Chapter 46
Shepard, Tali, and Garrus ran onto the bridge. "Alright Joker, we're back. Let's kick this pig!"
By the time Shepard finished speaking, Joker had already input the final command required to activate the Normandy's drive core, and was retracting the docking bay clamps. With the skill and steady hands of a master craftsman, the pilot gently pulled the ship away from her position within the Citadel and turned her nose towards the stars.
"Let's just take things easy, Joker. We don't want to do anything that would draw attention."
"Sure, Commander." Joker responded sarcastically. "And how exactly should I do that?"
"I don't know. Fly casual." Shepard grinned at the not-so-subtle twitch of his pilot's shoulders.
"Right." Joker snarked, before mumbling something that was unintelligible even to Garrus's superior hearing. "We should be at Ilos in about 3 hours, in case you wanted to do something constructive with your time. You know, like stop bothering me."
"Har har, Joker. No wonder the kids at school gave you that name. But I don't want us to go straight to Ilos. If we look like we're going somewhere else, hopefully we can keep the Council off-balance."
"Oh, man." Joker complained. "And just what did you have in mind, oh fearless leader?"
"I was thinking that we could take the relay to jump to Earth's cluster, which should definitely throw the Council for a loop. Then, just in case they can track us further than that, we jump to the Caleston Rift, then to Phoenix Massing, then Pylos Nebula, back through to Caleston Rift, to Hawking Eta, and finally to Ilos."
When Shepard had finished speaking, the other three inhabitants of the bridge were all silent, staring at him with varying looks of incredulity and shock.
"Anywhere else you'd like to go, Shepard?" Joker asked with a bit of venom. "Maybe swing by Omega for a bit of take out?"
"I don't think that'd be the best idea, Joker. After all, we don't want to give the Council too much time to catch up with us, do we?" His pilot responded by just opening and closing his mouth, looking remarkably like a dim-witted aquatic creature.
Seeing that there would not be a response for some time, Shepard decided to finish explaining his reasoning. "Look, the way I planned it out will probably take about 10-12 hours. As an aside, I'm nowhere near as good at this stuff as you are, Joker. Anyway, there are longer paths we could take, but I think it would end up taking closer to three-quarters of a day, or worse. I don't want to give Saren that much lead time, or the Council that much time to pull their heads out of their collective nether orifices and actually do something to slow us down. Plus, this window gives everybody enough time to rest up, get some high-energy food in 'em, and make sure everything is squared away for the mission. We have no idea what is waiting for us on Ilos, so I want everybody prepared to hit the ground running. That includes you, Joker; so once you get us through the first relay and have the new course laid in, make sure somebody relieves you and you get some rack time. Understood?"
Joker just nodded dumbly, still having trouble putting voice to the thoughts running wildly through his head.
"Good then." Shepard said. "Joker - keep doing what you're doing. Tali and Garrus - I'm gonna head down to my cabin and spend some time thinking. I can tell you know that you'll both be boots down with me once we get to Ilos, if you still want to." When his two companions nodded, he continued. "In that case, everything I said to Joker goes doubly or triply for you. Get some rest, get some chow, and do whatever it is you need to in order to be ready, mentally. If you need anything, just swing by my cabin."
His piece said, Shepard began walking aftwards. "Oh, and Garrus?" He called out, giving the turian a moment to realize he was being addressed directly. "I'd recommend that the mission report for our escape from the Citadel start something like this: The awesome and amazing Commander Shepard came up with a phenomenally brilliant tactical mission to free the Normandy and her crew from the clutches of the Council. Being the thick-headed party-pooper he was, the turian mission specialist doubted Commander Shepard's plan and abilities. Luckily for all involved, the Commander proved once again that he was smarter than any turian. This is how it went . . ." Shepard then proceeded to give a great big belly laugh as he walked away, never bothering to stop moving while giving Garrus a solid dose of well-earned bragging rights.
Shepard was stretched out on his bed, arms crossed behind his head, staring up at the ceiling when someone knocked on his door.
"Enter!" He called out, not bothering to stand up.
"Hi Shepard!" Tali's voice called out. "Are you okay?" She asked worriedly upon seeing him laying in repose.
"Of course." He answered, a small smile appearing on his face. "I'm just taking this opportunity to relax. I was hoping to fall asleep, but Morpheus appears to be unhappy with me."
"Morpheus?" Tali queried.
"Greek god of sleep or dreams." Shepard responded nonchalantly.
