Chapter 3
Shepard stood on the bridge, ostensibly overseeing his pilot. If asked, however, he would have been unable to say what the pilot had been doing. This was due to the fact that he was consumed by his own, internal, concerns.
Christ. What the hell do I say in my report?
"Dear Alliance Brass. I went to Eden Prime to take care of your basic retrieval mission. I wasn't even trying to retrieve a person, just a hunk of 50,000-year-old junk. Along the way, the Geth attacked, leaving the Perseus Veil for the first time in 300 years. One of my squad got killed, then I picked up a replacement mid-battle. I punched out a scientist, threatened some harmless colonists, and managed to get the Spectre working with us shot dead, in the head. And the shooter was supposedly Saren, another Spectre. I never saw this Saren guy, of course, so you'll have to take the word of a cowardly lout who worked at the docks.
Luckily, my team and I managed to defuse some nukes that were going to wipe the colony off the face of the planet, so that's a plus. Of course, I killed all the geth, so there's no hope of interrogating one of them, although if what I learned about them is right, that wouldn't be an option anyway. And of course, I somehow got in the way of a triggered Prothean beacon, which burned some nightmarish images into my brain (probably forever) and then exploded, knocking me out and on my ass. And I can't guarantee that those nightmares I saw actually happened before I got knocked out. So to summarize: dead marine, dead Spectre, non-exploded colony, exploded beacon. Oh yeah, and the geth are back. Time for my next promotion, right?"
Oh yeah. I see my career skyrocketing after this report gets up the chain of command. Especially if you define "skyrocketing" as being busted back to down to private, or maybe discharged for being crazy. Or maybe, if I'm really lucky, both! And I'm gonna bring Anderson down with me. Because he, for some unknown reason, finds nothing odd about the way this mission went.
Hopefully we're almost to the Citadel. I want to get a few beers, and check my messages for a message from Beth. And avoid the Alliance brass like the plague. Then get a few more beers. Or something stronger. Maybe I can find a liquor store and pick up a bottle of something highly alcoholic and cheap. And a six pack of beer so I won't be able to taste the probably-shitty liquor.
Staggeringly drunk sounds like an appropriate mental state for some soul-searching about this buttfuck of a mission. Have I really gotten to the point where my hatred for turians blinds me when I need to be paying attention to shit? Did that kid die because I was too busy worrying about what that turian might be doing, instead of nearby potential threats?
Thinking about what Nihlus had said before the mission forced another potential realization to the forefront of Shepard's mind. Are turians really that fucking different from us anyway? Apparently, they stab each other in the back just like we do. And Nihlus said he didn't hate humans. He wanted me to join the Spectres, for Christ's sakes! If I was a Spectre, and they asked me if a turian should join the ranks, I'd tell whoever was asking to shove it up their ass. This guy just wanted to give us a chance. Maybe I should do the same?
I'm way too sober for this sorta conversation. "Joker, we almost at the relay?"
"Ten minutes out." Joker replied. "Then another half hour to get to the Citadel and get docked."
"Thanks, Joker." Joker turned around to say something else to the Commander, but he was already gone.
I really don't like this guy. I mean, I just met him, and I already want to feed him to a thresher maw. Or maybe just punch him in the face. I wonder if snide is his native tongue, or if it's something all politicians pick up while they're at "How To Be A Lying Bastard And Not Give A Shit About Anybody Else So You Can Better Serve The Public" University. Thank god he's leaving.
"And that's why I hate politicians." Ashley said.
Good to know at least somebody else thinks that that guy's a dick. I'm glad I don't have anything to do until the meeting with the Council, though. Finally some good fucking luck. That gives me enough time to go find a good place to get soused. I should probably let Williams and Alenko go first, though.
"Williams, Alenko. You are free to do whatever it is you do until tomorrow, as long as you're not late to the Council meeting. Don't. Be. Late." He finished menacingly.
"Aye, aye, sir." Both marines snapped off a crisp salute and headed for the door of Udina's office.
Shepard wandered the seedier side of the Citadel until he found himself a table in a darkened corner of Flux and sat down heavily. After a few moments of taking in the layout and clientele of the club, he looked down at his omni-tool, preparing to access his messages for the first time in nearly a week.
"Are you waiting for someone?" A female voice pulled his eyes up. Standing in front of his table was a statuesque redhead, clad in a skintight dress with strategically placed cutouts showing acres of pale skin.
