Title: Back at One
Author(s): y0ungalaska & BrennaAimee
Rating: Ranging from PG to M
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC. We own nothing but our ideas.
Summary: "It's so incredible, the way things work themselves out and all emotional once you know what it's all about."
Arizona awoke the next morning to the sound of her phone alarm beeping. Realizing that she must have been too tired to turn it off, she rolled over and quickly pressed the button on her phone to silence it. Her days off had come few and far between and when she got them, she cherished them dearly. This was one of those days.
Stretching the length of her bed, she made sure her body was fully awakened before throwing her legs over the edge. Looking over to her nightstand, she found the piece of mail that she had recently received the day before, yet couldn't bring herself to open. Grabbing the envelope, she took it with her downstairs as she set out to have her morning cup of coffee.
She may not know what the letter contained, but she thought that maybe she owed it to James and to herself to at least read it. After all, he was still her husband and though she had no intention of going back to him, a part of her still wanted him to get better.
Arizona made her way out back with a steamy cup of coffee in one hand and the unopened letter in the other. Taking a seat, she took a sip before sitting the cup down and simply stared at the envelope. What could he possibly want from me, she thought to herself as she took in a deep breath. Flipping it over, she ran her finger across the back, tearing the envelope almost in half and unfolded the one piece of paper it stored.
'My Dearest Arizona,
I know that you most likely don't even want to hear from me, but I can only hope that you'll take a moment out of your day to read this letter. It's been a while since we've had contact and I want you to know that I'm doing just as I said: I'm getting help.
I left things a bit…. Well, I did some things that I am not proud of and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Breaking into Callie's house was not one of my better times, but I want you to know that I regret every single moment. The look in your eyes was something that I never wanted to see when you looked at me. Fear. Fear of me. Of the man who was supposed to love and protect you.
I'm sure that Callie and Javier are ready to see me nothing short of executed, but I want them to know that I am truly sorry for what I've done. I didn't mean to scare anyone, nor did I mean to come off as a raging lunatic. That isn't me at all. And if anyone knows that it's you, Arizona. Being in therapy has taught me a lot. It has shown me that I have the tendency to let my own worst fears get the best of me. And that when I allow that to happen, I use alcohol to fuel the raging fire. I've given up alcohol all together and I'm in the stage where I need to make amends with the people that I've hurt. My first thought was always you. It took me a while to write this letter and even longer to send it for fear of your rejection. Even after all I've done, the only opinion of me that matters is yours.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I know that those words aren't enough and I know that I've said them so many times, they've become empty, but I truly am sorry. I am sorry for hurting you, for becoming this monster and allowing myself to abuse you the way I did. I'm sorry for doubting you, for losing sight of what was truly important to me, to us. I know that this will not make it right, but I at least have to try.
I don't want to make this harder for you as I'm sure you're getting back to some kind of normalcy but… This is me, the man you married and fell in love with, asking you if you can forgive me? I know that I can't expect it soon, but know that I will work day and night to show you how very sorry I am, Arizona. You are my wife and… Well, I love you.
So if you do in fact read this letter, know that I am working on bettering myself and praying that someday in the future, you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
We have a visiting day this Thursday and I know I may be asking too much, but if you'd like, you can come to the facility to see me. I'd love to hear from you.
Always,
James.'
Arizona slowly folded the letter and placed it down on the table before picking up her coffee and leaning back into the chair. She stared up at the morning sky and sighed. What did he want from her? The answer was now known. He wanted her forgiveness. But the question was, could she give it? Her mother had always told her that forgiving someone is not about giving them what they want, but about letting go of the past. It was about making things better for you, but after everything she'd been through, Arizona wasn't sure if she could grant his wish. Not yet anyway.
Placing the letter on the table beside her, Arizona made her way into the house and got herself ready for the day. Looking at the clock, she realized that it was merely 11 a.m. If she was going to forgive him and be done once and for all, she needed to do it in person. Opening the side-table drawer, Arizona pulled out a manila envelope and placed it in her purse. It was time.
Callie arrived home earlier than expected and as she pushed the door open, she called out, "Arizona?"
No answer. She figured that maybe the blonde had taken the day off to go and run a few errands. She had learned, living with Arizona, that she was a morning person. 'Early bird gets the worm, Calliope!' She smiled as the blonde's voice played in her head and let out a laugh.
After placing her things down and making her way through the house, Callie found herself in the kitchen. She quietly hummed one of her favorite tunes as she prepared a late lunch for herself. Taking her food outside with her, she made herself cozy on a chair by the pool and as she went to place her plate on the table beside her, she felt something.
Looking down, she noticed an envelope that had been addressed to Arizona and in the top corner it read, "Brentwood Correctional Facility." It didn't take her very long to recognize who it was from and before she knew it, her fingers were slipping the thin sheet of paper out of the envelope and unfolding it. She knew that this was none of her business, this wasn't addressed to her and Arizona would most likely fume with anger knowing that she had read her personal mail, but she couldn't help herself.
