Chapter 13

I did not even know why I had left to begin with. The whole situation had been so strange, but it just felt like the right thing to do at the time. This had to be the most awkward and confusing day of my life. So many things had happened and I could not explain any of the actions I had taken within the last ten hours. I blame that on the alcohol, even though I knew that there had to be more than that behind it.

When I woke up, Kakashi had already left the bedroom, which I was kind of thankful for since I was not ready to face him and the awkwardness that would probably be between us after what had happened. So many questions had gone through my mind. What should I say to him? Would he even want to talk to me? Would he be embarrassed? Why had he done what he had done – or maybe a more relevant question; why did I go along? It had to be the booze and maybe even the smog of weed I had sat in that had made me end up liking the feeling of him touching me, even though it frightened me to start with.

I had been confused and I still was. When I thought of Kakashi touching me now, it made my guts twist. I did not really want to think about it and tried to wipe the thought away, but it was not easy when I could still smell his after shave on me.

Suddenly, a young man on a bicycle crossed my way, nearly knocking me over. He did not turn around to apologize, but continued as if nothing had happened. I did not know if I should be mad at him or not because at least he got my mind back to the real world.

I realized that I did not know where I was headed and had not even thought about where to go yet. Standing almost in the center of the village, being in two minds about where to go, I looked around to review my options. At first, I thought about going to the park, but the sky was dark and cloudy that day so it was probably going to rain and I would rather just go home and avoid getting wet.

I rounded a corner and went in the opposite direction of the park, walking into Koizora lane. This was one of the streets I always walked on when going home from work and it was my favorite lane in the village. It had such a beautiful name and I loved the story behind it. I had been told that it had gotten its' name in the 1950s when young couples in love used to walk this way when they were headed for the park. Also, there had been a restaurant where you could only sit outside under the open sky and eat. This had been one of the most coveted restaurants in the village and it was said that it had a packed house every night, which made it practically impossible to get a table. You could not reserve a table, their policy was on a first-come, first-served basis.

Koizora was the street from where the sky was clearest. Because of the short buildings, the stars were always bright there and the moon seemed like it was closer to earth than anywhere else. That was the reason why people enjoyed and preferred taking this lane when going to the park with their loved ones. It had become a tradition in this village that you took your girl- or boyfriend with you down Koizora lane during spring or summertime - I did not really remember the exact date, but they usually put up posters a couple of days before the Koizora festival took place.

My chin dropped to my chest and I walked on with my eyes glued to the ground. I did not really feel like looking at the sky at the moment since it reminded me that I would not be able to participate in the festival yet another year. At least, it would not make any sense if I did since I did not have a special someone to share the night with. The festival celebrated the beauty of love so going by yourself was not an option.

My mind strayed into a subject that I would rather just forget about. I was not going to the festival, but Kakashi probably would and he would bring his girlfriend. Well, I was not sure if they were actually dating, but I figured they were since they made out as soon as she appeared on his doorstep. I had not been able to see it, but you could easily tell that was what they were doing by the smacking sounds. Just the thought of it made me feel uncomfortable and kind of damped. I did not know why, it just did.

I shook my head in disbelief over myself. This feeling I got when thinking of that girl kissing Kakashi, it was a feeling I had had many times before. It was not an unfamiliar feeling, most people had felt it before, I just did not know why I was feeling it and I was not even sure if it was actually what I felt. The green eyed monster lay smoldering in the back of my mind. I was fighting to hold it back. Fighting to keep it inside its dark, hidden cage, but no matter how much I tried not to let it out, in the end, it was an impossible task. It was a natural feeling, just not for me in this kind of situation. Why was it so hard to suppress human emotions?

The thought of Kakashi's smooth, bare upper body pressing against mine struck me again. Fuck. What was wrong with me? I had never thought or done anything like that with a man before. Truth was I had not even considered doing anything with him until he had kissed my neck in that comforting and graceful way. It just felt wrong, but at the same time, it felt kind of nice and maybe that was actually what scared me the most?

I was not gay so why could I not get Kakashi out of my head. Was this really what I had been feeling towards him this whole time? Actually, I never considered why I was – well - I guess you could say that I was kind of stalking him. My mind was, at the very least. But could this be the reason why? Did I desire him? I never really thought about asking myself why I had found him as interesting as I did, but I probably would have guessed that it was curiosity that had driven me to do the things I did at first. But could curiosity get me to the point where I wanted to hook up or at least try and be with another man? I doubted it, but my admiration, or whatever it was I felt or had felt towards him, had seemed so innocent. The only feelings I was left with now were filthy- and perverseness.

Sighing, I looked up at the sky. It seemed like the bad weather was coming closer so I had to pick up my pace.

Things only got worse after I had left that sinful bedroom of his. Before walking into the living room, I had put on my shoes and taken my jacket with me. Everybody was asleep when I got out and I could not see Kakashi anywhere. I had been so nervous and afraid of if he had left the apartment in embarrassment after waking up and realizing what he had done with me. I did not know if I should go or stay and if I should even try to talk to him again. I had never thought of him as gay and actually, it was the last thing he appeared to be. But if he was gay, I could not help but wonder if he had even known it himself until last night. Was I just... an experiment?

But what about that girl? Was she a cover up then or did she in fact bring the kind of package he wanted in his bed beside, under or on him? I was almost certain that I had seen her before, but I could not place her. Who was she?

Well, I guess that was not that important so on with the story. I had thrown my jacket on the couch, which Hidan slept on, and had figured that I should remove the vomit from the bedroom floor. It would be a nice thing to do and there was a small possibility that it could ease up the tension that might had come between Kakashi and me. But when I went out to the bathroom to get some paper to clean the floor with, I had seen something I was not prepared for.

