Sorry for the delay, family problems...
ANY WHO, I'M GONNA BE UPDATING EVERY WEEKEND OR TWO HERE ON OUT. THE REASON THE FIRST 3 CAME OUT SO QUICK IS BECAUSE I WROTE THEM ALL BEFORE POSTING THE FIRST.
NOW, BACK TO THE STORY!
Smash Institute
Chapter 5: Assessment Week Part 1
The first night had gone pretty well in the Popstar Embassy, as it had been called. No one had any trouble falling asleep, no one woke with pain or grump, and best of all, Tac had come by and told them about his scare victims. Now, everyone was enjoying a big old helping of...
"PANCAKES!", Knuckle Joe screamed in delight. He had just seen the delicious stack of awesomeness, then dove right into the giant pile of food. No really, there was a giant pile of what was possibly 10,000 pancakes, all piled on a pancake rug to keep them from getting muddy. It was a swamp, after all.
"Kirby made enough to feed himself times fifty.", Bio Spark said. "Way to many."
"Relax.", Meta Knight told him. "Kirby will eat them all, after he's done cooking." Sure enough, Kirby was still throwing leaves into his Smash Pot. And for every leaf that went in, a pancake came out. THAT'S how you cook: by defying all logic, physics and...well, everything. BUT WHO CARES?! PANCAKES!
"He'll even eat the rug, even though it's covered in mud underneath.", added Dedede. "But what I'm wondering is how we go about building our empire. After all, it's not like we have the proper requirements."
"What do you mean?", Bio asked.
"Well, the trees are in the way, there's mud and water everywhere, we don't have a way to weld the blocks together, and Joe-"
"THAT'S KNU-"
"Okay, okay, Knuckle Joe has yet to even show us this block duplicator thing of his.", Dedede finished.
"I've got it all right, I just had to hide it, that's all. After all, it's not like I knew where we we're going to settle.", Knuckle Joe said.
"Where'd you hide it then?", asked Meta, who was trying to get Kirby more leaves before he ran out and started eating everything.
"Somewhere you'd never expect it to be: Inside Mario's hat.", the fighter said proudly.
"YOU WHAT?! Dude, Mario NEVER takes his hat off!", screamed Dedede. "He wears it to the beach, to bed, and in the shower! How are we supposed to get it back? It's not like he'll give it to us after the whole bet thing! How'd you even get it in there in the first place?"
"I took it off his head before lunch, put it inside while he was chasing me, then pretended to trip so he could catch me.", Knuckle Joe said.
"So we can just do that again?", asked Bio.
"Nope. He said he'd glue it on first chance he got.", Knuckle Joe said.
"Great, now we've gotta get it back soon, or else we can't build anything!", said Meta. "In fact, the deal with the estate agent was 'start building on you're land in five days, or the deals off'. So we've got until Friday night to start."
Just as he finished, Kirby ran out of leaves. "Uh-oh. Everyone, scatter!", screamed the ninja.
-
The Dorms:
"Peach! Wake up! You don't want to be late, do you?", asked Zelda.
"Fine, fine, I'm up, see?", Peach said as she stood up out of bed. They and Daisy were wearing simple shirt-and-pants pajamas with the words "Princess's for life" written on the chest. Samus was wearing...the Varia Suit? "Sam, what the hell are you doing? I mean, power suit in bed? Why?"
"Incase Sylux-"
"Samus Veronica Aran! You're-", Peach began, when Daisy interrupted.
"Veronica?"
"Yeah, she looks like a Veronica to me."
"Really? I think she's more of a Kristina.", said Zelda.
"ARE YOU BOTH NUTS?! She's clearly a Skylar!", said the tomboy.
*To save you all from a really stupid conversation, let's go to the Pokemon room.*
-
"Come on Lucario, just apologize", asked Gallade telepathicly.
"No! I have done nothing wrong!", the jackal mind-yelled.
"Just do it for crying out loud! Then maybe you two can get along!", mental-asserted the knight.
