Music Choice: Gone by Jim Chappell

Chapter 11 - The Open Door

Merlin is waking up to one of the most peaceful and comfortable sleep he has ever had. His senses come to him as he feels the softness of the mattress he is laying on . . . "soft mattress?"

He quickly realizes he is not on his stiff, uncomfortable bed, and he has to remind himself where he is. The silhouette of a beautiful woman, sleeping soundly and cuddling up on his arm next to him acts as a reminder.

Panic set in as the fear of the situation takes a hold of him. Not only did he fall asleep in Morgana's chambers . . . he slept in her bed, with her on it.

He immediately looks around if Gwen is already in the room. He squints his eyes to focus in the dimly lit room as the sun has not risen yet. She is not there. It is very early in the morning, Gwen doesn't get in this early to attend to Morgana. But what worries him is if a guard is stationed outside her door, or in the hallway . . . specifically Leon. He asks himself how is he going to get out of this unscathed and undiscovered.

A soft breath of wind touches his forearm as Morgana's sleeping figure exhales. She is dangerously close to him. Their bodies touching each other, making him question how they even got into this sleeping position.

He is lying on his right side, his right arm extended in front of him with Morgana's head lying on it. She is facing away from him with her back towards him. Their arched bodies fitting perfectly with each other. His left arm is wrapped around her waist, resting on her stomach.

"How am I going to get out of this without waking her. . ."

He plays on different scenarios of how to snake his way out of it, but in every scenario, she wakes up.

Moreover, he finds it hard to leave their cozy arrangement, and he feels perfectly content in just staying there with her. Unfortunately, if he is to live another day, he has to make sure that this never happens again.

Her scent makes him think twice though, warm in tone with a hint of strawberry and jasmine. It was a mistake to take her scent in, even though it is a pleasant distraction, it's a distraction that would ingrain itself for Morgana's future use.

It takes all of his resolve to break out of his contemplation. He moves close to her ear to whisper to her.

"Morgana . . . Morgana . . ."

Morgana groans lightly and shifts her body at his words. Her left hand grips his forearm tightly as a response to his calling. She looks over her shoulder, glancing back at him with a small grin. She tilts and moves her body to the side to face him.

In mere moments, they are facing each other. Their backs are slightly arched, knees bent touching each other's while still keeping some space between them. Merlin's right arm is still stretched out as Morgana's head still occupies it. She reaches out with her right hand to cup the cheeks of the man before him.

"Good morning Merlin . . . did you have a good sleep," she smiles at him faintly. Her tired eyes blinking lightly from just waking, her lips coming together to give him a smile.

"Can this woman be even more enchanting. . . ", he asks himself, drowning in the pools of emerald in her eyes. They glowed even in the dark, struggling to orient itself to the dim surroundings. Her face, looking so simple, without all the coloring and the powders to hide behind . . . so elegant, so pure. It all draws him in to her lips, crimson and soft, urging him to move his to hers.

He is letting his emotions cloud his judgement once again. He has to take a step back to think things through. With every decision he has taken with Morgana, there has always been a consequence if not thought out thoroughly. Him kissing her on impulse would probably have the worst consequence of all, or so he thought.

He lists out the reasons to appease him. There's the fact that he is a servant, and her father is the King, a tyrant that is not opposed to killing as a punishment.

Then there is his self-control. The thought of what he might do for someone that he has strong emotions for. He's seen himself lose it, with his Mother, with Arthur, with Gaius, with Gwen, and with Freya. He can't take that risk right now. Not when he is getting closer to the fulfillment of his destiny with Arthur.

"Good morning Morgana," he smiles back at her, conflict evident in him.

Her countenance changes, she can sense his distress. "Merlin . . . what is troubling you?" Her fingers move slowly, caressing his cheek.

"It's nothing . . . it's just," he tries to force himself to look away from her, but his heart fails him. ". . . This . . . Us . . ."

He manages to turn away and props himself up to sit on the ledge of her bed. She follows to get up and sits just behind Merlin, her hand rubbing his back.

"What about us?" Her voice is tempting, teasing. Her hand delicately caressing his shoulders now.

" . . . It's not right. This isn't proper."

"What do you mean? We didn't do anything wrong. We simply fell asleep . . . on the same bed."

"Morgana. It is not correct court propriety."

His answer doesn't suit her, and it irks her slightly since she can tell that he is not telling her everything.

"Merlin, what is this about?"

"Morgana, this cannot work. You. Me. Us."

"Why can it not? What changed since last night?" She can feel her voice raising.

"Nothing's changed, I'm still crazy about you," he thinks to himself, wishing that he could freely just tell her what he feels."You know why Morgana. It's not you . . . it's me."

"Merlin . . ."