Great. Most days I'd probably be looking to get a hot piece of ass like her to join me in a dark corner for some fun, but today's not most days. "I'm really not in the mood for company." Shepard growled out, trying to scare her away.
"Ok then." The woman continued to stand there, looking down at him.
I'm gonna get really pissed off if she doesn't take a hint soon. Why the fuck-
"What can I get you to drink?" The redhead asked, interrupting whatever vicious comment Shepard was about to think.
Jesus. Cocky much, Spike? You think every woman that talks to you wants to fuck you or something? She's the god damned waitress, dumbass. Just order a drink and start reading your messages before you say something else you'll regret. "What's the cheapest thing you've got that's trying to be bourbon or whiskey?"
"We actually have both. Whiskey is six credits a glass, bourbon is eight."
"Whiskey it is." Shepard said. "I'll take five of them. And no ice."
"Did you want all five at once?"
"Yes."
"I thought you said no one else would be joining you?" Her face and voice betrayed her confusion.
"I did." Shepard answered curtly. "But I know I'm gonna drink at least that much, and this way you can take care other people without bothering me for a while."
"Fine." She said and stalked off.
Well, that was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, Spike. The poor girl's only trying to do her job, and you gotta go and be an asshole to her. You're not supposed to be a mean drunk until after you've started drinking. You should apologize to her when she brings over your drinks. That, or tip her well. Shepard quickly decided that a generous tip would be the best way to apologize without actually having to talk to the waitress again. Confident in his plan, he pulled up his omni-tool and opened his inbox.
Well. Coupla important ones, mostly from Beth. Shit, three from Beth. She either really missed me, or something's wrong. Oh, and one from the Alliance. Wonder what that's about? Eh, it can wait until after I see what Beth's got to say. Shepard clicked on the newest message from Beth, and waited for it to load.
"Shepard,
Where the hell are you? I haven't heard from you since you sent me that e-mail about how you were blowing me off. You didn't even respond when I told you about Mom and Dad. And now the Alliance is sending out messages about the geth!? Are you okay? I need to hear from you, like, ASAP. Ok?
Beth"
None of that sounds any kind of good. Confusing, but not good. Maybe I should start at the beginning. Oh, and here're my drinks. Ignoring his omni-tool for a moment, Shepard grabbed the first glass and drained it. The burning in his throat was quickly followed by a grimace. I don't know who sold them this shit, but it's not whiskey. This shit tastes like highly alcoholic battery acid. Oh well. Since high ABV is what I'm looking for, I guess it'll do. At least they give you a sizable portion. He reached for the next glass, gulped it down, and turned back to his omni-tool. He clicked on Beth's earliest message, sent only six hours after he told her he was cancelling their weekend together.
"Spike,
That really stinks. I was sooo looking forward to seeing you again, it feels like it's been forever. Do you have any idea why they would cancel your leave? You didn't do something stupid again, did you? You promised Dad that if you were going to date me, you were going to start doing things by the book. You know how he thinks you're a bad influence on me. Mom and I both still think that's a good thing though. ;) Anyways, let me know when you get back to Arcturus. Even if you don't have leave, I can come over and see you.
Love,
Beth"
Shepard smiled at how cute his girlfriend could be, then grabbed another glass of "whiskey" and opened up her next message. As he read this one, however, the smile turned to a look of worry and he drained the rest of the amber-colored liquid absent-mindedly.
"Spike,
I haven't heard from you in a couple of days, and I'm starting to worry. I hope you're not in trouble or something. Also, there're starting to be some weird reports about Eden Prime, and how it may have been attacked. I tried messaging Mom and Dad, and they didn't send me anything back. I even tried to get a vid-chat with them, but they didn't answer. I'm really hoping nothing happened to Eden Prime, but what if it did? I don't know what I'd do if something happened to them. I just really need you to hold me and tell me everything'll be alright. Please contact me as soon as you can.
I love you.
Beth"
Son of a fucking bitch! Shepard raged at himself. I was on Eden Prime, fighting the fucking geth, and completely forgot the Lees retired there. I should have tried to contact them or something. What the hell am I gonna tell Beth? "Sorry honey, I was on Eden Prime and it never occurred to me to check on your parents. Just slipped my mind, is all." Yeah, that will go over like a ton of fucking bricks. Can you say "deal-breaker?" You're a shit-eating asshole, you know that Spike? Shepard reached for another glass full of alcohol and read the message from the Alliance.
