Disclaimer: I do not own Lost Girl, the plot is of my own imaginings, and any characters that are unfamiliar. (This is set AU of S3 episode 11—Lauren's job was not Fae related, and Bo's father has not yet gotten involved)
04 December, 2013
"Seriously," Kenzi shivered. "Can't this fae-baddy just fence the family jewels already?"
Bo laughed from the front seat, eyes flickering to the rearview mirror so she could see her best friend. Kenzi was curled into a ball, wrapped in a blanket, and rocking back and forth impatiently. "They aren't actual jewels, Kenz," Bo reminded her roomie.
"Hey, I once fenced a bag of dog-do," Kenzi argued. "I am so nearly done with this. I've been frozen since Hale's informant slimed on me. I swear if I get a cold, I am going to hack on him so badly he won't know what hit him."
Bo laughed, it was one short burst before she twisted in her seat so she could face Kenzi. "So remind me how you ended up covered in slime and Dyson returning you home in his comforter."
"Well," Kenzi muttered, "You were having Lady-time so I decided that I would hunt down some crime for us to solve. I happened to run across the Detectives and then I pretty much got slimed by a skeevy informant."
"You were stalking again, weren't you," Bo quirked a fine brow, her whole face brightened with laughter.
Kenzi's lower lip jutted out roughly, "Hey, it's not stalking if they liked it."
"Kenz," Bo snorted. "You are something else."
Kenzi's pout turned to a sultry little smirk, "Why thank you very much."
"Okay," Bo sighed. "I'm bored of this."
"I told you," Kenzi reminded the older woman. "We may just freeze before we see the balls."
"Family jewels," Bo corrected.
"That's what I said," Kenzi blinked sweetly, dark lashes brushing against her pale skin. "Balls."
"Do trees even have balls," Bo wondered, her face wrinkling softly.
"No," Kenzi responded before pausing. "Well, they shouldn't right? I mean yeah it's a fae-tree, but they don't have legs…oh my god, acorns. They have big droopy acorn balls!"
Bo's face blanched, her usually stalwart gag reflex lurching at the thought. "Ew, I was standing right under one."
"We really need a better screening process for clients," Kenzi muttered darkly. She vividly recalled the very tall and very droopy trees they had been employed by. They had been a little more than vague about the job itself. Only that priceless, which usually meant a price you couldn't imagine without your brain bursting, family jewels had gone missing, and the culprit was no doubt the youngest nymph they just employed. Apparently he was a little scamp, always balls deep in some sort of trouble, doubly so this time.
Bo could only nod, "You aren't wrong. Do you remember the butt-picker?"
"Oh god," Kenzi gagged, "or the garbage picker?"
"He kept trying to pay us in questionable liquid," Bo's eyes squeezed shut, her sense memory kicking in. "Last time we advertise in the Fae-Flyer. I don't care if it's free, it's not worth the trauma."
"Agreed," Kenzi wrestled her arm free and leaned forward, extending her pinky finger. "To not skimping on advertisements…and hookers!"
"Cheers," Bo locked pinkies with Kenzi and they shook on it. "Hookers," she repeated Kenzi's word.
"Well yeah," the tiny Russian affirmed. "I was always taught that you don't skimp on two things: vodka and hookers. If you skimp on one it'll always affect the other."
"Oh, Kenz," Bo murmured. "Where do you get these things."
"My father," Kenzi offered, "and my Uncle Vlad, and my ex-boyfriend Timo."
"Did you all go to the same wacky, dysfunctional school," Bo asked a little baffled.
Kenzi nodded, her dark hair skimming across her cheeks, "Pretty much."
"So," Bo inhaled deeply, shoulders rolling back and chest popping out to say hello to the world. "What is happening on the boy front?"
Not sure how to respond, Kenzi could only shrug. "What boys?"
"Okay," Bo sighed, "Man front? I hear when your best friend beaks up with her girlfriend via abandonment there is often a rain full of men."
Kenzi rolled her eyes, "It is most definitely not raining men."
