Chapter 42
Shepard was sitting at his desk, still fully armored from the mission on Virmire, when Joker's voice came over the intercom. "Um, Commander?"
"What is it, Joker?" Shepard replied.
"The, uh, the Council wants you in the comm room for your usual debriefing."
Oh, the Council wants me for something? I suppose they expect me to heed their every beck and call? Well fuck them! It was their shitty intel that fucked us over on Virmire, and now I have to tell the crew that Kaidan's dead. So the Council can wait for my debrief until I fucking feel like gracing them with my gods damned presence. Let's see how they like not knowing shit. "Joker, tell the Council that I am busy recuperating from injuries sustained on Virmire, and will be more than happy to debrief them when I am able to. Make sure to tell them that that may not be until we reach the Citadel, though. Speaking of, what's our ETA?"
"Will do, Commander. ETA to Citadel in a shade under seven hours. I could get us there faster, but I'd really like to take my time and make sure we didn't suffer any damage on Virmire. We weren't quite out of the blast zone when the bomb detonated."
"That's fine, Joker. I don't fancy dying in space while my ship disintegrates around me."
"Amen to that, Commander." Joker was silent for a few seconds while he relayed Shepard's message to the Council. "They weren't happy to hear you were blowing them off, but the Council sends its best wishes for your speedy recovery."
I bet they do. Fucking jackasses. Shepard quickly brought his thoughts to heel when Joker asked his next question.
"The ground team is also wondering when you'll be doing your normal debrief, Commander."
"Right. Fuck. Alright, tell them to meet me in the comm room in thirty minutes." That should be just enough time to get cleaned up a bit. After the debrief, I should probably go see Chakwas and actually start the process of "recuperating" from my injuries.
Shepard looked around the room at the surviving members of his ground team. Wrex was staring steadily back at him, and Shepard could see that the krogan approved of Shepard's handling of the situation. If what I'm doing can even be called handling the situation. I just condemned one of my men to die, and now I have to try to convince the rest of the team that his death wasn't in vain. Liara's eyes were red, indicating that she had probably been crying for quite a while. Shit, this has gotta be really hard on her. I think she and Kaidan spent more time together than anybody on this boat besides maybe me and Tali. It felt like every time I turned around the two were buried in one scientific discussion or another. I probably should have made those two partners, what with how well they get on. But then neither of them would have had to grow up and get used to working with people outside their comfort zone. Oh shit; what if there was something going on between the two of them? Gods, I hope not. That sort of trauma could really mess Liara up. I'll have to keep an eye on her.
Garrus was staring a hole in the floor, attempting to deal with the loss of his teammate with his trademark turian stoicism. I wonder if Garrus's ever been on a team that suffered casualties before? Who am I kidding, even if you have it doesn't get any fucking easier. It still leaves a fucking hole in your chest you could drive a dreadnaught through. Doesn't matter if it's one guy or ten, the hurt always feels the same.
Tali had her head down, but Shepard could just make out the tiny movement of her shoulders that looked a lot like quiet sobbing. Being in that suit sucks probably 99.9% of the time, but this is probably one of the only times it isn't complete shit. It's gotta make grieving easier, right? What I wouldn't give to just be able to hide away from the world and let out the anger and frustration and sorrow that's roiling around in my gut. Somehow, I don't think that's a luxury I'll ever have again, now that I'm "humanity's first Spectre." Everybody's gonna look to me, they'll expect me to be their shining pillar of stoicism. I'd just like to point out that it fucking sucks. On the other hand, though, being locked inside a suit means Tali can never truly feel that personal contact that can make the pain lessen a little bit. Sure, I could give her a big ole hug right now, and it'd probably help; but there's none of that warm, skin-to-skin touching that really drives home the fact that we're all the same in times like these.
Ashley's emotions were unlike any of the others. She was staring at Shepard with barely suppressed anger. Actually, I think that may be just over the line from anger to rage. I get that she's angry; hell I am too; but why is she directing it at me? Oh wait, I bet she blames me for Kaidan's death. That would just be the icing on the fucking cake that is this day. I guess I may as well get this started. "So, we're all here. Good."
Instantly, the look in Ashley's eyes hardened and became something akin to pure loathing. Fuck. Poor choice of words, Spike. We're not all here, but there's as many of us as is possible right now. Can I say again how much I fucking hate losing soldiers under my command? "As you're all aware, we lost a team member on Virmire. So I'd like to start this meeting with a moment of silence for Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. His death will be hard on all of us, but he died nobly, and while actively taking the fight to Saren. I have no doubts that we will finish what he started, and ensure that he did not die in vain. Together, we will put an end to Saren's machinations." Once he had finished speaking, Shepard and his team lowered their heads and remembered their fallen comrade. After a long minute of paying their respects, the team all lifted their gazes to Shepard.