"To all Alliance personnel,
Alliance Command has received confirmed reports of geth activity in and around the Terminus systems. Alliance Command recommends that all soldiers study any available information regarding the geth in order to be better prepared for a possible widespread mobilization. According to reports, when engaging the geth on the ground, standard alliance protocols are still effective. Additionally, there appear to be different varieties of active geth. Adaptive threat recognition procedures may be required when engaging groups of geth consisting of these multiple varieties.
Thank you."
Shepard snorted derisively to himself. So they sent out a message to tell us to learn about the geth, shoot them in the head, and shoot the big ones first. Thanks, Alliance. I woulda never thought to shoot the bastards in the face. Sheer fucking brilliance. That must be why they get paid the big bucks. Unfortunately, now Beth's last message makes sense. She kinda has a reason to be pissed off. I should probably send her something before she tries to get the Alliance to declare me AWOL or some shit. Shepard reached for his last full glass, and sipped at it while trying to figure out what to write back. Finally coming to a decision, he downed the last of his whiskey and started to write.
"Beth,
I'm sorry I couldn't send you a message. The mission I was on was classified top secret, so you know I wasn't able to use my omni-tool to send/receive messages. I'm really sorry you were worried about me, I didn't mean for that to happen. The Alliance gave me orders, and I had to follow them. As for the geth, I can tell you that they are definitely out and about. Like the Alliance said, though, bullets to the face puts 'em down just like anything else. I'm really sorry you haven't been able to get in contact with your parents. What, exactly, have you heard about Eden Prime? I can't see you in person right now, because I'm on the Citadel. But if you're available at 1600 Zulu, maybe we can vid-chat?
Spike"
I don't think that message will completely appease her, but hopefully it's a start. Can I even tell her it was the geth who attacked Eden Prime? I should probably ask Anderson, but I bet he's still busy with that asshat of an ambassador. Guess I'll just have to wing it. Also, that fucking battery acid is starting to taste pretty good. I'm gonna get another one.
A few hours later, Shepard's omni-tool buzzed with the receipt of an urgent message, shaking him from sleep. As he sat up, his head started to spin, and he looked around between nearly closed eyelids. Hell and fucking damnation. Am I on the Normandy? How the fuck did I get here? I don't remember walking back from that Flux place at all. Fuck, thinking hurts. Who is sending me urgent messages right now? I swear to Christ, if it's not "end of all life" important, I'm gonna beat whoever sent it to me to death, with their own fucking spine. Alliance Brass included. Shepard blearily tried to make out his omni-tool, and opened the message.
"Spike,
I'm so glad you're okay. My mind kept going to the worst-case scenario, and I started to panic a little. Ok, maybe a lot. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I can do 1600, though. I heard on the news that the geth attacked Eden Prime, and there were a lot of casualties. I still haven't heard from my parents yet, which worries me a lot. At least I'll get a chance to see you again.
Love,
Beth"
Fuck, Beth. Couldn't you have just waited 'til 1600 to tell me all that? Would waiting four more hours really be so goddamned difficult? His boozy mind suddenly jumped topics, making his temples throb painfully. At least she knows it was the geth, now. One less thing I've gotta tell her. I'm gettin' a bad feeling about her parents though. They should have comms on Eden Prime back up, and her Mom and Dad would have wanted to reassure her immediately. Damn the geth. Fucking assholes. Shepard lay back down on the floor of the cargo bay and passed out, again.
The incessant buzzing of his omni-tool brought Shepard out of a fitful sleep. The visions burned into his brain by the Prothean beacon had started running through his head as soon as the alcohol started wearing off, keeping him from any restful sleep. Rubbing his eyes blearily, he answered the vid-chat request. "Hi, Bethany."
"Oh Spike, I'm so glad to see you!" She exclaimed with a wide smile. "I've been so worried, and I missed you, and I'm still worried about my parents, and -"
"I missed you too, Beth." Shepard interrupted her. "Do you mind if I call you back in a coupla minutes? I'm down in the cargo hold right now, and I'd prefer to talk to you about this in the mess hall. I could use some water."
"Oh, sure. Don't be too long." She said with a smile.
