It Felt Like Home

Workforce Redux

A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction

by

CanonAntithesis

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Chapter 8

"Are they going to be alright?" Tom asked breathlessly as the EMH calmly ran a medical tricorder over the prone form of his wife.

Tom Paris had experienced many horrors since Voyager had been sucked into the Delta Quadrant.

He had been altered by a transwarp flight which caused horrible mutations to his body and eventual death and then rebirth.

He had been held hostage by an evil, psychotic entity which masqueraded as a clown.

Along with his best friend, Harry, he had been wrongly incarcerated in an brutal alien prison.

He knew there were many more, but they all paled in comparison to what he was experiencing now. During the last five minutes, he had lived the most mind-numbing fear of his entire life.

After B'Elanna collapsed in their quarters, Tom had called for an emergency beam-out to sickbay. B'Elanna was transported directly to a biobed while Tom ran through the deserted halls of Voyager, arriving before the Doctor had had time to approach his patient.

"I'm examining them now, Mr. Paris," the EMH replied to Tom's question without looking away from the display screen of the tricorder, "if you would give me a moment."

"Maybe they don't have a moment!" Paris exclaimed in frustration at his lack of control of the situation.

Tom then paled suddenly as a wave of nausea swept over him. The EMH instantly placed a small receptacle in his shaky hands, seemingly without diverting his attention from the woman on the biobed. Tom retched into the container and collapsed onto a nearby chair.

The Doctor paused with his examination of B'Elanna to look at Tom for the first time since the young man had run into the sickbay. He quickly shifted his attention to Tom and began running the hand-held scanner over Tom's head.

"Stop that!" Tom said as he swatted at the Doctor's hand. "There's nothing wrong with me. It's B'Elanna and the baby you should be concerned about."

"On the contrary, Mr. Paris, you have recently sustained an injury to your skull which has resulted in a Grade I concussion." He continued scanning Paris. "I've administered an appropriate hypospray to B'Elanna and she is resting comfortably. Also, all is well with the fetus. Right now, you are my primary concern."

Paris' head was pounding inside his skull and he still felt dizzy, so he decided to stop protesting and allow the Doctor to complete his examination. The EMH finished his scan of Tom's body and placed the tricorder on a tray containing an array of medical instruments. He picked up a small regenerator and ran it over the back of Tom's head. His headache immediately felt better.

"I need you to remove your shirt, so I can visually examine the damage to your chest."

Sighing, Tom did as he was told.

The Doctor tsked to himself at the sight of the rapidly darkening area of skin in the center of Tom's chest. Tom decided to remain quiet in hopes of speeding things up. A satisfied look appeared on the Doctor's face as the bruise immediately lightened from bluish purple to brown to green and finally to a pale yellow as he expertly ran the regenerator over the injured area. He stopped short of removing it completely. A small amount of discomfort would remind Mr. Paris not to overexert himself.

Finally, the Doctor snapped the device shut and stepped back with finality.

"There," he pronounced matter-of-factly, "you should be fine now, I've reduced the pressure on your brain and healed the bruise on your chest. However, you should rest and avoid strenuous exercise for a few days." He turned to walk away, but stopped and added, "Oh, and take an analgesic if you experience any pain."

The doctor started to walk away again, but Tom grabbed his arm to stop him.

"But what about B'Elanna? How is she?"

The doctor rolled his eyes slightly before responding. "She'll be fine. However, her blood pressure is slightly elevated and I'd like to keep her here for observation until morning."

"High blood pressure? Is that serious?"

"It can be. Hypertension during pregnancy can lead to premature birth, among other things. It's important to keep stress to a minimum, perhaps by limiting any undue tension within her marriage," he added pointedly.

"Be careful what you're saying, Doc," Tom said darkly. "Especially when you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

The EMH turned squarely to face Paris. "B'Elanna has been under my medical supervision during her entire pregnancy, plus she was the first crew member to undergo the memory recovery. Therefore, I know her current medical state. She has shown no signs of hypertension before today. Also, the bruising on the palm of her right hand is a perfect match with the bruising on your chest."

"So?"

