Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Lyrics in this chapter belongs to: CrashCarBurn & Rise Against

The magazines and Talk shows are made up and completely fictional. They exist in my mind…LOL!

I'd like to thank the two beta's who rewrote en corrected my errors in this chapter: angelnlove52 and Browneyedgirl825!Thank you guys for taking the time to rewrite this for me. I appreciate it and could not have done this without you.

oOoOoO

Now as the years leave their mark on my face

They take a piece of my soul I can never replace

And I hope that you know how I loved you to death

I'll see you when we're laid to rest for good

(Sing this at my wake – CrashCarBurn)

Chapter One – Mirrors and Scars

EPOV

"Her first single remained #1 on Stomp Top 10 for four weeks…Her face has covered Chicks & Guitars, Emo Freaks, and Stomp…Her name is on every 'Rock/Goth/Emo-Addicts' lips and has earned the nickname – Goddess of Emo as well as 'Angel of Darkness!"

"Can you believe this chick?" My fiancée complained and I couldn't help but smile. I sensed a little jealousy dancing behind her lips.

"If you're good, you're good, babe." I grinned.

"It has nothing to do with being good. She's a fucking freak," she answered quickly and turned the volume up. I frowned.

"Please welcome the amazing Rock-Goddess, Izzy Stewart!" Emily, the Underground presenter, said with a huge smile.

At that moment, Izzy appeared in a tight little black dress, barely covering the bottom of her ass cheeks, and black boots that came up to her knees. I swallowed hard and quickly looked at my fiancée to make sure she hadn't seen my reaction. Izzy was gorgeous, an absolute fucking vision….

Black, silky long hair that hung down her back, which kind of made my fingers tingle with the urge to rake them through it. Pink, plump lips with rosy cheeks and the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen on someone's face. Her eyes were crystal clear and when I saw her face for the first time on Chicks & Guitars, I could have sworn that she had the power to look right through me – look deep into my lost soul, unraveling all of my secrets and feelings.

There was also the fact that there was something familiar about her...I just couldn't put my finger on it! Maybe it would have been easier if she wasn't hiding behind so much makeup; everything black, of course, even the lipstick was black.

"I'm pretty sure the rest of the world would like to know the real you. Tell us about yourself," Emily said innocently, but I noticed the shadows that covered Izzy's face and fear crawled into her eyes. Almost as if she was hiding something.

She laughed nervously and crossed one leg over the other.

"There's not much to tell. What you see is what you get," she answered.

"Really...so, no hidden secrets? No boyfriend or someone special in your life?" Emily pushed.

Izzy laughed softly, but her eyes were guarded.

"I believe that everyone has secrets, Emily, and as for the boyfriend question-"Izzy paused for a second and swallowed before she continued "-I am far too busy with my music career to be in a relationship."

"Urm...okay! Tell us about your songs, then. Where do you get the inspiration to write such heartbreakingly sad songs?"

She giggled again, but I saw the hurt crawl into her eyes.

"My inspiration comes from my heart, Emily. I write what I feel-"

"So, what you're trying to tell the world is that your heart is broken?" Emily asked.

"I think everyone has a little hurt inside of them…" Izzy answered, running circles around Emily's statement.

"We heard that you got signed to a record label-"

"Yeah, I did. My first album will be released in two weeks," Izzy proclaimed proudly.

I remembered when our band got signed and recorded our first album. It was awesome…best time of my life because I had everything I ever wanted; my music, my band and the love of my life. By the second album-recording, we were broken up and nothing in my life made sense anymore. It was as if she took everything with her when she decided to leave me.

Pfft, leave was an understatement, she fucking ran away.

"Tell us more about the album."

"Well, the album's name is Black Heart and has a playlist of fourteen songs…all written and composed by myself. The launch of the album is in three weeks where I'll sign CD's and meet some fans before the launch," she continued proudly. Still, I could see unhappiness in her eyes…it lingered there as if it was a part of her -as if she and the unhappiness were a package deal or something.

"Will the songs have the same angsty-edge as the single 'Dark Angel'?" Emily asked.

"There might be a happy song." Izzy smiled sadly. "Or two," she added with a wink.

"Who is this man that broke your heart?"

"What? No one…There's no one," she said, but anyone could see that she was lying. I saw the same reflection in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror.