"Oh." Tali said, assimilating the new information. "If you're tired, I can come back later . . ." She trailed off, torn between wanting to stay and spend time with the Commander, and not wanting him to be tired when they went into battle.
"No, I'm fine." Realizing that he didn't sound convincing, Shepard tried again. "Really, Tali. I enjoy spending time with you." To prove his point, he sat up and motioned for her to join him on his bed.
Trembling slightly and with her fingers twisting themselves into knots at the familiarity of the gesture, Tali made her way over to sit next to the commander. Internally, a part of her was squealing in pleasure. I know that Spike doesn't see me that way, but I'm technically in bed with him! I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, that he'd welcome Liara or Ashley to do the same, but I can't help myself from daydreaming about what it would be like to be doing more than just sitting on his bed together. Control yourself, Tali'Zorah! Tali's inner voice suddenly sounded a bit more like her Aunt Raan. It doesn't matter if Spike wanted to do anything more than sit together, because you can't. A physical relationship with a non-quarian is out of the question. Quite aside from the sheer impossibility of it, think of what Father would say. I have no doubt that he would be extremely displeased were I to announce that I wanted to be romantically linked to a human. And that fails to take into account Spike's thoughts about me, which I doubt are romantic in any way. Although to be honest, I have noticed that he's been more tactile with me lately, even going so far as to initiate hugs and light touches. Could he be starting to see me as the young adult I am?
Before Tali could answer her own question, Spike's hand on her shoulder catapulted her consciousness back into the real world. "Tali?" His voice was concerned.
"What is it, Spike?" She answered, wondering at the cause of his concern.
"Are you okay? You've been zoned out for the past couple minutes. What's wrong?"
Underneath her helmet, Tali was blushing furiously. I feel like such a fool! Here I am sitting next to Spike on his bed, and instead of embracing the moment I'm spending my time wishing for more! Ancestors save me from myself! "I'm fine, Spike. Just thinking."
"Oh. What about?" He asked, innocently scooting closer until their thighs were touching.
Tali had to make a concerted effort to attempt to slow her racing heart, with limited success. "Nothing important, Spike." When she saw him go to question her further, she patted his thigh with one hand. Inwardly she cheered at being so forward. "Trust me."
Shepard was now the one devoting copious amounts of mental processing power to controlling his body's natural reaction to Tali's hand's placement. Keep it together, Spike! She doesn't realize what she's doing. She's not trying to seduce you, she's just trying to get you to trust her. Not that I can honestly say that I'd be against being seduced by her, but I should avoid reading any secondary meanings into such an honest action. So why isn't my body believing me? Bah. But on the plus side, if she's in a touchy-feely mood, that means I can be physical (only as a friend!) back to her. Putting his words into action, Shepard raised his right arm and wrapped it around Tali's shoulder, pulling her snugly against his side.
This feels nice. They thought in unison, both of them releasing a small sigh at the rightness of the feeling of being together.
Shepard broke the silence first. "You know, if somebody were to come in right now, they'd immediately jump to the conclusion that we're dating." And a large part of me is wishing that they'd be right.
"It would be the same on the Flotilla, Spike. We quarians aren't overly physical in our displays of affection outside of family units. Most of my people would assume that we were in pemla'tiyl."
"Ooh, I remember that!" Shepard exclaimed, trying, like men everywhere, to show that he'd been listening. "It's uh . . ." When Tali looked to be preparing to speak, Spike held his hand over the spot on her helmet that was roughly in front of her mouth. "Shush. I'll remember, just give me a second." Then it came to him in a rush, and he began reciting what he'd been told about the quarian mating process.
"Pemla'tiyl is the first of the three quarian bonding stages. In humanity's courtship process, it basically covers both dating and becoming each other's serious boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, though, the couple isn't compatible and just becomes friends.
But if the two quarians are compatible, their minds and bodies begin to transition into hecs'tiyl. Hecs'tiyl is like the engagement process for humans, and is usually the longest of the three stages. During this time period, the couple starts to act and react in terms of what would be best for both of them, together, rather than individuals. It's fairly rare that a couple that makes it to hecs'tiyl doesn't progress to the next stage of bonding, but it does occasionally happen.
The last bonding stage is when both quarians realize that they are incomplete without the other, called felz'tiyl. This occurs both mentally and physically, with their bodies becoming so 'in tune' with one another that they can read each other's thoughts and moods with almost perfect accuracy. The two quarian's 'happy' hormones will only work because of their other half, and their pheromones and other indicia of availability will no longer affect any quarian outside of the bonded couple. The only way to stop the bonding once a pair has reached this point is for one of them to die. And that's a crappy note to end on." Shepard said with a grimace.