He interrupts her before she can go on, "Morgana, I think it's time for me to go while it is still dark out. I know Gaius has some herbs for me to pick this morning."

"Merlin . . . don't go," she pleads to him longingly.

"Morgana, I have to go," he mistakenly turns around, her scent scattering his mind, forcing him to make a promise. "Don't worry, I'll be back. I still owe you some magic lessons."

She is now smiling, "You'll be back here tonight?"

". . . yes, I'll be back tonight."

He stands up to straighten his clothes and the dangling neckerchief on his neck. He takes a single step towards the door before she cuts him off.

"Merlin."

"Yes?" He turns back to Morgana, who is kneeling on her bed.

She gives him a smile as if like a child asking for a treat. She uses a finger to point to her cheek, asking for a small kiss.

Merlin's eyebrow raises at her request. His body involuntarily walks back to her though, leans forward, and gives her a small peck on the cheek.

"A goodbye for now," she explains to him with a grin.

He smiles at her as he turns again and walks to the door.

The door closes silently behind him.

###

Morgana wakes up for the second time that morning, this time, the sun is up and Gwen is already working in her room.

"Oh Gwen . . . good morning. Have you been here long?" She sits up on her bed, the flower Merlin left in her hair is still there. It is probably the reason Merlin and her had fallen asleep so fast last night.

"Not long my lady," she answers. "Did you have a good sleep? You seem very enthusiastic this morning."

"I did Gwen. I had a very good sleep." She's smiling from ear to ear. "I couldn't say the same for you I believe?"

Gwen looks tired. With everything that is happening in Morgana's life, she hasn't realized how busy Gwen has been recently. Actually, it almost looks like she is taking more chores, tasks, and responsibilities to keep her occupied.

"I'm fine Morgana, I'm just . . . it's nothing." Gwen looks away from Morgana to hide her distress, she continues on folding to distract her.

"Gwen, you know you can always talk to me," Morgana slips out from beneath her sheets, planting her feet on the ground. "I know things between us have been a little up and down since I came back. But know that I will always be a friend you can speak with."

Gwen looks at her with a smile, Morgana is already on her feet moving towards her.

"Here Gwen, have a seat. Talk to me."

She takes a seat as Morgana situates herself in front of her on her own chair.

"Morgana . . . have you ever wanted something so much, but know that it could never be?"

"Oh, you mean freedom with magic, freedom from Uther's reign, and . . . a certain servant boy," Morgana thinks to herself.

"There are a few things that I want that could never be. . . What is it that you want Gwen?"

Gwen hesitates to speak, it is obvious she is hiding the truth from her. "Oh it's not important who . . . I mean what it is." Gwen's eyes refuse to look at Morgana, she may have slipped some information to her.

"Gwen! You said 'who'! Is it a man? You must tell me. Do I know him . . .?" Morgana begins to list the men in Gwen's life. None of them come close to a person that she would imagine Gwen to have strong feelings for. "Any of the knights . . . no, Arthur . . . maybe, but I doubt there's any substance there, Merlin . . ."

The question brings a worrying thought to her mind. She remembers the crush that she once shared to her in the past about Merlin, and seeing firsthand how Merlin cared for her back when he publicly announced his secret of magic to save her from the burning at the stake.

She thinks it is impossible though. The way Gwen has been pushing her to Merlin, sometimes teasing her to him, tells her that it couldn't be Merlin. But she has noticed how close her and Merlin have been recently. All their secret whispers during dinners, her small touches on his arm. "Is it possible that her feelings for him are coming back?"

"Gwen . . . you must tell me." Her words are pleading, full of apprehension. She needs to know if she shares the same feeling for the same man.

"Oh Morgana, I'm sorry. I've said too much already . . . I shouldn't have bothered you with this," Gwen is still looking down, sorrowful and depressed as she stands up to walk to the door. She hasn't looked at Morgana in the eye during their conversation, which is favorable to Morgana since her eyes betrayed a similar pain in her face.

"Gwen . . . wait. You must tell me who it is," she manages to let out just to catch Gwen about to leave at the door.

In her own pain, Gwen is unable to catch signals and see the misunderstanding that is happening between her and Morgana, she simply decides that it is not the right time to tell Morgana about Arthur. "Morgana . . . I am but a servant, things usually do not go in our favor. I'm sorry to have made you worried about me."

A confused Morgana looks on at Gwen who is at the door.

She swiftly exits the room.

The door closes wildly behind her.

###

"I've seen some strange tongues in my time. Maybe she was suffering from an infection. Was it discolored?" Gaius queries Merlin about what he saw in the woods while he was gathering herbs.

Merlin explains the sight of Grunhilda catching flies with her frog tongue.