Fucking mirrors!

"What a crock of shit," my fiancée groaned. I rolled my eyes.

"Why?"

"Anyone can see that she's totally fucked. I mean, just look at her-"

"What's wrong with her?" I interrupted and raked my fingers through my bedhead, already annoyed with where the conversation was headed.

She looked up at me with a frown on her beautiful face.

"She dresses like shit and her face is covered in black make-up," she rolled her eyes as if it was obvious, and I was an idiot for asking. "Plus, she acts like this fragile human being."

"There's nothing wrong with her clothes and as for the makeup, it's part of her theme!" I defended the girl's honor.

"Theme? What the hell is a theme?" she screeched.

"She's a Goth-kind-of-girl and the look and makeup represents her genre," I explained. "Plus, you shouldn't judge someone just because her clothes and makeup don't fall into your category of fashion," I added annoyed.

"It's all part of her act," she said, ignoring my last comment completely. She hated when I disagreed with her about fashion.

Tanya owns her own boutique and was well-known for her designs all across the country. That was if you were not into emo, Goth, or even Punk. Tanya stated she had no space in her boutique for rubbish. We agreed to disagree because I will fuck her up if she discriminates against my style. That was another argument that we had on a daily basis; the way I dressed. After seven years, she still didn't know to just shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone.

"Act?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, when I remembered that we were still having a conversation.

"I bet it's her way of gaining more fans-"

"By acting heartbroken and fragile?" I interrupted her with a sarcastic chuckle.

"I bet she has your attention." She cocked an eyebrow at me and I burst out laughing. "Come on, Edward, be honest," she continued.

"Sure she has my attention, Tan-"

"See?" She pointed her finger at me, "I told you."

"But-" I held up my index finger "-it has nothing to do with her fragile state," I said, making quotation marks with my fingers. "And believe me, she had America's attention from the moment she opened her mouth because that girl has some fucking pipes." I grinned like an idiot.

"Really? So what about her had-"

"Well, there you have it Goth-addicts, Izzy Stewart's first album hits the stores in two weeks and you will have the chance to meet her in three weeks at the launch of her album, 'Black Heart', which is happening in Seattle, and then she'll head to LA - Hollywood for her very first concert. For more details you can get this week's issue of Rock Weekly," Emily's announcement interrupted Tanya, and I sighed in relief. I was getting bored with her playing Dr. Phil about Izzy's life.

"Great, now we've missed the rest of her interview!" Tanya complained.

"You just criticized her anyways."

She scooted closer to me and crawled onto my lap. My arms snaked around her and when her lips came closer to mine, I kissed her like I was supposed to – hard and fast – the way she liked it.

I'd met Tanya Denali seven years ago and I asked her to marry me a year ago. We were getting married in three months and I was freaked out because after all these years, I was still not ready to get married. Just the thought, freaked me out and had me dripping with sweat….

Guilt scratched my heart, as it always did when I thought about marrying Tanya! I gave Bella up – the woman I loved with my entire being - because I was too proud to give in and marry her. Look at me now; engaged and on the verge of getting married...something I promised myself - and Bella - I would never do. All this with a woman I did not even love completely.

I just knew there was no fucking way I was ending up alone again just because of a stupid ring that gave us a legal right to be together. That was why I had decided to get married….

Yeah, just because you're a scared little shit and freaked out to be dumped again, the voice inside my head screamed at me.

The problem was there was no real love from my side! It was that simple. Tanya had pledged her love for years now and I did the same, but only because it was expected of me. I never meant one single word of the 'I love you's' that were exchanged. I have only ever completely loved one woman and I believe I will never love again. A love like that only comes along once in your life, but I couldn't sit back and wait for the love of my life to ever return to me. No, fuck that - I'd waited three years. I was done wasting my time and life on someone who clearly didn't want me.

So, I moved on…

At least the sex was amazing, but there was no tenderness or passion. It was just plain sex, but that was what Tanya wanted. She had polluted my mind in such a way I didn't even know if I would ever be able to make love to someone again. It was always just rough, hard sex.

One time, she mentioned the sub/dom lifestyle but I told her that she could find someone else to dominate, because let's face it, I was not to be dominated and neither was she. Plus, the idea of beating the shit out of someone to get pleasure was ridiculous to me.

