Chapter 30
"Commander?"
"What is it, Joker?" Shepard rolled over on his bed and silently cursed his pilot for waking him up. I've been living on fucking catnaps for the last, goddamn, however long it's been since that fucking beacon decided to fuck around inside my head. You had better pray that what you have to say is important, Joker, or I'm gonna hack your music storage and replace it with nothing but the "Best of Early 21st Century Pop" playlist I saw on the extranet the other day. Then I'll see how long it takes for you to claw your own eardrums out.
"Uh, I just wanted to let you know that we're an hour out from the Arc, Commander."
"Thank you." Shepard grunted in reply. As much as I want to be pissed off at him for that, I guess I can't. I should probably get up, shower, and get dressed before I meet Beth. I still have no fucking clue what is so god damned important that I need to meet with her personally, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She is my girlfriend, after all, and she's been through a lot lately. I guess that warrants a little slack. Oh wonderful, I'm even being sarcastic to myself. I think that's one of the signs that I'm going crazy. Maybe I can talk myself into not having a mental breakdown until after Saren's dead? Yeah, that should work. With a grunt, Shepard threw himself out of his bed and onto a collision course with his shower.
"We're now officially docked with Arcturus Station, Commander." Joker said into the intercom.
"I noticed." Two of the three inhabitants of the cockpit jumped at the sound of Shepard's deep voice coming from behind them, rather than from the speakers. "Glad to see that somebody on this ship understands situational awareness, Garrus." The commander deadpanned to the stoic turian.
"What can I say, I learned from the best." Garrus answered with a wiggle of his mandible that was the turian equivalent of a wink. Shepard responded with a genuine smile for the compliment
Joker looked to his left and saw Garrus's smug smile. "Wait. You knew he was there?"
Garrus scoffed. "Of course. We turians are apex predators. Therefore, we have highly developed senses. I heard and smelled Shepard coming up behind us a few minutes ago."
"Nice job avoiding the Everest, Joker." Shepard chimed in, smirking.
"Er, yeah. Thanks." Joker replied, removing his own hat and running his fingers through his hair. "You do realize how much I hate that, right?"
Shepard just flashed another wicked smile and turned his attention to the two members of his ground team. "So what are you guys doing up here?"
Tali spoke up for the first time, having had to catch her breath after being caught unawares, again, by Shepard's presence. "Garrus and I were having lunch in the mess, and when we were done we thought we would come up here and bother Joker for his plans once we're on the Citadel."
"Oh? Did ya get anything out of him?" Shepard asked interestedly, trying to ignore the spasm of what felt suspiciously like jealousy as Tali discussed her lunch date. It wasn't a date; everyone knows that having lunch together is a sure sign of being in the 'friend zone.' Wait, that's for humans; I have no idea of if it means the same to other species. Hell, for all I know a lunch date means the exact opposite to turians and/or quarians. Shit! Wait, why am I getting bent outta shape about this? Tali and Garrus aren't Alliance, so they're free to have a relationship if they want to. And I am most certainly not interested in Tali that way, since I have a girlfriend. In fact, I'm about to go meet up with her. Right. Focus on your girlfriend, Spike.
"No." The turian took over. "I thought of using some of the interrogation techniques I learned in C-Sec, but then he had to dock, so I left him alone."
"Good idea. Prolly a good idea not to distract Joker while he's using what meager skills he has to bring us in to port."
"Oi Commander, that hurt." Joker interjected, putting an exaggerated frown on his face. "You know I'm the best pilot the Alliance has."
Shepard chuckled and started walking towards the airlock. "I know, Joker. I'm just giving you a hard time." Although the one I'd really like to give a hard time to is sitting to his right. Wait, no! Bad Spike! Get your mind outta the gutter and off of Tali, and think about the girlfriend you'll be seeing in a few minutes. "Alright, I'll see you all later. Try not to break the ship while I'm gone, Joker. Shouldn't be too long."
Tali was momentarily entranced by the sight of Shepard's tight ass walking away, until his words penetrated her warm haze. "Wait, you're going by yourself?"
"Are you sure you don't need back up, Commander?" Garrus seconded.
