Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Lyrics in this chapter belong to:

Thorns – Demon Hunter

Let it die – Three Days Grace

Again I go unnoticed – Dashboard Confessional

Tangled in the great escape – Pierce the Veil

I'd like to thank the two beta's who rewrote en corrected my errors in this chapter: angelnlove52 and Browneyedgirl825!Thank you guys for taking the time to rewrite this for me. I appreciate it and could not have done this without you.

OoOoOo

Chapter Seven – A lot of conversations

BPOV

Every line, a path into an empty heart

Where the words of now forgotten love

Fall silent in the dark

(Thorns – Demon Hunter)

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the dark contours of Jacob's chest. I was snuggled into his side, my arms wrapped around his waist, and his face was nestled in my hair. One of his arms was draped over my side. I shifted a little bit and gazed up at Jacob's face. He looked to be sleeping soundly and peacefully as well.

I called Jake after Edward left, not wanting to be alone. Of course, my fiancé rushed over to keep me company. I had to tell him about Edward's visit because I was clearly upset. Plus, he knew something was wrong when my children weren't at home.

I snuggled closer to Jake and placed a kiss on his bare chest. His arms tightened around me, and I knew he was about to open his dark brown eyes and look at me with love and adoration. The love Jake had for me was indescribable. It left me speechless every time he professed his love. The way he would look at me made my stomach turn.

I wish I could have felt so strongly about him, too. I wish I could have given him my entire heart; not a broken-beyond-repair heart. I wish Edward Cullen wasn't the person that held my heart for so long now.

This is not what I want,

but now it's what I need.

Can I just have one more taste?

Just to make it through the day...

I shook my head a little to get rid of the shit that was brewing inside. Edward Cullen was dangerous territory. Especially, after I saw him last night. I always believed that some part of me was over Edward Cullen. I believed he had no hold on me whatsoever, and that I didn't need him. Last night, I found that my body was a fucking traitor. I craved his presence, even though he was fuming with anger. The way he used to make me feel by just being in the same room, hadn't changed at all. His scent was everywhere and filled my nostrils. No matter how much hatred I had inside my heart for him, or how much my mind reminded me of what he had done to me, my body wanted him. The electricity was still there…and, fuck me, it was as powerful as it was ten years ago.

No, none of that matters, because I made a promise to Jake; a promise to marry him, and that was exactly what I was going to do.

"I love waking up with you curled into my side." His voice sounded raspy as he whispered into my hair before he planted a kiss on my head.

I smiled against his chest, imagining his full lips against my head, and his white teeth barely showing as a lazy smile spread across his face. I was going to focus on Jake and Jake alone. My body had to listen to my mind.

"Me, too." I kissed his chest again. "Especially naked."

His fingers trailed up and down my side. "Yes, especially the naked-part of that story," he chuckled. He turned us around and laid with half his body over mine.

"What the fuck is this?" he suddenly fumed. My eyes widened when Jake's eyes turned black from fury.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion when I saw him staring at my arms. He sat up and pulled me with him as he gently took my arm in his warm hand and slowly raised it for inspection. I looked down to see what he was referring to, and I gasped loudly when I saw the purple marks across my forearms. I quickly looked at the other arm, resembling the same markings.

I looked up at Jake's furious face and gulped. They weren't there last night….

"Did Cullen do this to you?" he hissed. Jake gently rubbed the bruises as if he wanted to erase them by his touch.

"He didn't do it on purpose."

"Don't you dare defend that fucker," he yelled. "I'll kill him for this," he fumed.

"Jake." I swallowed. "We had an argument, he must've done it in the heat of the moment. We were both so furious and out of it."

"Bella," he said slowly, "there isn't a good enough excuse in this world for him touching you like that." Jake was furious. I decided to keep my mouth shut, because it did sound like I was making excuses for Edward.

"You're right," I agreed.

"He will not touch you again," Jake promised, "ever!"

I gasped when Jake looked directly into my eyes; his eyes turned from furious into passion, leaving his eyes with a goldenly brown, something I'd never seen with Jake before.

He gently cradled me in his arms, kissing every bruise Edward left on my arms. After Jake swore to me that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me ever again, he made passionate love to me. He kept kissing every single bruise Edward left on my arms, and tears pricked my eyes at the amount of love I felt in his kisses and touches. Jake had me screaming his name in a matter of seconds.