Tanya was gorgeous and every man's dream, with her strawberry blonde hair and clear blue eyes – not as beautiful and open as Izzy's – but still beautiful. I have turned numerous heads with her by my side and we've been rated as one of Hollywood's sexiest couples.

But none of that had ever mattered to me…I had a beautiful woman, whom – through my eyes – was sexy as hell. Not only her looks and body were gorgeous but her heart was pure and that made her perfect. Plus, the sex wasn't just amazing, it was downright fucking mind-blowing. She was everything to me…until that dreadful day – ten years ago – when she pushed me into ultimatums, and demanded shit from me…shit I couldn't – at the time – give her.

Ten years ago, she walked out of my life as if I was nothing to her. As if our relationship meant nothing to her…I'd known her since we were five years old and loved her since we were six, when I first kissed her on her knee after she fell from the swing set. We had always been inseparable and I really, honestly, thought we would be together forever. Ha! Just shows how much you know, really know, about someone.

When she left me, I became an ass. I was a bitter, self-centered ass and didn't give a shit about anyone anymore. I said goodbye to the fun, loving Edward and welcomed the hateful bastard into my life. I was not always this loving towards Tanya; she must think she was in the seventh heaven.

I grinned.

I built a wall around my fucked-up heart and was guarding everything inside so no one – not even Tanya – could ever screw with my feelings or my battered heart again. I'd be damned if a woman was ever the cause of me being a drunk or an addict again!

"Babe, I'm talking to you," I heard Tanya complain again. I snapped out of my trip-down-memory-lane and looked into her eyes. I hadn't even realized she had stopped kissing me. Must've been some kiss, I thought to myself, I wasn't even turned on.

"Huh?" I shook my head, rubbing her inner thigh to keep my head in this conversation.

"Where were you just now?" She grinned.

"Nowhere, why?" I answered quickly.

"Your eyes seemed different, I've never seen them so…so pained," she gasped, "if that's even the correct word."

"It's nothing," I said, looking away from her scanning eyes. Why was I opening myself up today? Why was I doing this to myself?

Tanya didn't know about Bella. I've never told her because I know it would only cause shit and she would always ask questions and feel insecure - insecurities I did not have the energy for. My family never mentioned Bella's name because I begged them to drop it. I freaked out whenever her name was mentioned and – in the beginning – completely broke down. Bella's name had been a no-no for nine years and we're so used to it now it's as if she never existed.

Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, your heart might start believing it, my head argued sarcastically.

I had a shitty life when she left but I got over it and moved on. Although I will never love again, I will live and that – for me – was more important than anything else at this moment.

My music career kept me going when she ran away, and today, we're one of the best bands on this planet. I've achieved my goal in my career and I reached the stars…and even beyond that. So, I couldn't seem to regret the one choice I made ten years ago...

"You're doing it again." Tanya sighed. "You're far away. What's going on Edward?" she asked.

"Nothing, Tan," I smiled, still rubbing her thigh.

"How long are we staying in this shitty city?" she asked while pulling her face into a grimace. I groaned, because I wasn't happy about being back in Seattle, either, but Seattle was not a shitty city! So many big bands started here and made their dreams come true.

But Seattle was just a few hours away from our hometown, Forks. A few hours away from the memories of the best time in my life…my childhood filled with memories of Bella. We were so carefree back then and we knew exactly what we wanted; to start a band, get famous, and be happy together!

At least, that was what I wanted! She had to fuck everything up with her marriage-demand...

"Four days," I answered quickly before she freaked out again. I cupped her face between my hands and kissed her hard before I pulled away.

"Did you have to agree to this Fundraiser?" She pouted.

"I love charity and if I can help children with cancer – in any way – I will. Plus, we've been looking forward to this for years. It's an honor to play at the Volturi's Fundraiser," I answered and felt a little annoyed. Tanya hates charity and hates the fact that our band participates in charities. She was not a giver; she was more of a taker.

"If the concert is tomorrow, why do we have to stay four days?" She asked.

"Babe, I haven't seen Emmett in so long and we're going out tonight and then Sunday is the BBQ at his house."

"I don't think he likes me very much," she moaned.

Fuck! Was it Tanya-moan-day or what? She had been complaining since we climbed out of bed this morning. If it was not the hotel-bed, it was the food or the coffee or the service. She was annoying the shit out of me now.

