*A/N* Hello there, boys and girls (mostly girls, I assume xD? )
I know, it's been a hell of a long time since I last updated and I'm so sorry about that, but uni is taking up all of my time. I probably shouldn't even be doing this now...

Anyway, since I still haven't got the time to continue the story, I thought I would treat the readers who are actually still following this. This alternative chapter is actually my first try at the first part of chapter 28. It also contains a deleted scene – Kakashi's childhood – that didn't make it to the actual story. I rewrote the chapter simply 'cause it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and I didn't add Kakashi's childhood story to the actual chapter 28 'cause it ruined the flow and just didn't fit the story.

This part is set just after Iruka has told Kakashi about his childhood (in Iruka's room in Hidan's house.)

I hope this can keep you busy for a little while till I get to write the next chapter :)

Chapter 28

Alternative + Deleted Scene

Kakashi kept on staring at me for a long time, a seal of shock preventing him from uttering anything.

My eyes drifted away from his form. I could not blame him for staying silent. If the roles had been reversed, I would have acted the same way, probably. What could he possibly have to say anyway? I feel sorry for you? It is your own fault your in this mess? - something like that, perhaps? Maybe not. I did not know.

"I would've never guessed." My gaze slowly returned to him, a quizzical look climbing my face. "I always knew there was something strange about you, but that was... quite the eye-opener." I did not particularly appreciate him calling me strange, but having been called worse things than that for my entire life, 'strange' appeared almost as a positive adjective to me.

"I'm sorry if it wasn't the answer you were looking for," I sighed and rubbed the scar on my nose with one finger.

"What else could I be looking for?" he asked. I just shrugged and stove off his adhering eyes.

"I don't know." A blush found its way to my cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just embarrassed."

"But what are you embarrassed about?"

"My past. You're the first person I've ever told everything there is to tell. You probably know more than Tenzou even though he was actually there part of the way."

Kakashi leaned forward and rested both his arms right above his knees. He wanted me to look at him. I could only follow his will. "Your past is nothing to be embarrassed about. You were placed in an unfair situation from the very beginning and the fact that you managed to overcome every single obstacle you were met by along the way only makes your success that more admirable."

"What success?" I asked dead serious. There was nothing successful about me. Not one single thing that I could ever imagine anyone admiring me for. "I have nothing to be proud of."

"Is that so?" Kakashi did not look very pleased anymore. "So you consider being alive and well a failure?" he laughed sarcastically, "you must be the first person to ever think like that. Aren't you happy at all that you proved everyone wrong? You're still here and you have a normal life. Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what those kids told you you would never have?"

"I just don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I'm already 26 and I feel like an old loser. I have nothing left. I'm so... pathetic. "

"Then what am I to you?" He was glaring at me. A dissatisfied look on his face. Or was it the face of someone who was hurt? "I'm almost 30. I don't have any kids, I only just got myself a girlfriend who doesn't exactly seem like the kind of person you would settle down with. I go to parties every weekend, I have fucked up friends who enjoy fighting, drinking and taking drugs. I act like a freaking 14-year-old. I even managed to get myself fired from my previous job, which didn't even require that much engagement, brains or ambitions and now I'm working in a lousy supermarket in a small miserable village. Worst of all, I'm still hiding behind this mask even after all these years. Now tell me, if you're pathetic, then what am I?"

My lips were slightly parted out of sheer astonishment. Had Kakashi just said those things? He rarely spoke with much emotion, but this was a passionate speech. He really meant what he said. But Kakashi was not pathetic. Those things did not make him a loser.

Kakashi's hand reached for his mask. I could not help but widen my eyes. What was he doing? Was he really...

He slid a finger underneath the fabric and pulled off the mask. It then felt like time had stopped.

I stared at him, mouth wide open and a dumbstruck expression on my face. After all that time, suddenly he decided to reveal his face to me.

"This is what's truly pathetic. A man at my age who thinks he can hide himself and his past simply by putting on a mask," he said quietly without looking at me. "Unlike you, I made myself the victim. I let myself be teased. That confident and apathetic man you all see in me is the actual mask. The real me is an insecure coward. Nothing like the person I want to be. Nothing like the kind of person you managed to become, Iruka. So... Let me ask again. If you think of yourself as pathetic, then what am I?" Our eyes met and I realized something was really nagging him. Those eyes. I had seen those eyes before... I had seen them once in the mirror.