I always felt guilty when Jake showed me so much love and tenderness, because he deserved the same. He deserved someone who could love him unconditionally, someone whose heart hadn't been broken before, someone who wasn't damaged.

I still remember the first time Jake and I made love; it was scary as hell, and we had to stop quite a few times when a few panic attacks threatened to take over. Even though I couldn't remember what the fuck happened to me, it made everything so much worse. The blackness about that night was enough to almost destroy my life, but Jake took his time with me and was very patient. I remember how he talked me through everything he did, it helped me to stay calm and reminded me of whom I was with. He never rushed anything, and it made me love him so much more; but not nearly as much as he loved me.

"We had fire in our eyes, in the beginning

I've never felt so alive, in the beginning

You blame me but it's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't wanna hear it anymore

I swear I never meant to let it die"

(Let it die – Three days grace)

EPOV

"Where the hell have you been?" Tanya yelled as soon as I closed the door behind me. I ducked just in time as a stiletto boot flew past my head. I looked at the boot, which had a motherfucker heal, and then slowly looked up to meet the eyes of a furious looking Tanya. Her hands rested on her hips, and her one foot tapped in an annoying rhythm on the floor.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked. I was in no mood for her shit. I just found out I had a nine-year-old son, and I had a really long argument with said son's mother. All I really wanted to do now was to down a bottle of Jack, but knew I was only going to drink non-alcoholic beer.

Tanya held her index finger up, which told me to shut up. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Tanya," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Don't ever attempt to throw anything at me, ever again." I placed my hands on my hips, and I looked at her through narrowed eyes. "And don't point your fucking finger at me."

I stormed past her to our room, fuming with rage. I pulled my jacket off with force and threw it on the stool that stood in the corner. I raked my fingers through my hair before pulling my shirt over my head. I was in no mood for Tanya's shit tonight.

"Who the hell is Bella?" she asked as she entered the room. I froze, absolutely stunned at her knowledge of Bella.

My eyes widened, and I was pretty sure I paled, because I felt the blood drain from my body. My hand automatically reached for my chest, trailing my fingers over the tattoo I had done ten years ago…no way, Tanya couldn't have figured it out.

"By the expression on your face, I would say she's pretty fucking important," Tanya sneered, taking tiny steps toward me. Her eyes looked down at my hand, which was still covering the tattoo. Her lips formed an 'O' as realization sunk in….

"That's what the tattoo is all about," she stated, "I've always wondered what the hidden meaning behind that tattoo was."

"I'm not doing this tonight," I said in irritation as I made my way back to the living room. I heard her following me and I sighed loudly.

This was such a fucking mess…I knew I had to tell her about Bella, especially now, with the fact that I had a son. I just didn't figure we would have to have this conversation tonight. I felt emotionally drained from my talk with Bella.

"I'm right about the tattoo, aren't I?" she asked.

"Tanya," I sighed. "Can we talk about this in the morning-"

"Fuck, no," she yelled. "Who the fuck is Bella, Edward?" she screamed. She was almost hysterical, and I sighed again. This was going to be a long night.

"How do you know about Bella?" I asked the first obvious question. Her eyes locked on my tattoo for a few seconds before she looked at me, looking completely empty. There was no way she could have figured the tattoo out; only someone who knew Bella could maybe figure the tattoo out…a big maybe!

"I overheard you and Emmett talking about her," she answered, bringing me out of my own thoughts. "Does it matter?" she asked.

My eyes pierced Tanya's as I stared at her without any emotion. "Bella was my girlfriend," I answered. I refused to elaborate and would only tell her parts of my life with Bella. There was no need for her to know every crucial little detail.

"From when?" she asked.

"Ten years ago," I answered robotically as I dragged my feet past her to the liquor cabinet. I needed something strong to get me through this conversation.

"Why did you keep it a secret? All this time…." Her voice died at the end.

I poured myself a drink and took little sips before I turned around to face her. She stood with her back toward me; her shoulders a little slumped forward. I knew I hurt her by keeping Bella a secret, my secret, but at that moment, I couldn't have cared less.

I had so much shit to think about, and Tanya not knowing about Bella all these years, was a fucking minor. I never cheated on Tanya, and the fact I knew Bella wasn't ever coming back to me, made my decision in not telling Tanya so much easier…I had nothing to feel guilty about.

