A/N: Thanks for the reviews, follow's and alerts;-)
I'm back, did my finals. unfortunately I have to re-do a few in August... But I have time to write again.
A huge thank you to my prereader Jezzeria, who took the time to read and beta this chapter.
Also thank you to Dooba for her advice concerning some plotlines
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
On with the story where Bella learns what it means being a mother and a newborn... (I have absolutely no experience in being a mom, I go by my imagination and advice from Jezzeria)
Seeing our daughter laying there peacefully, we walked closer to her and got on the bed. We lay on both sides of her simply enjoying each other's presence. When the first rays of daylight poured into the room, Edward got up. I watched him questionably. Where was he going?
"I'm just going downstairs, Esme wants to know what she should make Renesmee for breakfast," he whispered soothingly. He gave our daughter a soft kiss on her cheek and pecked my lips before leaving.
I rubbed her arm again, sighing contently. The past few hours had been peaceful; me, Edward and our daughter had snuggled together. Throughout the night I listened to the rest of the family. They went on with their business without making much noise. I was glad for this reprieve of quietness and calm.
My musings were interrupted by Renesmee's changing breathing pattern. She started stirring, signaling she was waking up. Her eyes blinked a few time, getting used to the light. Finally they settled on me. She looked uncomfortable. I was worried. Did she have a nightmare? Was she in pain? She wriggled her legs, squeezing them together.
"I think she has to go potty," Edward whispered from the doorway. He must have been back from downstairs.
I looked at him and then back to our daughter.
"You have to go? Come on sweetie."
I got off the bed, careful that I didn't hurt her. She raised her hands and I lifted her into my arms. Edward proceeded before us, opening the door to allow us into the bathroom.
I felt insecure. I didn't know what to do. I knew how everything worked and what should happen, I'm not that stupid. But how could I help her? I couldn't even dress myself without tearing things. I would harm her with my strength. I felt useless and I hated it. She was my daughter! Frustrated I clenched my teeth, not wanting to upset Renesmee still in my arms.
Edward kissed her head, before taking her from my arms. Then he cupped my cheek. He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.
"Let me help. It's understandable that you struggle a little. Let me show you and you watch and learn, okay?"
I nodded, feeling slightly frustrated at myself. I should be able to take care of my own child. A very small hiss escaped my lips.
"Bella, calm down. Don't get worked up on this, love. You'll get there. And please be careful of the sink," Edward tried to calm me.
I looked down and saw that I had gripped the sink too hard. Immediately I retracted my hand, seeing four dents from where my fingers used to be.
"I'm sorry. It's just… So frustrating. She's my daughter and I can't even do something as simple as take care of her primary needs…"
Edward came closer and kissed the top of my head.
"Just watch for now."
He put Renesmee on the edge of the bathtub and pulled her pants down. Then he put her on the toilet seat. As an automatic reaction we both turned around to give her some privacy.
When she was done, Edward cleaned her and pulled the rest of her crimpled clothes of. He tossed them on the floor and grabbed the clean folded shirt that was laid on the cabinet next to the sink. Renesmee put her hands up so it could slide easily on her. She was only four days old and she already knew how to do this. It was mindboggling. Again it confirmed how rapidly she grew. Edward picked up underwear and slipped it over her tiny feet. Next he took some comfortable looking pants and pulled them into place. He kissed her head before handing her over to me.
I had been mesmerized by the whole process. I longed to do it for her myself. But I knew I wouldn't be able to yet, which frustrated me. On the other hand, I loved to see Edward interact with our daughter. He was so gentle and sweet with her. He cooed to her the whole time. I was right next to them but I watched from the sideline. When she reached her arms out to me, I became an active part of the family moment. I grabbed her very carefully. I concentrated on controlling my strength until she was tucked safely in my arms. When she was settled, her hand reached up to my cheek and her sweet voice sounded in my head.
Morning, mommy.
"Good morning, sweetie. You slept well?"
She nodded her head and I watched as images appeared in my own. They were too jumbled to make sense. Edward embraced us both.
