Smoky Blue

Bad Wolf Bay, still

Corin leaned against the rocks, cradling Rose in his arms, her face buried in his shoulder, thinking of those other rocks. She'd kept her promise – she always did – and never called him by his family name in public. The half-dozen-or-so times she'd used it were always those quiet, private moments in the TARDIS – reminiscing about their adventures, or collapsing after another narrow escape. One time – the only time she'd ever actually beaten him back to the TARDIS and slipped inside the door first, she'd teased him about getting "old and slow, you are. You're putting down roots like your namesake!" and he'd laughed till his sides hurt.

He smiled again. She had such a way of saying his name, always making it sound special, rather than the Gallifreyan equivalent of John that it was. Some years, it seemed half the male children registered in the territory were named Corin. Not that he'd ever tell Rose that – it would ruin everything! Well, I'm the only Corin now, that's for certain.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek softly against her hair, breathing in the scent of it and relishing the feeling of her against his chest. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. For a time, they simply stood still, living in the moment alone, then his thoughts drifted back to another, much more recent memory.

^..^

Such a joyous flight the TARDIS had never seen, the group of friends flying the Earth home together. Corin was content to let the Doctor run things, leaning back and watching his other self out of the corner of his eyes. As time went on, though, he began to notice something: the Doctor never quite met anybody's eyes. It's starting again, Corin thought.

(Back in the present, a corner of his mind noticed the subtle change in his mental labels: Corin vs. the Doctor. He nodded. So be it. The last thing he wanted was for his name to be a constant reminder to Rose of what she'd lost.)

When the TARDIS landed and people started leaving, he thought again, Yup, he's freezing them out. And Rose? He glanced over to where she was talking quietly with her Mum about Mickey.

When the Doctor came back in and said brightly, "Just time for one last trip. Darlig Ulv Stranden. Better known as... ", without meeting anyone's eyes, Corin knew the die was cast. You bastard! he thought, then instantly made up his mind.

He took two steps over to where Donna stood, pulling her around and whispering intently. "Donna. He's going to leave her." She started to protest that he wouldn't, he couldn't, but he cut her off. "Listen. I've got one heart. One life. One chance. Just one chance - with her. And I'm going to grab it."

Her face cleared, and she smiled fierce encouragement. "You do that, Spaceman. You grab that chance with both hands and hang on. Got your hat box?"

"Right here. But Donna – I'm never going to see you again. But you'll always be a part of me. Quite literally." He smiled.

"I know. Take care of yourself, and her." She gave him a quick hug, as the TARDIS landed.

"You too. And take care of him. He'll need you." In one corner of his mind, Corin realized there was something wrong with that statement, but couldn't take time to figure it out. He swung towards the door where Jackie and Rose were just exiting.

Standing by while the Doctor crushed Rose's heart, he fought the urge to jump in. Easy, boy. Slowly. It's got to be her choice. When she turned to him and he told her about his new part-human status, he spoke as carefully as he ever had in his life, jamming his hands into his pockets so she wouldn't see them shaking.

Finally, with the Doctor refusing to finish the sentence, she turned to him again, and he saw his chance and grabbed it. Gently. Tenderly. With the softest whisper: "I love you. I always have."

They stared at each other a moment, then when she grabbed his lapels and pulled him in for that ecstatic kiss, he knew before she did that she'd made her choice. Maybe not one hundred percent certain, maybe things would be wobbly for a while, but it was done. And he was going to do everything in his power to make certain that she never, ever regretted it for a single moment.

^..^

Now down the beach, he continued to hold her close, promising himself all over again that he was never going to let anything happen to lose this feeling, that he was never going to hurt her the way she'd just been hurt.

Then, softly, deathly afraid it might be the wrong thing to say, but compelled nevertheless, he began speaking again. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so, so sorry." On the other hand, didn't somebody once say that an apology is never wrong? "I'm sorry."

That finally piqued her interest, and she pushed back slightly to peer up into his face. "Why?"

"For being stupid. For being a coward. For being a stupid coward. I'm sorry for every time I didn't finish the sentence. I'm sorry for every time I didn't say what I was thinking, what I was feeling. For every missed opportunity to say I love you. For not saying how much I wanted to travel on with you forever. For not saying that yes, we'd always be OK. For not telling you how much you mean to me, each and every day. For always chickening out at the last second."

