Chapter 38
A knock on his door pulled Shepard from his thoughts about the next mission. Who the hell is bothering me now? I really need to spend the next few hours making sure I'm up to snuff on disarming nuclear devices. What in the name of all that's holy was the Alliance thinking when they sent out probes that were booby-trapped with nukes? Oh that's right, they weren't thinking. Dumbasses. I suppose those thoughts can wait a little longer. I should probably let whoever's outside my door come in now, though.
The door that was keeping Shepard's cabin private from the rest of the crew slid open to reveal Garrus, Tali, and Joker. Ah fuck. Just because I no longer think that they're total asshats, doesn't mean I want to see them. Why are they here, now? Don't they realize that I have a mission to prep for? They probably want to try to grovel for my forgiveness. Hmm, that's got potential. "Yes?" He looked up at them inquisitively. I may not be able to shoo them away, but at least I can make it really fucking uncomfortable for them. Is it petty? Yes. Is it motivated by childish desires? Probably. Is it fun? Undeniably.
The three people standing in front of Shepard looked at one another in quiet panic, before Garrus took the lead. "Commander. We wanted to speak with you about what happened while we were docked at Arcturus Station."
"Go on." Shepard's face gave away no indication of what his feelings were. To his three shipmates, it was like gazing out into the inky blackness of space: unyielding and unknowable.
Joker spoke up this time. "Look, Commander, we know what we did was wrong. We had a hard time even deciding whether we should watch your back at all. In the end, we only did it because we care about you, and we didn't want to see something bad happen to you."
Tali took over the narrative. "Shepard, we've talked about how you are a warrior, possibly the best this galaxy has ever seen. But we've seen you get injured, and we know that sometimes other people can get lucky too. We need you, Shepard. We need you to guide us through this fight with Saren. Only you've seen the Prothean images, and only you have the cipher in your head. You're the last thing standing between freedom, and Saren's rule. If something happened to you, we'd be lost." I'd be lost. I've come to rely on you more than anyone else in my life, Spike. We – I need you. She added silently.
Shepard continued to sit there in silence. Slowly he passed his gaze over each of them, staring into their eyes as though he was trying to see the truth within their hearts. Huh. That was pretty convincing. They even picked up where the other ones left off, almost as if they'd practiced it. But it didn't seem rehearsed for some reason. It didn't have that feel of, I dunno, stiffness, I guess, that most practiced speeches get. So does that mean they're telling the truth? Probably. Fuck, does this mean I have to forgive them? If they were honestly just trying to help, I can't really see how I can continue to hold this against them. The vindictive part of me is telling me to let them stew in their own juices for a while, but that part of me is decidedly in the minority. I mean look at them for crying out loud! Joker looks like somebody just popped all of his favorite blowup dolls, Garrus looks like his sister just eloped with Saren, and Tali- well, Tali's the worst of all. Her body posture is just so depressing. It looks like somebody cut all the strings that were holding her up, and now she's just folded up into herself. God, I wasn't even in the wrong in this situation and I still want to kick my own ass for making her feel that way. Fucking hell this is shitty. "Fine."
As one, the three heads across from Shepard all popped up. He had to hold in his laughter, and fought to keep a smile from appearing on his face. "Listen up you three, because I'm only going to say this once. You've had your fuckup, and now it's over. That was your one big mistake that you're allowed. Fool me once, etc. I understand that you're worried that something will happen to me, because I feel the same way about you guys. Yes, even you, Joker." He added, when the pilot looked like he was about to interrupt. "Now I'm willing to forgive and forget, but you have to give me your word that you'll trust me when I say I know what I'm doing. I know I tend to be flippant about a lotta shit, but I am extraordinarily well-acquainted with my limits. So if I say I am doing something alone, or with one person, or hell, the entire crew, then that's the way it's gonna be. If you can't handle that, then I don't think that you can continue to be of use aboard the Normandy."
Silence reigned in the cabin as the three people who were formerly in Shepard's doghouse began to crawl their way out into the sunlight. "Oh, and one other thing." Three gazes locked onto his face with almost unnerving expressions of acquiescence. "I'm going to continue cycling the other two teams in and out of missions. Garrus and Tali, I'll probably still come to you for first dibs whenever we're expecting resistance from the geth, but otherwise, expect to see a fair amount of down time. Don't waste it, however. Hook up with the camera feeds while we're out, and watch how each team does things. Not only will it continue to give you more experience with my way of doing things, but it will also help you learn the strengths and weaknesses of your squadmates should the need for alternate pairings ever arise. The other two teams have already been doing this for a while, so you're a bit behind the eight ball. I expect you both to work hard to catch up." He leveled a stern look at both of them, and they nodded in acquiescence.