"She's showing you her dreams, or what she remembers anyway. Come on, let's go downstairs. Esme's preparing breakfast for the hungry little thing here," Edward spoke softly.
A rumbling sound came from Renesmee's stomach. I frowned. Was that how an empty stomach sounded? It was strange. Did the family hear it when I was human? You really couldn't hide anything from vampires' hearing. Together we made our way downstairs towards the kitchen. We passed the living room where most of the family was. They all greeted us. Instinctually I held Renesmee a little tighter. I felt wary of the crowded living room. In my mind I knew no one of the family would harm her, but still I didn't trust them completely.
Jasper raised an eyebrow, probably sensing my feelings of wariness and protectiveness. Rosalie stood up from the couch and came over. Without thinking I stepped back, causing her to frown. Edward kissed the top of my head and murmured in my ear to relax. This only made me tenser. Renesmee's stomach broke the standstill when it rumbled again.
Hungry, mommy.
I focused back on her. She needed food. I backed away from the living room in the direction of the kitchen. Edward still had an arm around us. It was only when I entered the kitchen that I turned around. A small plate was placed at the kitchen counter by the barstools. I walked over to it. The high stools didn't seem so safe for a small child. I set Renesmee on the counter, holding a hand protectively on her arm.
Esme greeted us warmly. I watched her preparing breakfast. My eyes took in the cardboard box of baby oatmeal, the jugs of milk and the pottery on the counter. The smells from the different ingredients were awful. I crinkled my nose in disgust. How was that even edible? I walked closer to her and the 'breakfast'. Edward took my place and stood in front of our daughter, to prevent her from falling of the counter. Esme put everything together in the small bowl. The smell got worse. She looked at me with concern, before giving it to me. I sniffed it and nearly gagged. This couldn't be safe! What was this? This couldn't be healthy. My daughter would not eat something bad!
I hurled the bowl across the kitchen. It clattered against the opposite wall, right next to the doorway where Rosalie just appeared.
"Wow, what's happening? What's wrong?" Rosalie asked uncertain. She eyed me carefully. Her eyes showed me she didn't understand my reactions.
I hissed at her and Esme and then eyed the remains of the supposed breakfast. They followed my line of sight and frowned. Didn't they smell it? Didn't they know that the food was rotten or off? I wouldn't allow my daughter to even taste one bit of it and they would feed her a whole bowl? Unbelievable! I swirled around facing Edward and Renesmee, who was now hanging on him with all her strength it seemed. Was she scared? And he, didn't he think the food was off? Had he fed her this food for three days? I narrowed my eyes at him, staring him down. I didn't understand how he could jeopardize our daughter health like that.
"Bella, what's wrong? You are scaring her. Please calm down and tell me," Edward asked while meeting my stare with a mixed expression.
I took a step closer to him. Rosalie and Esme remained where they were and the others who were in the living room stayed put. They had ceased their activities to listen, but didn't approach the kitchen, for which I was glad.
"Can't you smell the food is off? How can you give it to her, she'll get sick. Has she been eating that for three days? How-," I exclaimed on the verge of anger. Everything was shouting in my head to grab my daughter and keep her safe from everyone else. She wasn't safe here if they gave her spoiled food.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rosalie roll her eyes and chuckle. Without thinking I turned around and in a flash I was right in front of her. My nose was almost touching her nose. I hissed at her. She thought this was funny? What did she think was so funny? Giving my daughter spoiled food or me being protective of her? Was she making a joke out of me? All these questions only made me angrier. I got right in her face and snapped my teeth.
"Do you find it funny? How dare you? This is my daughter and I refuse to let anyone harm her. Giving her spoiled food certainly proves that you aren't trustworthy around her. I won't allow you or anyone for that matter to cause her harm or discomfort!" I snarled at her. My instinct was taking over. My child could get sick here; I couldn't stand by and do nothing!