"I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I grew up on the Arc, remember? I know what I'm doing." He raised a hand to forestall Tali's next argument. "And no, Tali, I don't need to be armored up. On the Citadel, it made sense, because that place is a lot larger than Arcturus, and not everybody likes humans. Here, I'm well known and even more well respected. And those that don't know me, know not to fuck with me. So I'll be fine." Then without another word, he disappeared into the airlock.
"Well that was weird." Joker said, giving voice to the thought running through each of their minds.
"Yes it was." Tali agreed. "Joker, you grew up on this station too, correct?" The pilot nodded. "Is it really as peaceful as Shepard made it seem?"
Garrus cleared his throat. "Technically, Tali, he didn't say it was peaceful. He just said that he was safe. But I am curious to hear your opinion, Joker." He looked at the helmsman expectantly.
Joker sighed, and ran through everything he knew about Arcturus. "I definitely wouldn't call Arcturus 'peaceful,' Tali, although Shepard is probably right. We all know how big of a badass he is, and to most people he's well respected as a naval officer, and he gets a lot of credit for being N7. Being a Spectre is just icing on the cake for him."
Tali sensed that a "however" was en route.
"But humans can be xenophobic assholes sometimes." The turian and the quarian thought about the two members of the Normandy who fit that billing, and nodded in agreement. "The fact that he has non-human crew might make somebody mad enough to try to do something about it. In which case, Shepard would be just as at risk as if he were on the Citadel. I can't say whether that will happen though, only that it is a possibility." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
The three sat in silence for a moment, mulling over his words. Finally, Garrus spoke. "I think it would be in our best interests, then, to keep an eye on him. Just in case." He looked at his two companions, and noted their approval. "Tali, do you think you can access their security cameras?"
Tali's head turned to look at him, and he knew that behind her faceplate, she was giving him a withering glare. "Yes, Garrus." She answered, managing to reign in her annoyance. Can I access their security cameras? What a stupid question. Big blue bosh'tet. She quickly set to work on her omni-tool, and within thirty seconds had pulled up an image of Shepard striding through the station. "I'll have to change cameras frequently, as long as he is walking around, so you should expect the image to change or jump from time to time." She informed her compatriots.
The three Normandy crewmembers sat and watched while Shepard made his way through identical hallway after identical hallway. They each remarked at Shepard's ability to slide through the crowds as though he were no more substantial than vapor. Eventually, he came to a much larger hallway, with what appeared to be multiple store entrances plastering the walls.
"Hey, I know that place!" Joker said aloud. This statement was greeted by two questioning looks, so he decided to elaborate. "It's one of two main shopping and dining districts on Arcturus. This is the smaller of the two, but if I remember correctly, there're still over a hundred different vendors there."
They continued to watch as Shepard walked past at least three dozen of the entrances, without slowing down or appearing to look around. Abruptly he turned and walked into one, causing Garrus and Joker to look over at Tali with expectant looks on their faces. The two men heard her mutter something about "bosh'tets" but before they could ask her to speak up, a new image filled their screens.
Shepard was walking through a restaurant, towards an area with a view out into the inky darkness of space. He sat down at a table with a petite, well-built blonde woman, who didn't appear to be surprised by his sudden appearance.
"Hey, Tali?" Joker asked, shooting her a look. "Think we could get sound, too?"
Tali glared at him before asking, "Why?"
"Um, well, you know. To make sure she isn't threatening him, or blackmailing him, or something."
She continued to stare at him for a few second longer, then started working on bring up the camera's audio pickups. Her mind was not on her work, however. Personally, I think he is motivated purely by his own voyeuristic tendencies. Nevertheless, he makes a good point. Wait, I think I recognize that girl from the holo Shepard showed me. That must be his girlfriend! Oh, I don't want to watch this. Wait, why don't I want to watch this? He's just my captain, and my friend. I should want to see my friend happy, shouldn't I? Especially after all of the battles and injuries he's been through lately. So why do I feel like my stomach is twisting itself up into knots right now? She was distracted from her musings by the sound of Shepard's voice coming from the speakers in front of her.
"- lucky I was able to get her so quickly. You happened to catch me just as I was finishing up a mission and heading back to the Citadel."
"Yeah, that's good, I guess." The woman responded.
During the brief lull in the conversation, Tali made a snap decision to tell her friends who the girl was. Well, partially, anyway. "I think the girl Shepard's meeting with is named 'Beth.'" She caught their inquisitive looks. "He mentioned her the other day and told me a little about her. She's an engineer, like me." I feel bad about lying to them, but if Shepard wanted them to know, he would have told them, right? I know that if I were Shepard, I wouldn't want the people I trust to go spreading my secrets to anyone who will listen.
