I don't own Roswell or any of its franchise.
BIG thanks to Marzmez the best beta I've ever had! Her corrections have made this a cohesive thing instead of a mess:D
A/N Well, sorry for the wait. Personal issues up the wazoo made it difficult to sit down and write. I hope you enjoy this second last chapter!
Michael's POV
It was in the middle of the night and their camp was silent – except for Kyle's soft snores from ten feet away, indicating he was exhausted after his watch.
Michael smirked, vowing to tease the human about it before turning his alert eyes back out on to their surroundings, keeping a vigilant watch. The smirk had vanished almost as fast as it had appeared; a feat that was nowhere near unusual anymore. None of them smiled much these days…
A moment later, he heard soft footsteps approaching and his bond thrummed as she drew closer. Frowning a little, Michael turned his head in the direction he could feel Maria coming from and waited silently. She hardly ever slept these days, but when he'd left her, she'd been fast asleep and he'd sort of hoped that it'd stay that way for a few more hours.
"Hey, Babe," he greeted Maria, who in turn gave a mere twitch of a smile. The sad thing was that it was the best she could manage these days – especially after their last fight with Khivar's men, where she'd been forced to use her power and in return now suffered from massive nightmares that echoed through to Michael, making him realize just how much his wife suffered in silence.
Without saying anything, she sat down next to him, huddling up to his larger body to get some warmth. Michael unceremoniously bent down took a small pebble and quickly transformed it into a soft blanket – something he and Max had begun to do early on in their war to keep from carrying too many bags in times of flight.
"Here," he softly offered and placed the blanket around his wife's bony shoulders,only for her to shrug it off and roughly place a part of the blanket over his shoulders, essentially cocooning them in their own little world of growing warmth.
"I want you to know," Maria said, after a few minutes of comfortable silence where Michael easily split his attention between his wife and surveilling the area, "that I love you more than anything. I love you so much that I just want to bask in the glory of it sometimes because the knowledge and security of our love is what's keeping me going most days."
Michael's heart stuttered with a growing dread, but expertly pushed it back, knowing that Maria wouldn't appreciate feeling his fear. "What brought this on?" he asked instead, gripping her tighter in the process as if making sure she wasn't about to vanish into thin air.
Maria sighed and wearily placed her head on his shoulder. "I just wanted you to know in case…I just wanted to know that you know without a shadow of a doubt that I love you. I don't show it all that much anymore, and these days you're more my caregiver than my husband and I know you've felt the brunt of my resentment for all of the weirdness that's happened to me over the years, but…"
Michael swallowed a lump of pure fear and looked down on his wife when he felt her turn her head toward him. The look in her eyes would give him nightmares for a long time. It was pure sadness, love, determination and bone-crushing exhaustion that met his eyes as Maria quietly finished, "I just need you to know that I love you, Michael. That's all."
Michael kissed the top of Maria's blonde head and did what he did best, ignored the feeling that something was completely wrong with his wife who was usually so strong and said the only thing he could think of, "I love you too, Baby."
Three weeks later, Michael was painstakingly digging his wife's grave by hand after she'd made him unable to follow her as she went with Liz to save Max – no amount of love stopping her from leaving him behind...
A car honked right outside of his window and Michael abruptly woke up with a startling clarity in his head, even as the last wisps of his dream-memory faded away into the nothingness he stored his memories at while awake.
It wasn't new to him to find himself waking up with another dream of the shadow of Maria that she'd become in their other life. He'd dreamt about her every night for two weeks, ever since she'd stormed out of Tess' house with Liz and Alex running after her.
With a heavy sigh, Michael sat up, rubbing a hand through his hair – A quick look around told him that Kyle hadn't come back that night either, preferring to stay with Tess apparently.
Not that I blame the guy, Michael thought as he made his way to the bathroom to get ready for school. If I had the opportunity I'd do the same in a heartbeat.
Fifteen minutes later, Michael locked his crappy apartment's door behind him and walked the short distance to Max and Isabel's house.
As he neared his family's home, Michael watched with a mixture of fond amusement and crushing jealousy as Max exited the Evans' front door with his cell phone at his ear and an unusually large smile on his face. Isabel followed with an equally happy expression plastered on her face and Michael had to use all of his strength to wipe the small sneer of his face when she looked away from her brother and noticed Michael waiting for them.
"Michael, hey!" She greeted, and brushed past her brother, who sent a casual wave Michael's way before refocusing on his conversation with who Michael had no doubt was Liz.
Isabel reached him, and when her smile began to falter, Michael realized he wasn't looking as unaffected as he wanted, so he forced a small twitch on his lips, not wanting to spoil their happiness just because his own love life was in the dumps at the moment.
"Still no word from her, huh?" Isabel asked, barreling right past all of Michael's carefuly setup (of)delete walls. She's always been too good at reading me, he thought tiredly and just nodded mutely, before making his way to the Jeep where Max was now waiting, the cell phone blissfully nowhere in sight.
"Let's just go, okay?"
