Chapter 7 assessment Week part 3
Dorms:
"Snake! Wake up! It's time for school!", yelled Marth, feeling ridiculous doing so. He was a prince, Snake was a super soldier, and they had to go to SCHOOL.
"I'm up, I'm up, geez!" The door to Snakes room opened and he came crawling out, checking around the corner.
"No one is going to ambush you here, Snake."
"Says you." Just before he could stand up, Popo went flying over his head and hit the wall. "Ambush! Get down, Marth!" Snake pulled out a machine gun and fired in all directions.
"SNAKE! CALM DOWN! NO ONE IS AMBUSHING YOU!", screamed...well...everyone.
"Oh...I get it.", Snake said, releasing the trigger. "You're all working for them. Well...you can all take your eggs and put them in your baskets, because hingin dingin dlorp!"
"Snake, snap out of it!", cried Ike.
"Hligle flooingo plort!" Pikachu ran over and clung to his face, then began electrocuting him. Snake fell to the floor face first, with a certain mouse breaking his fall. "Ugh...what happened?", he asked while getting up.
"Man, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!", screamed Yoshi.
"I...I don't know...must have been those rats I ate last night..."
"WHAT?" Everyone was horrified.
"Don't look at me like that!"
"How about this?", Waluigi said before making a face that, if you saw it, would make you think you were watching some guy named Norman making unpassionate love to a can of grape soda.
"Okay, first of all, you just gave a little girl in China cancer and killed her puppy.", began Zelda.
"Don't be ridiculous! No one in China can afford cancer!", Bowser Jr. said.
"Racist.", I stated.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Don't worry, you'll remember once we get back in the lounge."
"What?"
"Never mind. Kirby's Squire, away!", I said as I flew out the window even though we were in a hallway.
"What just happened?"
"Don't worry about it Jr.", answered Bowser.
"SECOND OF ALL,", restarted Zelda, "all the guys are obviously hungry. They got no cash."
"Stupid bet...", mumbled Luigi.
"What set you off, anyways?", asked R.O.B.
"Popo flew over his head.", answered Marth.
"No, I was thrown by my sister!"
"Then don't bet on me!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Beep beep! (Shut up!)" *I don't need to tell you who said that, do I?*
"Where's Mario?", asked Wario.
"He's-a hiding in his room and has been since he got back.", Luigi said.
"Sucks to be him.", said Sonic. "I'd hate being bald, especially since I'm covered in hair."
"Quills, Sonic. You're covered in quills.", I corrected him.
"You again? Why are you back?", asked Jr.
"Because you touch yourself at night. Nah, I just forgot my window." I snapped my fingers and my window and I poofed out via author powers.
"Okay, that guy is REALLY starting to creep me out."
"Agh! It's a monster!", screamed Lucas. He was sorta right. Amy came down the hall and seized Knuckles by the neck. Her, uh, head quills(?) were out of control, to say the least. It was a monstrous do.
"That's what I call a hair-don't.", said Blaze.
"SHUT UP! AS FOR YOU, KNUCKLES, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO WITHOUT HAIR GEL FOR TWO DAYS!"
"Quill gel.", I said. Then she threw her Piko Piko hammer at my head and jasfoas
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"That's it missy! Author powers, activate!" Knuckles disappeared and was replaced by Knuckle Joe.
"Hey!" She dropped him to the ground and turned to hit me, but I was gone. Heh Heh.
"That's it!", shouted Knuckle Joe. "I'm forming an anti SonAmy league to keep them apart! Who's with me?"
"I am!", said Sonic. Amy was dumbfounded.
"So am I!", declared Knuckles from the tunnel he had dug.
"I'll join.", said Toon Link.
Snake, Yoshi, Gannondork (hehe, dork), and Luigi joined.
"You guys are real jackasses, y'know?" Zelda was looking mostly at Sonic.
"Don't look at me like that."
"What about this?", said Waluigi making the same face as before.
"And now I have cancer and my dog is dead.", said Roy.
"You have a dog?", asked Luigi.
"Do ya really care?"
"Nah, just trying to change the subject."
"Let's just go already!", screamed Wario.
Popstar Embassy
"So, let me get this straight. You promised Kirby a mini fridge filled with all the food he could ever eat if he got the block thing back, and thought it was a good idea?", Bio asked Meta.
"Yep."
"Okay...um...so...how do you plan to get all of existence into a mini fridge?"
"I don't. I just plan on filling a mini fridge with M-Tomatos and telling him it was all I could fit."
"You think that would work?"
"He's Kirby."
"That is logic worthy of Mr. pointy ears."
"You mean Spock?"
"Nerd.", said Dedede.
"Tubby."
"Geek."
"Fatso."
"Brainiac."
"Chubby."
"Would you two shut up please?", screamed Knuckle Joe. "I'm trying to concentrate!" Joe was working on his Final Smash, and he hadn't got it down, yet. "Okay, Tac, you ready?"