The next moment Emmett appeared next to Rosalie. He stood tall and protective next to her but somehow didn't make a move to get to me. It was like he was giving me a silent warning. I was conflicted: Renesmee's safety was my number one priority but at what cost?
Rosalie spoke first "Relax, Bella. I wasn't laughing at you. I just think your reaction was funny. The food isn't spoiled, it's what all human food smells like for vampires. Everything smells disgusting for us. It doesn't mean it's rotten."
She gave me a small smile. I eyed her suspiciously before looking to Edward. I was still unconvinced.
"It's true love, the food is off putting for us because of our nature; being vampires… It is perfectly okay for humans. If I didn't trust it, I wouldn't allow our daughter to even smell it, let alone eat it," he said in a reassuring tone.
I felt conflicted. Somewhere I knew that our family wouldn't risk my daughter's safety but still. They were vampires. If the food smells disgusting anyway, how could they tell that it wasn't from being rotten? I seriously doubted their logic in that department. And Rosalie, she seemed unfazed by my concern. She even chuckled and explained it like I should have known it already. I eyed everyone in the kitchen and then the remains of the hurled bowl.
I didn't know what to believe. It made me angry. How could I make a good decision if I didn't know who to believe. I felt my mind battling with itself. I knew Renesmee needed food, but was it safe? With a last look at Rosalie – and Emmett – I backed up 'till I was next to Edward and our daughter. She had eaten this before so she could tell me the truth, right?
She looked at me with wary eyes. I must have scared her. Immediately I felt bad. It wasn't my intention to frighten her. I would have to settle my arguments when she was out of earshot. I met her eyes and she calmed me down. I picked her up from Edward's arms and nestled her against my chest, her butt resting on my arm. I stroked her cheek carefully.
"Hey sweetie, sorry if I scared you. Are you hungry?" I asked softly. I knew everyone was still around but I needed this moment. I needed to know that she was safe.
Her hand came to rest in my neck while she kept eye contact.
I'm hungry mommy.
Her answer didn't surprise me, her stomach had rumbled a few more times during the whole ordeal. I wasn't ignorant, but her safety was my priority at the time.
I walked with her towards the counter where the ingredients stood. Esme backed up. I shot her a small glare.
"Do you like this for breakfast?" I asked her. If she refused, I knew enough and I would have to think real hard on how to keep her safe. Fortunately Renesmee nodded her head and made a move to grab the box. I exhaled in relief. Her approval of the baby oatmeal settled my nerves somewhat. I eyed the stuff, but knew I couldn't prepare it.
"Esme, can you please make a new bowl for her?" I turned towards her. She nodded and approached us. I backed up, with Renesmee still in my arms. I might have approved of this breakfast; I still wasn't completely at ease.
Edward came up to me and kissed my head lightly. I looked up to him. I saw no judgment in his eyes. Emmett was still planted next to his wife, arms crossed and eying me. Different emotions swirled in Rosalie's eyes. I didn't see any anger but some longing, jealousy, understanding? What made her feel that way? My line of thinking was interrupted by Esme.
"Bella, the baby oatmeal is ready," Esme spoke softly. She walked over to the barstools and placed the bowl on the counter.
I left Edward's embrace and cautiously walked over. I took a seat and placed Renesmee on my lap. I wrapped one arm securely, but not too tightly around her waist to prevent her from sliding off my knees. I inhaled the smell coming from the bowl and scrunched my nose. It smelled so bad. I had to trust my daughter's words though. I looked at the spoon next to the bowl. No way was this going to work. If I didn't deform it with my strength, I would surely use to much force when I brought the spoon to her mouth.
Edward took the stool next to us and took the spoon. I met his eyes and gave him a thankful smile. He nodded and scooped some food up. I was glad he didn't try to soothe me with my disability to take care of own daughter. No matter what he said, in my eyes it felt like a disability. That aggravated me a top of the past few minutes, I was ready to snap. I concentrated on what happened between our daughter and my husband's interaction. I shifted and angled us so that we faced him. This way he could feed her easier. Watching them made me relax for a moment. I felt the tension leave my shoulders and exhaled a little in relief.