To his climbing frustration, Michael soon realized that Max wasn't going to honor his request and put on a scowl just for his friend. "What?"
Max ran a hand through his hair and just gave him that deep and soulful look that meant he was getting ready to breach the area that involved feelings and Michael was not in the mood for it. Straightening up, he all but growled silently for a second and then threw out his ultimatum, "Start the car and take us to school, or I'm getting out and finding something better to do today. It's not like I actually need to be there to graduate or anything…"
The part of him that was connected with Maria screamed out in fear, not in the least bit willing to forego any small chance he had of laying eyes on her that day, but outwardly, Michael stayed firm and calm, waiting for Max to make his move.
Another long moment went by, before Max sighed heavily and started the engine without a single word. Isabel looked like she didn't know whether to roll her eyes or give him a comforting pat on the back. Fortunately for Michael's strenuous hold on his temper, she did neither and just leaned back and watched the scenery pass by as they finally made their way to the school.
0o0o0
A few hours later, Michael was downright twitching with agitation. He'd suffered through two boring classes with Max and Isabel's searching and pitying eyes throughout it all. And now I've gotta suffer through another with a fucking empathy queen.
The glare he sent in Alex's direction when the lanky teen walked up to the empty seat next to him stopped him mid-step. It took another student's push from behind to finally get him moving again.
Inwardly, Michael enjoyed the fact that underneath everything, Alex's respect and or fear of him still ruled him every now and again. The part of him that wanted to remind Michael that his human friend hadn't even said anything and he really shouldn't be such a jerk was firmly pushed aside with a metaphorical beat down.
Alex's half-smile interrupted Michael's internal battle and he couldn't keep his damn emotions from being all curious, which led to Alex actually opening his mouth.
"Dude," he whispered, just as the teacher entered, "the feelings you're going through right now are worse than the entire women's softball team on PMS…Just putting it out there."
"Shut up," was the brilliant reply that Michael managed before the teacher cleared his throat and forced them to – if not pay attention to him then at least keep quiet for the next little while.
When the period ended, Alex hurried to his feet and stepped in front of Michael before he even finished throwing his stuff back in to his bag. "Don't start," Michael ordered, suddenly having extreme difficulty with keeping his emotions in check.
"Whoa asshole, move it so the trailer trash doesn't infect us normal people," a voice drawled mockingly, and Michael had to use all his already limited patience to not turn around and clock the speaker, who he'd immediately recognized as Johnny, Kyle's former jock-friend.
To his great surprise, and everyone else present as well, Alex was the one who reacted to the childish taunt, and with a lot more anger than he'd ever done when it came to his own mockery.
"Keep your mouth shut, Johnny-boy before I shut it for you!"
The picture of the taller Alex, all but snarling at the stockier Johnny – coupled with the instinctive submissive moving back a few steps that everyone immediately did – made Michael want to smile a little.
Who knew that underneath everything, Alex is a badass, Michael thought, grinning a little when a memory of the teenage boy hitting him once upon a time flew into his mind, oh, right; I kinda already knew that…
"Dude, chill out, Man," Johnny mumbled, after a long moment of hesitation. He nodded to his friends and they all quickly made a beeline for the door, obviously choosing wisely for once in their lives.
"That was sort of awesome," Michael admitted, slinging his bag over his shoulder, deciding to stay.
Alex looked a little chagrined, his good-natured persona slowly drifting back into his expression. "Yeah, sorry about that," he ran a hand through his hair sheepishly, "I guess you projected a little too much for a second there. But I'll admit it was kinda nice finally saying something to that jerk. He's a bully, you know."
Remembering how the jock had cornered him in the computer lab a few months earlier, trying to humiliate him came to Michael and he just shrugged, "Yeah, he's a douche. Look, I'm not really interested in talking about serious crap today." Or ever, his subconscious added sourly, but Alex merely smiled.
"I knew you'd say that and I totally respect it, so that's why I'm just gonna invite you to the quad for lunch with Isabel and I…and Max and Liz…And Kyle and Tess…"
"Right, couple central," Michael muttered, feeling trapped because the last thing he needed was another reminder that he was the odd man out. He'd felt that way all through his original schooling, so he wasn't really into a repeat performance in front of his friends and family. "I was gonna…err, go to the library and—"
Alex interrupted quickly, "Don't lie, I honestly don't think you even know where that place is," he barely dodged a punch to the shoulder for that remark and continued on with a small smile, "but seriously, Michael, we want you there, you're a part of the group and even though there's a little hiccup right now with Maria, you shouldn't be alone. Especially when you're hurting and I know that better than anyone, so don't even try another lie."
Michael fidgeted a little uncomfortably, picking at a loose thread on his backpag to avoid looking at his friend. A few minutes went by in awkward silence until Michael said the only thing he could at the moment, "your powers suck, you know that?"
Alex grinned, "Absolutely. Now come on, Isabel's mom packed a huge lunch for her today and she promised to share and I'm starving."
