Chapter 9

Shepard's report to the Council did not go well. The salarian got on his nerves because he was upset that the Thorian had been killed. The turian pissed him off because he accused Shepard of being human-centric. And the asari had been her usual haughty, supercilious self. That was always annoying; no matter what kind of mood Shepard was in. Now he was sitting in his darkened cabin reading the messages from Bethany again, trying to come to terms with what she had accused him of.

This probably isn't the best time to be reading these damn things again. I'm already pissed off and in no mood for her bullshit. But I have to figure out what I'm gonna do about it. If I just blow her off, she's undoubtedly gonna get more pissed at me, and it's probably gonna end the relationship. But it's the easiest thing to do. If I message her back and tell her we're done, I don't know what it'll do to her. It would save me some trouble, but can I really put her through losing her parents, and her boyfriend, within the span of a few days? I don't know. I could also send her a message being all polite and contrite, and apologize, and tell her I love her, and all that other schmoozy crap. I'm sure that would make her feel better, but it'd make me wanna slit my own throat. I didn't do anything wrong, I have nothing to apologize for, and she shouldn't be blaming me for what happened. I also don't know if I love her, that way.

His deliberation was interrupted by a new message notification. Damn her straight to hell! What else can she possibly have to get pissed off at me about? God damn mother-fucking pain in my ass. Oh, it's from the Alliance. His train of thought abruptly jumped the track as he read the brief message.

"Commander Shepard,

In recognition of your status as the first human Spectre, and the importance of your mission, the SSV Normandy SR1 is placed under your command, and detached from the formal Alliance chain of command. Your personal status with the Alliance is designated as 'On Special Assignment.' Additionally, you are granted a one-time outlay of 200,000 credits for use as you see fit.

Systems Alliance High Command."

"Woo hoo!" Shepard exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air. "Money for me, bitches!" Not as much money as I would have hoped, but more than I feared. I'm gonna call it a win. And damn, did I need a win something fierce.

A knock on his door prevented Shepard from getting up and dancing a jig. Instead, he stood up and moved towards the door. "Enter." He called out.

The door slid open to reveal a chagrined-looking Garrus. "Commander."

"Mr. Vakarian. Come on in." As Garrus stepped inside the room, Shepard took his seat again and motioned at the only other chair in the room. "Please, have a seat." While waiting for the turian to sit down, Shepard continued. "What can I do for you, Garrus?"

Garrus remained stiffly upright as he answered. "Commander, I wanted to apologize for being insubordinate while on Feros. I wanted to bring myself to your cabin before you were forced to reprimand me in front of the rest of the crew. I cannot ask you for leniency, but I wanted to apologize and inform you that it will never happen again."

Shepard went from being confused to chortling while Garrus spoke. "Garrus, please, take a seat." Shepard pointed at the empty chair and refused to speak again until Garrus had sat down. "Let me explain something to you. In case you haven't looked around at the Normandy, it's not a turian ship. This is a human vessel, so we play by my rules."

"I know, sir." Garrus interrupted. "But you are still my commanding officer, and you deserve respect commensurate with your station. My comments were inexcusable."

Shepard held up a hand to stop him. "Why are you even in here, Garrus? What put this bee in your bonnet?"

Garrus's face took on a confused expression. "Sir, what is a bee? Or a bonnet?"

"It's an old human saying." Shepard said with a smile. "A bee is a small stinging insect; a bonnet is a head covering. It basically means, why are you agitated?"

"Oh." Garrus said, processing the new information. "I came in here because you told me while we were on the ground that we needed to have a 'talk' when we got back to the ship. I was hoping the talk could take place in private, rather than in front of the crew."

"That's my bad then, Garrus." Shepard said, shaking his head. "I was trying to joke around with you, be both menacing, yet funny. I'm sorry it didn't come across that way. It was an empty threat."

Damn. He didn't realize I was being disrespectful, and now I've brought it to his attention. Stupid turian! Now I have no choice but to finish this conversation, and I don't see a possible positive outcome. "Regardless, sir, I was disrespectful while in the Mako and I need to apologize for it."