From the corner of my eye I saw Esme cleaning up my earlier thrown bowl with food. Emmett had an arm wrapped around Rosalie while she rested her head on his shoulder. A small smile playing on her lips while she watched us.
I kept an eye of my immediate surroundings while watching Edward feed our little girl. She seemed to like the food as she always eagerly accepted the next spoonful. My nerves settled somewhat. I would have to figure out how the Cullens prepared something and how they determined if something was eatable for my daughter. For now I was content. When Renesmee refused to open her mouth for the next spoonful, I guessed she was full.
Edward took her from me and put her stomach first against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. He softly patted her back, softly rocking her. I furrowed my brow.
"She doesn't need to burp after she's done eating, but it's just to keep her calm. So her stomach can settle" he answered my unasked question. I nodded and watched. After a few moments a soft rumble came from her belly. He pulled her around and cradled her, giving her hair a kiss.
"Did you like that? Yeah you did, didn't you? Mommy was a bit worried but we did alright with the food hmm?" It melted my heart to see him cooing to her so sweetly.
Footsteps coming closer to the house alerted us that people were approaching. My head snapped in the direction of the noise. The others in the kitchen also looked that direction. The peaceful atmosphere made room for anticipation and tension. I inhaled and gagged when the foul stench of wolves invaded my nose. My nostrils flared in anger.
Carlisle moved to the porch and stepped outside. I tightened my hold on my daughter, holding her closer to me and shielding her from view. Rosalie stepped between me and the doorway with a grim face. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and clenched his eyes shut for a second. I could only guess it was from hearing Jacob's thoughts. Voices outside made me focus on what happened on the porch.
"Jacob, good morning," Carlisle greeted him with a guarded voice.
"It's morning, I'm back. You can't forbid me from seeing her," Jacob answered back in a voice close the rudeness.
I growled softly. He had no right to show up and demand things here. I felt rage building inside of me, my shoulders tensed. Nothing was holding me back from storming outside and confront him. Immediately Jasper was in the kitchen at my side. I hissed at the sudden appearance. He startled me. I let my guard down, I was focusing so much on Jacob that I forgot the people inside. Jasper glared at me. I glared right back. Edward intervened, effectively stopping the beginning of a stare down.
"Bella, we won't let him inside if you don't want to. His behavior yesterday was anything but appreciated. But he still imprinted on Renesmee. We can't forbid him to ever see her-"
I interrupted him with a snarl, feeling frustrated and angry. I looked at him, trying to understand what he was saying. But Jacob's presence just outside the house overrode my ability to think very rationally.
"Maybe we should let Bella say her piece to Jacob. Maybe he'll get the hint," Rosalie said matter of factly.
"Rosalie, you are not helping," Jasper rebuked her, "Besides Renesmee likes Jacob. Not seeing him would hurt her."
That made me stop short. I was at a loss for words. Jasper peered into my eyes.
"I can feel her emotions and when she's with him, she's happy. She likes being in his arms. Don't ask me the reasons behind them. I can't tell you those, but I can tell that she likes Jacob's presence."
His words registered in my head. She likes being in Jacob's arms? A small twinge of betrayal bloomed inside my heart. It was irrational. I couldn't blame my daughter for her feelings. She was so young and innocent. Her feelings were pure and untainted. She had no notion of the difficulties between vampires and shape shifters. The rational part of me knew this. The other part however had great difficulties with accepting that. My thoughts whirled trying to understand what all this meant.
I looked at her and I knew that I couldn't stand in the way of her happiness. If she wanted to be with Jacob I couldn't deny her. It didn't mean that I had to like it. When I locked eyes with her, an instinctual urge took hold. She was my daughter. I had to protect her. I couldn't let her be with temperamental wolves. Besides Jacob, I had to consider his other 'pack members' Seth and Leah. It was too dangerous to let them near her. I got frustrated at my dilemma. What choice did I have?
Everyone in the kitchen eyed me warily. A voice from outside decided for me though.
