CHAPTER 8: Assistance
Antonio flopped down onto the Beischmidt's unusually stiff couch with a grand sigh and sank into the folds of cushions. Reaching over his best friend Gilbert, he yanked the remote off the incredibly polished coffee table and turned the television on, angrily mashing the buttons till he found the soccer channel. As soon as he found the game, he tossed the remote onto Gilbert's lap, and wriggled around to shove his face into Gilbert's shoulder, letting out a large moan. Gilbert, unperturbed, turned the volume up and leaned back into the couch.
"Giiiil," Antonio whined, nuzzling into the albino rather roughly, causing him to wince, "what's going on I don't get it. I need your advice, amigo."
Gilbert sighed, and pushed Antonio off his shoulder. "Dude it's plainly obvious. You're just pretty oblivious. To basically everything. I know I've said this many times, but fuck man how do you manage to survive in this world I swear, everything just flies right over your damned head!"
Antonio pouted, then stood up and began pacing around the living room. "I don't get it Gil! Do I have some sort of magical tumor that only appears around him? Is he a witch, or some other magical fiend?" Antonio suddenly stopped, gasping and clutching his heart. "Aye, dios mio, what if he IS a witch! He's going to steal my soul and sell it to the devil all because I can't stop thinking about him! Gil, you must help me exorcise him. How does one rid oneself of a witch?"
Gilbert gave Antonio an incredulous look, then rolling his eyes gestured for Antonio to sit back down on the couch. "Dude, for one thing, Witches don't exist. You watch too many horror films man. Secondly, you don't exorcise a witch, you kill it. And while I know you are one creepy bastard underneath all that sun, or whatever, there's no way you would kill him. Thirdly, calm your tits man. You're just infatuated."
"Infatuated?" Antonio asked, cocking his head to the side.
Gilbert groaned. "You're a goddamned five year old I swear. Infatuated! The act of wanting to kiss the guy sens-"
Antonio smacked Gilbert on the back of the head. "I know what infatuated means, Gil. I'm just confused as to why you would suggest that. He's my brother, I'm pretty sure that's illegal."
"I don't think so. You're not actually related, right? You're an orchard baby, and he's human." Gilbert snickered, and swatted away Antonio's angry fist.
"But still, if we were to get married, the court wouldn't accept that would it?"
"Dude, slow the fuck down! Marriage, Jesus Christ. Rome didn't properly adopt you, right? You still have your last name and stuff, so I'm pretty sure it's cool. Maybe. HEY LUDDY?" Gilbert shouted up to his brother. Ludwig lightly jogged downstairs, never being one to shout from room to room.
"Yes, Gilbert?" Ludwig said, stopping on the third step from the bottom.
"If Antonio wanted to marry Lovino, would that be illegal?" Antonio flushed bright red, and whirled around to whack Gilbert in the face. However, Gilbert was too quick, and chuckling, dashed behind his brother, who was looking at Antonio curiously.
"You feel enamored for Lovino? I'm not entirely sure, but since you and Lovino are above the age of 18, there is a possibility-"
"Ludwig, no you misunderstand. Your brother was just being a little shit, I'm not, er, 'enamored' for Lovino as you put it." Antonio rubbed the back of his head and glared at Gilbert, who let out a booming guffaw and hopped over to Antonio.
"Man, you are so far in the closet for this kid, you're in Narnia." Antonio took another swipe at Gilbert, who ducked away just in time, again, and danced away into the kitchen. Antonio sighed, and pinched the bridges of his nose. Ludwig nodded to no one in particular, and lightly jogged up the stairs to his room.
Antonio returned to the couch, this time lying across the length of it. He shoved his face into his hands. There's no way I'm in love with Lovi. There's just no way. Besides, Lovi definitely doesn't think of me that way, nor probably ever will. And then there's Grandpa Roma. Antonio shuddered, thinking back to the day he first met Grandpa Rome, remembering the threat of castration if he "soiled his grandsons".