"And why would I want to get along with him?", Lucario brain-questioned.
"JUST SAY SORRY YA IMMATURE BASTERED!"
"NO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
"WOW, REAL MATURE THERE!"
"OH, YOU WANT MATURE?" Lucario stuck his tongue out at Gallade.
"SO THAT'S THE GREAT LUCARIO'S TEN YEARS OF MEDITATION, HUH?! WELL, THEN HOW ABOUT-"
"STOP *censured* YELLING YOU TWO!", screamed Red. Yes, they had started screaming out loud and didn't even notice. Wow.
"PIKA, PIKA CHU!", yelled TAKE A FUCKING GUESS.
"WE'RE NOT THAT LOUD!", screamed Gallade.
"YES YOU ARE! NOW SHUT UP AND-" *boring! Maybe someone else is having a better morning? Let's find out!*
-
R.O.B.'s 'room'
SYSTEM ONLINE. TIME: SEVEN A.M. VISOR ACTIVATING.
R.O.B. opened his eyes to a sight he wouldn't soon forget. Roy was making out with- *UGH! LAME!*
-
Link, Toon Link, and Yoshi's room
Toon Link could stand it no longer. "Hey! Poke-Asses! Shut up, or I'll-" *Not this again?! That's it! Time skip!*
-
Home room. 9:00 A.M.
Everyone seemed to be at each others throats. The tension between the blond girls had skyrocketed. Roy was pissed at the five pilots and his good Emblem friends, the Pokemon were in a tangled web of hatred, Toon Link and his 'accomplices' were chalk-full of rivalry, Wario was getting sick of Knuckle Joe's tough guy attitude and vice-versa, and Luigi was still pissed at Captain Falcon for hitting on his girl. However, they would soon have an outlet for their anger.
"Morning class!", said the cheery blonde teacher.
"Good morning Ms. Summer.", most said, although not many felt that way.
"Well, it seems we have a bit of tension in the air, hmm?" There was some mumbling. "Well, then I think you'll be happy to find this out. Today is day one of assessment week!"
"Yeah!", screamed the vets. The newbies scratched their heads.
"For those of you who don't know", started Ms. Summer, "assessment week is-Kirby! Stop eating the desk!" Kirby immediately stopped cold, mouth engulfing the corner of the desk.
Knuckle Joe leaned in. "Dude, I know you have limits, apply them!"
"Now then, as I was saying, assessment week is how we determine the tier list. It's an entirely physical four day test week where we analyze your skills and weaknesses. Most of it is stuff like obstacle courses, target practice, and all that jazz. Any questions?" Noxus raised his, uh, hand...? "Yes, Noxus?"
"What's a tier list?" Most vets looked shocked.
Ms. Summer knew who could answer that better than she could. "Meta Knight, if you'll please?"
"Yes, madame.", Meta Knight said as he hopped onto his desk. "Tier lists are the ranking of the Smashers here at S.M.A.S.H. Tier one is the best Smasher. The tier list is made by the academy faculty after examining all of our skills. The five major skills are speed, agility, strength, defence, and shock absorbtion. Speed is how fast you can run, and how fast your on-ground attacks are. Agility is your airborne speed, maneuverability, and how fast your airborne attacks are. Strength is your attack strength, knockback strength, and stun damage. Defence is how well you resist damage, while shock absorbtion helps you resist knockback and recover from stun damage, if not negate it. Other less noticable skills are still important, but they are not generally improvable."
"Thank you, now take your seat again, please." The knight did as asked. "The assessment week will go on until Friday afternoon. After that, well, it'll be the weekend. Now, please go to the Peace Garden to receive your instructions." The class stood and filed out. "Kirby, come here please", the cheerful blonde asked. Kirby stood by her side until everyone left. "Kirby, if you try to eat something you're not supposed to again, I'll have to lace everything with pesticides. Understood?" The little guy nodded, then ran out. "What am I gonna do with him?", she asked herself.
-
Peace Garden. 9:20 A.M.
