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Chapter 18

EPOV

Once Bella and I were alone I stepped closer to where she was standing-which was by the kitchen table. I hoped she understood my reason for packing before once I explain it to her. How was I suppose to start?

She sounded so hurt when she was talking to my back earlier. The one question I wish I had the answer to was, will she forgive me? I was so unprepared on how to start so I just dove in and hoped I left La Push with my love by my side.

" Bella, this would be easier if you were looking at me. And if you stopped trying to move away from me" I said as I noticed her eyes avert to the floor instead of meeting my gaze and her feet moving further away from the table and the door.

"Why are you here, Edward? Before I left you were packing your suitcase I assumed you were going somewhere" she spat with no emotion in her voice. Bella tries not to convey emotion through her words but I could tell from here eyes that she was hurt and confused. I cant help but think that this is the second time I hurt her when I promised I wouldn't after the last time. I continue to dread the day I thought my absence would protect her.

" I usually don't leave without my girlfriend, but it seems that she is not at my side tonight. Why is that?" I stated then gave the crooked smile she loves so much, and I swear I saw her knees almost buckle.

"Be serious, Edward. Or else leave" she said clearly annoyed that I wasn't getting to the point. It was true that I was stalling. I don't want her to know that I was…well…jealous.

" I'm sorry. I honestly don't know how to express how I feel right now, Bella. I cant put it into words. You misunderstood my silence in the cottage" I confessed quickly. She processed my words and part of me knew she wasn't buying this lie for a second- well half was truth and half was a lie. Bella is too smart and we have been together enough to know when one was lying to the other.

"Oh, please. I'm not buying that. Just tell me the truth, Edward. You owe me that much at least" She said mildly and with no emotion again. Does she care?

" You haven't shown an ounce of emotion since I got here Bella. Except for shock because you didn't know we were coming. Tell me do you care about us at all?" I finally spat. I came here to explain things because I hurt my girlfriend, but instead I find….I don't know what I found exactly.

" Of course I care about us. I care about this family, my friends. That's just the problem Edward, I care about everyone and everything except me. I have no time to focus on what I want. And all I want is you, but I feel I'm losing that" she stressed but her voice slowly began to decline in volume and increase in emotion toward the end of that sentence.

" What do you mean, Bella? I'm right here, just talk to me, love. Please." I begged walking up to her quickly and putting my forehead against hers while holding her hands in my own.

Bella closed her eyes and rested her hand on my cheek. I my hand sprung up to hold it there in its place as I felt hers smooth and delectable skin caress mine. She opened her eyes and held her head up to look at me then she said, " there is always some little thing coming in between us, Edward. We need to solve our problems and then work on making our relationship stronger" her hand left my cheek then.

" You really want to know my reason for packing the suitcase before?" I asked her looking at the ground.

"Yes" she simply responded with musical voice.

I slowly moved past her and into the kitchen where I paced as I spoke, " I walked into the main house after the controversy ceased between myself and Jason. I walked in and saw everyone downstairs but Jason and you. At first I assumed he was in his room but you, I had no idea where you were. So I asked Esme and she told me to look in our room, but when I looked there the room was empty. I heard talking coming from Jason's room so I looked through the crack in his door-from not being closed all the way- and saw you and him very comfortable and cozy just talking. When I saw that I don't know what happened to me but I just ran out the house and went straight to the cottage and started packing" I finished. I was sitting down by the end of my flashback with Bella sitting across from me.

"But why were you packing, Edward? I don't understand how that could drive you to leave. Tell me, please. What happened when you saw me in Jason's room? What did you feel? Please tell me so I can understand." she pleaded with me. Then I felt her hand upon mine in a comforting gesture. I came here to fix things between us yet she is the one comforting me, how ironic.

I looked at our joined hands and lifted hers up to my face so I could feel her smooth skin caress my cheek. My eyes involuntarily closed at the faintest touch of her hand. I could feel her relax and thought I her eyes closed along with my own, but I couldn't tell since I was so lost in the moment.

" Something happened, Bella. I don't know what it was. I was jealous, extremely jealous but I feel a lot more than that" I told her getting removing her hand from my face and getting up from the table. I walked near the door but didn't go through it. I just stood there with my back to Bella. Trying to contemplate my own feelings toward the previous situation.

I heard her get up from her seat and approach me from behind. Next, I feel her hands on my back working there way to my shoulders as I feel her form come loser and press up against me.

I choose that moment to turn around and tell her the what I believe happened to me, "When I saw you talking to him I felt like you didn't trust me anymore. You were talking and joking with him but all we ever do is have arguments about us. I don't want to do that anymore. I want you to be with me in every way possible. I want it to be stronger between us. Like the way it use to be, Bella. I don't feel that anymore. Ever since the jasper situation things have been different. And I'm not mad about it but it just changed a lot" I told her.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I want it to be back to normal too-" I cut her off.

"Nothing about us is normal, Bella" I simply noted.

" How come you never told me how you felt before?" she asked me.

" Would it have changed anything?" I replied and averted my eyes from her intense gaze.

I then hear Alice calling my name before she enters the door. Bella and I both stare at her, " Edward" she turns to me. " it's the Volturi. They found out Carlisle's number and Aro has requested to talk to you" she said and then waved for Bella and me to follow her. I looked at Bella once more before flying out the house to follow Alice back to the main house.