Smacking his head as if to rid himself of the memory, he sat up just in time to see Gilbert returning with two beers in a can. Tossing one to Antonio, who fumbled to catch it and screeching about it exploding in his face, Gilbert laughed and jumped onto the couch, propping his feet up on Antonio's lap. Huffing, Antonio shoved Gilbert's feet to the floor and cracked open his beer slowly, gauging the safety of the can by the fizzing noise and successfully popping the tab. Smiling, Antonio took a swig, only to choke as he remembered he hated beer. Gilbert laughed and took the beer out of Antonio's hand.
"Works every time man, you gotta remember you can't handle your alcohol." Gilbert chugged down his beer, letting out a hiss of breath and slamming the nearly empty can on the table. "Back onto our previous topic, you are absolutely in love with Lovino Vargas, and that is a fact, you understand me?"
Antonio let out another sigh, rubbed his eyes with his hands. "I don't know, Gil. I swear I haven't felt like this ever!"
"Well, it's plainly obvious you are at least bisexual, so that doesn't really account into this. You have told me on numerous occasions that you cannot stop thinking about him-"
"On the grounds that he is a supernatural being out to take my soul!" Antonio interrupted.
Gilbert coughed, and continued on. "But he obviously isn't. So there is no other choice left but romantic intentions. Let's see here..." Gilbert paused and tapped his chin with his finger tips. "What do you like about Lovino?"
"Oh well that's an easy question! I like the way he knows his boundaries and what he can deal with in a day. I like how incredibly intelligent he is, how loyal he is, and how he shows his affection in the smallest of ways so you have to look for it but when you find it, you see how much effort he puts into it. I love how clumsy he is, and how he always tries to cover up when he falls and how the tips of his ears turn red when he lies. I love how confident he seems with himself, and how witty he is. I love how you have to earn his respect, and when you do earn it you know. I love how adorably stubborn he is when arguing. I love how when he laughs or smiles, it's entirely genuine, because he doesn't waste genuine smiles on fake things. I love him"
Gilbert stared at Antonio, wide-eyed, and whistled. "Well damn man, that's pretty much your answer right there. You admitted it out right. Plus you went on and said things about him I never noticed, and him and I are actually good friends."
Antonio slowly blinked as he took in the weight of what he just said. "I said I love him. Present tense and everything. I love him? I love Lovino? Holy shit I love him."
"Yeah, that's pretty much what you just said. Good job man you can hear yourself speak! How have you not gone insane yet?"
"I LOVE LOVINO VARGAS!" Antonio shouted, jumping up from the couch and pacing around the living room, scratching his head vigorously.
"AND I'M GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT!" Gilbert shouted back.
"Congratulations, you have stated the obvious. Now sit back on this couch so we can talk about a plan to get you some hot italian ass"
Antonio stopped in his pacing and hung his head low. "Well that's not going to happen. Lovino loves someone else."
"What the fuck do you mean he likes someone else? Who?" Gilbert asked.
"Lili. He pretty much made it obvious the other day. He's straight, and in love with Lili, and not me. Of course, if Lili and him do end up falling in love with each other, I would be so happy for them because Lili is a wonderful woman and would be great for Lovi, and all I want is for Lovi to be happy, and Gilbert why are you laughing"
Gilbert had fallen into spasms of laughter and was lying on the floor, covering his reddening face with his hands. "Toni, oh my god. You- fuck I can't breathe! Jesus okay, hold up" Gilbert calmed himself down, then continued. "Okay you don't have to worry about Lili and Lovino getting together. First of all, Lili is already in a very steady relationship with someone. A girl by the name of Bella." Gilbert clapped Antonio on the back. "Lovino doesn't really have a chance with Lili, she's totally already taken."
"Oh. Well I mean that works. Okay. But that means nothing about Lovi returning my feelings. And I don't want to force that kind of thing, I want them returned."
