A/N: Thanks again for all of your support. It truly humbles me. I hope you enjoy this and if you have any suggestions I am happy to take them on board.

Chapter 5 – Confessions

Okay you can do this. You have been waiting for a long time. You have practiced and practiced what you would say. It's here. Right now. Tell him!

"Would you like a drink?" Jo asked.

"Sure, probably a good idea."

"Beer or a shot? I have bourbon, tequila or vodka."

"When did you turn into such a big drinker?"

"I'm not, I just bought these today in case I needed or we needed something to calm the nerves."

"Smart." Alex said with a slight smirk.

"So what will it be?"

"I'll take a shot of bourbon."

Jo poured Alex bourbon and a Vodka for herself, brought them over to the table and handed Alex his drink. They both drank them down quickly and Jo poured them both another one. The silence was palpable.

"Soooo. Are you ready?" She said with a small smile. Jo was trying to make this easy; it was never going to be easy she just needed to jump in.

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." He replied, pouring himself another shot of bourbon.

"Do you mind if I sit facing you. I don't want to be sitting next to you. I need to see your face. You deserve to have me look you in the eye for this. I have had a lot of counselling and therapy and this is what I need to do. Is that okay with you Alex?" Jo said rambling a little.

"Um yeah I guess." Alex was a little surprised at her admission to having had a lot of counselling. He was also starting to get a very uneasy feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the Bourbon he had just consumed.

Jo moved and sat in front of Alex on the coffee table, their knees were almost touching, and Jo could easily see the fear in Alex's eyes. He could probably see that reflected back in her own.

Four years ago

Jo had finished work for the day and was waiting outside of the hospital for the rain to ease a little before she made a run for the car.

"Dr Wilson?" The voice said dripping in sarcasm.

Jo could feel her blood turn to ice. Just the sound of his voice brought back the memories of that night. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be working at Seattle Pres.

"What, what do you want?" Jo said stuttering and backing away from him.

"A little birdie told me your boyfriend has been offered the now vacant Head of Paediatrics position."

"What business is it of yours?" Jo said trying to regain some of her strength.

"Well a lot." Jason sneered as he moved into her personal space and spoke right into her face. Jo was now backed up against a side wall of the hospital. "You see because of you, I lost my job here and had to move on. I wasn't very happy about that, being downgraded to a lower category hospital. I've had a lot of time to think about that."

"Think about what?" Jo spat out. None of what happened after Jason's discharge had anything to do with her or Alex.

"The fact that it really is your word against mine. You were never treated. No cops called, no photos taken, no hospital records. Just a boyfriend for a witness. See I can tell the cops your boyfriend beat me up because you were cheating on him. If it ever comes up Hell I could just say he hit you too. Let's face it he has a temper, he has been in Juvenile Detention wouldn't be hard to prove my case. It's more than believable. You really think the Mighty Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital would allow someone like that to run the Kids wards."

"None of that is true but Jason."

"Cops should believe it though. Like I said I've had a lot of time to think, I have enough put together to make the Cops believe me."

"Look get to the point. What do you want from me, from Alex?"

"Don't flatter yourself sweetheart, you are nothing but trash and a whore. I want nothing from you. Except maybe make your life miserable just like you and Karev have made mine."

"What are you going to do?"

"Oh it's not what I'm going to do it's what you're going to do."

"And what's that?" Jo spat out.

"Leave him, make him suffer, God knows why, but he loves you. I suppose garbage attracts garbage."

"And if I don't."

"Then I take my story and hospital records to the cops. Karev loses his job and ends up resenting and hating you. It's your call... Princess." Jason spat the word Princess with venom. He knew Alex had always called her that. It had pissed him off when he had dated Jo. It felt good to spit it back in her face now.

PRESENT

Alex sat and listened to every word. He didn't react at first, he didn't know what to think or for that matter what to say. He looked up at Jo, she was strong, she had obviously told this story before to other people and there was no sign of tears, no sign of hysterics, perhaps just a small sign of sadness.

After what seemed like ten, fifteen minutes, Alex asked in almost a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me then?"

"I couldn't at the time. You had worked so hard for ten long years. You had your life together; you were offered your dream job. How could I take that away from you?"

"But it wasn't your decision to make. It was mine." He said still in nothing above a whisper, he couldn't look at her. His heart was beating rapidly. She left to protect me.