They had all gone to the garden as asked and were waiting for whoever to show up, when a tall and muscular negro walked out of the building. "Morning Smashers. I'm Captain Slyze, but you will address me as Sir!" Fox covered his ears. "Now then, we'll split you into four groups. My Lieutenants will escort you to the assessment areas and we will commence from there. We will be on a four day rotation schedule where each group will spend one day at each of the four areas. Now, group one, line up at the east gate when all your names have been called. Mario, Dk, Pikachu, Link, Kirby, Fox, Ness, Pit, R.O.B., Daisy, Gallade, Blaze, and Krystal." The group got up and went to the eastern gate. "Group two, west gate. Luigi, Diddy, Jigglypuff, Toon Link, Meta Knight, Falco, Lucas, Popo, Nana, Sonic, Bowser Jr., Bisharp, Amy Ro-"
"NOOOOOO!", screamed Sonic as he dashed for the door, only to run straight into a certain someones Piko Piko Hammer. Amy grabbed the blue blur's ankle and dragged him back to where he was sitting.
"Thank you miss Rose. Group two also has Roy.", Slyze *That's Captain Slyze!* *Hey! That's my joke!* *Both of you, back in the story, now!* concluded. Most of the group got up, except Toonie. Slyze saw this and walked up to the shrimp, who was napping. "And why aren't you moving, Toonie?"
Toon Link woke up with a scream. "Jeez, can't a guy get a nap in here?", he demanded. A vein appeared on the Captain's head.
"Lieutenant Douglas!", he screamed. The lieutenant came over and before he could snap a salute, Slyze began again. "I want this kid broke this year! I want you to make him cry for his mommy! And once you accomplish that", he took out a camera, "film it!"
"Yes sir!", Douglas said as he saluted and took the camera.
"Here we go again...", mumbled the prankster as he walked to the group.
"Group three", began the Captain, as if nothing had happened, "Wario, Peach, Lucario, Zelda, Dedede, Wolf, Marth, Game & Watch, Snake, Knuckle Joe, Tails, and Sylux. North! The rest of you, south!." They did as instructed.
"Hey, tubby.", whispered Knuckle Joe.
"What do you want, knuckle head?", asked Wario.
"At the end of this, do we get to brawl?"
"Yeah..."
"You. Me. First chance. Winner is top dog for the next three months."
Wario smirked. "You're on."
-
Day 1. 9:30 A.M.
"Listen up, maggots!", screamed Reggie, the commander of group 1. "This is the speed and agility course! You will, I repeat, YOU WILL run this course until you can complete it in 5 minutes or less!" He pointed at the obstacle course behind him. It was a course that required fancy footwork to navigate. It began with a 50 foot stone wall with logs sticking out of it. After that a series of beams protruded from the ground. Each was constantly moving up and down and had Bullet Bills firing across their tops. After that, monkey bars were rotating around an electrified metal pole. The bars were half pipe, half barbed wire, alternating every 1/8th of the way. The bar occasionally let loose a burst of energy that was near impossible to avoid. It curved around a series of wind blasting turrets. It eventually ended pointing back to the start. Once that was done, a large group of Bumpers was arranged into a tunnel. No platforms there, that's for sure. At the end was a metal mesh fence that went up about 100 feet and had electrified spinning blades and randomly moving turrets shooting fire every 3 seconds or so.
"FIVE MINUTES?!", gasped Krystal.
"Count yourself lucky. Last year it was four.", said R.O.B.
"A few things to point out. First, once you are off the ground, you stay off the ground until you make it back to the beginning. If you break this rule, you will start over! Second, NO FLASHY MOVES! Running and jumping only! Third, you will be running at the same time as others! This is for the tier list, so you must be as fast as you can! Get on the starting line!" They did as instructed. "One, two, three, go!"