"Crossing off my plans for crafting a love potion then." Gilbert chuckled, then stopped as he saw Antonio's face. "Alright, I was kidding, don't get so grumpy. All that you can do really is just show in any way that you love him. Maybe some old fashioned flirting is in order? Or you can be that huge dork I know you are and leave flowers or some shit at his bedroom door or something"
Antonio's face lit up at the idea of flowers and bounced up and down. "Gilbert you are honestly the best friend I've ever had, you are the greatest! I'm off to get Lovi flowers now, bye!" Antonio quickly gave Gilbert a crushing bear hug, and made to dash out the door. However, Gilbert grabbed Antonio's arm and yanked him back.
"You can't just do that you moron! He's probably going to think its from his Grandpa or some shit. You gotta make a plan for this." Gilbert tried to pull Antonio back to the couch, but he just kept heading towards the door.
"I can sign my name on it! Then he knows its from me! Now please, Gil, I need to go buy flowers."
"Dude, sit the fuck down." Gilbert yanked as hard as he could and practically threw a surprised Antonio back onto the couch. "You are really going to sign your name on a bunch of flowers and leave it on Lovino's doorstep, do you know how awkward that's gonna make it for the both of you?"
Antonio blanched as he realised how incredibly moronic he was being, and groaned into his palms. "Wow I'm stupid. Thanks for stopping me I would have made a fool out of myself."
"No Antonio, you wouldn't have made a fool out of yourself. You would have just said your feelings outright, like you normally do, without any hesitation." Gilbert slowly rubbed Antonio's back. "You have the wonderful ability to do that whenever you please, and that's great when you're talking about your passion for food or sleeping or whatever. But with love, you gotta take your time man. Like my wise, yet slightly annoying french friend once said, "Love should never be forced on anyone!" or something like that, he was always weird."
"He doesn't sound too weird if he says things like that. He seems rather intelligent."
"Well most of the time he's weird, just trust me on this man. Anyways, back to planning. Actually, no planning is stupid you can't plan love. What am I thinking. Dude just, I don't know," Gilbert ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly, "Just go about your days normally I guess. Just flirt with him, see if he flirts back. But hey, you definitely should tell him at some point because bottling that shit up is like a fucking volcano."
"Alright, that sounds more like something I can do! I've never been good at following plans anyways." Antonio said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.
Gilbert clapped Antonio on his back, and led him up from the couch to the front door. "Alright man, now I need you to get out of my house. Dinner is in ten, and you need to go and flirt with a grumpy italian boy. Go get him, Toni! Knock him dead with your devastatingly good looks and ass, because that's really all you got going for you man, good luck."
"Love you too Gil! Thanks for all your help. Adios, amigo." Antonio waved goodbye and stepped out the Beilschmidt's front door and started the short jog back to his house. Gilbert watched Antonio leave from the living room window till he was out of sight, then flopped back onto his couch and flipped the channel till he found "Pretty Little Liars", his favorite show that he knew Antonio would never let him live down if he found out he watched it.
"Man, he really has it bad, the poor kid. Well, it's pretty much down to him, in the long run." Gilbert picked up Antonio's abandoned beer from the coffee table and raised it in a toast. "Here's to you man! Wish you the best of luck." As he downed the lukewarm beer, Gilbert heard the thump thump noise of someone dashing down the stairs.
Funny, no one ever jogs down the stairs in this family except me. Gilbert thought. As he was taking his last sip, he saw the wisps of brunette hair tumble down the staircase and stop in the living room.
"Antonio's in love with my brother?" Feliciano gasped, causing Gilbert to spit out his beer.
"Feli, what the-" Gilbert gasped for breath, as he remembered that Feliciano had come over to spend the day with Ludwig. "Oh fuck, you heard everything didn't you."
Feliciano danced around in a small circle, then went over and hugged Gilbert awkwardly on the couch.
"Yes I did, and oh gosh I am glad I did! I'm so happy for Tonio, him and Lovi are perfect!"
Well, Gilbert thought, that works.
AN: Aaaaand I am back again woohoo. Yeah sorry, I'm terrible at updating ^.^;
Yes the french friend is France. I wanted him in here somehow, and thats how it is basically.
Thank you to all readers!