"Do you really want your daughter to suffer because you can't stand it that she likes me?" Jacob asked unbelievingly.
"JACOB!" different people shouted. A red haze clouded my eyes and in a flash I was on the porch, lip curled so my teeth showed and crouched. A growl came from deep within myself as I stared wolfboy down.
My ability to speak disappeared. I was consumed by rage.
"BELLA!" I heard several people shouting. It wasn't enough to bring me back to myself.
Suddenly the bronzed haired male stood next to me, facing Jacob.
"That is enough! Jacob I'm warning you, I won't hold her back this time. You overstepped your boundaries." His voice shook with anger.
"Let her have her go with him. Maybe the pup will finally get the hint," a female voice suggested.
"We can't, consider Renesmee," a stern male voice immediately replied. I hissed at the mocking voice. I hated that voice and the owner of that voice. I was about to snap at it when the words registered. The red haze disappeared completely. Renesmee was more important. She couldn't see me like this and if she really liked Jacob, it would hurt her. I calmed down somewhat.
Everyone outside seemed to realize I was more myself again as their tense posture lightened a little. Carlisle stepped up… again. His calming yet authoritive demeanor was very useful in these kind of situations.
He observed the whole situation, looked at everyone with a thoughtful look on his face. He inhaled and exhaled softly before he spoke.
"This isn't going to work if we don't solve this once and for all. I understand that it is difficult for everyone involved but this can't last. Everyone is on edge and it isn't good for Renesmee."
I was rocking on my feet, getting aggravated at his words. His words seemed accusing. Jacob's presence didn't help me to stay rational. A snippet of my homecoming after my first hunt passed through my mind.
*Flashback*
"Welcome back, Bella, have you fed well?" Carlisle asked me.
I nodded, unsure of what was about to happen next.
"It seems you had quite the hunting experience. It was to be expected, though."
Did I hear disappointment in his tone? Was he disappointed in me? But, I acted on instinct; every rational thought just flew out the window when I smelled that human. If I wasn't so intoxicated with it, I would never give in to my instinct. I didn't mean for it to happen. I was getting worked up. A wave of calmness slowly overcame me. I snapped my eyes to Jasper, who was once again watching me intently.
"I didn't mean for it to happen." I directed my answer to Carlisle "I was just… I don't know, I smelled him and suddenly I wasn't me anymore. You know I wouldn't do this."
"I know that, Bella, but it is what you are. As a newborn, it was to be expected –"
"You mean you blame me? I should have controlled myself better?" I interrupted rudely.
"No, that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we have to be more careful than I anticipated." He looked at me, willing me to understand him.
*End flashback*
Carlisle seemed disappointed in me then, was he disappointed in me again? My hackles rose. He wouldn't blame me for Jacob's behavior! How could he tolerate Jacob's behavior? Why did he get free passes? Wasn't Renesmee my daughter? Since when did he get a say in things, because he imprinted on her? Which brought me back to my earlier questions: why did the Cullens allow him to be present when I was changing? They somehow accepted him while I was burning. Was he as demanding as he is now? Or is he more demanding because I was awake? My thoughts went in circles. The same questions and frustrations always came back. My frustration grew slowly but surely.
"Bella?" Edward nudged me. I snapped out of my musings and looked at him. He stared into my eyes. He must have sensed my tumultuous thoughts. That and Jasper must have noticed my fluctuating emotions. That earned a spark of annoyance directed at him.
He raised an eyebrow, before looking stern at me and Jacob. His posture was distant but also very much present. He intimidated me.
Edward nudged me again, forcing me to look at him. Where was our daughter? I searched for her heartbeat and located it still in the kitchen. Esme's scent was concentrated around her so I guessed she remained with our daughter inside.
"Bella, we'll figure something out. Your frustration is understandable. Jacob's thoughts however show me how much he needs her as well." He looked into my eyes, willing me to understand. Suddenly his head turned towards Jacob. He listened intently to what Jacob was thinking. I got inpatient.