The silver haired boy left the table along with all the other children. It was his classmate, Tayuya's, birthday and for once, the pale boy known as Kakashi had not been the only one left without an invitation. Unfortunately, right after he had received the invitation, he overhead two of his classmates talking. They were not putting any kind of effort into subduing their words. They were well aware of Kakashi's presence.

"Why did you invite him?" Temari asked Tayuya.

"My mother told me I had to. She's gonna call his mom to make sure he got the invitation. It's so unfair." That was what he had overheard and funnily enough, he did not really feel like going to the party after all.

His mother had been the one to convince him. Even though he had tried to hide the invitation and pick up the phone before he, she ended up finding out when Tayuya's mother called her cell. She knew he was not very liked in his class, but she wanted him to take every chance he got to try and make some friends. He only wished she would stay out of it.

At the party, the girls decided that everyone was going to play spin the bottle. Kakashi was not fond of the idea, but unlike the other boys, he did not complain. He knew he had no saying in those matters, but since no one was likely to even recognize his presence, he figured nothing could go wrong. But when Tayuya and Temari, the two most popular girls in his class, started "fighting" during the game, Kakashi started getting a bad feeling. He had always been very observant. You had to when being in a position like him.

Tayuya and Temari were both madly in love with the prettiest boy at school. His name was Kidoumaru and he had to be the most ignorant asshole ever. At least in Kakashi's opinion. It seemed like the guy had never noticed the affection the two girls held to him. Not even during the game did he get why they were suddenly fighting.

But Kakashi knew.

It all began when the bottle hit Tayuya after Temari had spun it. Girls like them were almost too easy for Kakashi to read and he soon figured that the two had already agreed that if one of them hit the other, they would have to ask her to kiss Kidoumaru. Girls that age always made stupid plans like that.

But when Temari had to decide what Tayuya's task should be, she did not stick to the plan since the last thing she wanted was for her rival to kiss Kidoumaru in front of her. So she asked her to go get her a soda instead.

Tayuya was furious after that and when she finally got lucky, and the bottle later pointed at Temari, she had already planned out her sweet revenge.

"You have to kiss Kakashi!" Tayuya said, an evil grin spreading over her face.

"Wha-what!?" Temari exclaimed as everyone around her - excluding Kakashi and herself – started laughing.

Kakashi blushed dementedly while still trying to look calm. He was getting nervous. Temari would be his first kiss and he was not very comfortable with that. He had no idea of how to kissed and all of a sudden he had to perform in front of his entire class. What if he did something wrong?

"Go on. You know you can't quit now," Tayuya reminded her.

"But... Can't I kiss someone else?" It was not like Kakashi had not expected her to say something like that, but it still hurt and it was even more embarrassing when everyone was there to listen to Temari practically pleading for her life just so she would not have to kiss him. None of the girls protested when they had to kiss Jiroubou and he was not exactly one of the girls' favorites due to his weight problem.

"Stop complaining! You have to kiss Kakashi!"

Kakashi could not blame Temari for not wanting to kiss him. It would probably be even more uncomfortable and embarrassing for her if they kissed than it would for him. At least she had some social status to lose.

"Y-you don't ha-have to." he stammered. All Kakashi was trying to do was help Temari.

"Shut up, pizza face!" Sakon snickered along with all the other boys. Kakashi flinched at the boy's sharp response and decided to keep quiet for the rest of the time. He knew damn well it was not a good idea to speak in his classmates' presence.

"I'm not doing it! We swore that we wouldn't tell each other to kiss him!" Temari burst out, hurting Kakashi more with her words than she could even begin to imagine.

The blonde rose to her feet to leave, but Tayuya copied and grabbed her, telling the other girls to come help her and the boys to go fetch Kakashi. Temari screamed, kicked and wrenched, but with every single girl in the class holding her, she could not do much to escape.

Kidoumaru twisted both Kakashi's arms behind his back and pressed upward so the silver haired boy would rise to his feet in pain.

Everyone was laughing at them as they forced the two of them closer to each other. Temari was very loud in her protest, while Kakashi kept silent when trying to get away from Kidoumaru.

"Stop it, I don't want to do it!" the blonde cried as she looked at Kakashi with detestation.

"Here we go," Kidoumaru snickered and pressed Kakashi's head together with Temari's so their lips met.

Temari sank her teeth into Kakashi's lower lip almost as soon as they had clashed. He let out a painful shriek and everyone finally took a step back, allowing Temari to run downstairs, crying.