"I want more sushi.", said the Cat, who was in a full body cast with a red bulls' eye on it.
"You'll get your sushi on the weekend. Now, hold still..."
"No time, Joe, we're going to school.", said Bio Spark. Then he looked around. "Where's Kirby?"
"He's mass producing the steel brick.", said Meta Knight. "He's going to be cranky tonight."
Training ground 3
"Listen up, I'm only going to say this once!", screamed lieutenant Chris. Group 1 was now at the defence course, and everyone was a bit anxious about what they were up against this time. "You will go through this machine-", he pointed to a big high tech looking door frame, "and you will do it one at a time! Line up!"
"Hey, Link.", said Donkey Kong. "I know we haven't really had good times lately..."
"You killed my goldfish.", he hissed.
"Yeah...so, to make up for it, you can cut in front of me."
"No way. I don't know what that machine does, but I'm not going before you. Apes before humans."
"Hylian."
"Whatever banana breath."
"SHUT UP MAGGOTS!", Chris screamed.
"He started it!" Link pointed at DK.
"I was just making a friendly gesture."
"And that camera is for taking pictures of what?"
"SHUT UP!" Chris isn't the smartest person in the world. You see, he walked over to shut them up, but in doing so treaded on Pikachu's tail. "OH SHIT!"
"PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUU!" The sparks were flying everywhere, and Chris started to convulse and make horrible sounds. The door frame also got hit, and blew up.
"What's going on out here?" It was HeadMaster Hand. *insert cricket here* "Oh my God! Chris! Chris!"
"Ugh..."
"Who is responsible for-" then Master Hand saw(?) the remains of the machine. "The D.S.!"
"Tell my mom I-"
"Shut up Chris, I have to find out who did this!"
"Pikachu.", said everyone but Pikachu.
"Pika!"
"He says in his defence, Chris stepped on his tail.", Gallade translated. "It's natural defensive instinct."
"Lousy rat...", DK mumbled, holding the charred remains of a camera. "It would have been funny to get a picture of the torture..."
"No one needed to be tortured this year!", cried Master Hand. "The D.S., meaning Defence Scanner, is a new invention of E. Gadd! It's as simple as walking through and having the rest of the day off!"
"I think I see a light...", groaned Chris. No one listened.
"Uhh...you can fix it, right?", Ness said meekly.
"In about a day, maybe. But until then..."
"NO.", said Mario.
"...you'll have to be tested..."
"NO.", said Link.
"...by..."
"NO.", said Pit.
"...the original course!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"I-is it bad...?", stuttered Daisy.
"Bad? BAD?! ARE YOU-A KIDDING ME? It's...actually, I don't remember."
"Why?"
"He fainted at the sight of it! Mwahahahahaha!", Master Hand laughed.
Lunchroom
"C'mon Mario, how bad could it be?" asked Krystal. The veterans were crowded by the newbies, who wanted every detail on the defence course, or, as the vets called it, THE WIDOW MAKER. "I mean, it's not like they have a black hole, or anything."
"Yes they do.", said Meta Knight, who was helping Kirby with his will. "So, let me get this straight: your money is to be evenly divided and given to the helpers, Gooey gets your Copy Essence Deluxe..."
"How can you understand him?", asked Yoshi.
"He speaks the same language I did."
"Poyo language?", Gannondorf asked. "Oh by the the way, Link, remember when the grinder malfunctioned that one year?" Link was under the table in the fetal position in two seconds.
"T-t-t-h-h-h-e-e-e-h-h-h-o-o-o-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-r -r-r..."
"Gonondorf Dragmire!", scolded Zelda.
"Dragmire?", Bowser smirked. "YOUR LAST NAME IS DRAGMIRE?" Half the room dropped to the floor and died of laughter.
"Next time I capture you, you little bitch, I'm going to cut your hand off to get that Triforce of Wisdom."
"Do it now.", said Captain Falcon.
"Douglas, why?", Zelda exclaimed.
"No reason."
"So, do the Triforce pieces benefit you in any way, or what?", asked Wario.
"Yes.", answered Gannon.
"...You gonna tell us how?"
"No."
"Fine."
"Why did the Gods choose you three?", asked Bowser, who was still trying to recover from his laughing fit. Waluigi and Ness were still laughing.
"I'm all powerful, so I got the Triforce of Power."
"Yet you can't get a single person to follow you."
"Just shut up, okay?"
"Whatever you say, Dragmire." Half the room started laughing again.
"Tch, boys, huh?", said Blaze, elbowing Nana.
"I know, right?", Zelda began. "I mean, if I was a boy, I wouldn't be smart enough to have the Triforce of Wisdom."