"Come on," Bo sighed, "let me live vicariously through your sexcapades."
"Excuse me," Kenzi replied indignantly, "which of has had the pool boy on the kitchen table this morning, and let me remind the audience that we don't have a pool."
"I was hungry," Bo suggested weakly, a little smile creeping on the edge of her lips.
"That's what we have the pizza boy for," Kenzi gave a long suffering sigh. "And, now I can't do the pool boy."
"He has a brother," Bo offered.
"No," Kenzi pouted. "I'm over it. But I swear to Our Lord Trickster, if you bang your way through the yellow pages we'll have a problem."
"Promise," Bo giggled.
Kenzi sniffed delicately, "Good, because I have dibs on 'C' through 'N'."
"What," Bo frowned.
"Construction worker to naval officer," Kenzi licked her lips, fanning herself dramatically.
"As long as you have a plan," Bo laughed. "Are you going to flip through randomly, pull from a hat, or just power through alphabetically?"
"You know, I just haven't thought that far ahead yet. I'm mostly just thinking about the walls I'm going to break in the process."
"That's more than enough of a plan," Bo told her.
"I just really, really like it when a guy can throw me over his shoulder," Kenzi admitted. "You know in a banging setting, not a kidnapping, murdering way."
"I figured," Bo nodded.
"So how have your lady-bits been since the whole shizz-fest with the Doc," Kenzi asked softly.
"A little sucky," Bo frowned.
"Pun intended," Kenzi wondered out loud.
Bo shrugged, "It fits. I've been starving lately, hence the pool-boy, and the bouncer, and maybe just maybe the TSA guy."
Kenzi frowned, "Okay, clearly you and Tamsin should not be going out without supervision."
"That girl is one crazy valkyrie," Bo admitted with a little awe.
Kenzi nodded, "I think last weekend you two banged your way through half of the town, Guinness World Records called."
"Oh shut your pie hole," Bo tossed a balled up piece of paper into the backseat.
"Excuse you, I am very selective in what I put in my mouth!"
"Do go on," a warm male voice ran down Kenzi's spine, she spun to face the half-open window behind her only to find Dyson.
"Dude," Kenzi smiled, anger seeping out, "Stake-out, subtle, take a hint."
Bo unlocked the doors and Dyson easily slid in beside Kenzi and behind Bo. "I come bearing coffee."
"Ooh," Bo reached into the backseat, "gimme!"
Dyson quickly handed the to-go cup over, "Nice to see you upright, Bo."
"Nice to see you upright too, I thought you would never stop walking on the walls," Bo tossed back as she sipped the coffee.
Kenzi tucked into her own cup of coffee, smiling as she tasted the hint of hazelnut. "So what brings you out to our neck of the woods? Good deeds made of coffee?"
Dyson nodded, "And we got a call about a suspicious car loitering outside a pawn shop."
"You caught us," Bo sighed mockingly, "we are planning on robbing the place."
"Of course you are," Dyson agreed. "So why is Kenzi wrapped up like the mummy part two?"
"She," Kenzi growled, her coffee buzz quickly evaporating, "still has the chills from Slimy McSlimster from Slimetown. And we're stuck out here until some nymph gets is rocks off."
Dyson ran one hand over his face and jaw, "I only caught half of that."
Bo shifted and turned to face her former-lover, "We've been out here for 3 hours waiting for this nymph to sell some stolen family fae-jewels."
"Balls," Kenzi interjected roughly. "And I think I may lose my toes."
Dyson frowned, reaching out to feel Kenzi's skin, fingers brushing against her forehead, her temple and the pulse in her neck. "You were fine last night."
"Yeah, well, the slime incubated and here we are," Kenzi grumbled deeply.
Dyson frowned, "Is that the nymph you're looking for?" He pointed out the window, past Kenzi to a rather short man who was wearing what Kenzi really hoped weren't tights and a sparkly shirt.
"Oh yeah," Bo nodded, already half out of the car and pulling her shirt down. "Stay here, Kenz, I need a little snack."