"No. It's magic. Some sort of magical creature has infiltrated Lord Godwyn's household. The question is: why?"

"I don't know. But I have a feeling we should probably find out," Gaius answers.

"I think it's best if you take the lead on this one Gaius, I have enough on my plate as it is."

Gaius raises his eyebrow at his statement, "Enough on your plate? What else could you have on your plate? Did Arthur give you more work?"

"No."

"Is Lord Godwyn giving you work?"

"No."

"Is there any news of Morgause, or Morgana that requires your attention?"

"Actually, none about Morgause. But more about Morgana . . ."

"I thought you said she wasn't using her bracelet any longer?"

"Oh it's nothing like that Gaius."

"Then what is it about Morgana that's 'filling up your plate?'"

In a fleeting moment, Gaius is able to see the same lovesick eyes on his assistant that he hasn't seen in him for a while.

"It's just . . . we've been getting close." Merlin ponders whether to tell Gaius about Morgana's knowledge of his magic.

"Getting close? How many times have I told you Merlin. You need to be careful with her! Especially now that we both know she is not only Uther's ward, but she is his daughter!" Gaius addresses him based on the fact that he is aware of the affections that his assistant used to have for the Lady Morgana. He begins to walk around to sort out his herbs as he whispers under his breath, "could you imagine if she actually finds out you have magic."

"Ehhh . . ." Merlin shifts uncomfortably in his seat, drawing Gaius' gaze on him.

"What are you on about?"

"Umm . . . nothing." Merlin stands up to leave and heads to the door.

"Merlin! For someone with such a big secret, you're really bad at lying!"

Merlin looks back from behind the door, in a hurry to leave, "Don't worry Gaius . . . I have everything under control."

"MERLIN!"

Before Gaius could further question his assistant, Merlin is already out the door.

The door closes shakily behind him.

###

"Merlin! Where have you been all morning?"

Merlin barges into Arthur's room. Arthur has tried changing himself again and has gotten himself stuck.

A big smile escapes on Merlin's face as he fights a laugh, "Well . . . I was just all tangled up in duties all morning."

"Shut it Merlin and come help me."

Merlin takes his time before helping Arthur, enjoying the extra seconds of seeing the helpless prince struggle. Arthur manages to escape his sleeves with the help of Merlin as they start their whole dressing ritual to get ready for the day.

After their initial exchange, both men actually keep to themselves as they work in peace. Merlin is in deep thought about what he saw with Grunhilda earlier and his feelings for Morgana, while Arthur is filled with thoughts about Gwen.

Arthur decides to cut the silence, "So Merlin . . . a very unusual week we're having eh?"

Merlin is barely listening, "huh? . . . yes, I would say the enemy is unusually weak."

Arthur snaps his finger in front of Merlin's face to get his attention, "I swear Merlin. I wonder how you keep yourself alive in the battlefield when you can barely pay attention to me when I'm talking to you."

"That's because fighting in a battle is more interesting than talking to you, sire" Merlin grins triumphantly at him.

"Idiot."

"Pratface."

Arthur rolls his eyes at him, "Honestly Merlin, some serious things are happening in Camelot right now and you can't even pay notice."

"What serious things?" Merlin eyes him questioningly. "Don't tell me you're talking about you and Elena. That's hardly anything serious."

"How can that not be serious?" Arthur looks at Merlin, slightly annoyed at his indifference. "Oh, why bother. How can someone like you understand. You don't know anything about these kinds of things."

"Actually, I think it's you that has no idea."

"Me? The royal Prince of love? Come on Merlin, you should have Gaius check your head for any damage up there, because clearly, you are not thinking straight."

Merlin gives him a scrutinizing look, "I don't know sire, you're telling me how serious the situation is when you should already know what your heart wants."

"Why, what do you mean I should know? I haven't known Elena for too long," he decides to get an opinion from his manservant, a man that is not against holding his tongue. For a subject as heavy as the problem he has now, Merlin is exactly the type of person he needs to hear from. "Tell me. What do you think of Elena?"

"Well . . . she is a good rider. She is attractive . . . in a funny sort of way I suppose. She is funny, and kind of clumsy - like you with clothes . . . You know what? Come to think of it. You are perfect for each other."

"Come now Merlin. I need your honest opinion. My father is expecting me to marry this woman . . . and soon!" A serious look is visible on Arthur's face. "I haven't even thought of how to propose to her."

Merlin hands Arthur his gloves, he has a knowing smile on his face. "So you're going to propose to her?"

Arthur puts his gloves on as he heads to his door. "Why do you say it like that? You're saying I shouldn't?"