"Why the hell would you think that?" I asked irritated, "And please don't mention your sister's name because Em won't hold her against you. He's not childish." I added quickly, rolling my eyes at her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong, but you've been complaining since we woke up this morning and it's bugging the fuck out of me." I gently pushed her off my lap and stood up from the couch.

"I'm sorry," she screeched. "It's just, ever since Emmett and Irina split up…well, it's as if Emmett has distanced himself." She raised her shoulders with a sigh.

"Tan, Emmett has gone through hell since your sister cheated on him," I said, grabbing a fistful of my hair. "Not to mention it was a month before their wedding," I added.

"I understand, but-"

"I don't think you really understand. If Emmett is distant – which I don't see – then he has his reasons. Just…I dunno, just don't let it bother you. He'll come around."

"I guess you're right," she said.

"I'm going to get ready for tonight," I said and left the room without waiting for a response. I hated the side of Tanya that felt sorry for herself to garner attention—self-pity was not becoming on her.

I felt bushed and would rather have slept in today but I missed my brother and I was looking forward to seeing him tonight.

Emmett was my older brother but also my best friend and rock. He helped me through so much after Bella left me…fuck, he basically saved me from almost becoming an alcoholic and drug addict. I was pretty sure that him spending so much time with me in my time of need caused the distance in his relationship with Irina.

Irina cheated on Emmett five years ago and it really broke him. I've never seen my brother like that. It was a miracle he never failed one class. To be honest, his grades were the best…I think Irina's infidelity motivated him. That was only during the days; during the nights he was falling apart and this time, I had to step in and be his rock. It was hard because it brought back my hurting as well.

Emmett used to be in our band but left after he finished med-school and he was doing his residency right here in Seattle. Why he decided to leave the city of dreams was beyond me, but he moved back to Seattle a year ago. I think he just wanted to get away from all the memories and start fresh.

I stared into the mirror and frowned at the unfamiliar man staring back at me. There was so much hurt and excruciating pain in this man's eyes. I looked down and swallowed hard before I looked back into the mirror again.

"We hide from the mirrors

They might show our scars…"

I wish mirrors never existed. They only reflect things you don't want to see - things you've been hiding within yourself for ten years. Mirrors reflect the real you - the you you've been hiding in front of other people. The you the mask can't conceal. Mirrors show the scars she left behind and the damage still left after all this time.

I clenched my jaw at the man staring back at me. I swallowed hard, my Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

I hate looking at myself. It was like looking at a dead man. Plus, it just reminded me of everything Bella did and it made me think about everything - remember everything.

I tried everything to get her out of my mind and heart but to no avail. It was hard, every day was a fucking challenge just to get through. The nights…oh fuck…those were the worst. I get three hours sleep- max, before I startle awake from a dream I had off her, feeling the worst kind of pain and dripping of sweat. In my dreams I could feel her, smell her, taste her on my tongue. She was real and not just a memory. Everything about her was etched into my memory.

It was always the same. We were back in our meadow in Forks, dancing and laughing, making love, her body sprawled out in front of me like a canvas; my love and passion the oil paint and my hands the brushes. Her body writhes underneath me as I brush my hands across her entire body. Instead of her body making an incredible painting, it turns black. Starting at her feet, crawling torturously slowly upward until the blackness reaches her neck. Just before her eyes disappear they fill with hatred, turning black with the emption that consumes her soul. Each night, always the same, this is where I wake up, dripping with sweat. Her memory haunts me in my dreams and remains with me throughout the day. She's a darkness on my heart that I wish I could bring back to light.

"Pull yourself together," I whispered, narrowing my eyes at the pussy in the mirror. I hate opening myself like this…it's like opening up an old wound with blood gushing out and draining the fuck out of me leaving me empty and emotionless.

I watched the shadows return to my eyes, hiding the pain and the scars. My face turned hard again and my eyes darkened with bitterness and anger. I trained myself to do this; I've been doing it for years.

"Good boy." I grinned like a fucking idiot, watching the hard features return to my reflection.

This was me. This was who I've become – a bitter, hateful, fucking bastard!

"Like broken mirrors

Reflections of an unfamiliar face"

oOoOoOoO

A/N: Please leave a review!