Merry Christmas
Not for me.
I could feel everyone looking at me. Asking me, what the hell is wrong with you.
And I didn't know.
So I slowly got up, leaving the room.
The tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I could keep myself from having a full on fit.
For a little while, at least. So I grabbed my coat. It was time to go home.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" My dad stood in front of me, stopping me from leaving.
"I can't explain, right now, dad," I whispered, trying to stop my voice from shaking. "But I promise you I'll be alright. Just give me a little while."
And I could see in his eyes, in that moment, that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He nodded, and turned around, giving me the space I was asking for.
Because when mom left, that was exactly what he had been asking for.
I stepped outside, the cold hitting me like a slap from an iceberg. I shuddered, but the fresh air in my face did help with the suffocating lump in my throat.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I was standing just outside the garden, on the pavement, feeling the cold, feeling the silence.
Feeling alone.
But that was okay. Because I liked being alone.
Although he had made me realize that although I liked being alone, I didn't fancy ending up alone.
But for now, alone was okay. Alone was good.
Because he wasn't here. And he was the only one I wanted around.
"Ally."
I squeezed my eyes tighter shut. I was even imagining his voice now. I needed to get a grip, or I would literally lose it.
"Ally."
A soft touch, my hand against another hand… And I suddenly forgot how to breath.
That electric shock I felt creep up my arm, that wasn't a dream. That was familiar. Slowly, I opened my eyes.
And he was right there.
And I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, looking at him.
Was I dreaming? Dying, perhaps? They always said that when you died, you saw the people you cared about most, and it seemed so real.
Maybe I was dying. Did I slip and hit my head? Maybe somebody shot me. That happened quick, right? You could totally be shot without noticing it, if you died immediately.
"But you're in New York," I finally whispered.
Austin shook his head, his eyes doing the thing where it felt like they were smiling.
"That was a tape. I knew I had to get to you."
He took my hands in his. It felt so familiar. So right.
"I'm so sorry Ally," he said softly.
And then I realized that this was actually happening. I hadn't been shot. I didn't die. He was standing here, right in front of me, and I had gotten my second chance.
I couldn't let him get away.
Again.
So I started talking, the words leaving my mouth before I could process them. They got out because they needed to. They got out because they were fighting for something.
For someone.
"Oh my god, Austin I'm so sorry! I messed everything up. I know I should have told you, but I was so scared that you would misunderstand! I never actually meant to use you for anything, or I did, but that was when I disliked you, and then I started liking you and I never wanted to…"
I stopped talking. He had gotten so close, a small smile playing around his lips.
"Has someone ever told you that you talk too much?"
I could almost touch his nose with mine, if I just got a little closer…
And then I didn't have to, because he had.
His lips were on mine, and I could do nothing else but melt into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him as close as I could.
Because I wasn't letting him get away.
Not again.
When I pulled away, searching for breath, I kept my arms around his neck, my nose against his. I smiled.
His hand moved to mine, and I felt something unfamiliar being pushed into my hand. It was a piece of paper.
I immediately recognized it. It was the song, I wrote for Austin.
I just wanna tell you I love you, but it's the hardest thing to say.
Because ever since I met you, I haven't been really good with words.
"You don't have to find a way to tell me, anymore, Ally. I know now," he said softly, "and I love you too."
I don't know where it came from, but I giggled.
"Kind of a Christmas miracle, huh?"
His familiar smirk appeared on his face, but this time, it wasn't annoying.
It was exactly what I needed.
"I thought you didn't believe in Christmas miracles?" he muttered.
And right before he kissed me again, I whispered:
"And yet, here you are."