"Look Garrus, you weren't being disrespectful. I've never served on a turian warship, but I'm guessing COs and subordinates don't banter, right?" Garrus nodded his head. "Well, like I said before, this isn't a turian ship. In the Alliance, some COs like to develop a relationship with the people under their command where there's a healthy give-and-take. Keeps things from being too serious, keeps people relaxed and focused during missions. You follow?" Garrus nodded again. "Well, I learned early on that I don't really like to be serious and formal during my commands. I use humor to relax, and I think those around me should be able to do so as well. So feel free to be funny, even if it's at my expense."

"Even if what I say comes across as disrespectful?" Garrus asked, stunned that that kind of behavior could be allowed, much less encouraged, on a military ship.

"Even then. Especially if you're using sarcasm." Shepard confirmed. "I like using sarcasm probably more than is healthy, so I encourage you to be sarcastic at will. Look, most of the time, just treat me like you would a colleague or, hopefully at some point down the line, a friend." Suddenly a knock at the door interrupted him. "I'm busy in here, wait outside if you want but it might be a while!" Shepard yelled at the door.

"If you have duties to attend to, Commander, I can-" Garrus started to say before Shepard cut him off.

"If it was really urgent, Joker would have contacted me over the intercom. It's probably someone else who wants to talk to me. But I give my full attention to my people when they ask for it. So where were we?" He asked, trying to remember what they had been talking about.

"Oh right!" He exclaimed, slapping himself in the forehead. "You can needle me, give me grief, poke fun at me, whatever. Whenever you want. I'm fine with it. The only time I'll ream you out for insubordination is if we're on a mission and you don't carry out orders that I give you. When I tell you to do something while we're planet-side, I need to know you'll do it, no questions asked. Even if you disagree. After we finish the mission, if you had a problem with one of my commands, come talk to me in private. Just like this. Ok?"

Garrus had to take a few moments to wrap his thoughts around what Shepard was telling him. "In other words, when you give me an order, I follow it like a good turian, even if it's a bad order. Any other time, we act like we share a rank. Additionally, I have permission to question your orders, but only after we return from missions. Is that correct?"

"Exactly." Shepard said, nodding his head. "And there might be times during a mission that I ask you for your input. When that happens, I want your honest, unbridled opinion. No holds barred."

"I understand, Commander." Garrus felt his shoulders lift as he realized Shepard cared more about getting the job done by any means necessary than he did about what people thought of him.

"Just to clear up one last thing, Garrus." Shepard added after watching Garrus finish processing the information. "It's not that I don't care what you think about me. Or what Tali, or Wrex, or Joker, or anybody else thinks about me. I think there's great potential for us to be friends, and I'd like to see that happen. But I have to know I can trust you guys when we're under fire. So I'm gonna be a hardass every once in a while, but it's so everybody gets home alive. Alright? And speaking of which, you can call me 'Shepard,' if you want. You don't have to always address me by my rank. 'Cause I'm gonna call you Garrus a lot."

"Thank you, Comm- I mean Shepard. I'm glad we straightened this out. I appreciate you taking the time to explain it to me." Getting up to leave, he remembered there was one other thing he wanted to say. "And Commander? I want you to know that I respect you. You've shown me that you deserve my respect more than most of the turian commanders I've served under."

"Thank you, Garrus." Shepard said as they walked to the door. "Let's see if whoever wanted to talk to me is still out here."

Opening the door, Shepard got rid of Garrus with a pat on the shoulder. "I'll talk to you later Garrus." Turning to the mess table, where three crewmembers were sitting and talking, he asked to the room at large "Did somebody want to talk to me?"

"I did, Commander." Tali's voice startled him as she appeared from out of nowhere.

"Crap, Tali, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Where were you?"

"Kaidan wasn't at his station, so I was sitting against the wall right there." She answered, pointing to a spot just around the corner from Shepard's door.

"Oh. Well, it's a good hiding spot." Shepard said, holding his chest. "Come on in." He led the way into his office, Tali walking quietly behind him.