Shepard's voice came out of the speakers once again. "So what was so important that you needed me to come to Arcturus, ASAP? I tried to figure it out on the way here, but you didn't give me many clues."
"I know, Spike. But I wasn't sure what to tell you. I mean, it wasn't really something I felt I could put in a message, and vid-chatting just seems so awful. I needed to see you again in person. It's been so long!"
"Did she just call him 'Spike?'?" Joker asked incredulously.
Tali silenced him with a wave of her hand. "It's his first name. Now shut up." Neither of the two men had a chance to respond to Tali, as Shepard had started speaking again.
"It's okay, Bethany. Please, don't start crying again. I'm here now, that's the important thing. If you don't want to talk to me about whatever it is until after we eat, I understand."
"No." She said, her voice wavering a little. "No." She repeated, her voice stronger this time. "I can't keep holding it inside, it's eating me alive."
The three observers could see Shepard reach across the table, and heard him ask, "Beth, are you alright?"
She shook her head, and pulled her hand away from his while taking a deep breath. Then, she locked her gaze with his and started talking. "Look, Spike, I know the Alliance means a lot to you. And I know that you didn't get to be N7 without being extremely dedicated. But I just can't do this. You're never around, and when you are, you never talk about what you've been doing. We just sit at home and do nothing! Sure, we watch movies or cook sometimes, but that's sooo boring! You never want to go out to clubs or anything, and you won't even have sex with me! I mean Jesus Christ, Spike, a vibrator can only do so much! I was practically throwing myself at you the last two times we were able to see each other, but you won't let us go past second base."
She took another deep breath, then continued to lay into Shepard who hadn't moved, not even to pull his hands back across the table. "That's not the only thing that's bothering me though. The bigger problem is that I can't trust you. You're so secretive all the time. I begged you for information about my parents, about Eden Prime, and you shot me down. You even hung up on me! How can I know that you are where you say you are, when you say you are? For all I know, when you're 'out on a mission' you could really just be on the Citadel screwing some random whore. That's the only real reason I can think of why you wouldn't want to sleep with me. I know you're not gay, if even half the stories Brian told about you were true. This isn't working, Spike. I can't be your girlfriend anymore, and to be totally honest, I don't even want to be your friend."
The cockpit was stunned into silence, and it appeared that Shepard was as well. After an agonizingly long 90 seconds of silence, Tali, Garrus, and Joker saw Shepard sit up straight, pull his shoulders back, and tighten the muscles on his neck. Then he spoke.
"Thank you for telling me that, Miss Lee. I wish you the best in your attempts to become an Alliance Engineer, and please have a pleasant life." As soon as he finished speaking, he stood up abruptly and marched away. The three people watching in the cockpit saw his eyes flash once, with an indescribable emotion, before his face became a stone mask, devoid of any life. They watched him leave the restaurant, and Tali made no move to follow her captain again with the station's cameras.
The three continued to sit in silence, staring without seeing at the screens in front of them, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. Finally, Joker spoke up. "Uh, guys? I don't think we should mention that we saw that to Shepard. Like, ever." The other two nodded their fervent agreement.
"I think I'm going to go back to Engineering." Tali said, getting up and walking quickly away.
"Yeah, the Mako's coaxial MG needs some tuning." Garrus also strode away with purpose, leaving Joker sitting in an empty cockpit.
The pilot suddenly realized that the view from the restaurant's camera was still on all three screens. Swearing, he quickly set about removing the images and eradicating any trace of the trio's activities from the logs. A short time later, the VI announced that Shepard was back aboard.
"Joker." The pilot managed to hold back a shiver at the subzero tone of his commanding officer's voice.
"Yeah?"
"I want us on the Citadel yesterday. Make it happen. Until we're there, I am completely unreachable."
"Yes sir." The pilot responded, not knowing the target of his response was already walking through the CIC. Joker quickly had his hands dancing over the interface, getting the Normandy away from Arcturus and on course to the relay as fast as he could. He didn't want to see what would happen if Shepard had to come back up to the bridge to enforce his order. Another shiver, one that he couldn't suppress this time, ravaged his body at the thought.