Rolling his eyes in defeat, Michael listlessly followed, trying not to look for Maria with each passing step.
It didn't take many minutes before Michael had to fake an urgent need for the bathroom. He didn't need Alex's powers to feel the sheer happiness and contentment that his friends were giving off. It made him a little nauseous and he had to get away before he threw a fit or did something as idiotic and out of character as breaking down into tears, begging for them to help him get Maria back into his life before he lost his ever-loving mind completely.
He was followed by Max, whose bladder mysteriously seemed in need of release the exact same time Michael got up to leave. Fortunately, for Michael's peace of mind, the former king was wise enough not to say anything, but he did send his fair share of concerned looks on the way to the toilets.
Michael was so busy trying to ignore Max's looks, while battling a severe longing to smack him in the head, that he didn't immediately notice Maria was a mere fifteen feet away from him.
He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and automatically looked in the direction to gauge any and all threats as he always did after his experiences with the war, only to lock eyes with a cold-faced Maria.
She looks angry, Michael thought, unable to look away even for a second as he tried processing what that meant. I can't feel her anger right now, but she looks pissed off at me…Has she cut the bond? Michael's instant wave of horror at the mere thought of their connection being damaged in any way must have travelled over to Maria's side, because she suddenly flinched a little and the resentful expression was mixed with a little bit of confusion and worry.
"Oh thank God," Michael whispered, sending as much love and comfort as he could, taking the opportunity to let his love know that no matter what she believed Maria was – and would always be – everything to him.
Sadly it seemed that the message wasn't well received. Maria's expression closed off again within seconds, and with one last scathing look at him and an even worse one for Max, she turned in the opposite direction and left without saying a word. It was as if they were now completely beneath her. The pain of rejection rushed through Michael, and he all but crumbled to the floor.
Max slid down next to him, talking loudly about something inane to draw the interest away from the unusual behavior of the school's loner, "I'm sorry." He said after a little while of silence.
Michael just shrugged, discreetly wiping at his eyes to see if any wayward tears had managed to leak out of his eyes despite his best efforts. "Don't be," he replied with a heavy sigh. "I get her reaction; I just have to give her some time to process."
The two brothers sat quietly together for another long moment until Liz came looking for them. Again, Michael had to fight off that part of him that was more or less howling with jealousy at the sight of pure, innocent joy that lit up Max and Liz's faces as soon as they were near each other.
They deserve to be happy, Michael forcibly reminded himself, Max hasn't smiled like that since before Liz died to save him. Stop being an ass, Guerin and be happy for your best friend's good luck, 'cause you know you don't really want that shadow that Maria was to come back to this time. She'll break or probably go insane just by being around all this teenage angst. And on top of that your temper can't handle that kind of Maria again, she'll just end up leaving you in the end like she did before…
Michael sent his surroundings a glare as if just being in a high school was offensive to his sensibilities all of the sudden. Liz's voice brought him back to the present and he looked up at her when she came to a stop in front of Max.
"Did you guys talk to Maria?"
Next to him, Max shook his head and the concentrated look on his face, coupled with the look of dawning realization on Liz's expression told Michael that Max was bringing her up to speed on what had just happened.
"I'm not weak," Michael blurted out, interrupting whatever moment the two lovers were sharing, "I don't need you guys to keep an eye on me all the time. I'm just gonna give Maria her space and eventually she'll be pissed off enough to confront me or you guys and things will smooth themselves out again."
Max got to his feet, holding out a hand to hoist him up while Liz crossed her arms and looked seriously at him. "Michael," she began quietly, "I know I'm still a little wobbly since merging completely with my old self, but I do know some things and what's more important, my friend, I know you. There's no doubt in my mind that you're just as mad at Maria these days, or at least getting there."
"Mad?" Michael scoffed, grabbing the handle on his bag and slung it back onto his shoulders, "what do I have to be mad about? I'm not the one that's been lied to and/or kept in the dark. Like I said, I get where she's coming from and I'll respect her wishes until she's ready. I'd appreciate it if you all did the same."
Liz smiled, the mature edge to it looking completely at odds with the youth of her features. "Don't try and con me, Mike. I've known you a long time, and I've known Maria forever. I remember our past life now, don't forget that. I was there during the days of Maria's depression and I know what it did to you. You can't tell me that there aren't some residual emotions there in the face of her reaction now? If you even try, I could always bring in Alex for a more in depth analysis."
The dream that he'd had just that morning seeped into the forefront of Michael's mind, and he gritted his teeth. For the first time, he truly hating the fact that the Liz from their original lives was back. She's always known me too well…
"Liz, just leave me alone. I'm dealing with enough right now, without you Dr. Philing me," Michael ordered, brusquely pushing past Max, making his way to the exit. He'd had enough of school and well-meaning friends for one day.
