I suppose here's the part where I should start telling you about what got in the way this time and all my apologies. But just for today, let's skip that.
I would like to say, however, a MASSIVE thank you to my latest reviewer! Who made me smile for a while, encouraged me to write this chapter ((along with all my other reviews, I felt bad not uploading for a MONTH and then giving you two short, bad ones)) and was also my inspiration for it. You want to know how Snape is handling this?
In that case, read on through my interpretation of Snape, BEWARE, I may have over used similes that compare Harry and Draco to cute fuzzy animals but what the hell? It's my fic.
Sorry if I write Snape instead of Severus sometimes but it just comes out, yanno?
Not a fan of Snily but it's extremely mild as romance is NOT my thing to write.
Chapter Nine: Inside the Mind of Severus Snape.
It had been only two days since Severus had changed his opinion. Only two days since he had told Potter how he felt about the situation. Only two days since Sirius Black had appeared in his fireplace and Lily Evans had entered his dream.
After Potter apologised to Severus, he began to think back. Potter had apologised to him. Why? Perhaps it was because he had told the boy that he didn't blame him for this incident. Perhaps he didn't mean it? No, he was sure Potter was too much of a chivalrous Gryffindor to be that mean. As much as Severus would hate to admit it, the boy was not like his father. He was brave and all the rest of it but his compassion, his kindness, that came from his mother. Slowly he replayed everything since he had changed his mind.
He had been sleeping, as people tend to do at night, in his room on Christmas Eve, partly dreading the day that was to come. The young boys would be gleeful as newly born pups all day with all their presents. He knew he wouldn't get much, or even anything. Christmas, over the years, had become a lonelier and lonelier holiday over the years. That's why he didn't like heading back to his house. He secretly liked all the merriment of the staff he could find at Hogwarts. He always sat on the side lines, drinking himself into confidence to dance. At staff parties he always got quite drunk and ended up dancing with everyone. Here, there would be joy but not the controlled and civilised you would expect to find from the Hogwarts teachers. It was simply chaos to him, the students were like kittens seeing the snow for the first time in their life.
He rolled over and drifted back into sleep. He wasn't in Hogwarts, he didn't know where he was. Everything was just black and grey shapes that shifted and reshaped around him. Eventually things took a solid form and he instantly recognised it. It was Godric's Hollow, the night Lily had died. Voldemort was long-gone. He was too weak to carry on and fled the Potter's house before someone came to get him and finish him off.
He went to find Lily, to see if she was ok. He took a deep breath as he explored the house, already passing his school enemy's dead body at the foot of the stairs. He heard a baby's whimpering coming from ahead, with no mother calming him down. He instantly thought the worst. He ran as fast as he could in his panicked state to find Lily cold and lifeless on the floor. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Then, his gaze met the one-year-old boy. Harry Potter. He picked him up and shook him violently, "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" He yelled through the tears. Suddenly everything changed.
He was still holding onto Harry, but he had grown much older. Everything went back to being blobs. Transforming shapes until the scenery took the form of Dumbledore's cottage. He screamed once more, blaming Harry for this. But now, he wasn't being blamed for the death of Lily. Harry was being blamed for their 'situation.'
Someone else was there, though. It was someone with red hair and eyes exactly like the boy that he was attacking. "Please, Severus stop." He dropped Harry at once.
"L-Lily?" He shook his head in confusion, "I thought….. I thought you were dead?" Lily ignored his confusion and continued on with the message she had come to deliver.
"Severus, you cannot blame Harry for this. It was not his fault and you know that, you just want someone to blame. Of course you do, that's normal. But the one to blame is not my son."
"I'm so sorry. Lily I am… I called you a- It was out of order. I was…." He trailed off in mid-sentence.
"Listen to what I am saying. Do not blame my son when it was the curse of a Malfoy who put you in this situation."
"I am listening. Malfoy, the little-" Snape growled a little and Harry, who was still on the floor, slowly faded away.
"No, it was an accident. He shouldn't have used a spell if he didn't know what was it was going to do. You must remain calm, Severus please? If not for the sake of the boys, who are only young, then for Dumbledore?"
"I will try my best. I know that it is not Harry's fault. No promises about Draco though." He actually smiled a little. "I am not doing it for Dumbledore, I will try for you, Lily. I will try for you." Lily reached out for him but she was also fading away. Everything went black and Snape woke up.
He clung to his covers, trying to hold on to the dream. "L-Lily come back." He whispered into the darkness. "She wasn't real." He scolded himself. "Don't be so stupid." He sighed and sat up in the darkness.
"Snape? You awake?" He heard a voice call. He cast Lumos and looked around. He couldn't see anyone. "In the fireplace you idiot."
"Ah, Sirius what a…" He cut off.
"Delightful surprise?" Sirius head finished for him, smiling stupidly.
"No." Severus replied bluntly. "What do you want? It's late." He yawned as soon as he'd said that, almost as if he was trying to prove a point.
"I know it's late but it's only a short message. I heard you've been giving my godson a few evil looks since this curse was cast."
"What is this?" Severus commented, "Let's protect Potter night?" First it was Dumbledore but only subtly. Then it was Lily in his dream. An now it's Sirius in his fireplace. Soon it will be his own conscience.
"Just stop being so horrible. He didn't want this to happen either! He is having just as hard a time as you are!" Sirius was taking his own route. Dumbledore and Lily had been sympathetic to him. But, to be fair, Lily was a creation of his own subconscious. Sirius was actually angry with him? Maybe his little godson wasn't as truthful as he ought to be in his letters.
"Really?" Snape hissed, "Are his actions, speech and eve thought warped by this? Is he forced to constantly degrade himself in so many different ways? No, I didn't think so."
"When he writes, he even sounds tortured. He tells me how guilty he feels and how sorry he is for all three of you."
"Great. Sympathy." Snape muttered snidely.
"He desperately wishes it would end. He doesn't want to be called master, he doesn't want to be bowed to. He never has wanted even to be famous so why would he want this? No, don't blame him Snivellus. Or I will come down there personally and-"
"Get out." Snape's voice was very low and very quiet but anyone could tell he was furious. "Get. OUT!" He snapped, instantly, he wondered whether he woke anyone up. When he turned back around to face the fire, Sirius was gone.
Severus tossed and turned when he attempted, for the second time that night to get back to sleep. He listened to the echo of Lily's silky voice, and really listened to what she had to say. He remembered the sadness in Dumbledore's eyes, "This is no-one's fault. Accidents happen." And he huffed at the fury of Sirius's tone. Maybe they were all right, they each had their own way of expressing it but it wasn't Harry fault. Maybe he shouldn't give him a hard time. He would, of course, be civil with Draco Malfoy, the boy who started this whole thing. He didn't mean it, but it still happened and he would be getting drunk and dancing with Minerva right now if it hadn't/
He had calmed down quite a bit with his newly found peace. His head hit the pillow once more and he finally found sleep.
"For Lily." He muttered in his sleep.
I wrote that in one hour! So proud of myself, it usually takes me a few days…
Please review!