Tali smiled broadly and enveloped Shepard in a massive hug, incredibly pleased at his knowledge of her people. Luckily for the commander, she missed the subtle movement of his hips to avoid having any part of the beautiful quarian come into contact with his obvious attraction to her. Pulling back a little, she looked up at him and asked him one more question. "And do you remember what the three stages are called when you translate them into English?"
Shepard's brow furrowed as he strained his memory for that little tidbit of info, which he was sure she had only mentioned once. "Ummm . . . Maybe?"
She laughed at his attempt at buying time. "And what do you think they are, Spike?"
"Crap. Busted" This made them both laugh. "I think it's something to do with heart, mind, and soul? Pathway to the heart, the mind, and the soul?" His voice pitched upwards at the end, indicating his lack of confidence in his answer.
Tali hugged him again. "That's right! But which one is which."
A string of made up curse words flowed through Shepard's mind. "Ah hell. I'm gonna go with pemla'tiyl is pathway to the mind, hecs'tiyl is pathway to the heart, and felz'tiyl is pathway to the soul. Oh, duh! I remember it goes that way because first you get to know somebody (using your mind), then you give them your heart, and lastly you feel like you're not complete without them (which is kinda like being without your soul). Right?"
Tali's hold tightened around Shepard's firm form. This man is amazing. If we were both quarian, I would have already been in pemla'tiyl with him. Even now, knowing that I could never have that sort of bonding commitment from him, if he offered to be pursue a relationship with me following the human norms, I'd agree to it in less time than it would take him to ask.
Shepard's voice pulled her to real life once again. "So, Tali. I never asked you before, but do you have any practical experience with the stages? I mean, you know all about my disastrous attempts at 'courting' women so I think it's only fair that you share." And there's my poorly-camouflaged attempt at finding out if I have competition. Wait, when did it become "competition," and not "asking about a friend's life?" Uh oh.
Tali, blushing once again, remained blissfully ignorant of the serious turn Shepard's thoughts had taken. It's like he's reading my mind! Instead of voicing that thought, she answered the one he had asked. "Ah, no, Spike. While living on the Flotilla, I never felt strongly enough about anyone to really start the the bonding process. Also, it is extremely rare, and somewhat looked down upon, for someone to get past the first stage before both parties have completed their Pilgrimage."
"Interesting." Shepard responded non-committally. And what was up with that "while living on the Flotilla" business? Does that mean she feels like starting pemla'tiyl with someone now? But that can't happen, because there's no other quarians onboard. Right? Oh god, what if it's Garrus? Maybe as a dextro he's compatible enough for the bonding process to work. Fuck. I love the guy like a brother, but if he and Tali get together, I'm gonna - Well, I don't know what I'll do, but I'll be doing it while being extremely pissed off. The more observant part of his brain finally kicked in and decided to contribute to the conversation. But what if it's not Garrus? You know she looks at you when she thinks you're not looking. You've seen her at it. And you do the same to her. So isn't it possible, somehow, that she feels the same way about you? Like she said, pemla'tiyl is just like being boyfriend/girlfriend; at least at the start. So why don't I take a chance and do something about it? Probably because I'm acting like a scared little bitch.
Shepard thought deeply about his next step for a brief moment. Ah, fuck it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. "Hey, Tal?" Control your voice, damn it! You sound like you're about to cry you bloody wanker.
"Yes, Spike?" What just happened? I felt him suddenly tense up, but now it's like he's unwinding a piece at a time.
"Erm. Well . . ." Just do it already, you bitch-ass motherfucker! "Look, Tali, don't take this the wrong way -"
At those words, Tali felt all of the warmth in her body leave her. No! Whatever he's going to say, I don't want to hear it! She instinctively started to pull away, before Spike's next words penetrated her audio pickups.
"But I can't help but feel like there may be more between us than simple friendship. Now I freely admit that I may be reading things completely wrong, and if I am, then as soon as we kill Saren I understand if you're on the next ship to the Fleet. But we're coming down to the end here, I can feel it, and I just - I had to take the chance. So if you're interested, maybe we could try being something more? We can call it pemla'tiyl, or courting, or dating, or whatever you feel comfortable with; I just want to know if you'd like to . . . try."