no pressing state of affairs that needed swift and often impetuous actions since for all intents and purposes the Corvino Famiglia's 15th and 16th Heads were still very much alive and able to provide ample and immediate assistance.
This, however, was only the most convenient excuse the Corvino Famiglia is giving regarding their erstwhile absent heir. They effectively field questions without any cause for suspicion and continue on the everyday needs of the famiglia as efficiently as when the previous head was still in power.
Truthfully though, the reason was so much farther than the current status quo. The reason as to why he was currently cloistered in his family's oldest mansion is a matter of family politics. He could hardly tell anyone—save Mossimo, of course—that he was ordered—quite literally and forcefully—under house arrest by his grandfather, his father and his famiglia's clan leaders—with the specific instruction that he cannot proceed with any further dealings until the matter of his presentation with the Head of their Famiglia's Alliance is completed.
And so here he was, three weeks into his self-imposed confinement, sequestered in his study and kept under the watchful eye of his valet, bodyguard, general factotum Mossimo. His only respite was the designated family dinners, important business conferences, the occasional bathroom breaks, his daily meals and his morning and evening ablutions. Sleep, according to his irascible and clearly opinionated grandfather, was entirely optional.
When he heard the heavy oak doors swing open, he promptly dropped the thrice-cursed volume he had taken into carrying with him and pinned his clearly amused second-in-command with baleful eyes. He glared at him for a full minute before snorting derisively at his servant's clear nonchalance. The man looked chipper than a canary that knew it was the one playing with the cat.
"Buongiorno, Padrone. Che cosa ti piacerebbe per la prima colazione?"
Good morning , Boss. What would you like for breakfast?
"La tua testa su una lancia."
Your head on a spear.
He knows that Mossimo would pick up on his mood immediately but he was in no frame of mind to censure his tongue. Business dealings he could do and devote limitless time and energy on, but this vague presentation was starting to grate on his nerves. He wonders still why there seemed to be too many things he should simply master. And in this case, none of it seemed relevant or even logical.
"A bit bloody, don't you think for morning repast, my lord? Shall I prepare your usual dishes then?"
"No."
"You need to eat. How goes the studying, my lord?"
He glared at his manservant as the man pulled at one of the old-fashion bell-pulls that sent a message through the mansions kitchen.
"Traditore."Traitor
"Harsh and quite untrue. I am as ever your loyal and devoted servant. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed again, my lord? Perhaps a cappuccino to settle your temper?"
He threw his hands in the air. Since he woke up, his head aching from trying to decipher the notations in the leather journal that was quickly becoming the bane of his existence, he wondered how his smooth transition from would-be successor to head became so complicated. And now, even his father and grandfather is ringing him up to constantly nag him about it. He cast a glowering look at Mossimo when he finished conferring with the kitchen maid that appeared in his study.
"Come si fa a ditegli di tutte le persone?!" How can you tell him of all people?!
Mossimo gave him an eloquent look as if seriously contemplating his sanity. It was look that the man seemed to have developed and patented ever since Alessandro could remember. Twenty seven years old or not, the man could reduce him to a flustered boy with just a look. Chagrined, he sulked further into his leather seat and glared instead at the hapless volume he tossed in a fit of temper down on his desk.
"Egli è tuo padre. Ha chiesto. Ho avuto a rispondere."
He is your father. He asked. I had to answer him.
A knock interrupted their détente and one of the mansions maids came and wheeled in an antique silver cart that carried covered dishes and a carafe of steaming coffee, curtseying as she withdrew . Mossimo immediately prepared his drink and placed the exquisite bone china on his desk. Gingerly, he reached out and took a sip of the scalding liquid, thankful for the enervating shot of caffeine. His voice, no longer petulant, though still a bit surly, posed another question.
"E mio nonno?" And my grandfather?
"What about him?" His manservant busied himself setting his morning repast on one of the other tables scattered in his study. He lifted dome after silver dome of covered dishes and either nodded appreciatively of tut-tutted in contemplation.
"Mossimo…don't toy with me so early in the morning. You know very well that I am not at my best when I have less than seven hours of sleep in me. And this thing is depriving me not just of sleep but of my freedom."
The man simply gave him a glint and a sigh and continued with his work. He waited until Alessandro roused himself sufficiently to sit in front of the meal before he responded.