"I'm not saying anything sire." Merlin's mind brings him to the thought of Morgana and how much closer they've become recently. Even if she is still the person that is capable of wrong because of her unstable emotions and hasty decisions, she is still the same person that he came to admire for her loving heart. If there is one thing that he would want Arthur to understand is that other than just using his head, he needs to also follow his heart as well. "Would you say that you've gotten to know her pretty well?"

"I've known her enough to have an opinion."

"Sire, if you already have an opinion of her. Then you should already know what you need to do."

Arthur is already halfway out the door before he asks him one last question, "Stop talking in riddles and tell me straight what you're referring to."

"Arthur, what I'm telling you is to just follow your heart."

Arthur looks away from Merlin, looking out pensively into the hallway, pondering Merlin's words. He finally steps out the door and leaves.

The door closes slowly behind him.

###

After taking most of the day investigating, Merlin and Gaius have just figured out that Elena is a changeling and Grunhilda is a pixie. Luckily for Merlin, Arthur has given him the night off, so he is free to do some research with Gaius on how to get rid of the fairy inside of Elena.

It is almost dinner time for the Pendragons, so Merlin stations himself in the alcove to wait for Morgana to pass on her way to dinner. He has decided to inform Morgana about the changeling, unbeknownst to Gaius, hoping to give her an avenue to use her magic for good.

Leaning on a stone white pillar, he hears light footsteps coming closer to the alcove. Merlin immediately knows that those footsteps belong to Morgana. He scratches his head and has to ask himself how he knows how her footsteps sound.

His hand reaches out from behind the pillar and pulls her into the alcove, their alcove. Morgana's surprised look forces a smile on Merlin's face. She's pulled him in several times into this alcove before, but he can't deny that he loves it more the other way around.

"Merlin!"

"Hello Morgana," he lifts his hands as if showing off the area. "Welcome back to the alcove."

"Hello Merlin," she almost hugs him. She hasn't seen him all day, but she pulls herself together, straightening her face, giving him a disinterested look. "You should be careful when you do that. I could've been walking with someone. I could've been with Gwen!"

"I was careful, I heard your footsteps. Besides, if you were with Gwen, I don't think she would've minded."

"I think she would've very well minded!" She crosses her arms at him, still fighting thoughts in her head.

"Hmm, sure. That's fine," he responds, noticing how cold Morgana is being to him. "So, how are things?"

"Everything is fine." Her face apathetic.

"Other than I've missed you," she thinks to herself. "What do you want Merlin?"

Merlin thinks back to this morning and wonders how drastically Morgana's attitude towards him have changed. He begins to worry that his hesitance about their relationship earlier has pushed her away. He concludes that their time apart has given her enough chance to think through the consequences of any type of relationship between them. He is partly fine with this since it is for the best, but he can't deny that he is as equally, or even more so unhappy about these turn of events.

Moreover, he just gave advice to Arthur to follow his heart. He would be a hypocrite for not following his own advice. He never could've imagined how much it would hurt seeing her standoffish attitude and her glacial stare. Especially while they are in their alcove, alone, looking at her beautiful self, smelling the same strawberries and jasmines that has been haunting him the whole day.

"Uhmmm, well. I just wanted to tell you that Elena is a changeling, she has a fairy living inside of her, and that Grunhilda is a pixie. The Sidhe planted the fairy in Elena in hopes of taking over Camelot through their marriage." He explains. "I just wanted to see if you were interested in helping?"

"Of course I do! I can't believe you actually trust me this much!" She thinks to herself. But she knows that helping Merlin would mean spending a lot of time with him, which could probably affect Gwen's attitude even more. She still has to find out if Gwen is indeed referring to Merlin. "I'm sorry, but I can't help you this time."

"Oh . . . okay, that's fine, no problem Morgana. I know you're busy." Merlin answers, trying to force a positive tone in his voice. "Well, I guess, at least you know."

"Yes, thank you for letting me know," she says straight-faced. "Oh gods, please don't give me those puppydog eyes. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you! But I have to think of Gwen."

"Okay, well. I'm sorry I bothered you. You probably should be heading to dinner now," he smiles brightly at her.

"Yes, I should probably go," her heart is breaking from being so cold to him. All she wants to do now is to hug him and tell him that everything will be fine, but she battles her thoughts, thoughts that she thinks are being selfish.

She finally turns to leave, ready to accept the pain for a friend. She barely is able to take a step when his hand grabs her arm to stop her. She turns her head to look back at him as he swiftly moves next to her, momentarily pulling her body close to his as he plants a soft kiss on her cheek, taking her by surprise.

"A goodbye for now," he gives her a teasing grin as he steps out of the alcove, leaving her to her solemnity.

Leaving the door to her heart open behind him.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Probably one of the longest chapters I've ever written! :D

Nov 28, 2013