"Ok." Shepard terminated the call, then stood up and walked over to the elevator. He spent the elevator ride trying to figure out what he was going to say to her, to no avail. Shit. I shoulda figured something out before I got wasted. Now everything's all slow and fuzzy. Fuck. Shepard stepped out of the elevator as soon as it stopped and grabbed a cup, then filled it with some water. Mmm. Cold water. I bet that'd feel good. Without a second thought, he dumped most of the liquid over his head, and then rubbed his face with one hand while he refilled the glass with the other. Taking a small mouthful and working it around, trying to clear his cottonmouth, he walked over to the mess hall table and sat down, then sent Bethany a request.
She answered almost immediately. "Your head is wet." She pointed out.
"Yeah, I know. Needed to wake myself up. I haven't had a whole lotta sleep the last couple days." He said dejectedly.
"Oh, what's wrong baby?" She saw his face twist into a grimace when she used her pet name for him. I know he hates it when I call him that, but it's how I show him I care. He calls me honey, I call him baby. Too bad for you, Mr. Tough Guy.
"Nothing. The mission was a little rough, that's all." He continued to look down at the table, rather than at her.
"What were you doing? And where did they send you?" The tone of her voice carried something he can't quite identify.
Is that sadness? He asked himself. Regret? Anxiety? Something else? I can't tell.
"Did you get hurt?" She finished her line of questioning and looked at him expectantly.
"No marks. My armor and shields held up pretty good." He said. He glanced furtively around, verifying that no one else was around, and then quickly stripped off his shirt. He moved the omni-tool around his head, showing her his deeply toned and tanned upper body.
Good. I know he has quite a few scars on that body of his, but I recognize all of those. Wait, except for that one! "Spike, there's a new scar on your back."
"Where?" He asked, spinning his seat around to try to see it.
He looks like a dog chasing his tail. Beth laughed at this rare moment of silliness. "It's just above and outside your left shoulder blade." She said, pointing in its general direction.
"Oh, that." He shook his head and put his shirt back on. "I didn't get that on this last mission. It's from that two-month long assignment I just got back from. All healed, though."
"What happened?" She asked, concerned.
"Nothing much. I was focusing a little too much on a target way the hell downrange, and one of the bad guys managed to sneak up on me. I made the shot, then took care of the interloper. Easy peasy."
"If it was so easy, why do you have a new scar?" She pointed out, looking rather cross.
"Well, he went down easy. But I had to take the shot, first, so he got a free run at me." And I was being stupid. If he was a little less dumb, he woulda gotten up close and personal. At midrange, his AR was useless against my shields. Dumb fuck. I didn't have a choice but to ignore him, though, since that shot was right at the edge of what's probably possible, even with mass effect weapons. Even I needed to work really hard to make it. So he got to live for a few extra seconds. "But he was a moron, so he's dead and I'm not. No worries." He tried to grin winningly at her.
I'm glad he didn't get hurt. This time out, at least. But that only answers one of my questions. "Where were you?" She asked again, and then watched several emotions chase each other across his face. Did he look guilty for a second there? What would he have to feel guilty about? Unless he was on -
"Eden Prime." He answered. He snuck a glance up at her, and saw that her eyes were wide and her mouth had dropped open. Probably in shock, he thought to himself. "Look, Beth, I'm not even sure how much of this I can, or should tell you. The mission I was on was secret, but it involved going to Eden Prime." He finished speaking, and raised his gaze fully, waiting for her to respond.
After what felt like hours, but was really only a few seconds, Bethany's mouth closed and her eyes narrowed. "And?"
"And, you can't tell anyone this because I could get court-martialed, the geth were there. And I killed a lot of them." Alright, so maybe the court-martial bit is a little strong. It's out on the news now, and the Alliance sent out a freaking bulletin, for Christ's sakes. He added a weak smile at the end of his statement, in an attempt to bring a bit of levity to the suddenly tense situation.
Bethany was clearly not amused by his attempt at making light of the situation. "I got all that from the news vids, thanks." Yeah, thanks for nothing! She shouted in her head. Aloud, she continued from where she had left off. "What happened? Why were they there? Why were you there? Did you know this was going to happen? And where are my parents?" She was shouting at him by the time she finished, practically in tears.