Edward nodded at him and spoke aloud, "Jacob wants to propose a compromise of some sorts."
I bristled, he wouldn't dictate me. Edward peered into my eyes while cupping my face. He pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. When he was certain he had my attention he softened his voice.
"He's willing to compromise. If it wasn't for our daughter, I would have chased him away; I would be the first one to put him in his place. But… our daughter needs him, she's attached to him already. He's not my favorite person either."
"I don't like him. He's putting me on edge. His behavior, his stench,…," I crinkled my nose in disgust, "she's my daughter, yet he has more time with her," I whispered softly.
His thumb brushed my cheek.
"I understand you, I get it. What if we let him be 'around' under strict rules off course. One misstep and we negotiate the compromise again."
I wasn't happy at all with this. Jacob disapproving humph didn't help matters. Before I could react, Carlisle stepped in.
"I think this is a good compromise. We'll have to work out the details, but…"
Since when did he decide how things would go? Carlisle wasn't my favorite person either at the moment. Edward's touch calmed me down though. Still, the slumbering feeling of frustration and anger grew.
Jasper looked at me, sensing my emotional rollercoaster.
"Perhaps we should end this face off as quickly as possible. Tempers are flaring and this won't help matters," he spoke up.
Carlisle sensing the unstable situation, looked at Edward, "Edward, this is your call."
Edward brushed my cheek again before putting and arm around my shoulder pulling me against his side. He faced Jacob. He squeezed my shoulder. Before he opened his mouth he looked at Jasper and nodded.
"Jacob, you get to spend time with Renesmee for a few hours," my eyes snapped to him with disbelief, "You will stay on the front porch and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett will stay here. You will listen to them. Do you understand?"
Jacob didn't look happy. Edward stared him down.
"Take it or leave it, Jacob. This will be the compromise: you get to spend some time with her but outside the house and in the presence of the family," Edward stated.
It was obvious Jacob wasn't thrilled with the conditions, neither was I, but it was the best I could hope for. Since the Cullens refused to send him away. That thought stirred the slumbering cocktail of frustration and anger inside of me. Jasper made his presence more known by stepping closer.
"Fine, I'll take what I can get… for now. I don't want Renesmee to be unhappy so if this is what you allow, I will agree to it," his tone wasn't grateful.
"Believe me, mutt, I'm not happy with it either," I hissed at him.
"Okay, now that is settled," Carlisle cut or dispute short, "Jacob wait here; outside. Bella, why don't you spend some time with your daughter?"
I eyed him distrustful, but Renesmee's heartbeat lured me back inside. I found her and Esme on the couch in the living room.
I sat down very carefully and stretched my arms. Esme handed me my daughter and I cuddled her gently, minding my strength. Renesmee's sweet scent calmed me and for a moment I forgot everything that had just happened. Edward stood in front of us, looking down at us with love in his eyes. I looked back at him from above our daughter's curls.
In that moment I wished that it was just us. Just me, him and our daughter, enjoying each other. Getting to know myself again in this new body, getting to know my husband again. Learning about our daughter. She was mere days old and yet I couldn't enjoy being with her. Everyone knew her better than me, they all had an opinion over how I should act or behave with her. She was my daughter, but it didn't feel like it. Shouldn't I be the one who's closest to her? I couldn't take care of her primary needs because I had zero experience with babies and my new strength, but with Edward's patience and help, I would get there. They just had to give me a chance! The slumbering cocktail rose again.
Renesmee's uncertain thoughts invaded my head as I felt her warm soft touch on my throat.
She showed me how my expression changed while Jacob approached earlier, how I ran outside. She showed me how she heard the yelling and the commotion coming from the porch. Her thoughts were mingled with doubts and anxiety. I didn't really know why she was scared. If it was because she didn't like the noise or if it was because she thought someone was in danger, like Jacob.
Immediately I felt bad. I forgot about her while I was outside. I forgot how she would experience it. I wish I could cry. I didn't want to upset her. I held her a little tighter, making sure I wasn't hurting her.