"I thoroughly examined each and every crew member before beginning the memory recovery therapy. I know more about this crew than their mothers ever dreamed of learning. For instance, I know what Seven of Nine had for dinner her last night on Quarra. I know when the last time Lt. Ayala had a bowel elimination. I know when the last time you engaged in sexual relations … and with whom."

"W-we didn't know..."

"Of course you didn't. You weren't responsible for those actions while you lived on Quarra. We all understand that." The Doctor narrowed his eyes and continued with a thinly veiled warning. "You aren't on Quarra anymore, Mr. Paris. Inappropriate feelings for the Captain need to be suppressed starting tonight." His expression softened and he placed a reassuring hand on Paris' shoulder. "Look, Tom. You and I have come a long way since the beginning of this mission, more so than any other crew members abroad, I believe. You are a good man and a good husband and I believe you will make an excellent father. I also believe that if anything dire happens to B'Elanna or your daughter, you will never forgive yourself."

"You're right. I wouldn't." Tom's voice sounded filled with emotion, embarrassingly so to him.

The Doctor straightened up and his normal smug appearance returned to his face.

"Good. I assume you'll be staying here with B'Elanna tonight. I recommend finding a good pillow. I'll be in my office."

With that, he left Tom alone with his thoughts.

/***\

Tom moved a chair over next to B'Elanna's bed and sank down onto the uncomfortably hard seat. He rested his head in his hands and tried to figure out how he'd come to this point in his life. Sometimes, it felt like it was just yesterday when he had been doing maintenance on that old shuttle at the penal colony in New Zealand.

That was the day he met Kathryn Janeway.

That was the day Kathryn Janeway gave him a new life.

Fast forward to today where he loved two women: his wife, B'Elanna, and the aforementioned Kathryn Janeway. And in just the last several hours, Tom had managed to crush the hearts of both of those women.

He angrily rubbed his face and looked up at the sleeping form of B'Elanna. Her distended stomach rising and falling with each breath. He wanted so much to reach out and touch her belly, to feel that connection with his unborn child. Tom had surprised everyone with his own excitement about the impending birth of his daughter. Some people... most people, thought of Tom as a boy who hadn't quite grown up. Some days he felt like that himself. However, as he was settling down into his role as a husband and father-to-be, he knew he was ready for one of them. He was ready to be a father to his daughter; he just wasn't sure he was ready to be a husband to his wife.

He knew deep in his soul that if B'Elanna wasn't pregnant, he would have chosen Kathryn. He had never felt so connected to anyone, man or woman, in his entire life.

Back in New Zealand, when she approached him with her idea of helping Voyager find and capture the renegade, Chakotay, Tom had lied to her in omission. She introduced herself and he pretended that he had never heard of her before. She was just another Star Fleet tool, sent to torment him.

That was a lie, somewhat. While he had never actually met Kathryn Janeway, he had known about her since he was a teenager. His father talked about her incessantly. At first, he was extremely jealous of his father's new protege, that is, until he saw her. He was instantly smitten. In the twentieth century, they would have called it puppy love. In the early twenty-first century, they would have said it bordered on stalking. He spied on her when she came to their house to meet with his father. He took terrabytes of photographs with his holo-imager in an attempt to create a holographic representation of the gorgeous young ensign. Since he was too shy to talk to her in person, he decided that creating his own version of her was the next best thing. Unfortunately, it wasn't actually his holo-imager and when Kathleen, his oldest sister, found out, she reclaimed her property and deleted all of his pictures.

Over ten years later, there she was with this insane mission of following Chakotay into the Badlands to bring him back. And she was as breathtaking as ever, more so if he was honest. He pretended that his motivation was so that she would put in a good word at his next review board. Hah! He just wanted to be near her again. However, he quickly realized that she had even less in common with him now than she had when she was an ensign and he a teenager. Life literally proceeded at warp speed and he put personal thoughts of Captain Janeway out of his mind, or so he thought.

Then, during the second year of their mission, he and Harry created a functioning transwarp drive. The ensuing flight caused major changes in his DNA. When he, in his altered state, broke loose from engineering, he bypassed several crewmembers, including B'Elanna, before coming upon Kathryn and capturing her. He had no memories of the incident, but Tom had taken it upon himself to piece together what had happened to him during that chaotic time. Even then, he was obviously still drawn to her.