"Il vecchio Don chiesto a tuo padre. Tuo padre ha dovuto rispondergli."
The old don asked your father. Your father had to answer him.
Alessandro snorted. He picked up his fork and started on the still piping hot omelet that Mossimo placed in front of him. "Naturalmente." Of course.
He knows that truth all too well. In his family, they don't bother with threats. Asking someone directly was perceived and understood as a threat. In the Corvino famiglia only dead men dare to issue threats and certainly only dead men would wait until one is issued.
"So where are you now on the rules, my lord?"
He gestured with his fork and was rewarded by an admonishing look from Mossimo. He swallowed his first bite of the omelet and gave a look of his own. Undeterred, Mossimo moved the plate away and gave him another look. Sighing, he dropped his fork and reached out for the thin volume. He opened the book he remembered to keep close to him and started reading aloud.
Terza Regola
(Rule 3)
Utilizing Key Personnel is paramount.
Avoiding troublesome complications is a sign of experience. Knowing who to speak with and who to avoid is also par for the course. And never more true than with the unpredictable and fairly colorful members of the Head famiglia's inner core.
Aside from his personal guardians, his Chief Adviser and his External Advisor, the Vongola Head is usually surrounded by a host of other individuals who comprise the far-reaching and diverse network of personnel that make up the Decimo's private entourage.
For added information please refer to the index at the back.
"Who do you think he has in that list Mossimo?"
"I would not be averse to finding that out myself, my lord. Perhaps we should do as the Cavallone Don suggested and check said index."
Alessandro drained the last mouthful of coffee from his cup and nodded.
"No better time than the present I suppose."
He turned to the last few pages in the journal and saw a small smattering of profiles. The list comprised of names and a brief description of each individual. Amused and curious all the same, he started to read aloud the list.
"Trident Shamal."
Mossimo gave a short nod. "Now, that's a familiar name."
Trident Shamal
When seeking an introduction with Decimo do not under pain of death, use this man. Considering this man as your sponsor is like consigning yourself and your interest to some deranged mad scientist. He is more likely to use you as a subject for his medical experiments. However, his presence also instills a sense of security for the current head since there is practically few-if any at all-malaise or malady this doctor could not cure. His presence is also a major deterrent against assassins who would seek out to bring down the Head Famiglia using biological weaponry since up until recently there has been no reported casualty in the Head Famiglia from any type of questionable illness. There have been, however, many lawsuits regarding indecent behavior and harassment.
Special Note: Do not engage any female staff when this particular personnel is present.
Mossimo pursed his lips and cleared his throat. "I suppose that means we cannot invite your sister or your secretary to accompany us."
"Definitely." Alessandro turned to the next page and his brows furrowed. "Poisoned Scorpion Bianchi."
Mossimo gave out a small nod indicating he was also aware of the name. "She used to be independent but the grapevine confirms that she has been prominently in the Vongola now, like Shamal himself."
"Does the Head require a lot of assassins at his disposal?"
"According to the ripples we've caught over the years, they do not contract as freely as before. They were noted as members of the Head's household but nothing else."
Alessandro bent his head to read the short notation.
Poison Scorpion Bianchi
She will occasionally offer refreshments to new guests to the mansion. Take this warning and learn to decline every and all offering from this beautiful woman unless you wish to personally see what ever organ that resides inside of you looks like when you have to forcibly chuck them out. If you consume any meal she prepares, I can guarantee you they will come out—and do so painfully.
When you do encounter the beautiful scorpion, do not comment on her attire should she appear wearing goggles or garments that partially obscure her face. There is an explanation for it but it is too convoluted for the sane mind. Safest route with this personnel is to simply decline her cooking.
"Does she cook her targets?"
"Not to my knowledge although from what I heard that might be a far better option than the reality. No, I believe she uses her dishes as weapons. There had been reports that her cookies alone could melt through concrete. And that her full-course dinners could reduce an entire army."
"I-i-I see."
He stared at the journal warily and wondered if the material is toxic in anyway but he knows full well no mail arrives at the mansion without being thoroughly tested and put through its full paces—chemical, biological, electronic and the like. He turned another page and stared at the next name.
