Hi everyone, thanks first and foremost for all your well wishes on the birth of my baby boy. This is the first writing effort I have made since he arrived, so please do forgive me if I'm not back in the swing of things quite yet. I can't promise to update regularly, but I do promise to try my best. Unbetaed, and it's after 2 a.m. so please forgive any typos.
A short time later, the SUV was making its way along the highway. Emily stole a look at Hotch. His hands were steady on the wheel, and he looked remarkably unperturbed after everything that had just happened, while she, well, she felt like she was a bare bag of nerves.
She had no idea what to say to him. What did one say to someone who had impregnated them unknowingly? One's boss nonetheless. After mind-blowing, out-of-this-world sex? An image of her on top of him flashed through her mind and she felt a wave of heat travel up her neck.
Damn it! Thank goodness the interior of the SUV was dark.
"I can practically hear the gears shifting in your head. What are you thinking about?"
After the silence of the last ten minutes, she was unfortunately startled into answering. "Just sex."
Freaking hell. Emily, you idiot! Chastising herself though was a little too late. She groaned inwardly. Apparently her pregnancy had also taken away her ability to filter her thoughts. And words.
Hotch shot her a glance, eyebrows raised. Just barely. On him, it was practically an exclamation. "Sex?" Was that amusement in his voice?
Her eyes narrowed. "Um... yes, you know, sects. Groups with distinct religious, political or philosophical beliefs." Ha! Talk about pulling something out of her ass. Boy, she was good. Nice save, Em.
"And you were thinking about sects because..." She didn't need to look at her Unit Chief to know his brow was still raised.
"Oh, just because," she answered nonchalantly. Just because? What are you, six? "Uh, I'm trying to expand my general knowledge. Can't let Reid steal the spotlight all the time."
"And what have you gleaned from your efforts so far into the topic?" Yep, there was definitely an undertone of laughter in his voice.
She turned and looked at him. "That there are many, many types of sects." Ugh, she totally sucked at this. "Okay, okay, I was lying. I was thinking about s-e-x. Happy now?"
Hotch chuckled. How could that sound so ridiculously sexy? Somehow finding out that it was him that she had spent the night with had completely changed the way she looked at him. Oh boy, that's right. She had seen him naked. And it sure had been a sight. She quickly jerked her gaze away and stared straight ahead. Go away, naked Hotch!
"Well, how happy I am depends on what exactly you were thinking about." He shot her a glance. A teasing glance, if she wasn't mistaken. If he looked or sounded any sexier, she was going to have to jump him. Safe driving be damned. After all, she hadn't had sex in like what, eight weeks.
Interesting. Who knew you could be both horny and nauseous all in the same hour. Crazy ass hormones. She tried to gather her thoughts. "I have to admit I wasn't quite expecting our conversation to start with the subject of us doing the happy dance with our lower extremities." Not that she really minded. She wasn't sure if she was up to a heavy discussion about what the future was going to look like.
"Sorry, that was rather juvenile of me, wasn't it?" His voice was rueful. "To be honest, I'm not sure what to say. It's been a rather eventful evening."
"No kidding. I challenge anyone to experience a more eventful evening than finding out that you're expecting triplets and that their father is your boss." Yikes. It sounded worse than she'd thought. What was everyone going to think of her?
"Hey." Emily looked down when his hand covered hers. "We're going to work this out together, okay?"
"I'm...kinda scared." She had surprised herself by admitting her fear.
"Me too."
"Really? Because, I mean, you've got Jack."
"I haven't had three children concurrently." He smiled at her.
"Oh my God, don't remind me. I am so freaked out about that right now, I can't even think beyond the fact that I only have two boobs. I mean, how the heck am I going to feed three babies at the same time with two boobs?" She sounded a little hysterical, even to herself.
"Well, first of all, there is something called a bottle, which you can use for feeding babies. And second, I'll be there to help you. Third, let's cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? And fourth, take a breath before you asphyxiate."