"I kept it a secret to avoid this exact conversation," I answered eventually. "She was my ex-girlfriend and it was none of your business."

That was only part of the truth. I hid the truth from her to avoid her constantly bringing Bella up. But I also hid it from her because I knew, deep down, that there was no way in hell I could tell anyone about Bella without falling apart. And if I was being completely honest to myself, I had to admit that I had never gotten over Bella, and I was afraid everyone would see it.

"You never spoke about her." She slowly turned around, tears swimming in her eyes. "Why?" she asked.

"She was the past."

"Bullshit, Edward." Tanya fumed. Her tears overflowed the brims of her eyes and slowly rolled down her cheeks.

"Would you have wanted to hear about her every day?" I asked sarcastically. "Would you have wanted to know every sordid fucking detail about our life before you strolled along? Or, would you have wanted to know about all the wonderful times we've had? Would that have made you feel better? Or, less insecure?" I spat furiously. My anger fumed through my veins.

Her face paled and her eyes widened.

"No, but it would have been nice to know that there was a girl before me."

"Why would it have been nice?" I asked. "It would have ruined us, Tanya," I groaned. "Have I ever asked you about any of your ex-boyfriends?"

She only shook her head. "But I never kept anything from you."

"And like I told you all those times before, it had nothing to do with me. It was in your past."

She looked at me for a few seconds without saying anything, and I met her every stare.

"How long were you together?" she finally looked to the floor to avoid my eyes. I clenched my jaw in absolute frustration.

"I've known Bella since we were six years old…."

"You're evading the question," she whispered.

"No, I'm not. I knew when I was six years old I wanted to be with her…the rest is irrelevant." I dragged my free hand through my hair before I downed my drink. "Or, would you like to know when we fucked for the first time."

Her shoulders shook a little, and I knew she was crying. I couldn't see her face as she kept staring at the floor, but I knew her. Right now, while staring at that floor, she bit her lip to keep her sobs from coming out. She was gathering strength to face me without crying in front me, because to Tanya, it was a sign of weakness. 'There was no place for pussy's in this world,' she always said.

"You still love her," she stated.

There was silence for a long time. Silence from her side while waiting for me to answer, and silence from my side because I couldn't answer that question truthfully. I would have had to lie and I wasn't sure I could have pulled it off tonight.

After a few minutes of silence, she finally looked up and the coldness in her eyes made her ice-blue irises even icier. "Well…" she prompted snidely.

I looked away from her eyes, swallowing painfully hard. "I don't know," I answered and refused to look at her.

"You don't know?" she said exasperated. "That's just great." She rubbed her forehead forcefully.

I didn't think I would ever get over Bella. She would always be the owner of my heart. I couldn't lie about that, not tonight. Even though I loved Bella, still love Bella, I didn't think we could ever be together again. There was too much hurt, and too many lies and secrets between us. I honestly think we wouldn't be able to cross that bridge.

None of that shit mattered anyways; I just wanted to meet my son….

"I have a nine year old son," I blabbered without thinking.

Her eyes sunk deep into their sockets, and her mouth opened and closed without actual sounds escaping. I knew the feeling. I still had a hard time believing that this was real and no fucking dream.

"You…well…me…." Her words formed no sentences.

"Before you think I've kept him a secret from you, I only found out tonight. Bella kept him from me," I said.

"I can't deal with this, or with you. Please, give me some time to figure this out," she said terrified.

I could only stare at her and nod, because I had nothing to offer her. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go on with our relationship. I had something worth fighting for. I had a son, whom I hadn't even met yet, but already felt this overwhelming love inside my heart for him.

"I'll be in Alice and Jasper's hotel room," I simply said. I went to our bedroom and started packing my shit. Tanya waited for me by the door.

"You're not flying back to LA tomorrow morning, are you?" she asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

I shook my head slowly. "I'm meeting with Bella on Monday to make arrangements to see my son. I have to be back in LA by the weekend, though, so, I'll call you with my flight details-"

"I'm sorry for kicking you out, but I can't see you right now. I need to calm down and get everything into perspective." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I understand," I said. "Besides, I wanted to go talk to Alice anyways."