He sighed again. "Even that story in the rocks. Even then I chickened out. I had started it intending to tell you my true name, and in the end, I couldn't. Rose, my name is -"

For a moment, she though he had spoken too quickly for her to catch it, but then she realized he hadn't said it aloud at all, but had put his name directly into her mind. She closed her eyes and replayed it, savoring every nuance the syllables invoked (while wondering how they did): the howling rush of a storm wind, the crackling roar of wildfire, and underneath, the mischievous sound of something very young giggling with delight. "Yes,"she thought, "that's him."

Then she tucked it away to bring out and savor later, turning instead to the ramifications of him not telling her then, but telling her now. On the whole, quoth she, she thought with a mental grin, I much prefer the latter. She opened her eyes again and smiled up at Corin.

He searched her eyes for understanding, and finding it, relaxed and smiled back.

"Say it again," she whispered.

He knew what 'it' was this time. "I love you. I love you so much I'd do anything for you. Even crawl on my knees. Even – even get a job and a mortgage. That's another apology I owe you. I'm sorry for not telling you, back on the station by the black hole, remember? When you said that about sharing the mortgage, I should have told you – suddenly, the prospect didn't seem so bad. And it doesn't now. I don't care if I'm digging ditches to buy you a mansion, as long as the mansion holds you when I get home at night."

"Well, then," she replied, "you'll be happy to know now that it's totally unnecessary. Another conversation, not ours: remember when Mum and Pete finally met up again, and he was telling her he's "rich, very rich"? Well, actually, he was lying. It's more like, "filthy, stinking rich". And last year, for my birthday, he up and gave me a very nice chunk of change for myself, no strings. So if we want to buy a house, we can just buy it, no mortgage. And as for the job: you can do literally anything you like. If you find you want to make a career out of something, go for it, but you don't ever need to stick with something boring just to put food on the table or a roof over our heads." She grinned, imp back. "You could even go back to school, if you like, and become a real doctor."

He shook his head. "Only if they give doctorates in Loving You." He leaned forward, touching his lips gently to hers, gearing up mentally for the old battle within – only to find Fear vanished, the bleak hole in his soul that it had inhabited for so long filled in. Gaining courage, he pulled her even closer, taking control of the kiss and committing each sigh, each sensation to memory. So this is what Love feels like. I do remember.

^..^

Back up the beach, Jackie smiled. They were far out of earshot, but she could still see them. And it looked like they were working things out between them just fine. She sighed. Despite all the constant fussing and fighting, part of her had always liked him. Parts of him. He could really be very endearing at times, albeit very exasperating at others, and she certainly understood why her daughter was attracted to him. Now that this Doctor wasn't going to be dragging her Rose off to other times, other planets, other dimensions, for heaven's sake, she was willing to give him a chance.

^..^

A long time and many kisses later, they heard the distant thwock of the helicopter. "Your carriage approaches, my lady," he grinned, and they turned and started back to Jackie in the distance, coming up to her just as the bird came in to a landing 50 yards off on the harder packed sand. The pilot waved to them, and they ran over, Corin helping Jackie into the front seat beside the pilot, then turning to help Rose into the back with himself.

She hadn't moved.

She stood rooted to the ground a few yards away, head turned, not quite looking back at the spot where the TARDIS had sat an hour before. When her life was wrenched, yet again, yanked abruptly from one course onto another completely different, one not at all what she had been working for, screaming for, dying for. He watched as waves of emotion washed over her, not willing to try to name them. Tears coursed down her face as the wind blew away her sobs. He stood there, waiting, hand stretched towards her. He'd wait forever, if he had to.

Finally, unable to endure the empty sand, she turned back to the waiting helicopter, and saw him there. She shakily held her hand up to him, but still couldn't move, rooted. Stranded. He walked back and took her hand, gazing sadly and intently into her eyes. Then he gently pulled her forward with him, and they slowly stepped up and climbed into the chopper.

As the bird lifted into the skies above Bad Wolf Bay, she rested her forehead against the glass, gazing for the last time ever on the sands where her life had ended, twice now. Then as the Bay fell behind in the distance, she wiped her face, took a deep breath, and turned to face her new life, with her new/old man. Time to begin again.