"I know that now." Jo replied quietly. "Back then I always felt like you were too good for me, that one day you would wake up and realise that you would be better off without me."

"That is just a cop out."

"Again I know that now. Look I don't expect to be forgiven, I did what I thought was right at the time. I have had a lot of therapy and have put my childhood insecurities behind me."

"What about Thomas, when did you find out you were pregnant?"

"Eight weeks after I left, I found out I was eight weeks pregnant. I like to think that he was conceived the last night we were together."

"Jesus Jo." Alex finally raised his voice. "Why didn't you come back then? The job is great, but having you and Thomas; Jesus so much more important to me. You should have known that."

"I couldn't at the time. Jason's threats..."

"That's all they were Jo. Threats. He couldn't have proven Jack shit. The case was a year old. You had multiple people who saw your face, Derek did the surgery, and he knew I brought you in. Nothing would have happened."

"I couldn't take that chance. I couldn't let you lose everything because of me."

"Fuck Jo! I did lose everything. I lost you. I lost the first three years of our son's life. I got so caught up in being angry and drinking and sleeping with women who resembled you. Even though it always made me feel sick the next day, I still kept doing it for a year. Fuck if it wasn't for Mer and Christina I don't know what would have happened to me. Jo you have no idea the hell I went through when you walked out."

"It wasn't easy for me either." Jo said raising her voice a little now too.

"Maybe not, but you made all the choices, about our relationship. You made the decisions around the pregnancy; you made the decisions about Thomas. I didn't even know he existed."

"You have every right to hate me. But the one thing I need you to believe is I was always going to get Thomas to you. I always wanted you in his life."

"Damn right he will be in my life. I will take you to court if necessary. I want him to know who I am, who I really am, I want him to stay with me. I want joint custody."

"Alex...Please be reasonable. There is no need to go to court. Yes we will tell him the truth, but we can't rush it. You have to put your needs second to his. Tommy will need time to adjust to this. You can't just expect me to drop him at your place for the weekend and he will be completely fine with that."

"No, of course not. But we tell him soon. I'm not prepared to waste anymore time."

"Okay. But right now if you can't control that anger of yours, then I can't let you be around him."

Alex was on his feet and began to pace around the room. He was running one hand over his face, trying to absorb everything he had heard.

"You're right; I just need a couple of days to sort through all of this." He said quietly.

Jo felt her heart breaking yet again for the man she loved. She had betrayed him. All Jo could hope for was that Alex and Thomas would have a great father/son relationship.

She tried to block out the countless women Alex would have picked up and slept with. Women with long dark hair, just like her, that made her stomach turn. Jo hadn't so much as kissed another man since she left Alex. The thought repelled her. He was the sun rise and sun set for her. End of story.

"I should go." Alex said his voice returning to a normal level.

"Sure. Thanks for coming and for listening."

"Jo I get it, you were scared, but the one thing I always thought we had was trust. Apparently not. You should have been able to trust me with that. I would have protected you. We would have been fine."

"Alex, I am so sorry. If I could turn back the clock I would. I did, and I do trust you. If I didn't I wouldn't have come back. Thomas is the most important thing in my life, if I didn't trust you or believe you were going to be good for my son, I wouldn't have come back."

Alex said nothing as he walked to the front door, Jo following behind him. She opened the door for him and he turned and looked at her.

"You know those last three nights before you left, we had more sex in those three nights then we normally would. I should have taken notice of that. But my male ego wouldn't allow for that. I wanted to believe that you just couldn't get enough of me. Now I see you wanted to make it last forever because you were planning on leaving."

"Yes. I needed to have you on top of me, underneath me, inside of me, I needed to hold on for as long as I could because I knew, I would never love again the way I love you."

Alex eyes darkened as he looked into her eyes. Desire, regret, love, want, need, passion, anger all of those emotions were swimming around in his eyes. He was pretty sure he was seeing the same thing in Jo's eyes. They continued to gaze into each other's eyes, moving slowly and closer together.

Alex kissed her on the temple. "I will call you tomorrow." He whispered into her ear before he left.

Jo only nodded a response, she didn't trust herself to speak, and she knew she would say something stupid like. "I love you or please stay the night."

Alex left and Jo reached up and touched her temple where Alex only seconds ago had brushed his lips there. Oh God Help me I still love and want him so much.

A/N: I hope you liked this chapter and that it lived up to some of your expectations. Reviews are most welcome!