I don't know what she's talking about, he thought, all but jogging down the steps to the parking lot, I'm not mad at Maria. I understand her better than anyone, and unlike the rest of them I'm gonna wait until she's ready to come to me for explanations. I'm not gonna risk ruining the only chance of happiness I've got left. I'm not mad at Maria…
Michael turned in the direction of his apartment and firmly ignored the tiny part of him that didn't quite believe his own statement.
Maria's POV
"Maria…"
The voice and the person it belonged to no longer got any kind of response, but it didn't make it stop.
"Maaarrriiiaaaa…."
Maria took a deep breath and calmly continued on with her work, taking finished orders from José and delivering them without even once acknowledging the annoyance that was Liz, who was sticking to her like glue.
"Here you go, Sir," Maria put on her fake happy-to-serve-expression, dumped the plate in front of her customer and turned to take a new order from a young couple that had just walked in. Liz followed her, once again calling for her to reply. It took everything in the blonde not to throw her order-pad in her best friend's face.
Except, Maria thought, absentmindedly greeting the new customers, I can't really call her that anymore, now can I? She's not the same Liz I grew up with anymore – she's someone else that I can't even begin to grasp the complexities of and so are Mi…So are all the other Czechoslovakians and I don't like it any more now than when I first found out.
Remembering how she'd found out the truth about all the secrets that had been kept from her, Maria had to work extra hard to keep a scowl from appearing on her face. I think, she thought as she hurried over to José with her new order, expertly ignoring Liz in the process, that's what hurts the most. Not the secrets themselves, but the way I found out about them. They only told me 'cause I accidentally heard it, they weren't going to tell me anything originally and that's not what friends do. Friends share."
"Maria?"
Jeff Parker's voice cut through Maria's thoughts and she flinched, almost spilling her tray of sodas on her boss. "What?"
Judging from the small cringe the only father-figure in her life couldn't quite keep off his face, Maria realized that she'd all but growled at him. With a little more effort, Maria managed to put on a half-way sincere smile on her lips and looked up at her boss more closely.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Parker. What did you want? I'm kinda busy right now; there are a lot of orders to be taken and so many ketchup bottles to refill."
Mr. Parker nodded, but he still had an air of confusion around him, so Maria stayed put, sending a glare of epic proportions to the side behind him where Liz was just standing with an expression that told its clear tale of her being a lot older than she looked. That's another thing that keeps creeping me out, Maria decided, barely forcing back a shudder of unease, she's way older than me – it's like she could be a friend of my mom's instead of me. I don't get why she just doesn't leave me alone and let me stay miserable and betrayed.
"Look," Mr. Parker's voice cut through all of Maria's bubbling anger and despair and she quickly looked back up at her employer when he continued solemnly, "I've noticed that lately, you and my daughter are going through some things. I can't fault your effort here at work, quite the opposite in fact," he grinned a little, but hurried on seriously when he was met with the blank stare of the angry teenager. "But, I've known you practically your whole life and I don't like seeing you like this. So…emotional."
Maria couldn't keep her glare from reigniting at his words, and she angrily put her tray down on the nearest table and then crossed her armsbefore softly speaking again, "Me being emotional or not isn't the problem in question here," Mr. Parker subtly took a step backwards, clearly able to sense his impending doom if he didn't, "the problem is Liz and the way she's acted lately. I don't like being lied to and if you don't think I'm handling things well despite my "emotions", I just have one more thing to say …I quit."
With those words, Maria promptly teared off her antennas and all but threw them at Mr. Parker before storming into the backroom to clear out her locker and change into her own clothes.
Fuming, and feeling exceedingly close to tears of fury, Maria wasted no time at all undressing, throwing her uniform at the couch with all her might. She ignored the confused looks from Agnes and Isabel, who'd both been interrupted in the middle of changing into their uniforms for their own shifts when she'd barged in.
Considering how long Maria had worked at the Crashdown, it took a pathetically short while to gather her meager belongings. So short in fact, that she'd already finished and turned to leave when Liz finally made her appearance.
"Maria!"
Without missing a beat, Maria ignored Liz's call and just jogged out the backdoor and into the alley to the street where she continued in a brisk walk toward her place. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Liz would come after her, and Maria preferred as much distance between them as she could manage.
She was so absorbed in escaping her best friend– former best friend, the bitter part of her pointed out coldly - that she didn't notice where she was going and a moment later, Maria walked straight into someone.
The strength of the collision made Maria tumble backwards awkwardly, and she would've fallen completely on her back if it weren't for two strong hands darting out to grab her mid-fall.
The second the touch connected from Maria's skin to her brain, she didn't even have to look up to recognize who'd saved her from making a fool out of herself.
"Let go of me, Michael," she growled, already ripping her arms out of his grip and stepping back. Her guts were playing twister, one part of her dying to just step back into the embrace she knew he'd give her if she let him know she was longing for it. It took a little more effort than she would've liked, but eventually, Maria found her bitchy self again and raised her brow mockingly.
"Are you following me around? Don't you have more important things to worry about? I mean some sort of intergalactic shenanigan that could make Captain Kirk drool with envy or something?"
