"Are you sure you're okay, Ally?" Trish sounded worried.

You know it's really bad when Trish is worried about you.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said softly, placing the chicken in the oven.

I wasn't fine.

I'd spent the first couple of hours after my arrival crying in my bed. I'd called Trish, explaining everything to her.

I had kind of hoped that she would come to my place and we could celebrate Christmas eve by sulking, eating junk food and watching sad romantic movies, but I should've known that that's not how Trish works.

So not even an hour later, Trish was standing on my doorstep, all ready to go to my dad's Christmas party, and I didn't have a choice anymore.

I'd told my dad that I was back early because my work with Austin was done.

Which wasn't a lie, strictly spoken.

There were a lot of people at the party, so no one was really paying attention to me. Which was better, because I wasn't in the mood for chit chat.

I was really bad at it anyways. I never knew what to say. And now, there was so much I could say. So many stories to tell.

But I wasn't ready to talk about the person that was involved in all of them yet.

Trish had left me alone too, checking up on me every now and then. She would ask me if I was okay, and I would say yes, and she would understand that I needed to be left alone for a bit.

"Yes."

She shot me a sceptical look, telling me that I wasn't fooling anyone, but she didn't press it.

Through all the chatter, I could hear the television. And that, right there, was a big source of my nervousness.

Because apparently, my dad watched 'The Night Before Christmas' every year. And he wasn't skipping this year.

I knew I could just switch off the television, but I also knew that would bring up questions and I didn't want to answer those.

And if I was being really, really honest with myself, I knew that I wanted to see Austin.

I don't know if it's a sort of torture, but I feel like when you lose something, you always want it more. Like when you realise you haven't seen that blue shirt in a while, and suddenly every outfit seems to need a blue shirt.

I suddenly needed an Austin.

No, that wasn't true, I had needed Austin for days. But I suddenly needed him more than ever before.

And if an image on television was all I could get, then I would have to live with that.

Not seeing him would probably heal my heart faster.

But I wasn't interested in mending my heart. I was just interested in holding on to that past week as much as I possibly could, for as long as I could.

I made my way to the couch, leaving Trish behind. 'The Night Before Christmas' had been on quite a while, which meant that Austin had to be there soon enough.

I nestled myself in the corner of the couch, squeezing one of the pillows, because I had to squeeze something, and I waited.

People offered me drinks, food. I declined.

People tried to talk to me. I didn't respond.

When they asked my dad what was wrong with me, he said I was just tired. Rough week. Then he would tell them about me hanging around with 'that popular singer kid that's on telly a lot'.

After a while, Trish sat next to me, shooing people away with her judging look.

"He is coming on, right?" she asked. It had been thirty minutes, and the show was almost over.

But Austin hadn't performed yet.

"I think so," I answered. "I can't see why not."

Trish raised an eyebrow.

"I can," she muttered under her breath. I decided ignoring her would probably be the best way to deal with her, right now.

I wanted to talk as little as possible.

I looked over at my dad. He was chatting with the neighbour. He looked so happy.

He had lost my mom, whom he had really loved. How could he still be so happy?

Maybe what they said was true. Maybe time really did heal everything.

On the other hand there was the story with the fallen mirror, that you could put back together, but would never be whole again.

And right now, that story sounded a whole lot more believable.

"Please welcome our final performer for the night, Austin Moon!"

I felt my heart drop, turning to the television.

The entire room fell silent. By now, they had all heard the story of me spending the week with Austin, and I think they all instinctively knew that this was a moment that needed silence.

Austin walked on stage, sitting behind a piano. I furrowed my brow. That wasn't what he'd rehearsed.

He looked handsome as ever. But I did notice a change in his eye.

He didn't look so sad and disappointed anymore.

He almost looked… okay.

And for some reason, that hurt me much more than it probably should have.

His voice shook me from my thought.

I closed my eyes for a second. Just so I could pretend he was sitting right next to me.

It wasn't working. The television changed the sound of his voice. It sounded less honest, less pure.

Less like he was talking to just me.

"I had to change the song I was originally going to sing."

I made myself look again. He was talking to the audience.

"So I don't have a Christmas song for you. But in a way, it's still a Christmas song. Because Christmas, ladies and gentlemen, is about loving the people around you, isn't it?"

This earned him a cheer from the audience.

And a cringe from me.

"And I love someone, people. But I kind of messed it up. You know how boys are, right?"

Another cheer. I heard Trish snicker something next to me, but I wasn't paying attention to her. All my attention was directed at Austin. It seemed like tunnel vision, and he was the only thing I saw.

Weird, how all those clichés I'd hated so much suddenly made sense to me.

"So I need to tell her I'm sorry. And I need to tell her I love her. But she isn't here, so I can't tell her."

He looked right at the camera, and it felt like he was looking right at me. And his eyes, like always, told a story.

But who was he talking to?

"Now I've never been good with words. I tried to write her a song, but I don't know if she'll see it. So if you see my girl, could you tell her that I love her?"

And then he started.

"I know how it feels, to wake up without her.
Lying here all alone, just thinking about her.
I can't believe her hold on me,
It's something indescribable.
I think she knows, but won't you please;

If you see my girl,
Just tell her I miss her smile.
Tell her I'm counting the minutes,
Gonna see her in a little while.
I know when she holds on to me,
She's the one thing I could never live without.
And tell her I love her."

"You know he's talking about you, right?" I heard Trish say, somewhere far away.

But he couldn't be. He hated me.

"Every time I'm around her,
I just go to pieces, crashing, tumbling to the ground.
I'm so glad I found her, I know how it feels.

So if you see my girl,
Just tell her I miss her smile.
Tell her I'm counting the minutes,
Gonna see her in a little while.

And tell her I love her."

I tried to bite back the tears, but I couldn't stop them.

Austin smiled on screen, and then it went black with just two words left.

Merry Christmas

Song: Tell her by Jesse Mccartney

I promise you guys I will have it ended before Christmas Eve, so stay tuned!