It was one both infamous and familiar. One of the most coveted personalities in their world whose location has never been known despite exhaustive searches that lasted nearly half a decade. A name that until recently had been one of the most undisclosed secret in their world. Mossimo must've noticed his sudden silence and cocked an eyebrow at him questioningly. With a sigh he read the next name aloud.
"The Ranking Prince."
Ranking Prince Fuuta de la Stella
If you are invited to the Vongola Mansion, please be advised that it does not give you leave to ask the ranking prince any information you desire to know. The ranking prince is under the Head Famiglia's and more specifically the personal protection of the Vongola Decimo himself and any perceived threat on his behalf are normally personally attended to by the Head himself. The ranking prince is considered 'Terra Incognita' by the Vongola Decimo. Take this warning to heart for the head and his guardians are fiercely protective of this young man.
It you are, however, lucky enough to be close at hand when the prince does one of his rankings, please secure all personal property and effects since very little remains immune to the zero-gravity field generated by the Ranking Star. The head famiglia has declined all lawsuits and complaints ranging from nausea to shock to simply loss of consciousness.
"Mossimo, did my father know? That the head famiglia had him?"
"I don't believe anyone knew where he was, my lord. For some time, many believed the rumors floating around—that he was kept under lock and key by the Vendice for his own protection. There was also the one regarding how all the stress caused him to lose his gift and that he was in some disclosed location somewhere living a quiet life."
"And all this time, he has been with the head famiglia. I wonder if that's one of the reasons they've become so powerful…"
"It would not be surprising to know that the head famiglia utilizes all the information at their disposal. Especially with a resource as powerful and credible as the rankings of the Prince himself."
Alessandro found himself running his fingers across the heavily annotated page. His gaze turned introspective. Something about the entry sparked a feeling inside his mind, a truth unassailable even as he knew there was no proof for it.
"No."
"No, what, sir?"
"I don't think that's what happened Mossimo. The notation seem to imply that the head famiglia—no, the Head himself values the ranking prince—as a person. The entry makes no mention about his ranking being something they valued—only that guests should not ask for them."
"Well, idle speculation is useless unless we meet with the young man himself."
"If we meet with him."
"Indeed. If."
The Decimo also employs skilled engineers that come in and out of the mansion at odd hours. IF they are present when you visit, the Head may introduce them. Do not be alarmed if one of them offers you a lollipop or shows a face that shimmers and glimmers in a disturbing fashion. However, if one offers you a box, simply decline politely. Should you also ever encounter pink smoke emerging from any room, DO NOT pay any particular mind. Keep your calm and someone will be along to give you sufficient explanation.
"Mossimo, you know, if I didn't know better, I'd say the Decimo is mad. And that the Cavallone Don is mad as a hatter too. This dossier is—unusual to say the least."
"Maybe that's the reason he felt you needed it before you actually meet any of them. Think of the disaster then if we entered that world stark raving blind."
"Point and logic as always Mossimo."
"But of course, my lord."
"I wonder if there is more…"
"Hm…I admit I am curious as well, my lord. They are rather colorful."
"I wonder if they have any family—ah! Here we are. I was looking forward to knowing about the head's family."
There will, of course, instances when the Decimo's biological family would also be in attendance, but these in conjunction with Mafia business, would be far and few in between. The Head of the Famiglia is an intensely private man.
However, should one be lucky enough to meet with certain females within the Head Famiglia's group, one should exercise the courtliest of all mannerisms that is in one's employ—especially regarding the Decimo's mother. Being a gracious and kind soul, it is not unusual for this singular woman to offer you sustenance—DO NOT DECLINE. No matter what happens, find a way not to offend this woman because the consequences are beyond DIRE. I cannot express the severity of how DIRE. Apocalyptic is a word that is usually reserved for the kind of casualty that would be unleashed should this woman ever shed tears.
"That is…Mossimo…"
"Yes, my lord."
"Please find out from Romario of the Cavallone what flowers the Decimo's lady mother prefers and see that we send her some as soon as possible."
"Of course my lord."
"And see that my own lady mother receives a gift too."
"Of course my lord."
"You have to give it to a man who prioritizes his mother."
"Especially ones that could bring about something so catastrophic as apocalypse."
"Indeed."