She did a speed read through and with every word her anger began to boil even more. How dare he? How dare this man write Arizona and ask for her forgiveness? How dare he even think that he was deserving of anything when it came to her? Reading further, her breath hitched as she saw him ask Arizona to come and see him. And then it dawned on her; Arizona went to see him. Anger boiling over, Callie harshly placed the letter back into the enveloped, food forgotten, and made her way into the house. She threw the letter down on the table as she began to pace the floor. Her thoughts couldn't be contained at the moment; she could barely even think straight. Her emotions were all over the place and even though she knew that she was wrong for reading her roommates mail, she felt justified in the way that she felt. This man broke into her house and tried to harm her. Not only her, but he hurt Arizona time and time again. Her thoughts were so loud, she failed to hear Arizona come through the front door.
"Callie?" Arizona asked after a few moments of watching the Latina pace a hole in the floor. So concerned about Callie, she didn't realize that her letter from James was sitting on the table.
At the sound of her name, Callie's head shot up and Arizona immediately recognized the look on her face. Anger. But why was Callie angry? Had she done something wrong?
"Callie… What's wrong?" Arizona asked as she made her way farther into the living room.
"What's wrong?" Callie spat before leaning down to pick up the letter. "This is what's wrong, Arizona."
Arizona let her eyes linger on the letter for a moment before looking back up to the woman standing in front of her. "It's not what you think…"
"Oh really? Not what I think? Because I'm pretty damn sure that he asked you to go see him and I'm pretty damn sure that you went."
Arizona put her hands up in defense. She couldn't lie to Callie and for a moment, she cursed herself for leaving the letter out in the open like she had done. She wanted to tell Callie about it after she'd gotten back. To tell her that she had filed for divorce and she had gone to serve James the papers, but the look in the Latina's eyes let her know that she was in for a fight. "Ok. I'm not going to lie to you, Calliope. I did go to see him, but I promise you it's not what you think. I…"
"He hurt you, Arizona!" Callie could feel the anger radiating out of her. She knew that the woman in front of her should be given the benefit of the doubt, that she should allow her to explain, but right now she couldn't do it. "Over and over again, he has hurt you. And I've been there. Every single time, I've been there for you. But I can't help you if all you're going to do is go back to him."
"Whoa, wait a minute." Arizona knew that Callie was mad and it was understandable, but the woman was reaching right now. She was obviously making assumptions and failing to let her explain. "I get that you're mad, ok? I get it. But you can't tell me what to do. You can't just… monitor my every move. I can take care of myself, Callie."
At the blonde's words, Callie's facial expression turned to one of complete shock and she too, threw her hands up. "Well, I'm sorry if me being a good friend makes you feel like I'm trying to run your life. By all means, I'll remember that the next time he hurts you." Before she could even stop herself, the words had fallen out of her mouth and the look on the blonde's face only made her regret it more.
Arizona instinctively took a step back. The air around her immediately felt too thick and she tried to take a deep breath. Looking at the Latina, she saw that all the anger had drained out of her face and now, all she could recognize was sadness. But the words had already been spoken, the truth was already out there. There were no words left to be said. Turning around, Arizona made her way to the door, grabbing for her keys and purse on the way.
"Wait," Callie called out as she made her way behind the blonde, "you're just going to leave?"
Arizona spoke without even turning to face her roommate. "Yes, Calliope, I'm going to leave. Because if I stay here, I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret. So I'm going to go before it happens."
"Arizona, I didn't…" Callie tried to speak but the blonde opened the door and closed it swiftly behind her. Making her way into the living room and dropping down on the couch, Callie sighed. "Good one, Torres."
Arizona woke the next day with every intention to talk to Callie about the previous night, but when she went downstairs she soon realized that there was no noise, no sign of Calliope. She peeked out of the living room blinds and saw her parking spot empty. Arizona had come home after Calliope was in bed asleep, so she knew she hadn't left last night, she must have went in early. Arizona walked to the door to check the dry erase board. Nothing. Arizona hated fighting with the Latina, but considering both knew the others weaknesses their fights easily took a turn for the worse. The best thing about the pair is they both knew they didn't mean it.
Arizona walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee before work. She walked to the cabinet to retrieve her mug. She went to the pantry to get the coffee to make, but quickly realized it wasn't in there. 'This is not going to be a good day,' she thought to herself. She went to place her mug back in the cabinet when she noticed a sticky note on the coffee maker.
'Arizona
I'm sorry about last night. The coffee is fresh, made especially for the person that helps make my life what it is every day. I hope this helps start your day off right, I'll get more coffee tonight. –Callie'
Arizona broke out into a dimpled grin. Callie always knew how to make her smile. This definitely helped start her morning off right, although she preferred to talk to the woman to make things right. She made a mental note to do this when she got home. The blonde poured herself a cup of coffee and went upstairs to drink it as she got dressed.
Arizona returned home later than usual. Her last client had asked every question in the book about the home she was showing, wanting full details of the previous owners and why they had left the house. Arizona had to give intimate details about every room in the house, how each room had been used, any previous repair issues, anything the client could think of. It had been a long time since she had a client so adamant about such things.