It's good to see that there's some determination behind all that sadness. Shepard thought, as he once again met the eyes of each of his team members. "I think we're all well aware of how the mission on Virmire went down. The important thing is that we put a stop to Saren's massive cloning/breeding operation. With his supply of krogan troops drying up, I think Saren will have to make his move soon. That's why, as soon as I get back to the Citadel, I plan on informing the Council that we're going after the Conduit. We need to get to Ilos first and either lock it down or destroy it. Either way, Saren's not getting his grubby paws anywhere near any more 50,000 year old tech."
"But, and this is important, we learned something else on Virmire, something critical. I know that only Tali and Garrus were with me to hear this firsthand, so I'm going to summarize the info for everybody." Shepard cast his gaze from one person to the next, making sure that he had everyone's undivided attention. "Sovereign, Saren's ship? It's an actual Reaper."
The reaction of the room's occupants was immediate. Tali and Garrus were the least bothered by this news, since they had heard Sovereign speak to Shepard live and in person. Nevertheless, the two dexto-based life forms still looked taken aback at being reminded of just how monumental their task had become. Of the remaining three team members, Ashley's expression changed the least. Everything about her tightened just that little bit more, but her eyes were still screaming out her desire to kill something, anything. As far as she was concerned, having an actual Reaper to shoot at just meant she could take out her anger for longer, on a more durable opponent.
Liara's reaction was at the complete other end of the spectrum. Sorrow, which had been her dominant emotion, was quickly replaced with fear. She, having studied the Protheans more extensively than anyone else in the room, had probably the second-greatest understanding of just what it meant to be going up against an actual Reaper. The only person who understood with greater certainty the odds now stacked against them was Shepard, who had lived the destruction of the Protheans within his own mind. The fact that they were now fighting against one of the monstrosities that had destroyed a galaxy-spanning race like the Protheans chilled the asari archaeologist to her bones.
Wrex was somewhere in between the two women who were just hearing about Sovereign's true origins. His eyes widened, and then narrowed, while his back straightened and his head rose proudly. This was a worthy opponent for a krogan battlemaster. A member of a race of machines that had managed to wipe out the pre-eminent civilization of the galaxy? If he was to die in battle, the way a krogan was meant to, then it was only right that an unstoppable force could be the only thing capable of overcoming him, the immovable object.
Shepard picked up his narrative again, before the team could get too distracted by thoughts of how such a thing was possible, and what their chances now looked like. "Look. I can see that we're all a little spooked by the fact that now we not only have to contend with a turian with delusions of grandeur - no offense, Garrus - but also a member of a mythical race with untold powers. Add in the fact that said ship can indoctrinate anybody, even an asari matriarch, and you're right to be wary. In fact, if you weren't afraid of Sovereign," here, Shepard looked directly at Ashley, "then I'd be worried about you.
But just because you're afraid of that monster, doesn't mean you're weak, or cowardly, or that you don't belong here with us." Shepard this time looked directly into Liara's eyes, sending as much confidence as he could directly into her soul. "In fact, it makes you the perfect person to be here. Only a fool would be unafraid of facing Sovereign, and no one here is a fool. To paraphrase a great English author, people sleep peacefully at night only because brave men and women stand ready to fight on their behalf. Bravery, courage, stones, audacity, cojones, dauntlessness, heroism; whatever your word for it, it is not the absence of fear. Instead, it is the recognition of fear, and pushing on in spite of it. Every single person in this room is brave, and courageous, and all those other words I just listed. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy; in fact, I'm pretty sure it'll be the opposite. But we will persevere, we will not give up, and we will kick the everlasting shit out of Sovereign, Saren, and anybody else that gets in our way! Agreed?"
Every member of the team raised their voice in assent. Looking around the room again, Shepard felt his spirits lift as he realized that his words had had a positive effect on his team. The men and women sitting around him, while not over their grief and fear, were no longer paralyzed by their negative emotions. Instead their faces were pictures of resolve, defiance, and just a hint of pride. Damn straight. This team is the stuff legends are made of. If I didn't hate Saren so much, I could almost pity him. He's pissed off the wrong fucking people. And Sovereign? Pfft. He - or is it it? Whatever - can think whatever the hell he/it wants to. Alright that's annoying. He's gonna be an it, from now on. It and Saren are probably sitting back right now with a cold beer, or whatever the freaky-metal-fish looking equivalent to a cold one is, thinking about how downtrodden we all are and how hopeless our cause is. Well, that and fitting Saren for an eyepatch. Ha ha ha, motherfucker.
Unfortunately for those two assholes, they don't know shit about us. If they thought we would just roll over and play dead, they are dead fucking wrong. Before Virmire, before they killed Kaidan, before Sovereign delivered his little monologue about how he was gonna win and there was nothing we could do about it, they may have been onto something. We were a good team, but we weren't great. Now, though, that's all changed. We are gonna put our collective boots so far up their fucking asses that they'll be gagging on leather. They went and made it personal. Sovereign taunted me, and then they had the gall to keep me from saving Kaidan. Those two bastards just sowed the seeds of their own destruction. Now there's no chance of winning. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I am going to personally escort them to the gates of hell, and my team is gonna be our honor guard. Drink up, motherfuckers, because it'll be your last.