Sitting down in what he had decided was "his" chair; he motioned for her to sit in the spot recently vacated by Garrus. "What do you need, Tali?" Dammit, that sounded angry. I'm her CO; I shouldn't have gotten angry at her. It's not her fault she reminds me so much of Beth.

Tali sat in her seat, head down and hands twisting in her lap. "Commander . . . Are you still mad at me?"

Shepard decided to try to brazen it out. "I don't know what you mean, Tali."

Her head snapped up and her tone became less uncertain and more angry. "Don't give me that, Commander. You didn't talk to me the whole time we were on Feros after we almost died in the Mako. And this is the first time you've look at me since we got back."

Shepard hung his head. I don't know why I'm surprised she noticed. She's not dumb. Not by a long shot. "No, I'm not still mad at you, Tali. But if you're worried that I can't keep you safe, you can stay on the Citadel next time we dock there. Don't feel obligated to stay with us. You're free to leave."

"Commander, I don't want to leave!" Her voice was steady. "I know what you're trying to do is important, and I meant what I said about working for the greater good. I was just emotional after what happened. I really do trust you to keep us safe, to keep all of us safe."

"I'm glad to hear that, Tali. And I'm sorry I got upset with you." He clasped his hands and rested them on the table. "Things have been really stressful lately, and I let it get to me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Shepard." Tali was taken aback by his sadness. I never thought about how he must feel. It must be hard to be responsible for the lives of everybody on this ship. I don't know if I could handle that much responsibility. She reached forward like she was going to grab his hand to comfort him, but thought better of it and pulled her hand back. "I understand. We were both running on a lot of emotion. Moreover, you had just saved our lives and I rewarded you by yelling at you. How about this: I'll forgive you for getting mad at me and thinking I wanted to leave the Normandy, if you'll forgive me for being angry at you for saving my life."

This made Shepard laugh. "Alright, Tali, you've got yourself a deal. And thank you."

"You're welcome, of course. And thank you, for letting me stay on the Normandy. Traveling on one of the most advanced ships in Citadel space is a dream come true." She replied, smiling across at Shepard.

"It's my pleasure, Miss Zorah. Thank you for gracing us with your presence, and, more importantly, your skills. I swear the Normandy's been running even quieter since you came onboard."

"Thank you very much, Shepard. I don't think the Normandy can run any quieter." I'm glad we're not talking about what happened on Feros anymore. I didn't like being mad at each other. I hope he feels the same way. And the Normandy is soooo quiet. "It's hard to get used to being on the Normandy."

"Why's that?" Shepard asked, concerned. "Is someone giving you trouble?"

"Oh no, nothing like that." Tali said quickly. Everyone has been surprisingly nice to me, even though most people think we're nothing but thieves and vagrants. "It's so quiet at night, it's hard for me to sleep."

"You don't like the quiet?"

"No, it's not that." Tali tried to explain. "It's just that on the Flotilla, silence means that there's a problem. A dead engine, or worse, a malfunctioning air filter. And the ship is so empty. It feels like half of the crew is missing."

"Quarian ships are pretty crowded, I'm guessing?"

"Yes. A room this size-" she motioned to the Shepard's cabin "would be the living quarters for several generations of quarians."

"Wow. And I thought growing up on Arcturus station was bad."

"You grew up in space?" Tali asked, intrigued. I didn't know he grew up on a space station. I haven't had a chance to talk to him like this, one-on-one before. I wonder if he's willing to share?

"Yes. Arcturus station. Our Fleets use it as a home base, and that's where our Parliament is housed."

"So it was very crowded on Arcturus?" She asked, excitement creeping into her voice.

"Some parts of it were, some parts of it weren't. Kinda like the Citadel. But where I grew up, yes."

She failed to notice his lack of enthusiasm, and pressed on with her questions. "What was it like? Do your parents still live there?"

He reached one hand up and rubbed the back of his neck before answering. "I'm sorry, Tali, but I have to get some stuff done before we get to our next destination. If you really want to know about Arcturus, you should go talk to Joker. He grew up there too."

"Oh, um, ok." She was taken aback by his sudden dismissal. "Thanks for talking, Commander."

