I met Mimi, Dez and Austin at the car. Dez told me we were going to the recording studio today.
I'd never been to one before.
Austin and I talked about little things, but neither of us brought up this morning. I didn't even dare to ask him if his head was okay.
But I figured, since his head was bigger, it couldn't possibly hurt more than mine and I was doing okay.
The studio was small. There were a lot of things I didn't know the name of. Sound enhancers, recording devices and all kinds of other stuff.
"Are you going to record a song?" I asked Austin. He was sitting behind the big table with all the buttons that I didn't dare touch.
"Definitely. I want to release a surprise Christmas song but I haven't had time to record it yet," he answered.
I couldn't help but smile. He looked so proud of himself, for thinking of a Christmas song.
It didn't even matter that many, many artists had thought of the same idea lots of Christmases before him. He was so happy with it.
I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes, that seemed to appear any time he talked about something he was proud of. It usually appeared any time his music came to topic.
Not that I was paying attention to his eyes, of course.
He pointed to a stack of printed out papers Dez was holding.
"We have to pick one first."
"Huh?" Being completely absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't immediately knew what he was talking about.
"A song," he smirked. "We have to pick a song."
"You don't write your own songs, do y…?"
Dez started laughing, interrupting me.
"Austin can't write a song to save his life, can you?"
I could swear I saw Austin blush a little.
"Jeez, thanks buddy." He turned to me.
"Do you want to look through the songs with me? You're a girl, and so are most of my fans, so I guess that could work."
I nodded.
I knew this was the moment where I could've casually brought up the fact that I wrote songs.
But I also remembered the conversation we'd had at his first rehearsal. He was used to people using him and his mom for things and if I told him I wrote songs, he might think I wanted to use him too.
That was the plan, of course, when I'd gotten here.
But I had grown to like Austin. Really like him. And somewhere, deep inside me, I hoped I would still get to see him after the article was done. Maybe he could even become a friend.
And I wasn't going to ruin that by risking him thinking I had wrong intentions.
Which I used to have. But he didn't have to know that.
Austin and Dez cornered around the table. Mimi was nowhere to be seen. I figured this wasn't really her part of the business.
I sat down next to Austin, and he handed me a stack of papers.
"Just see which one you like best."
We spend hours looking through papers. Whenever one of us liked one, we would put it on a different deck. Then the others would go through that deck and if one of us didn't like it, it was out.
Austin was very clear on that. He had to like it, but so did Dez and I.
I understood Dez, but I didn't understand why he valued my opinion so much. It couldn't possibly just be because I was a girl, like 95% of his fanbase.
I had, as far as he knew, no experience with song writing or music or production or anything like that.
So why did he care what I thought?
I looked at the next song on my deck. As soon as I read the title, I started to smile.
"Austin, I think I found the one," I said. He looked up, and pointed to the other deck, not saying anything.
"No," I sighed, annoyed because I was so excited about this one. "I really, really think you need to do this one."
Not saying anything, Austin took the song from me. He read it through, a smile spreading across his face. He jumped up.
"Ally, this is amazing! This one is awesome! It's even got New York in the title, it must be faith." Excitedly, he ran towards me.
"It's kind of a Christmas miracle, don't you think?" he grinned. "Thanks Als."
Before I could realize or respond to what he was doing, he pressed his lips to my cheek.
I swear my jaw hit the ground, and blushing fiercely, I looked at my toes.
Austin didn't seem fazed by his action. He walked into the booth. His face had changed.
It was time to work, time to be professional.
Notebook.
Professional.
I was actually really impressed with that. He knew how to make fun, but he also knew when to be serious.
Since Dez and Austin both acted like it didn't mean anything at all that Austin just kissed me, I decided to pretend it didn't matter.
It was just a kiss on the cheek, after all. It didn't matter.
So why did my stomach refuse to stop turning?
Dez played around with some of the buttons. I took place on the seat next to him.
"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" I asked him.
"Not really," he answered. "But it's only a demo, so it doesn't really matter."
I didn't reckon everyone would agree with that statement, but I didn't say anything, because Austin started to sing.
"It was Christmas eve, in the old tank.
An old man said to me: won't see another one
And then they sang a song
The rare old mountain dew
I turned my face away and dreamed about you "
He sounded amazing. Of course he did.
I stared at him while he was singing. His eyes were closed. He was slowly moving along to the beat of the music, making sure not to move to much so he could still sing. He got so into it.
I felt butterflies in my stomach and sighed deeply. I always had a weak spot for guys with a passion for music. I loved seeing a guy get into the music. It always made them more attractive to me.
And he was the most attractive guy I'd ever seen.
Wait, what?
"Got on a lucky one, came in eighteen to one.
I´ve got a feeling
This year´s for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
Where all our dreams come true."
Great, he was looking at me now. Now I had to deal with the passion for music and the eyes. I felt my stomach flip when he looked into my eyes. And I scolded myself.
What was I doing? A couple of days ago, I hated this guy. And now I was acting like I was all hung up over him.
I needed to stop, right now. I could allow myself to be friends with him. But I couldn't get closer than that.
He would never like a girl like me.
"I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you."
He could get models, actresses, singers, dancers. He was fun and sweet and cute and I was none of those things.
I turned my eyes away, just to escape his burning look.
I didn't know what I was doing. Why was I even telling myself this? I didn't like him.
"I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can´t make it out alone
I´ve built my dreams around you "
The door flew open only seconds after the last note.
"And, how did that sound?" Austin asked. He seemed really excited and Dez did the weird hand shake thingy with him.
"Great," I choked out. He walked past me, his hand brushing my shoulder, and he left the room. Dez followed him, and I knew I was supposed to follow too, but I couldn't.
My shoulder was burning, right where he touched it.
Damn. I did like him.
I was sitting behind the studio, calling Trish. I had to talk to someone about this.
"I can't go to New York now, can I?" I sighed. "Crap, Trish, I never wanted to like this guy!"
"That's how love works, Ally," Trish said. "You can't decide who you fall for. And if you really like Austin, you should tell him."
I snorted. "Heh, yeah, sure. He Austin, I know you're super famous and handsome and wildly popular and you can get anyone you want and I've never had a boyfriend because I'm boring and only average looking, but I'm in love with you. Yeah, you're totally right, that would work."
"Ally! You're not average looking, you're beautiful, and you're not boring." But it didn't matter what Trish said.
She was Trish. She had so say that, she was my best friend.
"You have to go to New York with him. I know you, Ally. And this is your chance. It's New York, it's Christmas, it could be a Christmas miracle!"
"I don't believe in miracles," I muttered.
"Which I still find weird."
That wasn't Trish's voice. I spun around, only to see Austin leaning against the door. I hung up on Trish, not even explaining to her what was going on.
"Uhm, hi Austin. How long have you been standing there?" He looked at me with a weird expression on his face.
"Just long enough to hear you say you don't believe in miracles." He sat down next to me. "Isn't life a bit boring if you don't believe in miracles? You don't believe in happily ever after either? True love?"
Breathing seemed to be exceptionally hard in that moment.
"Uhm, no. It's all made up by people so they can keep hoping for that."
"That's not a bad thing, is it, though? Hope keeps alive, they say."
I shrugged. "They also say hope breeds eternal misery."
He laughed.
"Jeez Ally, you really are a fucking ray of sunshine, aren't you? Now come on, we're going home. There is a big storm coming apparently and we want to be home before it starts raining."
Song: Fairytale New York by The Pogues – Although it's not really a romantic cheesy Christmas song which is how I portrait it in this story