She took a breath. "Right. You're right of course." She was silent for a while as she tried to imagine being surrounded by three babies. A thought suddenly occurred to her and she brightened up. "Hey, I just thought of a bright side to having triplets. The babies and I could star in a reality show. What do you think about 'Three babies and a federal agent' for the title?"
Hotch sounded resigned. "Why do I get the feeling you and I have vastly different views about what's going to happen to the children?"
Meantime, at the BAU...
"I wonder how Hotch and Emily are going?" mused Dave as he took a sip of his scotch.
"Going at it, you mean," answered Morgan, winking at Garcia, who giggled and shook her head at him.
"You're an ass, Morgan." This from JJ, who, thought Dave, sounded more than a little tipsy. "A handsome ass, but an ass nonetheless."
Dave grinned. Yep, their little blonde, sometimes bad-ass profiler was definitely going to be a little worse for the wear tomorrow morning. If she had been sober, she would never have said anything that could potentially inflate Morgan's ego any more than it already was.
"What?" protested Morgan, pretending to look hurt. "Like you haven't tried to picture them doing the horizontal mambo."
"Oh eww! I haven't! At least till now. Thanks for putting that in my head." Garcia grimaced and took a swig of her beer. "I really, really, really didn't want a picture of Hotch in the nude in my head."
"I wonder if Emily calls him 'sir' in bed." Morgan laughed. "Hey, maybe when she's getting spanked."
"I am really uncomfortable with this subject matter." Reid frowned disapprovingly. "I don't think it's any of our business what they do in their own time."
Morgan cocked at eyebrow. "You're not even curious about what they might possibly be doing right now? 'Cos I would give away my backup weapon to be a fly on the wall when Hotch tells Emily he's her loverrrr."
Everyone groaned at his emphasis on the last word. JJ threw a corn chip at him.
"Well, fortunately for us girls, we can get the inside scoop from the source herself." Garcia shared a grin with JJ. "You boys, however, will just have to use your imagination."
"Oh, I already am, baby girl," drawled Morgan.
JJ flicked a beer bottle cap at her team-mate's chest. "You're a disgusting ass."
"Ah, but what a fine ass it is," came the retort. "In fact, I challenge you to find a finer ass in the whole of the BAU."
"And that," interjected Dave, putting down his glass, "is my cue to leave. You guys can continue to discuss Morgan's ass after I leave."
"I'm coming with you," said Reid hurriedly. "Morgan's gluteus maximus is an even more unappealing subject than Emily and Hotch having sex." He shivered in revulsion.
No one bothered to hide their laughter, including Dave.
"My money's on Anderson actually," volunteered Garcia. "Have you noticed how much he's been working out lately? You could bounce a flash drive off that taut behind."
"Nice," grinned JJ, who gave her friend a high five.
"No way Anderson's ass is better than mine! Here, come on, flick that bottle cap on my ass, and I'll prove it." Morgan's outraged tone and the sound of feminine laughter was the last thing Dave and Reid heard as they walked out of the room.
Dave shook his head. "Every time I think we've plumbed the lowest depths of conversational topics, he comes up with something new."
When his comment was met with silence, the older profiler looked over at his colleague, who appeared deep in thought. "Reid?"
The doctor blinked. "Oh, sorry. I was thinking about Anderson's ass. No! Not in that way!" He blushed beet red while Dave stared at him in amazement. "I was just wondering if going to the gym would improve the muscle tone in my...uh, you know...ass. I just want Morgan to stop referring to me and my skinny ass."
Dave sighed as they stepped into the elevator. "Reid, I love you like a son, but if you say the word ass one more time, I'm going to have to kick you in the gluteus maximus. Now, let's go home, shall we?"
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Also, the nominations are up for the CM Profiler's Choice Awards. The final ballot is here (without spaces): topic/74868/73609377/1/ 2012-Profiler-s-Choice-CM-Awards-FINAL-VOTING-BALLOT-HERE. Please do cast a vote for your favourite stories and author. Your vote would be much appreciated!