Oh shit. Shepard's internal "I'm in trouble" meter was going off, loudly and insistently. I don't think I can answer any of those questions. I can't tell her why I was there, or anything about the beacon or that traitorous bastard Saren. I have no idea why the geth were there. I have no idea what happened to her parents, or where they might be. At least I can tell her, truthfully, that I didn't know they were gonna be there. Hell, no one did. Except maybe for Saren, but he certainly wasn't telling. Asshole.
Shepard decided to lead with the one positive thing he had. "Beth, I had no idea the geth would be there. Nobody did. Hell, I didn't even know the geth were there until they started shooting at me. And I didn't know that they were geth until somebody told me that's what they were."
"Whatever. What about everything else?" She demanded, her every word conveying hostility.
I'm still in trouble. Shepard thought to himself. "Well, honey, I can't tell you why I was there, or anything more about what I did ground-side." Internally, Shepard cringed. Using her pet name is not gonna help any bit at all. If anything, it'll probably piss her off more. He was right.
"What do you mean, you can't tell me?" Bethany's voice was no longer high in pitch or volume.
Shepard's trouble meter was on the verge of growing legs and walking away from his subconscious at this point. She's really pissed at me. I can't remember her ever sounding that scary. I don't think I like it. Especially not when it's aimed at me. "You know how it is in the Alliance, Bethany. There are some things you just can't talk about. If you haven't experienced it yourself, you will someday."
"But I'm your girlfriend." Maybe if I plead with him, he'll give me something. I don't think I can threaten him into submission, because N7s don't cave to interrogation. Damn it, I really wish we'd had sex already, then I could threaten to take that away. But he's all like "I want to wait, blah blah nobility, blah blah chivalry, blah blah Brian."
"I'm sorry, honey. But I just can't tell you." Shepard's eyes turned downward.
"But Spike, it's my parents. And I'm Alliance too." Real tears were leaking down Bethany's cheeks.
"I know you are, hon. But need-to-know still applies. And I don't know where your parents are, or if anything happened to them. If I did, I would tell you. Even if the Alliance told me not to." Honesty wasn't always Shepard's strength, but he tried to force it into every syllable.
"Yeah right! It's always Alliance first, me second. We've been dating for six months and I've spent like, a month of it actually with you. A full week of that was the first week we started dating, when I was home trying to decide what to specialize in. The rest of the time, it's just a couple days here, a few days there, whenever you can get leave. And by the way, thanks for all your help when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do in the Alliance. 'Oh, the Alliance needs engineers, so you should do that. You could never be as awesome an infiltrator as me, so don't even bother trying. And your brother was just a soldier, so you could do that if you want to be boring and lame like him!'"
"Now wait just a minute." Shepard stopped her, feeling his temperature rise at her words. "I recommended engineering to you because you studied all that technology stuff in college, and you have a knack for it. And I never said you couldn't be an infiltrator like me, I just said you had to be a crack shot." Shepard's voice was suddenly colder than the depths of space. "And I would never, ever insult Brian. Or his memory. He was my best friend, and one of the best men I've ever known."
Shepard's anger was unable to temper Bethany's explosion of anger. "Sure he was. That's why you let him die on Elysium! I don't know why you ever agreed to date me. You never cared about me the way you did him! And you never cared about me the way you do the Alliance!"
At this, Shepard was visibly stunned. How can she think I don't care about her? Why else would I be with her? It's obviously not because I just want to get in her pants. I've always cared about her. So much. Back when Brian was alive, it was like she was my little sister, too. And then she grew up. I didn't realize she'd grown up 'til she kissed me. Is this wrong? Does she think that? Is she trying to break up with me?
Momentarily taken aback by Shepard's unease, Bethany paused in her diatribe. I don't know what to say now. Did I hurt him? He deserves it. Why won't he just tell me what happened? Why does he always have to keep secrets? He never tells me where he's going or where he's been, he always just says, "It's a secret. Sorry." It drives me crazy! She was brought out of her reverie by Shepard's response.
"It's getting late Bethany. I have to go get some sleep; I'm meeting with the Council tomorrow morning. Good bye." He killed the vid-chat as soon as he finished speaking. "Good night, Bethany." He said again, softly, to no one but his omni-tool. Typing in the necessary commands to keep her from waking him up again via omni-tool, he made his way back to his bunk. He lay down with a groan, and then made sure to set an alarm for the next morning. That done, he faded off into a restless sleep.