"I love you, Edward," she said before she kissed me. My lips felt frozen, and it felt like I would betray my heart if I kissed her back or returned her sentiments. I cleared my throat as I pulled away from her.

Close lipped

Another goodnight kiss

is robbed of all its passion,

Your grip,

another time, is slack

It leaves me feeling empty.

BPOV

"Mommy," my daughter's melodic voice whispered softly. I raised my head to meet her brown eyes, and I smiled at her. She was so beautiful.

"Yes," I whispered just as softly, back to her. She clasped her tiny hands over her mouth and giggled.

"Today was a good day at Grandpa Charlie's," she said, still giggling.

I chuckled as I scooped her up from the bed and into my arms, twirling her around. Her laughter filled my room, causing it to come alive with magical symphonies of all sorts. My children kept me alive all this time…they filled the cracks in my heart to the point where I felt whole – almost complete.

"It sure was," I laughed.

My thoughts went to this morning after Jake left, and I drove to Forks. Charlie was all worried when I arrived at his house, demanding to know what the hell was going on.

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I arrived at Charlie's early this morning. My children were still sleeping when I entered the familiar white house. Nothing changed. The kitchen was still yellow, my room was still purple, and Charlie was still sleeping in front of the TV every night. But, this was my home. The home I grew up in and where everything felt familiar and safe. The home I ran to ten years ago when I had nowhere else to go….

Charlie looked worried while I fixed myself a cup of coffee. I sighed.

"What's up, Dad?" I finally asked as I took a seat at the kitchen table. Charlie laid his arms on the table and clasped his hands together in front of him.

"Your best friend arrived late last night with my grandchildren with a vague excuse about Cullen, and you're asking me what's up?" He cocked one eyebrow, pushing me to continue. "What the hell happened last night?"

"I just wanted to get my kids out of the apartment before Edward came over," I shrugged. "I knew Edward was going to be pissed-"

"Did that son of a bitch hurt you?" he hissed.

"No, dad." I shook my head, but felt the blush covering my cheeks at the lie I told. I thought about the bruises on my arms, and cringed at the thought of Charlie finding out about it.

"Tell me what happened between you and Cullen," he asked.

I sighed before I started telling him about Edward's visit; everything except how Edward grabbed my arms. Charlie would kill him.

"What are you going to do?" he asked. Concern was clearly etched on his face, and I hate that I had him worried.

"I don't have a choice but to let him see Tristan," I said. My hands folded around the cup as I brought it to my lips. "Besides, Tris really wants to meet Edward."

"I know," he said and started to explain when he saw the question in my eyes. "He's been talking about him non-stop," Charlie added.

I placed the cup back on the table before I met Charlie's gaze. His eyes pierced mine, as if he was searching for some kind of hidden emotion.

"I've been so wrong by keeping them apart, Dad. Edward is furious that I've lied to him," I swallowed. "But I couldn't go back to him knowing that he didn't want me. He never even tried to find me…maybe-"

"You did what you thought was the right thing for Tristan. Edward made his choice back then."

"Still, I should have told him about Tristan. The look in my son's eyes when I told him Edward was alive will haunt me forever. So much heartache-"

"You should stop tormenting yourself over this shit. What's done is done." He rubbed his moustache. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have given that boy more love than I ever thought was possible, and Tristan loves you, Bells."

"I know he does and that's what makes this so much harder. I've hurt my little boy because I was afraid to see Edward again. I was afraid I would lose my son."

"Bella," he whispered, "stop blaming yourself over this and start focusing on Tristan, and how you're going to handle him meeting Edward. You can't change the past," he said.

"I wish I had known I was pregnant before I left him."

"And what?" Charlie ranted. "What would you have done? Stayed with him just because you were pregnant with his baby?"

My eyes widened. "Dad, chill," I gasped.

"He chose a stupid guitar over you, Bella," he yelled. "Why would a baby have made a difference?"

"What the hell is up with you?" I asked with widened eyes.

Charlie looked everywhere except at me. "I can't stand to see you so broken over this situation. You did nothing wrong, and Edward should think twice before he blames you."

"I don't give a shit about Edward!" I yelled, furious now. "I hurt my son by keeping him away from his father, don't you get that? I don't care what I've done to Edward, but the fact that I've hurt my son fucking kills me."