Arizona looked at the dry erase board when she walked in the door. Calliope's car had not been in the drive way and sure enough there was a note from the raven haired beauty. 'Gone to the store, groceries and such. Maybe you'll be home when I get back, if not, have a good date. I know I've been a bitch about it, but all I want for you is happiness and if this is what causes it, then I wish you the best. – Cal'
Arizona smiled at the gesture. Callie made her happy and smile more than anyone. She shook her head at the thought, she's her best friend. She was supposed to make her laugh and feel happy, right? Arizona tried to put the thought aside as she went to take a shower and get ready for her date.
Mark arrived at 7:00pm sharp. Usually, he arrived fashionably late considering ladies were always jumping on the Sloan train, but he genuinely liked this woman which was new to him. Seeing the blonde shining the way she had been lately did something to him. This woman was different, so he wanted to do everything right in hopes that maybe she would see past his man whore-ish ways. He didn't want to get his hopes up though, he knew what Arizona had been through and definitely would understand if this wasn't something she was up to yet. Mark gave himself a quick pep talk before walking up to the front door.
He placed three firm knocks on the wooden door, stepped back inhaling deeply and rooted his hands deep in his pockets. Within a few seconds, Arizona had opened the door standing in front of him. Her blonde curls were flowing gently meeting her shoulders and a deep v necked black dress.
"You look absolutely beautiful" was all Mark could get out.
"And you definitely clean up nicely." Arizona winked.
"Shall we?" Mark finally said gesturing toward his car.
"Of course" Arizona said reaching to link her arm with Mark's, cupping his elbow with her hand. Mark drove to the nicest restaurant Arizona knew of within 50 miles.
The date went amazingly. There was honestly nothing more Arizona could have asked for. Mark was a complete gentleman and didn't even attempt to make a move. He places the sweetest goodnight kiss on her lips at the door, brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss there, bidding her a good night before turning and getting back in the car. Arizona enjoyed every minute of it, but she couldn't shake the fact that something didn't feel right and she couldn't place what it was.
Arizona unlocked the door and walked through the house. She looked around but didn't see Calliope. "Calliope?" She called out, but received no answer. She walked toward the back. Through the sliding doors she saw the most beautiful sight. Calliope was sitting with her feet swaying in the pool, the pool lights shining up on her. Arizona's breath caught. She took a minute. Friends think each other are beautiful. She thought Callie was pretty the first time she ever saw her, she and James had actually had a discussion about it when they first moved in. No big deal, right? Arizona shook away the thoughts and walked out to the pool. Callie heard her close the door.
"Well, someone is back early. Did you have . . ." Callie stopped talking as soon as she turned to look at Arizona. "You're beautiful." She breathed out surveying the blonde.
"What was that?" Arizona felt butterflies in her stomach, something inside her hoping it was what she thought she heard.
"Nothing, did you have a good time?" Callie patted the cement beside her. Arizona discarded her shoes, using Calliope's shoulder to carefully lower herself to sit and raising her dress slightly to place her feet in the water.
"Actually, I did. Mark was nothing short of a gentleman. He didn't even try to get up my dress." Arizona elbowed Callie giggling, causing the brunette to do the same.
"Mark? Are you sure you went on a date with my best friend and not some robot?" Arizona's dimples popped.
"Yeah, it was Mark Sloan."
"I'm glad you had a good time, you deserved it. . . About last night . . . "
Arizona stopped her quickly. "Calliope, don't. I understand you didn't mean it. I know you. You are worried about me and I appreciate it, but you should have a little more faith in me."
"I know, but I am protective over you. After everything I just feel . . . You know, I don't know what I feel but I know I'll always protect you. You are my best friend."
"As you are mine, you should know. I served him papers, when I went to see him."
"You filed for divorce?" Callie replied shocked.
"I did. I told you it wasn't what you thought, but of course you are a Torres and seem to think that makes you immune to being wrong." Arizona winked and Callie laughed gently.
"Well I owe you more of an apology than I realized. I just jump to conclusions. It's who I am. I'm impulsive and irrational at times. I truly am sorry." They both grew quiet. They stared into the water where their feet gently swayed, sometimes bumping slightly. "Arizona?"
"Yes Calliope?"
"I was wondering. . ."
Arizona nodded for her to continue and all the got in return was a complex look, was it nerves? Arizona knew she couldn't push the Latina, no matter how much she wanted her to just ask. After a moment Arizona grew nervous, but still waited patiently for Calliope to talk.
"Would you move in with me, officially? I mean you could have your own toothbrush holder, hairdryer, and closet or something . . . more important." Callie finished nervously.
"Or something more important?" Arizona laughed at her friends frustrations. "So you're asking me to do something I practically do already?"
"Well, yes. You shouldn't have to pay rent on a house you aren't using. You're even using the mailbox already. I think it's stupid you have to go over to that house to get a jacket or something when the weather does a slight change one night. All your stuff should be here where it is easily accessible."
"Calliope?"
"Yes?" She answered trying to avoid Arizona's eyes.
"I'd love to." Arizona answered and hugged Callie tightly, which Callie reciprocated immediately.