After lunch, Alessandro decided to tackle the journal once more. He noted that the index had another section to it and curiosity made him read it aloud as Mossimo served him his afternoon coffee and biscotti.
"You seem to enjoy reading that, my lord."
"You must admit they are a rather colorful bunch for wisemen. They are unusual, even in our world and I am man enough to admit to being intrigued by the need for a virtual rule of engagement just to meet them."
"There is that. Certainly no one else in the entire alliance requires such a thing."
"There you have it."
Regola Personale Speciale
Personnel Advisory
Arcobaleno
At any given time, former members of the famed Arcobaleno would drop in at the Head Famiglia's mansion. It would be in your best interest to remain calm as no one can quite predict whatever madness they bring when they are about. You have been warned.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Verde—do not volunteer for any experiments or any of his would be schemes as you would likely end up as a unwilling victim to his experimentations. Remember—the Vongola will not be held responsible so be warned.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Fong—smile and be polite. He is one of the safest of the bunch to interact with but please remember your manners and don't ask unnecessary questions especially when he already asked so politely because we will not be held responsible so be warned.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Skull—do not pay attentions to his boastings, naggings, claims or cries or distress because we will not be held responsible so be warned. Also do not attempt to come to his aid should the other Arcobaleno's pick on him. This is a daily occurrence to them and you have no place in their interactions. Sure death comes to those who ignore THIS warning.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Mamon—do not to any wager or make requests unless you have unlimited financial backing because he will drain you to the very last bloody lire and we will not be held responsible or accountable if you end up bankrupt so be warned.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Colonello—do not pay attention to his curses, complaint or mutterings. But if and when he gives you a direct order, better learn to follow double time or else because we will not be held responsible for any and all projectile-related retaliation so be warned.
If you meet the former Arcobaleno Reborn—be warned because even Decimo will not be held responsible for anything he does. EVER. Reborn is a law unto himself. So if ever you cross paths—wish that he's in a good mood. If not, hide and pray he DOES NOT FIND YOU.
Alessandro Valerius Corvino could count the number of times when he has been rendered speechless by something new on the fingers of one hand. In the last few months of interaction with the name 'Vongola', he has used up all his upper limbs digits.
He glanced at the pages he just finished reading and turned towards Mossimo. He blinked, swallowed, reached out for another sip of his now cold coffee and re-read the last page once more.
"Mossimo…how should I-?" Alessandro broke off his own stammered response and failed to put coherently into words just what exactly he wanted to say. After a minute or two, he stared at Mossimo once more and gestured helplessly at the opened and clearly and curiously creased page.
"I would simply take their advice on those things sir."
"I suppose that's the only sound and sane that could be done given the circumstances. I am not foolish enough to argue with someone THAT familiar with the Arcobaleno's idiosyncrasies to know how to react to their foibles."
"Excellent decision my lord. By the by, there is a dinner invitation for you tonight. The Avvoltoio Famiglia is hosting."
"Ah yes, of course. I have accepted that invitation on father's behalf. Remind me to make preparations."
"As you wish, my lord.
Alessandro glanced at a few more notations in the journal before sealing the volume in his study's vault for the night. He needed to think of a suitable gift to bring for the night's celebration. The Avvoltoio famiglia's head was a senior in school and he recalls that the man favored wines. Time perhaps, to pay a visit to his cellar. It was certainly a choice that's far easier, not to mention saner, than spending yet another night trying to decipher the maddening world that is Vongola.
Later in the evening, amidst the glittering crowds and throng of elegantly clad guests a series of sounds brought him to a standstill. Mossimo, of course, noted his sudden silence and tension and approached him immediately.
"My lord? Is anything amiss?"
"Mossimo…do you hear those voices?"
Mossimo's gaze immediately zeroed in on a rather fearsome bunch of Mafioso clearly highlighted by their complete and utter lack of nearby companions. They occupied a corner of the ballroom and it was quite obvious that no one dared to come any closer—not even the party's host himself.
"I doubt if anyone in the room failed to, my lord. They are rather boisterous. What is your interest in the—er—disruptors?"
"I think the journal mentioned them—or something quite like them. Find out who they are will you?"
"I believe that those men are members of the Varia, sir."
"Varia? The Varia—the Head Famiglia's extermination group?"
"Undoubtedly, sir. The silver-headed one I believe sir, was in the same grammar school as you."