"Excellent. Garrus, Joker, you're dismissed. Tali, stick around. I have something else to say to you." Oh Jesus, Spike, what'd you say that for? You don't have anything else planned for her. Shit, you didn't have anything planned for any of the three of them for the foreseeable future before this meeting. You're a fucking junkie is what you are goddamn it. You've been without your Tali fix for almost a week now, and you're craving some bonding time with her. You are a pitiful, pitiful excuse for a man, Spike. Ignoring his inner condemnation of his actions, Shepard got up from his chair and moved to his bed. As he sat down on the stiff mattress and leaned back against the wall, he motioned for Tali to take his recently vacated seat. After she sat down, they stared at each other for an indeterminate amount of time. Apparently, neither party was certain of how to say what they were feeling.
Since Shepard had asked her to stay, he decided to be the first one to speak. "So, Tali." Brilliant opening line, Spike. I hate you sometimes. "It's been a while since we talked. How've you been?" Oh, that's even better. Rub in the fact that you couldn't stand to be around her for the last couple of weeks, after spending an entire week on the Citadel getting closer to her than anybody else on this boat. Are you trying to win the jackass of the year award?
Tali sniffled quietly, trying to ignore how angry she had been at herself for driving Shepard away, and how sad she had been without his daily visits. "I've been . . . fine, Shepard."
Ha. I'll bet you've been fine: freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Judging from your body language, that fits you to a tee. "I'm hurt, Tal." This drew a quiet sob from the quarian. Oh nice going, asshole. If you're gonna make a joke about this shit, make it an obvious one. Have you taken complete leave of your senses? "Shit, I'm sorry. I meant; I'm hurt that you aren't calling me Spike anymore. I never woulda thought that a little tiff like this could have hurt our friendship quite so badly."
Tali looked up and her body tensed at Shepard's words. Does he really mean we can still be friends? Even after I went behind his back, does he still trust me enough to want me to call him that? "I thought that you would be too angry at me to allow me to use your nickname anymore . . . Spike. You were so angry last time we talked, that I thought . . ." She trailed off, leaving Shepard to try to guess what she intended to say.
You thought what, Tali? That I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore? That I'd kick you off the boat? That I'd tie you to my bed and lick whipped cream off of your most intimate parts until you begged for sweet release? Actually, that last one sounds pretty great. Too bad we don't have any whipped cream anywhere on this tin can. Note to self: pick up whipped cream on your next shore leave. No, wait, what? Okay, Spike, you need to calm the hell down right now. You're nursing a semi, and one of your crewmembers is sitting in your cabin. Get it together, goddamn it! "Of course I still want you to call me Spike, silly. So we had a fight. It happens. We're still friends. Or at least, I still want to be friends with you. I'd like to think that we've become quite close while we've been serving on the Normandy together, especially after that last week on the Citadel. I probably spent more time with you than the rest of the crew combined! It just felt like we were making a, connection, I guess. I dunno, maybe I was wrong."
Tali couldn't contain the joy that was rapidly making its way through her body, driving out her sadness. The sudden onslaught of positive emotion after a week of self-loathing and despair drove her breath away. "No, Spike! That's exactly the way I was feeling too. I've spent the last two weeks going over how much you've already done for me, and how much I like spending time with you. I mean, talking and getting to know you. It's like you picked the words and feelings right out of my head."
Shepard chuckled a little at that. Good thing that doesn't work in the reverse. Unless you're into the bondage thing, in which case, please, read my mind, Tali! "Well, I can tell you that I'm not a mind reader, Tal. I was just trying to be honest with you about what I felt. So are we friends again?"
She nodded her head enthusiastically. "Of course!" And I will never do something so stupid again in my life, I promise!