"I get that-"

"Do you? Because all I hear is that I shouldn't worry about Edward, or what Edward thinks of me." I threw my arms in the air.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"I just want everyone to know that I don't give a fuck how much I've hurt Edward Cullen. He destroyed my life when he basically chose his band over me, so what goes around comes around," I sighed. I rubbed my eyes viciously; I was tired. I hadn't slept since I ran into Edward at Twilight. "I'm just worried about Tristan, Dad."

"He's fine, Bells, I promise you."

I guess Charlie was right. My son seemed fine the other night when we had our talk, and I remember how excited he was when I told him I would arrange for him to meet Edward. Tristan was my number one priority, and I would kill Edward if he hurt my son.

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Charlie's outburst bugged me. Something else that bugged me was the guilt in Charlie's eyes. Why would he feel guilty about anything? He did nothing wrong.

"Let's get you into the bath," I said, as my daughter's giggles brought me back to the present.

"Ah, Mommy, no," she complained. I chuckled, poking her in her tummy.

"Yes, yes, yes," I said while planting kisses all over her face.

"Can't I-"

"No, you can't," I quickly interrupted her.

"But you don't even know what I was going to ask," she pouted.

"I know it was something that will get you out of bathing," I chuckled.

She frowned the cutest little frown as she placed her forefinger on her lips, and rolled her eyes to the left as if she was thinking about something. She burst into a fit of giggles before she cupped my cheeks a little too tightly, molding my lips to look like a fish's.

"You're so clever, Mommy." She planted a wet kiss on my fish-lips.

Abbey had no problem walking around in PJ's and with morning breath; she was quite the little monster when it came to bathing and dressing. She wanted to wake up properly, as she would put it, before she even attempted to dress herself.

Abbey was not a morning person, and I usually struggled to get her to do anything in the mornings. Tristan on the other hand, hated the idea of walking around in his PJ's, and with morning breath. He would get up in the morning, get dressed, brush his teeth and, wash his face first thing.

Tristan was a star, though, as he would help me to get Abbey ready in the mornings. It was funny to think she listened to her brother. The way they interacted with each other amazed me every day.

"It's my job to be smart," I answered my daughter.

"You can run the water so long," she wiggled out of my arms before she added, "while I go ask Aunty Rosie something." She tried to wink but failed miserably. I chuckled while she ran out of my room. This was yet another attempt to get out of the bathing ritual. I sighed.

Rose and I had a long talk this morning at Charlie's. I had to know how she knew Emmett and why she kept it from me. My mind went back to this morning after I spoke to Charlie.

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"Morning," I said, tapping my foot in irritation.

"Please tell me that I'm dreaming," she whispered hoarsely. She covered her eyes with her arms and moaned loudly.

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.

She raised her arms an inch and peeked back at me. I rolled my eyes.

"No, Rosalie, you are not dreaming."

"You're mad," she stated with a sigh.

"No shit." My voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Bells, I'm sorry," she apologized, sitting upright in the bed. I shook my head again before I took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"How do you know Emmett?" I asked.

"I met him a few weeks ago. He was so handsome and amazing." She looked down. "I never realized he was one of the Cullens," she emphasized.

"You never said anything about a guy?" I accused. Why would she have kept meeting a guy, a secret? We were best friends; we shared everything.

"I wanted to make sure he was legitimate, you know, like the real thing?" she smiled. "I always pick shitty men, and I wasn't sure if Emmett was one of those shitty men."

I gulped. I knew he wasn't one of those shitty men. Emmett was a great guy….

"Off all the luck in the world," I whispered.

"He told me about this band he used to be in, and then he told me about his family, his brother…."

"Edward," I finished her sentence for her, whispering his name softly. She nodded and swallowed.

"I realized that Emmett knew Edward, and I knew I had to let Emmett go. I told him that I never wanted to see him again," her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Rose," I said softly, reaching for her hand and clasped it between mine. "I'm sorry."

She only shook her head as the tears rolled over the brims. "I really liked him, you know." Her voice trembled and her chin wobbled as she was trying not to sob. That must have been so hard for her to walk away from Emmett just because of me.

"Emmett's a great guy," I smiled.

She looked into my eyes and shook her head. She bit down on her bottom lip, "He told his brother about Tristan, even after I begged him not to."

