a/n: written after watching the premiere of season 4. there were a lot of feels, ok?
It's not that she hugs him first, so much as she falls into him, too tired, too weary, too exhausted, too everything to even care.
(Except that she does. Can feel Nick's dirt brown eyes dig in between her shoulder blades.)
It's not so much a hug than he catches her, keeps her from falling. But then it's a hug and it's her, yes, but it's different. She's different. She doesn't smell like his- like Andy anymore.
(Is that a weird thing for him to notice first?
It's not.
Right?)
She smells like rust and sweat and the floor of a van. She doesn't even feel like Andy, skin gaunt, drawn tight over her bones. The t-shirt she is wearing is thin enough for him to feel through. She is humming, body vibrating like it gets to doing when adrenaline's been coursing through her veins. Possibly she's humming from more things than just adrenaline.
He's never seen her look this tired before.
(There are honest-to-god bags underneath her eyes. Makes Sam want to do more than put Blackstone in a chokehold.)
He wants- Sam wants a lot of things, honestly. Wants to lift her face off his chest with his hands to look at her. Like, really look at her. And have her answer him without using words like "good" or "great" or "I'm fine." But mostly he wants to rewind time and take her back with him to a better place, a happier time. Somewhere not here. Not now. Now is too sudden, too new. Too now.
They never were huggers. Not before or after or during even. And apparently not now, either. Andy pulls away, stands upright, pulls herself together. Won't look him square in the eye after that.
(Nick, on the other hand, is not being shy about the eye contact.
Makes Sam wonder if Nick is a hugger. If they hugged. If they-)
Sam drops his arms back to his sides, stilling his fingers. For some reason, they keep wanting to twitch. Keep wanting to touch. Rub up and down her arms until she stops shaking. He clenches his fingers and presses his nails into his palm hard enough to make it hurt. "Let's get you two back to the barn," he says and it takes a minute before his mouth actually opens when he tells it to. Another minute to get the words out.
She just looks so tired.