Before Michael could respond, Liz finally reached them and Maria's temper had a new target to focus on. For once she was too exhausted to care about keeping her emotions in check, too hurt to keep pretending that their lying hadn't wounded her more than anything.
The look she sent Liz must have portrayed a little of that hurt, because the brunette cringed ever so slightly, eying a stoic-looking Michael out of the corner of her eye.
"Don't look at him," Maria ordered, glaring her down, "he's not important – what's important is that you need to leave me the hell alone, Liz! I'm not interested in listening to more of your spiel about the greater good or whatever while you keep even more crap from me. I don't know if anything you'll ever say again will get me to trust you. I obviously have none of your respect."
"Now hold on—" Liz tried, but she was ruthlessly interrupted by Maria, who just scoffed and spoke over her.
"Like I said, you clearly don't respect me or my wishes otherwise you'd have listened when I asked you to leave me be the first time. So I'm just gonna say it again, leave me alone – you don't owe me anything, you're not the girl I grew up with, you're sure as hell not my best friend anymore!"
The flash of genuine hurt on Liz's face nearly made Maria sick to her stomach, but she pushed it down and turned to leave. Only, she barely made it a few steps before Michael had taken a firm, yet gentle hold of her arm again. He didn't say anything, just held her there for a few seconds before he practically barked, "We need to all calm down. Liz, call Max and the others and tell them to meet at my place 'cause this ends tonight. I'm sick of this crap and you," his eyes burned back into Maria, who was suddenly overwhelmed with the transference of his chaotic emotions through their bond and unable to get any words out at the downright domineering glower he sent her, "you're coming with me and I don't wanna hear another peep outta you until I've had my say."
The next thing she knew, Maria was being all but dragged down the street to Michael's apartment and all of her anger seemed to have been momentarily frozen inside of her as she followed along meekly.
0o0o0
I feel like my mom just caught me stealing one of her condoms, Maria thought, pretending that the awkward stares and growing tension in the room wasn't getting to her. Any minute now there's going to be a lecture of some sort, followed by a "we all love you." It's enough to make me sick to my stomach.
Maria licked her lips, not able to wholly hide her unease. Especially since Michael had yet to look at her since he'd practically dumped her on his ratty armchair. He'd sat down on the edge of the coffee-table in front of her, waiting silently for Liz to arrive with the others in tow.
It hadn't taken long, but to Maria, who was the object of Michael's smoldering stares, it had felt more or less like time without end.
"Well," Liz spoke up from her place right next to Max on the couch, "I guess we're all waiting for you now, Michael."
Michael cleared his throat, finally breaking his hold on Maria by looking over at the brunette and nodding. "Yeah."
Maria did her best to act like she wasn't the least bit interested in what he had to say, scanning the others grumpily instead. Kyle sat on the kitchen counter with Tess leaning up against his front, looking like she belonged there. The sheriff's son was unusually somber-looking and it was a little freaky since Maria still expected him to crack immature jokes to break the awkwardness in the room.
Well, she amended silently, he's not really been that jolly of a guy for a while. Especially since he got those mojo powers… Maria's eyes travelled over to Isabel and Alex, who were downright cuddling on the other end of the couch, and looking wholly unapologetic about it as well.
Max and Liz, well, Maria didn't really need to look at them to know that they were holding hands and keeping each other calm and collected through their bond. A part of Maria was able to admit that she kinda envied her friend the closeness she'd gained with the dark-haired Evans when her memories returned, but as long as she didn't say it out loud it didn't count, Maria decided and finally looked back at a serious-looking Michael.
The moment she met his gaze, Michael jumped into an explanation as if he'd only been waiting for her to look back at him.
"Ever since you found out about the truth in the way you did," Michael quickly glanced over at Liz, who was looking a little dejectedly down at the floor, clutching Max's hands in her own, "you've been a bitch."
"What?" Maria gaped, her earlier anger moving into befuddlement and she had half-raised her hand to slap her idiot sort-of boyfriend over the head when Michael continued calmly.
"It's true, Maria, but to be honest, I don't give a crap about that anymore. At first I was sorry and wanted nothing more than listen and support you through your bad days. I was ready to talk to you about everything, but you rejected not only my attempts but everyone else's as well. I get it, but things won't change back now – no matter how much you complain. Your petty jealousy is not only useless, but immature and childish too."
"Well, apparently," Maria interjected before Michael could add more fuel to her fire, "I am immature and childish compared to most of you, right? I think Liz told me you were in your late thirties or something, so basically you're ancient and I've got every right to bitch and moan like a child, because that's what I am."
Michael's expression closed off, became blank, but through their – albeit muted – bond, Maria could easily feel his growing frustration with her and for some reason she reveled in it, wanting nothing more to make him snap.
"Even though Alex and Tess," Maria looked over at them as she mentioned them, glancing briefly at Kyle as well before scowling right back at Michael, "and Kyle, sort of, are my age, they were given enough respect to learn the truth up front and without any talking down, but oh no, not me, the crazy DeLuca kid, and I wanna know why? Do you all think I'm a loose cannon, too stupid to understand the seriousness of the whole thing? That just because it took me a while to get over myself when it came to getting my own powers? Maybe they'll show up soon and then I can prove to all of you that I'm not weak!"