Kakashi put a finger to his lip. He was bleeding.

The others did not say anything to him, only laughed at their own viciousness.

The silver haired boy considered his options for a while until he finally decided on going to the downstairs toilet and get himself some paper before he would stain Tayuya's mother's carpet.

He got the paper and went into the kitchen where he appeared to be alone. Well, besides from the Golden Retriever that stood not far from him.

Kakashi pressed the paper to his lip as he went over to pet the dog. "Hey," he said softly and reached his free hand out towards it, though he soon had to retreat because of the sudden snarl he received from the blond haired dog.

"What are you doing? Don't touch him!" a voice from behind Kakashi said. He turned around and followed Tayuya with his eyes as she went over beside him to pet the dog.

"I-I'm sorry. I just wanted to pe-pet it."

"He doesn't like strangers," she said crisply.

Kakashi brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck, but accidentally grazed Tayuya in the process. She screamed.

"I'm so-sorry!" He took a step back in astonishment and apologized over and over again, but she did not care. Even the dog started barking at him.

"What's going on?" Kidoumaru asked as he came into the kitchen with the rest of the boys.

"Ew, ew, ew, he touched me!" It was not the first time something like that had happened. Kakashi was used to it by then. For some reason, the girls in his class had gotten the idea that his acne was contagious and that they would catch it just by touching him. He felt so filthy around other people.

"Is that true, Hatake? Did you touch her?" Kidoumaru asked as he walked up to them.

"I-I didn't me-mean t-to."

"Hey, don't be cheeky. Come, guys, I think Hatake needs to be put in his place again." Kidoumaru grabbed Kakashi and forced him outside, all the other boys helping the manipulative alpha male.

"Heika, I'm s-sorry!" Kakashi exclaimed submissively and tried to get away, but was unsuccessful. Kidoumaru smirked at the mention of his "nickname." He had tried to make Kakashi call him that ever since pre-school, but he only seemed to use it when he wanted to get out of being taught a lesson. It did not matter to Kidoumaru. Well, maybe he would go a little easier on him now that Kakashi had made it clear to everyone who was the boss.

Kakashi was thrown into a puddle on his stomach and Kidoumaru sat on top of him, leaning closer and smearing out mud in the pale boy's face. He was choking on it, but the tanned one did not care.

"I'll help you cover that disgusting face of yours!" Kidoumaru laughed barbarously and shoved Kakashi's face down the mud pool.

"Yeah, you can't walk around like that! You make people want to puke!"

"Hey, what's going on out here?" Tayuya's mother asked as she poked her head outside, discovering that all the boys were practically drowning Kakashi.

She got the boys away from him and gave them a good scolding before returning to the silver haired boy whom she had placed in the living room. She told him she was sorry, even though Kakashi could not figure out why she was apologizing. It was not her fault. She should not be sorry.

Tayuya's mother called Kakashi's and told her to come get him after having discussed it with the silver haired boy first. He wanted to go home badly, but on the other hand, if he left, it would only prove to the others that they had won. He was a wimp. An easy target.

That was about the only reason why he did not want to go home from the temple of humiliation and apparently, Tayuya's mother did not consider this, only advised him to go home since she could see he was not comfortable there.

At home, Kakashi went to the bathroom to get washed up. There was mud everywhere. In his face, on his clothes, hands, nails, everywhere.

He started scratching his face. At first, he only scratched with little force, but the pressure increased with every second that past and soon he stood looking at himself, mud, tears and blood running down his damaged skin. He hated his appearance more than anything in the world. Not even his mother could convince him that he was just an ordinarily looking child. All he ever saw when looking at his reflection was something more repelling than the ugliest monster in any scary movie he had ever seen.

Gray eyes stared back at him until he rejected them, walking out of the bathroom. His mother looked terrified when she first laid her eyes on him after that. He knew very well his classmates would only laugh even more at him when seeing his scratched face, but at moments like those, he could not hold himself back. He would tear off his skin if he could.

For many years, he tried to hide his face behind scarfs and surgical masks, but his mother always saw through him and told him to take it off since it only made him look like a street thug. She loved him no matter what and wanted him to see that he was perfect just the way he was, but Kakashi did not listen.

At the age of 16, he got tired of all the teasing and started lifting weights. It was common knowledge that you did not bully someone who could easily punch your teeth out.

When he turned 18, he moved away from his mother. He bought his first neoprene mask soon after. Now that his mother was not there to tell him what he could and could not do anymore, he was determined to change his life for the better and he did not see any way around the mask.