He had dismissed the journal as something outrageous and perhaps foolish but now, as if his conscience recorded the sound of his own voice reciting the lines aloud, the passage came to him out of nowhere.
Should at any time you come upon the mansion and hear these sounds, terminate the appointment and send immediate note or messages conveying your regret and promptly reschedule.
VOI
"Voiiiiiiiiii! Did I tell you to remove the wine you fucking retard? And why did you eat everything on the damned fucking plate? Are you starving or something you damned freak! Bel! Get this fucking frog someone else's food will you? I don't care if you fucking have to kill a fucking herd or a fucking entire farm for all I care just get me something to fucking eat because I am fucking starving here, do you hear me you fucking retarded prince?!"
That's one.
USHI, SHI
"Ushi-shi-shi…damned shark. His Highness does not deal directly with servants. His Highness has servants to deal with other servants! You Levi! Deal with this frog and remove him from His Highness' presence! And find someone else who will deal with the damned shark. His Highness does not want anyone interrupting His Highness' meals especially some pathetic frog stealing food from some helpless shark."
That's two.
TRASH
"If you fucking trash don't shut your trap I will shoot you where you stand. I didn't come here to listen to you trashy retards mouth off like a bunch of sissy ass fishwives and I certainly am not in the mood to start now. So deal with it quickly you fucking trashy prince and control that fucking trashy black hole of a frog and stuff the mouth of that fucking trashy shark or I will use that crown to strangle you."
And that's three.
"My lord?"
"Tell me Mossimo…what sane man keeps men like the Varia leashed?"
Mossimo gave the group a cursory glance, noting the speculative look that's current burning in his young boss' eyes.
"I believe the Varia has always been part of the Vongola Famiglia structure. They are the ones that handle the kind of business no one sane should. It is therefore not really surprising that their members are composed of, shall we say, unique individuals."
"No wonder the advice mentioned in that book was for immediate termination of contact. They are much like ravenous wolves than loyal soldiers."
"There have been many speculations that the current Varia recognizes only the rule of the previous Don. They say that no one commands the independent assassination group of the Vongola, not even, they speculated, the current head himself. However, no one wanted to the theory to the test."
"Why is that? Do they fear the retribution from the Head Famiglia?"
"No. I believe the issue was raised but once. The ones that made the speculation aloud were silenced by the Varia themselves. It would seem that they don't mind that their loyalty is uncertain when it comes to the person of the Head but they will allow no one to question the strength and solidarity of the Famiglia itself."
"Indomabile, incontrollabile e imprevedibile. Solo il Capo Famiglia potrebbe pensare tali persone come beni."
Unconquerable, uncontrollable and unpredictable. Only the Head Famiglia would think such people as assets.
Please be careful to note the following sounds/phrases as these hints might make the difference between staying alive and sane and descending into utter chaos and madness. When you hear any or all of these trigger phrases-there is only one action necessary-RETREAT. If retreat becomes impossible, then stay absolutely still and stay as unobtrusive as possible. Do not attempt to flee, prevaricate or bluff your way into anything. Like packs of wild beasts of prey, they smell fear and love the chase.
"My lord?"
Mossimo watched warily as his young boss stood from seat and walked towards the main door. His intention of leaving evident in the purposeful stride and his preoccupied look. His boss gave a perfunctory farewell to their hosts before proceeding straight into the waiting limousine. The faithful seneschal was quite unnerved by the pensive visage of his young master.
"Mio signore, è male qualche cosa?"
My lord is anything the matter?
"Niente di ciò che l'oblio non può risolvere."
Nothing that oblivion cannot fix.
"My lord?"
"Sono seriamente iniziando a trovare quel libro regola abbastanza inquietante Mossimo."
I am seriously beginning to find that rule book quite disturbing Mossimo.
"Hm. Immaginate incontrandoli senza di essa."
Imagine meeting them without it."
Alessandro gave his companion a wry smile and nodded. He pulled out the thin volume from his inner pocket of his dinner jacket and handed it to Mossimo.
"I stand corrected. I am beginning to think we need to make a copy of the journal for future Corvinos. See to it, will you Mossimo?"
"Vedrò ad esso subito, mio signore"
'll see to it at once, my lord