-
10:00 A.M. Group 2
"Keep it up, you losers!", screamed Douglas as he pushed them harder. They were all dealing out as much damage as they possibly could to several dummies. Each one could measure the strength of an attack and could withstand up to 10000% damage. The Smashers had to break the dummies with a Final Smash, but they each only got 1 Smash Ball, so they had to watch the damage gauge and use their finishers just before the 10000 mark. Unfortunately, there were a few catches...
"What the hell?", exclaimed Bisharp as his dummy suddenly started dodging his Night Slash. "Sir, request information about current situation!", he said like a true soldier.
"Denied! You think you'll have someone to coach you through when the enemy changes tactics?", he asked rhetorically. Bisharp rolled his eyes.
Meta Knight's dummy sprung to life next, right in the middle of his down grab. It suddenly rolled out before MK could deliver the last stomp and jumped up. MK's foot hit the ground hard and sent pain surging through his...uh...leg...? "Agh! That hurts like a *censured*!" Then he started cursing in Spanish while hopping around on one foot, totally oblivious that others were gaining on him.
One by one, the dummies began dodging everything the Smashers could throw at them. Sonic accidentally hit Amy with a homing dash and, wouldn't ya know it, she hit him back. HARD. Like a solid diamond Shuckle shell coated in titanium thrown by Wario hard. He went flying over the school and out of sight. "Ehnn. He'll be back.", she shrugged.
-
12:00 P.M. Lunchroom
Ugh! I've never had to do that! My legs are throbbing! Can't we quit? These and other complaints were flying from the mouths of the rookies.
"You'll have to tough it out.", said Captain Falcon. "It gets worse."
"Worse? I doubt that.", Daisy claimed.
"Trust us," began MK, "they MAKE it worse."
"How?", asked Knuckles, who was giving Blaze a foot rub and-wait, WHAT?!
"The tests have two phases. First, the easy part. Then, the pain.", Yoshi said.
"T-the p-p-p-PAIN?", stuttered Tails.
"Yeah, they-", began Marth, when all of the sudden...
"HEY! WE-A DIDN'T GET A HEADS UP! EVERYBODY, QUIET!", screamed Luigi. The vets agreed. Everyone stopped.
"Hey, Lucario?", Gallade mind spoke. "Any advice?"
Lucario decided to send him a picture of an unspeakably horrible romance over the mind-net. The results weren't pretty. Gallade barfed up the barf they were fed by the lunch ladies. It landed on Roy. "OH MY *censured* *censured* *cennnnnnnnnnnnssssssssssssssssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrred*! WHAT THE HELL?! I JUST GOT WOLF PIT OFF ME YESTERDAY! FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Peach wacked him over the head with her frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Then she hit Bowser with it.
"What the hell was that for?!", screamed the Koopa King.
"For kidnapping me!", she retorted.
"Geez, your custodial boyfriend already bashed me for that!", he yelled.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't know that 'cause I was IN THE DUNGEON THE WHOLE TIME!"
"Fine, fine. Have your victory for today." Then she hit him again. "What the hell you bitch?!"
"That was for kidnap number 2!"
"Is she really doing this?", Amy asked Sonic, who, like most of the vets, now had a bag of popcorn.
"Shhh, the show's starting.", he told her.
"AND THIS IS FOR KIDNAP NUMBER 3!", Peach screamed as she began beating Bowser over the head. "AND 4! AND 5!" In desperation, Bowser made for the door. But, as we all know, he's not that fast. Peach jumped on his back and, holding onto his spikes like they were reins, she began beating his head with her pukey frying pan.
"Stop it! Stop it!", he screamed. Last resort time. He withdrew into his shell.
"Not so tough without an army, huh?", screamed Link. Mario began to cheer.
"Woo-hoo! That's-a my princess!"
-
Turns out, the vets had been messing with the newbies the whole lunch time. The drill after lunch was the same as before. No one ran the course in 5 minutes, no one hit 10000%. In the end, only one had completed their daily goal. Tac had scared the HELL out of Samus. That's two sushi's.
END
P.S. I OWN NOTHING!
HORRIBLE. MY WORK IS HORRIBLE. END. OF. DISCUSSION.