"You're welcome, Tali." He said, turning back to his desk while she showed herself to the door.

That was weird. She thought to herself as she headed for the stairs to take up to the combat deck. Why did he walk Garrus out, but he ignored me when I left? Maybe it was because he knew I was waiting to talk to him after he was done with Garrus, but nobody needs him right now? I also don't understand why he made me leave. We were having a really good conversation. Maybe I can look both him and Arcturus station up on the extranet after I talk to Joker and find out more about them.

Meanwhile, Shepard was also ruminating on the end of the conversation. It was probably rude to send her away so abruptly, I just didn't want to get into my past with her right now. Not after thinking about Beth and all those memories. I need to recover from the emotional rollercoaster of the last week before I can open up to anybody new. A ping from his terminal let him know that he had another message waiting. Hmm. Maybe the Alliance decided to give me more money because of how awesome I am? That'd be nice. After opening the message, however, his internal smile turned to a frown.

"Shepard,

I realize that my last message to you wasn't very nice. I'm not going to apologize for what I said, really, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I said it. I shouldn't have assumed anything about what you did or what was happening on Prime. If you want to, I'd like to talk to you sometime about what really happened. But if you're not gonna tell me any more than you did last time, don't bother.

Let me know if you want to talk.

Beth"

What a fucking bitch! "Oh, I said you were a complete fucking dickhead and a bastard and killed my fucking family, including your best friend, but I'm only sorry I told you using mean words." He paraphrased, in his own unique way, Beth's letter in a terrible internal impression of her voice. What a load of fucking bullshit! And she has the fucking balls to tell me that we can talk if I want to, but only if I'll tell her what really happened on Eden Prime? Fuck her. She can go to hell and hang out with her fucking asshole of a father for all I care. Fucking bitch.

Joker's voice prevented him from finding a more creative epithet for his current, emphasis on current, girlfriend. "Commander?"

"I'm here, Joker." Alright, back to work. I can send her a message with what I really think about her "feelings" later. I have to be the unflappable fucking Shepard for a few minutes. "Whatcha need?"

"I've got incoming comms from Admiral Hackett of the Fifth Fleet. Says it's urgent. Where'd you want to take it?"

"Can you patch it through to my private terminal? I'm in my office right now." I don't trust myself out there, with other fucking people.

"Can a politician bullshit?" Shepard could almost hear the pilot's eyes rolling. "He's incoming."

"Commander Shepard." Admiral Hackett's smoky voice emanated from the terminal on Shepard's desk.

"Admiral Hackett." Shepard responded with an unseen nod.

"The Alliance needs your help, Commander."

Surprise, surprise. I shoulda known that cash would come with a rider. "I'm listening."

"We've lost control of the Luna training facilities."

"What happened?" Shepard asked, suddenly genuinely concerned. There's a shit-ton of really explosive stuff in there. Who managed to take it over? And more importantly, what are their intentions?

"The VI overseeing the base has gone rogue." Hackett's response was to the point.

What the fuck? How is that an urgent situation? "Can't you deactivate it remotely?"

"We tried, Commander. It's somehow managed to lock us out."

"Couldn't you send in a team to manually deactivate it?" When Hackett didn't answer, Shepard had a "light bulb" moment. Fuck. That's my job as resident badass human, isn't it? "Oh I get it, that's why you called me."

"Exactly, Shepard. You've been through that base, and you know how rough it can get. Sensors show the VI has control of all defensive systems."

"Including the heavy turrets?" Shepard asked, grimacing. Just what I fucking need.

"Including the heavy turrets." Hackett confirmed. "We need the best, Commander. And that's you."

Well, he's right about one thing. He called the best. "Alright, Admiral, I'll get on it right away."

"Thank you Commander. Hackett out."

"Hey Joker." Shepard said as soon as Hackett was gone.

"Yes Commander?"

"Change of plans. Get us to Luna Base, ASAP." Time to go blow up some of the Alliance's fucking toys. Quite the fucking galaxy we live in, ain't it Spike?

"Yessir."