"That's great, Tal. It means a lot to hear you say that. So can I get a hug, then? Maybe it's too soon for you, but-" He was suddenly cut off by a purple blur that slammed into him and forced him down onto the bed. Tali's arms were wrapped around him, squeezing him with every ounce of strength they possessed. Cripes, I'd forgotten how strong she is. It can't be comfortable with me lying on her arms, but she doesn't seem to care, nor does she appear to intend to stop anytime soon. Oh well. May as well go with the flow. Shepard reached up and wrapped his arms around Tali, once again marveling at the smoothness of her envirosuit. As he squeezed tighter, trying to match her hug's intensity, he managed to draw a small sigh from Tali as he forced a good portion of air from her lungs. Ha! Two can play at the squeeze-you-'til-you-pop game! He thought triumphantly.
Not long after Shepard reciprocated Tali's actions, his libido kicked in and he realized just how attractive the quarian engineer was. A millisecond later, his body had redirected a large quantity of his blood to flow southwards. Uh oh. It's one thing to be at half-mast when she's across the table, but quite another when she's laying on top of me. But oh what a feeling this is. I didn't think she was that gifted up top, but from the way her chest is pushing against mine, I was clearly selling Tali very short. Musta been paying too much attention to her ass. And good gods, what an ass. They should make a mold of that, and sell it as fine art. Michel-fucking-angelo couldn't carve a better rear end. You just know that it's soft and smooth, until she flexes her muscles and it becomes tight enough to bounce a quarter off of. I so want to grab a handful and just squeeze.
Taking his reptile brain's desires as a command, Shepard's hands started drifting lower on Tali's back seemingly of their own accord. No! I cannot be playing grabass with one of my teammates, no matter how hot she is. The hands stopped their southward trek. Actually, fuck that. I don't care. Tali's incredibly sexy and she's lying on top of me. Game, set, and match. Once again, Shepard's hands started working their way towards Tali's well-kept backyard. No. Even if I ignore the fact that she's my crew, she's still underage according to her people. I think. She hasn't completed her Pilgrimage yet, which means she's not an adult. So no sex, until she's legal. Got it, Spike? If you're still interested in her, you can see about starting something after you defeat Saren. I'd put money on this just being a lustful infatuation brought about by close proximity of a hot female and too long without sex. And if it's not, then waiting until Saren's corpse has been dropkicked into the nearest sun makes sure that you both have the time to commit to a proper relationship. Wait, what the fuck? I just got out of a relationship (that failed spectacularly, by the way), and now I'm thinking about getting back into one? I must really be out of my mind. Although I'm pretty sure that having this little argument with myself about whether or not I should fuck Tali is pretty good evidence that I have, in fact, lost my marbles. At least all the thinking forced some of my blood to come back to my big brain, taking care of that "hard" problem I was having. Ugh, even my jokes are fucked up right now. Okay, now I need to pass of the weird movement of my hands. Fuck it; I'll just start rubbing her back. If she asks, it's a thing humans do when they're comfortable with each other. And if she doesn't, I'll still be having a good time.
Lying on top of Shepard, Tali was not struggling nearly as much with her inner demons. As soon as the commander had wrapped his arms around her torso, she had melted into a warm puddle of Tali-shaped goo. This must be the greatest feeling in the universe. I don't understand how just being held by Spike can make me feel so warm and safe, and, and, and whole; but I do not care. I never want to leave his embrace. So caught up in the tidal wave of positive emotions was she, Tali did not even realize the gradual hardening and then softening of Shepard's member underneath her.
When Shepard started rubbing her back with slow, halting movements, Tali was once again overcome by a compulsive need to be as close to Shepard as possible. The all-encompassing heat that had previously washed through the quarian's body suddenly became a burning firestorm that drove her body mad with pleasure and made every nerve in her body start to tingle. The small part of her brain that was still capable of logical thought realized that she had a bone to pick with her aunt. This is too similar to what happened the last time I was in such close proximity to Shepard, back when he agreed to give me a copy of the geth data we recovered. By the Ancestors, all I got was a "don't worry." I am going to string Auntie up by her ankles and make her watch that ridiculous elcor production of "Hamlet" the next time I see her if she doesn't fully answer all of my questions. Bah. How could I not worry, when I can barely move because I'm too happy and content in Spike's arms?
A sudden noise from the direction of the door forced the two to spring apart as though the other's touch was suddenly scalding. A quick look around showed that the room was still empty, causing Tali to tilt her head in confusion. Shepard, however, looked immediately to the intercom. A moment later, Joker's voice came from the built-in speaker.