Inwardly, Maria was a little confused at the immediate tension her words provoked, especially in Michael and Liz. As if her with powers would be more horrible than anything else they'd faced together, and a wave of genuine hurt rushed through her at the thought that just maybe they simply didn't trust her with any of that Czechoslovakian mumbo jumbo.
Michael's next words seemed to nail the thought into her like her own insecurity hadn't quite managed yet, and for one short second, Maria wanted to cry at the injustice of it all.
"Over my dead body are you getting powers, Maria!"
"Screw you, Michael Guerin – in fact, screw all of you!" Maria practically screamed as she jumped to her feet. "Sitting there on your high horses, judging me and finding me lacking – I'm worth so much more than this crap. I don't have to take this, I'm leaving."
She didn't get more than maybe three steps, before Liz stood in front of her and Michael was etched up against her back, preventing her from getting out of the apartment and away from the sad looks of her former friends.
"Move, Liz." Maria demanded quietly, trying to adopt the cold expression she'd seen on Michael's face earlier.
"I'm sorry, Maria," Liz said, ignoring her request, "ever since you walked out of Tess' place, I've felt like a complete jerk. It hurts me that you think I don't trust you, you're everything to me, don't you know that? Even though you don't feel like it right now, I'm still Liz, I'm still the girl who helped you shoplift your first tampons because you knew your mom couldn't afford another expense that month, I'm still the girl that went back inside and paid the clerk despite your stubborn pride when you hyperventilated with guilt the second we walked out of that store. You're still my best friend, Maria. Always have been and always will be. I hope you'll see that again someday. I know that I have a lot to make up for, and I handled things wrongly, but you have to understand something too. The Maria I remember wasn't happy, and it broke our hearts every day, and we just wanted you to live as normal a life as we could manage. I'm truly sorry."
The speech made Maria's eyes burn with unshed tears, but she used all of her strength to push aside her instinctive urge to embrace Liz, making every hurtful thing between them vanish, at least for a few minutes. Instead, she just gave an awkward half-shrug and stepped around Liz toward the door without a word.
Suddenly, just as her hand reached for the door handle, Michael spun her around roughly, grabbing the sides of her face with his big, callused hands. "I'm so sick of all of this! If you wanna be included and see how great you were in the other life we had, I'm damn well gonna show you."
Out of the corner of her eye, Maria saw Isabel, Kyle and Alex lean forward with hesitation written all over them. Max just stared with disquieting calm as if he'd always known it would end like this. And then, in time with her next inhale, Maria didn't have any more opportunities to notice anything else than what Michael was ruthlessly showing her through their connection.
Images upon images rushed into her mind, burying her in a pit of relentless despair, fear and bitterness that was choking the life out of her even as she just kept standing immobile with Michael sweat-clammy hands on her pallid face.
There werebattles going on all around them, filled with screams of anger and screams of agony, and Maria knew she was seeing things through Michael's eyes – especially since he was standing behind someone that could only be her.
Her hair was in disarray.It was speckled with blood as if she'd stood in front of an exploding person at one point. Her fingers were bony and looked like they were cutting into a tall, muscular man's face as he kneeled placidly on the ground in front of her.
"No, no, no, please don't. Please stop!" the man gurgled, blood leaving his mouth in spatters as he begged and pleaded for his release. "Just kill me," he screamed and from Michael's memory Maria knew that her eyes were pure white as they stared mercilessly into the man's bleeding eyes. A moment later they unceremoniously exploded out of his face and she dropped the body seemingly without a care and turned around haphazardly and there were now tears streaking down her ashen face. "W-What happened? What did I just do?" she asked hoarsely just before passing out.
Another scene flashed by, Maria sitting quietly on the ground in some unfamiliar cave, staring at a smokeless fire without really seeing it. The plate of food in her hands remained untouched, and Liz's worried voice echoed in the cave, "You gotta eat, Maria. You're skin and bones. Please, you need to keep your strength up. Michael won't say anything, but he's scared too. Just look at him, he hasn't stopped staring at you since he gave you the food."
The sad excuse of a smile that erupted on Maria's lips was weak at best, and she quickly gave it up. "You know I'm never really hungry after using my powers," she muttered, her voice hoarse from disuse. "You can have it, Liz, if you want. I'll get something later…"
"Maria," Liz's tone was broken, but seemed to realize that the battle was lost and stepped back toward the part of the cave where she slept next to Max.
"It's okay," Maria muttered, meeting her husband's gaze, "I'm okay, Spaceboy – Just getting used to the awesome power I've got. Go to sleep."
A very thin Maria was throwing up next to the body of a woman, who looked like she'd been walking home with groceries from the local shop. Michael's hands were shaking when they landed on her bony shoulders. Maria's groan froze them for a second before she spoke and then he removed them.