Kakashi stood in the shower and his body was dripping wet, glistering in the bright light of the bathroom lamp. His hair had gone heavy from the water it contained and hung in thick strands, which stuck to his face like it was glued on to it. His pants were open and had slid down his hips just a bit, but enough to expose his prominent and conspicuous haunch bones. I did not even know until then that he had a six-pack. A very fine one, at that. The very sight of him was kind of... Exciting?

When he looked at me, it felt like I had been caught sneak peeking at the girls in their locker room, but he just smiled at me and pretended like there was nothing odd about the situation. I was so embarrassed about myself and shut the door quickly. At that moment, it was doomed to be even more frightful to face him.

I had shut the door so loudly that it had aroused Hidan. He was sitting on the couch, rubbing his sleepy eyes. When he finally noticed my confused figure, he smiled and said, "That was some party, right? So, how's the eye?" I told him I did not even notice it so I would not sound like a whimp, but it was not true. It hurt badly.

Hidan had then started babbling about the happenings of the day before and he actually said that I had been cool to hang out with and he would like to do it again sometime. I was not sure if he meant it, but his loud talking had awoken Zabuza and Asuma. He asked me if I would like to come to his private party the next Friday. I did not dare to say no and figured I could decide whether or not to go later. He probably would not notice if I did not show up anyway. Even though I did not feel like he meant what he said, I still could not help but feel slightly flattered. I could not imagine that I had been so much fun being around, which according to Hidan, I had been.

Without saying anything, Hidan had went out to the kitchen to get us some food, but he came back empty handed. Apparently, Itachi had eaten everything worth eating. In the meanwhile, I had taken a seat at the couch and Hidan came back and sat down beside me. Zabuza and Asuma had turned on the TV because they were not up for Hidan's torrent of speech, at least that was what they had said.

I did not really listen when Hidan started talking about his upcoming party. My mind was reserved for more important things. Kakashi business, to be exact.

I was not prepared for Kakashi's sudden appearance, though, so when he got out of the bathroom and tried to make eye contact with me, I looked away from him. I was dying to know what his thoughts of the night's happenings were, but I could not just walk up to him and ask, especially not when all the other guys were around. And what was I supposed to say? What did I expect him to say when I did not even know what my own feelings towards it were? I had felt so confused.

You could not tell by Kakashi's behavior that something out of the ordinary had went down just a few hours before. He was talking like nothing had ever happened, which left me with a bunch of new questions. Either he pretended like nothing had happened because he was embarrassed and had regretted it or he had forgotten about it. He had been really drunk and probably stoned too, but this was not something you could just forget, which made me come to the conclusion that he was pretending like nothing had ever happened.

I kind of understood why he chose to act as he did, but still, it hurt and I did not want to look at him, but it was hard not to. How could he pretend like he did not know? I felt used, but on the other hand, he could not just confess everything that had happened in front of his friends. Not if they did not know that he swung both ways. Well, that was not actually something that I knew he did with certainty. If I had to be completely honest to myself, he could easily just have done what he did because of what he had consumed. Maybe he did not even notice it was me he was doing it to? No, wait... He said my name. He said my name! This only made everything even more confusing to me. How would I ever be able to solve this puzzle unless he gave me some more puzzle pieces to solve it with?

I had been so upset after seeing how he chose to react that when that girl appeared and started kissing him, it was just the last straw to break the camel's back. My perplexity became too much and I just had to get out. At that very moment so many different feelings were rushing through my body that I did not even know what was an reaction to what and why. That was why I could not explain why I had left. Was it disappointment, sexual confusion, anger towards myself or/and him, frustration, maybe even jealousy? I could not answer. Not now. What I needed was to get back home and figure everything out on my own in quietness.

Finally, I arrived at the street where my apartment was located and rushed inside, locking the door behind me. Today was one of those days where I was just going to pretend that I was not home. Not that I was expecting to get any visitors since it never happened, but I just needed to be by myself and a locked front door made me feel like I was alone and secure. Iruka, what kind of mess have you gotten yourself into this time?

OoooOooOooOo

Lol! I just talked to my English teacher and realized that there is something called logical plurality (or whatever the term for it is in English xD) and I've probably been doing it wrong throughout all the chapters! For example: I touched him with the tip of my fingers – apparently, it should be 'I touched him with the tips of my fingers'.. We use singular in Danish so that's probably why I confused it? It just seems more logical to me in singular since there aren't more than one tip on each finger. 3 fingers have one tip each = tip of my fingers. Damn it -_-' I'll make sure to read all the chapters through again and see if I can find those type of mistakes anywhere and correct them. Sorry!

(By the way, I've read the story through once again and corrected all the mistakes I could find. It still won't be flawless, but at least I found some... I'm just annoyed by the fact that I have to do it all over again now -_-' Oh well, I'll re-publish all the chapters before posting this one so any future readers won't have to deal with the same mistakes you had, sorry :S)

Enough of that... So, it took me 7 days to update this – I'm so sorry for that! I didn't mean for it to take so long. And you haven't even heard the worst part yet; I haven't even made any of the assignments I was behind with.. God, I hate myself!

And now that I finally updated the story, you didn't even get that much out of it, I guess. The chapter was pretty boring, wasn't it? Oh God, I hope the next chapter or something coming soon will make up for that. I'll try to be faster at updating, but my assignments are really taking my mind off everything fanfiction related, sorry. Aaaand I'm having complications with the story -_-' I thought I had the whole plot down, but suddenly I came up with all these new things and now I have to figure out if they even fit the story and where they should be.. Argh! Sometimes I hate getting ideas! They ruin my original storyline -_-'!

I hope you enjoyed reading this even though it was delayed and probably a disappointing chapter. Please review, I could really use your blame and/or praise right now since I'm feeling kind of lost.