"I can't blame Emmett, Rose. He thought he was doing the right thing - he did it for his brother."

"I've lost my respect for him." she added, "I can't be with someone like that. He should have waited for you, and talked to you before he stormed off to tell Edward." She sounded heartbroken.

I couldn't believe that Emmett moved to Seattle, and off all the people in the world, he fell for Rosalie.

Rosalie had a point; he shouldn't have stormed off and told Edward about Tristan. He could have handled the situation differently, he was an adult for crying out loud. But, I remember how close Emmett and Edward were, and I could somehow understand why he ran off to tell Edward. I had ten years to tell Edward, and I refused to do that, so I could imagine how Emmett saw the entire situation.

"You shouldn't give up on him if you like him so much. Em is a wonderful guy, Rose, and he'll treat you like a princess." I tried to talk some sense into her, but she only shook her head.

I had never seen Rose so sad over a man. She must really like Emmett, but I had enough to worry about as it was. I couldn't worry about Rose's love life, too.

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EPOV

On my way to Alice's room, I kept thinking what was happening between Tanya and me. She asked for time, which I could understand, but what I wasn't sure about was my feelings for her. I'd known for a while that I didn't actually love her, and that I had only asked her to marry me because I did not want to be alone anymore.

Would I be able to go through with the wedding after I found Bella and my son? Could I marry Tanya and spend eternity with her without love? The answer was so simple; no, I could not. How was I going to deal with it? That was what I needed to think about.

I also needed to work on myself. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I have to change for my son's sake…I wanted to be the normal, happy Edward if only for my son.

I was going to start working on that by talking to my sister. That would be the first step to me changing.

My last thought before I knocked on their door was that I hoped it wasn't too late to make peace with Alice. I hoped that we could work everything out and start rebuilding our relationship.

Jasper opened the door and looked surprised to see me.

"This is a surprise," he smiled.

"Can I come in?" I chuckled.

"Yeah, sure," he moved, and I stepped into their suite.

Alice's eyes widened when I appeared in the sitting area where she was watching some fashion show on the flat screen TV.

"Tanya finally kicked your ass out," she sneered and I chuckled.

"Tanya needs a moment," I said, thinking back at Tanya's reaction about everything that happened tonight. A moment was an understatement.

"A moment?" Alice snarled. "That's a first," she huffed.

"She's pretty pissed off," I chuckled. "She threw a stiletto boot at me," I told Alice.

A shiver ran through my body when I recalled the boot almost hitting me in the head. What the fuck was Tanya thinking? Was our relationship on the verge of becoming one of those relationships mixed with domestic violence?

"Why are you here?" Alice asked rudely. She stared at the TV, flicking through the channels before she threw the remote on the coffee table in annoyance.

I sighed, and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I need to talk to you, Ali." Her head shot up when I called her by her old nickname. Tears sprung to her eyes and almost immediately rolled over her brims. Her tiny shoulders started shaking uncontrollably as sobs escaped her mouth. I dropped my bag and rushed to her side, on the sofa, and pulled her into my arms.

"No," she yelled, punching her fists into my chest repeatedly. She fought so hard to get out of my grip, but I held her closer, apologizing over and over again. I couldn't contain the tears that flowed down my cheeks when my sister's arms wrapped tightly around my body, and she finally gave in. She gripped my shirt so tightly between her tiny fists as she wept into my chest.

I had no idea how long we sat like that, but when we finally let go of one another, I felt contempt. I realized that we had a long way to go, but I was willing to do anything to fix my relationship with Alice. I needed to fix it!

"I missed you so much," I whispered hoarsely while I gently touched her wet cheek. She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes.

"I'm so tired, Edward," she whispered. I knew she not only meant that physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It pained me to know I did that to her. It was my fault that Alice went through shit.

"Ali, I know nothing I ever say will rectify the wrong I've done to you, or Jasper." I swallowed hard as my emotions wanted to take over again. "But I'm so fucking sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"You almost killed me," she whispered, "Jasper pulled me through some serious shit after Bella left. It pained me to lose Bella but it nearly killed me to lose you too, Edward." She leaned her head on her hand, staring straight into my eyes.

"I was so consumed by my own shit that I never realized just how much I've hurt you by pushing you away. I'll never forgive myself, so I won't even ask you to forgive me."

