A/N: Congrats, you made it to the end. Listen to "Almost Home" by Moby feat. Damien Jurado for this chapter – it'll set the mood.
This one's for Lee Thompson Young/Det. Frost – thanks for the giggles when you had to tie your shoes. RIP.
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Chapter 11 – Epilog
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A few days later, on a brisk but sunny Sunday morning, Maura parked her blue Prius at the curb outside of Jane's apartment building and leaned back in her seat. For several minutes, the medical examiner just sat in her car, with her eyes closed, and focused on one of her yoga breathing techniques to calm the stormy sea inside her mind. Breathing in… breathing out… in… out…
When she began to feel a certain calmness soothe her mind and body, she got out of her car, all dressed in black, and straightened her clothes before heading towards the building's front door, letting the chilly November wind dispel her woes and guide her inside.
Once upstairs, she took another deep breath until she had finally mustered enough strength to knock on Jane's door. Waiting in vain for an answer, the blonde checked her watch and eventually let herself in with her own spare key.
She had barely stepped into the apartment, when Jo Friday emerged from around the corner and cheerfully bounced around Maura's legs.
"Hey, you…," she bent down and caressed the dog's fur while letting her eyes wander over the kitchen and the living room. Judging from an almost empty cup of coffee on the couch table and the Yorkshire terrier's recently filled feeding bowl, Jane must have been up already. And it was rather unlikely that she would have gone back to sleep on a day like this.
"Jane…?" the medical examiner called into the empty apartment before proceeding to the bedroom with Jo Friday following closely on her heels.
When she reached the end of the hallway and peeked into the room, she finally found the brunette lying on her bed, still in her pajama bottoms and a tanktop, and just staring at the ceiling. The blonde paused in the doorframe and worriedly looked at Jane.
"You're not ready…," Maura finally stated the obvious for lack of anything better to say.
"I'm not coming…," Jane said quietly without averting her gaze from the ceiling.
After a moment of silence and hesitation, the medical examiner walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge next to the detective.
"I just can't…," Jane added when she felt Maura's questioning eyes rest on her.
"Everybody will be there," the blonde pointed out. "He was your partner, Jane. You should—"
"No, I mean it, Maura," the brunette quickly cut her off, her voice somber and unusually fragile. "I just… I just can't go there today…"
Unsure how to react, how to give Jane strength when she herself would have needed a strong shoulder to lean on, Maura let her eyes wander until she noticed a slightly crinkled photo on the nightstand. A faint smile playing on her lips at the recognition of the scene, she took the picture into her trembling fingers and looked at the snapshot from Frost's last birthday party when the young detective and Jane had battled each other with water guns, their shirts soaking wet and their faces filled with laughter.
With a heavy heart, the blonde let the picture sink down and turned back to the brunette next to her. "Why don't you want to go?"
Silence filled the room again until Jane finally looked at her. "Because it'll make everything real."
"It is real, whether you go there or not…," Maura sighed, trying to hold the detective's sad gaze without breaking into tears herself.
"I know… but… then it will also feel real…," Jane whispered. "And I'm not ready for that…"
Fighting the lump forming in her throat, the medical examiner let her shoulders slouch and absentmindedly stared at the floor. "I'm not sure I can go there by myself," she admitted eventually. Waiting in vain for a response from the other woman, Maura looked up again, her eyes pleading and longing to cross the distance to the brunette. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"
When Jane gloomily bit her lip but kept staring at the ceiling, Maura nodded quietly and turned to leave. Before she could get up, Jane held her back.
"Do you think Frost would understand?" the brunette wondered with a wavering voice, her eyes teary and begging for words of solace.
"Yes, I think he would…," the blonde assured her. And it wasn't a lie.
"What about you?" Jane asked, her voice even more desperate.
Maura paused and pondered the question. But this time, there was no easy answer.
Thus, she quickly placed a soft kiss on Jane's forehead instead and stood up. "I have to go…," she whispered and hurried out of the bedroom while her legs were still strong enough to carry her.
When her apartment door fell shut a few seconds later, Jane sat up and stared towards the empty hallway until her fingers found the photo of her and Frost again. She looked at her deceased partner, at his smile, at the light-hearted moment forever captured on the crinkled paper in her hands. And when the memories kept washing over her mind — all those things that still felt real —, she buried her head in her hands and silently cried.