"Don't touch me, Michael," she said and spat out the last bits of her only ingested meal that day, "I'm dangerous."
"Shhh," Michael's arms quickly enveloped her smaller frame, ignoring her feeble attempts at escape, "look at me, Baby," he asked when her eyes remained closed tight.
"Don't wanna," she whispered, tears leaking out from between the closed lids without any restraint. "I don't wanna risk losing you. I'm a freak, I'm not safe and you should put me out of my misery before I end up harming another innocent person like this."
Michael didn't know what to say to make things better, and Maria continued tearfully, "I just killed an innocent woman, who was kind enough to look me in the eye and smile as she said good evening, Michael! Her biggest fear was dying without having done something worthwhile, she wanted to be doctor, Michael, a kid's doctor. I'm a horrible person; I deserve to die more than all of us put together for what I've done. You know she's not the first one I've accidentally killed. I hate this, I hate it, I just want it to stop. Please, make it stop!"
For the first time since Michael started force feeding his memories into her, Maria felt things from her other self's point of view, and an unpleasant nausea started as the emotions of guilt, despair and complete and utter self-hatred that rolled through her continuously.
For a second, Maria was utterly certain that she was going to do as her other self did and throw up right then and there all over Michael's sneakers…and then, something changed that when she thought about it later, totally blew Maria's mind.
It started with a fog, sneaking subtly in through the corners of her mind into her mindscape, blurring another heart wrenching memory of Michael being put under her powers so she could go help Liz save Max. The fog slowly thickened and tiny wisps of mist seemed to reach out to her, calling for Maria to follow. Without any real conscious thought, too damn inundated and confused by all she had seen, Maria tried to enter the fog. It was like stepping through a spider web, its sticky residue making her want to scratch even though her rational mind quickly pointed out that one couldn't scratch the mystical whatever-it-was that she was under, thanks to Michael.
A second later, Maria broke through the heavy fog and froze immediately at the sight before her. Realistically, she knew that her physical body was standing in Michael's living room, crowded by all its occupants, watching the two of them with wide and serious eyes as Michael did his best to show her what he'd never wanted her to know. But all Maria could comprehend at that moment was the fact that she seemed to actually be corporeal and inside what appeared to be a shabby house, probably long she looked closer.
The room had one occupant who was standing vigil by a shaded window, watching the night's traffic soar by. "Oh my God," Maria whispered as her eyes took in the other person's emaciated frame and unkempt hair.
Her words caused an instant reaction, and Maria watched…well, she watched herself spin around from the window and fall into what seemed like a much practiced battle stance.
A car drove by, its lights momentarily illuminating the window and darkening the older Maria long enough for the younger one to break out of her frozen mind and into a state that suited her style a lot more: Utter panic.
"Nononono! This is too weird, even for me," she whimpered, backing away from the motionless woman in front of her, who was silently watching her retreat until she hit a wall and was stopped entirely. "Look," Maria bargained, "how about you don't look at me and I pretend I'm not scared like a little girl having her first nightmare and Michael somehow gets me outta here, right now?!"
The last part was all but screamed out and Maria fully expected whatever mojo that Michael had used to answer to her and end this madness, except nothing happened.
"Michael?" OldMaria, as the younger one bluntly named her inside her head, asked, an inquiring tone to her voice that clearly stated that she wanted some answers as soon as possible or else…
"Err…Yeah, you know, Czechoslovakian, tall, spiky hair –when he remembers to do it anyway –impulsive –tends to glare..."
There was a short pause during which Maria held her breath in fear until OldMaria unexpectedly straightened out of her battle stance and broke into a gravelly laugh. "That's about right, yeah. So I guess you're not entirely alien then. Who are you?"
Maria fidgeted, looking everywhere but at OldMaria's face, not really in the mood to find out what her biggest fear truly was. "Uhm, well…I'm you, I guess."
OldMaria didn't say anything and Maria chanced a glance and caught the image of raised brows of disbelief. "Oh what the hell," Maria sighed and managed to explain everything in ten minutes, leaving the older version of her looking completely gobsmacked if the loose hanging jaw was anything to go by.
"You can look at me, you know," OldMaria's tone was sad, but truthful as she continued quietly, "I've learned some control over the years. I understand if you don't believe me, but—"
Maria looked up and caught her older self's weary gaze. It took everything in her not to gasp at the sight. OldMaria looked exhausted and for one brief second, Maria wondered if she should even be standing up as frail as she looked, but then OldMaria spoke and momentarily distracted her thoughts.
"So basically some Czechish weirdness, combined with your temper tantrum put you here."
Maria wanted to give an indignant huff, but realized that her normal antics wouldn't work or even impress a little. Instead she just rubbed her dry eyes and shook her head in incomprehensible agreement.