Many years later, he thought his attraction to her was over. He thought he had found happiness with B'Elanna … until Quarra. Without their ranks to drive a wedge between them and his memories of other responsibilities, they had been instantly drawn to one another.

And now...

"I'm not asleep, you know," B'Elanna stated in a strong, but subdued voice.

Tom's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "B'e?" He stood and started to lay his hand over hers, but hesitated before touching her.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you." Her voice was surprisingly light and jovial.

In spite of her reassurance, he placed his hand back at his side.

"How are you? Do you hurt?", Tom asked with genuine concern.

"I feel fine, if not a little foolish."

"The doc says your blood pressure is high. He said it was caused by stress, by … me."

"I know. I heard him." She turned to look at him for the first time, her soulful brown eyes seemed to be searching for something in his. "We need to talk."

Tom ran a hand through his hair. Boy, was that an understatement!

"Yeah, you're right."

Despite this declaration, neither of them said anything and the silence felt heavy in the quiet room. Finally, B'Elanna broke the silence with the most difficult question of all.

"Do you love her?"

Shit, how was I supposed to answer that?, thought Tom. Aloud, he stammered idiotically, "I-I-I…"

"Forget I asked," B'Elanna cut him off before he said something neither of them wanted to hear. "Let's try this one instead… do you love me?"

"Yes," Tom answered immediately. There was no hesitation in his voice. "...with all my heart and soul," he added quickly. "And the baby. I love both of you so much."

B'Elanna reached for Tom's right hand and placed it on her stomach, over their child. The baby was uncharacteristically quiet. At least someone was resting. She left her own hand over his. He picked up her other hand and brought it to his lips as tears fell down his face.

B'Elanna took a deep breath before saying, with much control in her voice, "Then that's where we'll leave things. We look forward from this point, not backwards, never backwards. It won't be discussed or mentioned ever. Is that understood?"

Oh, he understood alright. She was giving him a way out, a way forward, as she had said. And Tom was determined to not screw this up. "I understand completely."

/***\

Janeway faced the rear of the turbolift with her eyes closed in a weak attempt at mediation. She waited for the door to open onto the bridge. It was her first day back on full duty and she hadn't felt this nervous since she was a wet-behind-the-ears ensign. She heard the doors open and she spun around with a confidence she didn't feel as she exited.

From his position at the OPS Station, Harry Kim spotted her immediately and snapped to attention. "Captain on the Bridge," he commanded.

The bridge crew all came to attention. Janeway paused momentarily and let her eyes roam this most familiar location on her ship. Sometimes it felt like she spent more time here than anywhere else in her entire life. She paused briefly on Lt. Paris who was standing stiffly at attention, eyes straight ahead.

It was customary for the captain to release her crew from the position of attention by issuing the command of "As you were" or "At ease", whichever was most appropriate. She said nothing because she wasn't sure she could trust her voice yet.

Instead she walked slowly down to her command seat where Chakotay awaited her.

"Ready to go?" her First Officer asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

His question sent a signal to the rest of the bridge to continue with their activities.

Staring at the viewscreen ahead of her, the Captain ignored his question as she stared at the planet Quarra which took up most of the screen. She decided Chakotay deserved some sort of closure for his part in this horrible misadventure.

With her eyes still forward, she opined, "It may not have been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home. If you hadn't come after me I never would've known that I had another life."

He was watching her intently. "Are you sorry I showed up?"

Slowly, she looked over at Chakotay, her loyal First Officer, her best friend, and realized she had no choice in her reply.

"Not for a second," she lied and felt instantly gratified in her decision to not tell him the truth when she saw the relieved expression on his face. Shifting in her seat, Janeway faced forward and stared at the back of her pilot's head. That's all he could be now, her pilot. "Resume course, Mister Paris."

Tom sat up straighter in his seat, but he didn't look back to offer any light banter as he might have in the past.

Not backwards. Never backwards.

Wasn't that what B'Elanna had said just last night? The time for looking back had past.

Paris replied, "Aye, sir."

They had both made their decisions and would have to live with them.

The End?

Author's Notes:

Thank you for reading and once again I apologize for the horrible delay in finishing this story.

And yes, there will be a sequel. I'm working on it now. It starts during Endgame.

I would appreciate any reviews you wish to leave.