He pulled it up and walked out of his apartment, feeling like a changed man.

Asuma was his first friend. They met in the gym where they both worked at the time. Together with him, he found more people who gladly offered him their friendship. Kakashi could not believe the upheaval and grew confident behind the fabric that covered most of his face.

He wore the mask from then on out, though he knew the impurities were long gone. But the scars remained as a constant reminder. Even if he was grown up now and people had come to an age where they could accept him as he was, he never removed it. He was afraid that everything he had worked for would fall to the floor the second he revealed himself. The nicknames and insults from his childhood would always sit waiting in the back of his mind whenever he as much as thought of pealing off his mask.

Kakashi's skin was not the only thing that would be scarred forever.

The pale man next to me looked down at his lap, a melancholic expression adorning his face. He had seemed so lost in his thoughts, only giving me small hints to what his past had been like, but I understood. I knew what he had gone through.

And the mask was not just a feature. He really was hiding something behind it.

I examined his face for a short while, noticing the pimple scars that were only visible from under his eyes and down. If he had not pointed them out, I would have probably never thought about it. Was he really that self-conscious? He had hid behind a mask for so many years because of some shallow scars no one would even give a thought to begin with. Sure, they were not invisible, but still, they were the least distracting thing about him

He made as if to put the mask back on and without thinking, I stopped him. Now that he had finally opened up to me as I had done to him, I was not going to let all our work fall to the ground.

Our eyes met and he looked at me suprisedly. My hand did not retrieve from its place on top of his.

"Kakashi, I..." My lips and tongue were moving on their own. I was sure of how I felt now and I wanted Kakashi to know. There was no certainty to how he would react, but somehow a confession at that point just felt like the right thing to do, even though something was telling me not to at the same time. I could not wait any longer. "I think I..."

I scooted a little closer – 'a little' being the key word in that sentence. I was not sure if he was ready for this or even if I was. But how could a man do something like that to another man without it ever meaning anything. Sure, he had the excuse of being drunk, but should I believe something like that? I had been drunk too, but was still very aware of what had happened.

Kakashi cocked his head and let his hand fall to his lap, my hand following his. A knot went wild in my stomach and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. Situations like that one were the worst, but I would have to tell him at some point, why not now when I was somewhat sure and when we had declared our full trust to each other. I had waited long enough already.

I bit my lower lip nervously. I was never going to say it, was I? How could he be so calm and patient?

"I... I like you better without the mask." I was getting ready to choke myself, but had the nerve to continue even though a beating was awaiting me once I was left to myself again. "Don't you think it's time you ditched it?"

For the first time, I saw Kakashi smiling with something else than just his eyes. If something was contagious about him, it was not his former skin disease, but his smile. I would even go as far as saying it was addicting. Those narrow lips looked much better when curling upward.

"Thanks, Iruka. I needed that," he said and laid a hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad we had this talk. Thank you for telling me all that."

My eyes glanced at the hand on my shoulder. He was touching me and it was making me tense even if the touch was feather like.

"I hope you see now why I look up to you so much. You even managed to cheer me up. Hehe, and I was supposed to be the one cheering you up. You're a much better person than I am. I'm glad to have you as a friend." He patted my shoulder and raised it to pull it away, but I stopped him in his action once again, receiving a confused look when I took his hand down from my shoulder and kept holding onto it.

I sank loudly and felt how my heart started beating faster. This was no longer about making friends with him. I wanted... more.

Carefully, I tugged his arm to get him closer and leaned forward as slowly as possible. I had to strain myself so I would not just jump into his arms. The suspense was killing me, but there was no way he was going to like me being so straight forward.

Kakashi did not seem to understand what I was trying to do so I figured I had to do something more evident. I slid one leg up onto the bed so I could turn my entire body towards him and I began to push him down. His body was unwilling, but I kept on pushing till he lay on the bed, bemused.

He was looking at me with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open. I breathed heavily while staring into his eyes. They were terrifying. They frightened me in a way I had never been frightened before.

I let one finger travel over his cheek, watching as he got ready to say something. "Iruka?" he whispered and grabbed my wrist to stop my hand from traveling any further down. His breathing was fast.

If it was not clear then what it was I wanted, he had to be slow-witted. I was being as obvious as I felt I was allowed to be.

When he did not do anything, I figured he did not mind if I continued.

What had I done?