"I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. Mommy just got a bit angry, but not at you, sweetie. I love you so much," I whispered.
Jake?
"Jacob is fine. He's not hurt. Mommy was a bit angry at him, but we're okay."
It hurt me that she was so close to him. It proved what Jasper stated earlier about her feelings. My jaw clenched for a moment gritting my teeth. I swallowed the venom in my mouth. The cocktail of frustration and anger bubbled up and this time it was harder to contain it. I kissed Renesmee's head before looking up at Edward.
Different emotions swirled in his eyes. He seemed to debate with himself. The other Cullens stayed back, giving us a little space. He swallowed and steeled himself. He seemed to have made a decision.
"Why don't we let her spend some time with Jacob? On the porch with others present? It will settle her anxiety over Jacob's health and give you an opportunity to unleash somewhere safe."
I didn't like this at all. It went against every fiber in my body and mind.
"I wouldn't suggest it if I had any doubt about her wellbeing. She will be perfectly safe and some of the family will stay. No harm will come to her. It's hard for me as well to make this decision but her wellbeing – both physically and mentally – are most important. If that means spending time with Jacob…"
I could see in his eyes he didn't like it either, but he had a good point. Looking down at our daughter I nodded.
"You want to spend some time with Jacob?" I asked her just to make sure.
She nodded eagerly. I nodded and tried to smile to make her see that I was okay with it. Slowly I stood up. Edward put his arm around us and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm proud of you."
Everything in my body battled me when I made my way to the porch where everyone still stood. Edward stayed right at my side. Most of them looked guarded while some couldn't hide their disagreement. Rosalie didn't hide her disagreement at all and it warmed me somewhat. I she stayed behind I would be a little bit at ease. She rooted for me from the moment I woke up as a vampire. I didn't trust them completely and was still fully alert around them, but out of all of them I trusted her the most. To leave Renesmee behind when I – and Edward – were gone, was another thing. It went against everything: my newborn vampire mind, my motherly protective urges, my distrust against Jacob and the wolves in general,…
"It will be alright, nothing will happen to her. Nobody would allow it," Edward murmured against my ear.
Rosalie stood tall and took a step closer, "I will look after her. Jacob won't get away with anything. I know you don't trust us completely, but Bella, nothing will happen."
The strength and protectiveness in her voice settled me somewhat. She sounded so fierce that I had to believe her. It was very difficult to do, but I handed my daughter over to her slightly outstretched arms. I looked into her eyes looking for any sign of deceit. I only saw sincerity and resolve. I exhaled slowly and kissed Renesmee's cheek.
"I'll be back later, be good. I love you"
Love you too, mommy
I took a step back, away from them. Edward quickly pecked her cheek as well.
"Be right back. Love you," he said softly.
His eyes snapped towards Jacob. His jaw clenched. Jacob faced him nonchalantly. His behavior irked me.
"Jacob, enough," Jasper cut in sternly from the side.
Jacob schooled his facial expression more and looked more sincere. I didn't buy it for one second. I eyed Rosalie again and she nodded. Out of all of them, she would understand me the most.
Carlisle had stepped closer and placed a hand on Edward shoulder.
"It'll be alright, son."
With that Edward grabbed my hand and we walked towards the steps leading to the front lawn and the forest. I looked back over my shoulder seeing everyone still in the same position. Edward squeezed my hand when I unconsciously tightened my fingers.
"I'm sorry," I whispered painfully. I had hurt him.
"Shh, it's okay, I understand."
Walking away from our daughter was the most difficult thing I had to do in the few days I've been awake as a vampire. All the previous times I had walked away was because my thirst overrode my senses. Now my thirst was manageable, leaving my mind perfectly capable of experiencing walking away from her. It hurt.
The fact that Jacob was present, made it so much more painful. Edward's hand was the only thing making me walking further away. I knew the moment he released my hand, I would run right back to her.
Let me know what you think, love to hear your thoughts.
Next chapter will be more action filled as Bella unleashes her frustration and anger towards her family