The low November sun was still gracing the city of Boston with its presence when family, friends, and colleagues of Detective Barry Frost had gathered around his lily-covered coffin and the newly dug-out grave to say their last goodbyes at a placid cemetery in a southern neighborhood.
His mother, Camille, and her partner, Robin, had sat down on two white wooden chairs and were silently holding hands, while the other funeral guests had formed a circle around the grave and listened as the priest cited verses of a poem by Henry Scott-Holland.
"Death is nothing at all… I have only slipped away… into the next room…," he read calmly from his notes.
Towering amongst those gathered around the grave was Admiral Frost, his face grief-stricken despite the differences that had existed between him and his son.
"I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still…," the priest continued.
There was also Frost's former fiancee, Anna Farrell, the young FBI agent whose career ambitions had cut short the time she had spent with her lover.
"Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow."
And there were Frankie and Angela, Sergeant Korsak and Lieutenant Cavanaugh, as well as Lieutenant Detective Martinez and numerous other uniformed officers who had worked with Detective Frost at one point or another.
"Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it."
Surrounded by other mourning guests in black and yet all by herself, Maura stood in silence, her face pale and empty, her body somehow finding the strength to stand still despite the inner turmoil tearing her apart.
"Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner."
When the priest gracefully folded his notes to quote the last verses from memory, Maura felt someone approach from behind and glanced to her left just as Jane stepped to her side. Wrapped in a dark coat, her hair flowing loosely over her shoulders, the detective insecurely looked at the medical examiner, searching for a beam of light to guide her through the darkness enshrouding her heart. And when apologetic coffee-brown eyes found forgiving hazel ones, relief filled both of their souls.
"All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost… And how we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again."
And as the priest continued his eulogy with words of comfort and anecdotes provided by Frost's family and friends, Jane let her eyes wander, trying to steady her breath, to stop her fingers from shaking, to accept what she couldn't change. And on this quiet November day, she found what she had been looking for.
Just one second…
… until she realized that this was where she belonged… that these people were her family… and that she wasn't alone…
Another second…
… to look at her mother and her brother… to remember how they had welcomed Frost with open arms… how Frankie and Frost had squabbled over a stupid action figure like brothers… all in good fun…
A third second…
… to exchange a collegial nod with Korsak… to think back of the friendly banter between him and Frost… how he had superglued the young detective's desk drawers on his first day and how they had teased each other… but never lost their mutual respect…
A fourth second…
… to send a condolatory smile to Camille and Robin… to chuckle inside at the memory of their get-together in the Dirty Robber after a day of softball and surprises…
A fifth second…
… to feel Maura reach for her hand and soothe her trembling fingers… to remember fondly how Frost had bravely tried to conquer his fear of the dead… how often he had turned pale in the morgue and once even curled up on the floor… without ever throwing in the towel…
A sixth second…
… to squeeze Maura's hand in return… to finally muster the strength to look at Frost's coffin… to truly remember and honor her partner… and the bond they had shared…
A seventh second…
… to let her hand and Maura's become one… to allow a single tear to roll freely down her cheek without wiping it off or turning away… to let peace fill her heart… and to move on.
Just another seven seconds. And yet, nothing would ever be the same.
Because seven seconds is all it takes to change a life. To help you find your way. To finally guide you home.
…
END
Again, thanks for reading. Not sure if you "get" the ending, but to me that's the only way how to say goodbye to Frost/LTY.
So, should I write some real Rizzles next?
Thing is, I won't write smut without plot or anything like that. It's just not my style and I see the characters more like soul mates. But I also want to try something new and more challenging in each story. I guess the logical next step after this ending would be to bring them a little closer. I got an idea but not sure if there's enough interest. It would focus on Jane being forced (by the bad guy in the story) to do something really bad to Maura, like really bad. Not "sorry, I'll marry Casey" bad, but more like "sorry, this might kill you" bad. Literally.
Any interest? Since these fics are just for fun and I have other writing projects to take care of, I'll only do this one if it sounds like something you want to read… Or got any other challenges?