"Edward, I love you so much. You are my brother, and I never gave up on you. I hoped that you would pull through and get over Bella, but I knew you would always love her…."

"Ali-"

"I've watched you torture yourself every day, and there were times I've hated Bella so much," she hissed. "I wanted to help you-"

"It wasn't all Bella's fault. I had some fault as well," I defended Bella. "I couldn't stand the pity. I pushed everyone away because I couldn't take the love everybody had for me, and I wanted everyone to hurt the way I was hurting," I explained. "Emmett was the only one who kept coming back."

I shook my head when I remembered how my siblings used to come to my room every day. I yelled at them and called them names. After a while, Alice and Jasper stayed away. And to this day, I could still remember the hurt expression on Alice's face when I yelled at her that last time she ever tried to help me. But not Emmett, no, Emmett kept coming back. I remember how he punched me in the face after I acted like a dick…that was the last time I treated Emmett like shit, and let him in. That was when I started living again…or at least attempted to have a life.

"I couldn't stand to see you in so much pain. When you started being a bastard to me, I actually welcomed it," she admitted something I never knew. "I wanted to help you so badly, but couldn't bear to see you in so much pain."

"I never realized," I shook my head.

"You weren't the only one who acted like a coward," she smiled.

"I realize it will take some time to get to where we were, ten years ago, but I will do anything to get to that point," I said with determination.

"So will I," she agreed, nodding her head.

I remembered about Jasper, and started looking around for him, but he was nowhere in the room. He must've left to give Alice and me some privacy.

I owed him so much…

"Jazz!" I yelled.

"Yeah?" he yelled back from the bedroom.

"I have to tell you guys something," I said.

Jasper came out of the bedroom and took a seat across from Alice and me.

"Shoot," he smiled. His eyes darted from Alice to me and his eyes told me that he was happy.

"Bella was pregnant when she left me," I admitted. Both of them gasped; Alice clasped her hands over her mouth, and tears filled her eyes.

"No way," Jasper said.

"She kept my son away from me for nine years…I don't even know how he looks," I smiled sadly. "I've been racking my brain about Bella's decision to keep me out of his life. I couldn't come up with one solid reason, good enough, to justify what she had done. Nothing! She had no right to do that to me."

They asked me how I knew and I told them about Emmett and about Bella's roommate.

"Were you at Bella's tonight?" Jazz asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, but we couldn't come to an understanding. We kept arguing back and forth, jumping from one topic to the next and back again," I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. My head ached from tugging on my hair too much; it was a bad habit, one I couldn't get rid of. "I made plans to see her Monday morning; maybe I will be calmer then."

"How could she do that to you?" my sister hissed. Alice was angry, very angry.

"I ask myself that question over and over again," I said, "but with no fucking answers. No matter what happened between us, she had no fucking right to keep him away from me!" My anger intensified all over again.

"What are you going to do?" Jasper asked.

"Honestly, I don't know," I answered, "Bella's holding all the cards."

"You're not going to fight for him?" Alice asked incredulously.

I shook my head, "I'm thinking about Tristan. I mean, what would a custody case do to him? Even if I stand a chance to win custody, do you really think he will want anything to do with me? No," I shook my head again before I added, "I'll do this Bella's way, and just hope for the best."

"I honestly think you should fight for him," Alice hissed, and I could tell she was furious with Bella.

"Ali," I placed my hand over hers and smiled, "Tristan needs his mother. I won't be the one to break that little boy's heart. I've broken his mother's heart and if it weren't for me, she never would have left in the first place, and I could have had the chance to have a life with my son."

"That's bullshit!" Alice fumed.

"No, it's not. I've blamed myself for years, and I've always wondered what would have happened if I wasn't so proud. I have to try and work things through with his mother-"

"You can't mean that!" Alice screeched, "Will you honestly take her back?"

"That's not what I meant, Alice. Bella and I have to put our feelings aside and work something out for Tristan's sake," I explained.

Alice wasn't too happy about the idea of me not fighting for Tristan, but I just figured, at this moment, there was nothing to fight about. Bella hadn't refused me when I asked to meet my son.

I dropped the subject about my son and Bella, and started talking about our new album. For the first time since I'd became a musician, I hated what I did. We were planning a tour, to launch our new album, and it would mean a lot of travel where I wouldn't get to see my son. The tour would be about three months long.