OldMaria's lips gave a twitch that vaguely resembled a smile, and added, "From what you're telling me, things will eventually work out. You'll go back and forgive them all because deep down you already have, you're just making a point and I can't say I'm not jealous, but I guess this way is the only way where things work out and this stupid war ends…" Her parody of a smile vanished back into the usual frown lines as she continued softly, making Maria's heart ache with phantom pains, "I'm tired of losing all my friends and family. At least this way we all get our happy ending."
"Y-You're different than I thought," Maria whispered and the old woman, because that's more or less what she had become now, smiled a much more heartfelt smile and nodded.
"Honestly, I'm happy. You've given me answers that I didn't know I wanted, but desperately longed for. Having you here gives me hope for a life without bloodshed and innocent lives lost…Have you been healed by Max?"
Maria nodded, and OldMaria sighed, her eyes radiating pity and worry, "If you get them before you're done with school, don't look at your…No, forget it - just beg Tess and the others to block them for you somehow. Liz, Serena and I worked out that she was the one ingredient missing to help me years ago. Having the Fourth would've completed their strength, the Royal Connection, and made it possible for me to not get them. Even though, I kinda still find it hard to believe that she's not a killing betraying skank in your time, I'll kiss the damn Devil himself to avoid killing anymore innocent people. Just…please, you don't want that either."
"I'm sorry you had to go through life like this," Maria muttered, not really knowing what to say, but the other woman merely shrugged.
"Don't be- truth be told, I can't deny it's come in handy from time to time, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna lose it. I mean we're all on edge lately, Max has been taken by Khivar's sadistic second-in-command and I'd like nothing more than to march out and get him back, staring Caden right in the eyes the whole time, but still…"
"Wait," Maria frowned, trying to remember every last bit of information Liz and Alex had given her back when she'd still had the patience to listen to their story, and the blurry memory from mere minutes ago filtered through to her. "Max's been taken? That-That means you're gonna…" She trailed off, suddenly too scared to say another word in case all her Back-To-The-Future knowledge happened to be true and changing the past would bring horrible consequences to her own life.
She shouldn't have bothered, because like it or not, OldMaria was her in every way and had already guessed what was gonna happen to her. "Oh," she exhaled a deep breath, "so that's how it happens."
A long moment went by in awkward silence, until OldMaria suddenly grinned manically and that, more than anything, freaked Maria out. "Well, that's great… really. I heard Liz muttering something about mounting a rescue a few hours ago before leaving to prepare our route to one of our other safe houses. Knowing what I do now, I can help her and not worry about leaving Michael behind. In the end everything will work out for the best and he'll be happy again. Thank you, Maria, you've given me a lot more peace than I've had in years, probably more than I deserve after what I've done."
"Maria," a deep, familiar voice broke through their conversation and both of them froze with fear in their hearts.
"Michael," they both whispered in tandem and looked frantically at each other. Then, Maria felt a resounding inner pain that broke out from within her and travelled through her entire body. She managed a choked groan and one last look at OldMaria, who no longer looked fearful, but a little bit happy even. In the exact second that Maria spotted the shadow of an older looking Michael appearing in the doorway, staring at OldMaria with concern, everything turned black.
Until she reopened her eyes and locked gazes with her Michael.
They stared silently at each other even as several voices around her told Maria that whatever the hell it was that she'd just experienced, Michael and her had gone through it together without anyone being able to do much of anything.
"Be quiet," Michael ordered without looking away from her and blissful silenced fell over the room. The others were confused and a little bit scared at what must have seemed like some sort of shared seizure, but Michael and Maria were calm.
A pure sense of confused relief coupled with profound sadness and growing understanding seeped into Maria's side of the bond. Without really knowing how she did it, she thought out to Michael 'I…Err, she, never stopped loving you, Michael. She didn't abandon you because she was tired of everything. She left because she knew we'd get a second chance.'
Michael's face looked stupefied, too overwhelmed with the new knowledge that was burning away the lingering anger he'd had at the original timeline's Maria's abandoning him and she continued gently, 'I am still mad at the secrecy, but I understand now. I'll get over it, but you have to promise me one thing.'
"What?" Michael immediately asked, still too shocked to use the silent method of communication, bringing with it a lot of curious looks from the others still quiet in the background.
Maria smiled, reaching out to grab hold of the hands still gripping her cheeks softly. "Help me get Tess and the other two to block my powers when they come – and the memories too…"
A brief flash of regret ran through their connection, before it was followed by understanding agreement.
"You sure?"
Maria remembered the deadened look in her older self's eyes, the quick flare of pure hope that had kept lingering there until she'd vanished as soon as she had heard that the war didn't have to happen, that she didn't have to accidentally kill someone again.
"I'm positive," she answered and did the only thing she could think off at the moment, the only thing she'd wanted ever since angrily leaving Tess' house weeks ago. She fell into Michael's arms and closed their last remaining distance with a kiss that echoed with the original timeline's Maria's hope for a better tomorrow.
TBC…
A/N Well there you have it. Things getting resolved and now to tie up the loose ends...I'd love a comment on your thoughts:D
Until Next Time
Ditte Mai