"Okay, cool," Kenzi wriggled back in her seat.
Dyson shook his head and gave Kenzi a half hug, "Come by the Dal when you finish here, I'll have a remedy for your chills."
"Promise," Kenzi whimpered weakly.
"Pinky," Dyson offered with a wink.
Kenzi stomped into the Dal, she could not believe her life. Okay, life was actually really good. She had good friends and family, fine booze and two dollar wine. And then there was the, "Petrified wood!"
"What," Trick asked as he exited the back room. Dyson followed him out, a steaming tankard in his hand.
"Petrified wood, chunks of petrified wood, little chunks were the family jewels," Kenzi ground out. "I cannot believe the ridiculousness of this. Diamonds, opals, pearls, emeralds, sapphires, hell, even cubic zirconium would be an upgrade on the jewel scale."
Trick frowned, "Wait a moment, did the Oaks contact you?"
"Yes indeed," Bo agreed.
Trick laughed heartily, setting two beers down on the counter for the girls. "They have the brains of a fly, someone is always stealing their stash of petrified wood."
"No," Kenzi glared.
"Afraid so," Trick chuckled. "Every few years someone manages to find the stash and they nearly pick up roots and march across the city in anger."
"Petrified wood," Kenzi reiterated. "I nearly killed a tree once, I'll do it again."
"Okay, Kenzi," Dyson beckoned her with a crook of his finger. "Let's set the homicidal urges aside and drink this," he held up the dark tankard which was still smoking ominously.
"I don't take drinks from strangers," Kenzi backed up.
"Stranger," Dyson stepped forward.
"Or drink things that I don't know what's in it," Kenzi continued.
Dyson reached out and snagged a finger around one of her belt loops, drawing her closer. "Kenzi, may I remind you of last Thursday night when you downed six shots of various color, density and smell, none of which had a clear ingredient list."
"Things that smoke," she pleaded.
Dyson pressed the tankard to her lips. "Drink and I'll give you a pair of mittens and a scarf," he cajoled.
"You suck," Kenzi stared up at him but took a little sip of the warm liquid. It wasn't gag-worthy, in fact, it was sort of good. It was spicy, like spiced tea with the bite of whiskey. She frowned as she took another sip, mint, cinnamon, chamomile, and maybe some lemon. Okay it was really kind of good.
Bo sat at the bar, half done with her first beer watching Kenzi and Dyson. Something was a little odd, maybe it was the forwardness that she had never seen Dyson exhibit. Maybe it was the woodsy green scarf that he was draping around Kenzi's neck, or the smile that was stretching across his scruffy face. Maybe it was the lingering fingers, or maybe it was the beer and two long drags of the whiskey Trick had neglected on the counter.
Settling back and finishing her beer and starting on Kenzi's, Bo stretched lightly. Life was starting to look up. She had friends, family, and a kick-ass job, so she didn't have the wifey or the long-term boy toy that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Bo was definitely enjoying the freedom, she didn't have to lie about not being tired of mac'n'cheese when all she really wanted was a big fat egg-pepper sandwich.
"Fuzzy," Kenzi hiccupped as she rubbed the fuzzy mittens onto her cheeks. "Thanks D-man," the human grinned, "I feel better already…but Hale is still very much on the hook, the meat hook."
Dyson raised his hands and nodded, "Happy to help."
"So why does the hot-blooded wolf have a scarf and a pair mittens so handy?" Her chills beginning to abate and her temper cooling, Kenzi settled in at the bar beside Kenzi and just down from Bo-Bo.
Dyson smiled into his own drink, what was wrong with a little mystery after all.
"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
-Steven Wright
A/N: 4/25 done. Thus continues the fluff. I need some lighthearted fluff. Thank you for all the sweet reviews, it definitely makes my day happier and feeds my inner nerd which then turns into wordy story goodness. Bo makes a non-drunk appearance. I'm not a fan of Byson, but I am coming around to Bo-Bo & Tam-Tam. Well I will see you all tomorrow for another round of Dyson and Kenzi's awkward adventures in love!