"Oh, so if you're so smart, why'd you suggest murrex snail mucus as body wax?", Peach said, lifting her dress past her knee, revealing a body wax...uh, strip (?) *I'm a guy, so shut it* on her thigh.
"I didn't. I said murrex mucus makes natural purple dye. I recommended golden tree snail mucus. But...", she ripped off the strip, Peach screaming from the pain, "murrex works too."
"Oh, that is smooth.", Peach said, rubbing her thigh. "What about this one?" She showed her other thigh.
"You do it.", Zelda said, looking at Mario.
"Well, if-a I have to..."
"No no no! Mario, stay away from me!"
"Geez-a, Peach, just sit still..."
"No!" Soon the two were wrestling on the floor. It went on for a couple of minutes, then...Peach screamed in pain.
"I got it!", he said, holding it above his head triumphantly.
"You got the used wax strip!", declared Pit. Everyone was soon silent, waiting for Link to respond. No one heard him. Pit looked under the table. "Oh for crying
out loud!" Link was still quivering in fear of the horrible day the grinder malfunctioned.
"Geez, why is he on the walk again?", Sonic asked Mario. Mario shrugged.
"What wall?", asked Ike.
"Uh...", they both stuttered. Then Sonic bolted and Mario leaped across the room and out the door.
"Okay...hey, where's Toonie?", asked Snake.
"He's hiding. He took the speed course today.", Knuckles answered.
"With his leg?", Blaze gasped.
"Yeah, he broke down crying, begging for his mom, and...well, they filmed it."
"That's gonna be all over Smash City by morning.", said Red.
"Smash City?", asked Krystal.
"The capital of this planet. It's about 20 km from here. The general view of us there is, in the Kings words, 'awesome'."
"Looks like our reputation is going down a bit.", said Bisharp.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!", said Amy. "KING?"
"Not all governments are like yours, Amy.", Gallade answered.
"Doesn't matter! He's a KING. He can pay good!"
"Nice try. The King doesn't hire people who don't come with a recommendation." Amy's' smile simply grew, drawing attention from her bad hair. *Hey!*
"What exactly is your type of government, Amy?"
"Sonic, I guess. Hey, Luigi, why do you want to keep me away from Sonic?" She put on a sad face. "You...don't seem like that kind of guy."
"I guess I just need-a something to focus on other than-a the ghost in the bathroom."
"THERE. IS. NO. GHOST. IN. THE. BATHROOM.", said Popo.
"There is too!", Wario said.
"You too, Wario? Okay, all people in this room who have encountered a ghost in the bathroom, raise their hand." Wario and Luigi put their hands up. After a few seconds, Noxus pushed Samus' hand up. The room stared at her.
"Okay, first of all, in my defence, almost all of us have met the undead in one form or another."
"Prove it!", said Roy.
"Boos, Gengar, Poes, 02, Chozo ghosts, Baby Boom Boo-"
"Okay, okay, I get it."
"-goes to Marth, right?", MK asked Kirby.
"Poyo!"
"Wait, what goes to me?"
"If Kirby dies, you get his funny hats."
"What? Why would I want to wear funny hats?" Meta pointed to Marths' tiara. "Oh, I'm sorry, I should have taken into account MK's fashion knowledge when I was forced away from my family! Like, come on! Keeping this thing kept me from giving up!"
"I'm sorry."
"Damn straight you're-wait, what?"
"I've insulted your honour, and I apologize."
"Geez, you really are a knight."
"Duh, that's why he's Meta Knight!", sneered DDD.
"Watch it, De De Dunce. I'll declare war on you."
"You and what nation?" Marth started to grit his teeth. "Oh, that's right, you don't have one anymore! Whole thing's destroyed!"
"I'll brawl you right here, you fat penguin!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa.", Sylux said. "He's a penguin? I thought he was a chickadee."
"So did I!", said Ness. Everyone started nodding and mumbling in approval.
"Why?", asked Dedede.
"Your name is Dedede. Like chickadee. Deeeeee.", stressed Gannon.
Toon Link limped into the room, unnoticed by everyone as they continued switching from stupid conversation to stupid conversation. Then the bell rang. Group 1 was crying, and so were many more people. "Be brave, Link!", sobbed Zelda.
"Krystal.", began Fox. "If you don't come back, I just want you to know that I-" Donkey Kong punched him in the back of the head, knocking him out.
"WHY?!", asked Krystal.
"No one is here to comfort me, so I had to ruin someone elses' life."
At Smash City Real Estates...
"And there, you now own some of the finest land in the city, and the world."
"Thank you. I'll certainly remember this day for many years. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Sam."
"The pleasure's all mine. If you don't mind me asking, what do you plan on building on this land?"
"Oh, I'm going to build an electronics factory."
"Well,", Sam extended his hand, "good-bye, doctor." The doctor took it.
"Please,", he smiled a devilish smile, "call me Robotnik."
END...?
P.S., I OWN NOTHING!