I didn't know if I wanted to do this anymore. I didn't know if I would be able to walk away from my son the way I let Bella walk away from me. My heart splintered into millions of pieces just by the mere thought of not seeing him…or Bella.

I couldn't even lie about my feelings. I still loved her, and now that I found her, I didn't want to let her go. I had to know if there was even the slightest chance for us to be together; and if there was, I wanted that chance. I wanted to make everything right. But first, I have to focus on my son and get to know him before I even attempt to try and rectify the wrongs I've done to his mother.

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BPOV

After I helped my daughter into her pajamas, I went to find my son. I needed to talk to him about Edward. I needed to tell him that Edward wanted to meet him.

Tristan was lying on his bed with a book in front of him; he loved to read, just like Edward and me.

He smiled up at me as I entered his room. I took a seat on the edge of his bed, running my fingers through his bronze, unruly hair that reminded me so much of his father.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"It sounds important," he chuckled. He closed his book and sat straight up on his bed.

"Urm…it kind of is."

"Did you have fun at Grandpa Charlie's?" I asked Tristan. My heart bounced up and down inside my chest out of nervousness. I had no idea where to start and how to approach the subject.

He shrugged, "Mom, really?" he rolled his eyes. "Did I have fun at Grandpa's? Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

I laughed while shaking my head.

"Wow." I grinned. "You really are growing up too fast."

"My day at Grandpa's was fine…guess what?" he asked with excitement, but there was a tiny hint of uncertainty in his eyes as well. I knew this was about Edward; he only had that look in his eyes when he wanted to talk about Edward. I was grateful, because now I had an opening to talk about Edward.

"Nope, what?"

"Grandpa told me about my dad," he said with stars dancing in his green eyes.

My stomach turned upside down at the mention of Tristan calling Edward 'dad'. I knew Charlie and Tristan had a discussion about Edward; Charlie mentioned it to me, but I had no idea what they talked about.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded. "How did it make you feel?" I asked.

"I guess I just really want to meet him," he said in a sad tone.

I reached for his hand and clasped it between my own. "That's what I want to talk to you about," I said softly.

"Um, okay." He sounded unsure.

"So, I've spoken to Edward," I said. I refused to refer to him as 'his dad', since Edward hadn't been a dad. Even if that was my fault, I did not give a shit.

"You have?" he asked incredulously.

I nodded.

"What did he say? Does he want to meet me?" he asked.

I chuckled, and ruffled his hair. "He sure does," I said with fake enthusiasm.

My heart flopped inside my chest just thinking about last night. I didn't know why, but I have a fucking hard time believing in Edward. To be honest, I didn't even think he deserved a chance with my son…but, Tristan wanted this so bad, and I would do anything for my son.

I took a look at my son's face, and I almost choked at all of the changing emotions in his eyes; happiness, excitement, uncertainty, nervousness and a small amount of fear. My heart ached for my son and what he must be going through.

"Tris," I whispered while lifting his chin with my finger, "please talk to me."

His beautiful eyes filled with tears as all of the emotions sank in. "Oh, baby," I choked out before I scooped him into my arms and hugged him tightly, never wanting to let him go.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked. I hoped he wouldn't get into the whole 'baby' thing right now, and just talked his heart out.

"What if he doesn't like me, Mom?" His chin wobbled as more tears filled his beautiful jaded eyes. I could tell he was trying to be strong, trying to keep the tears away, but failed miserably. I wanted to tell him that he was still a boy, and he had every right to cry if he wanted to. I wanted to tell him it was normal and that it was actually a good thing to cry, but I knew he was proud and tried to act all mucho.

I moved his messy hair from his forehead, and smiled at him.

"No one can not like you after meeting you, Tris." I emphasized the word 'not'. I hoped I was right and Edward wouldn't let Tristan down.

He was still positioned on my lap, so he slipped back to the bed before he whispered softly, "When?"

"I'm not sure," I said honestly. "How do you feel about meeting him, honestly?"

I watched how he swallowed and then wringed his fingers together, playing nervously with them.

"I'm a little nervous," he said softly. "But, I'm also excited. Does that make any sense?"

I chuckled softly, "it makes perfect sense, Tris," I ruffled his hair before I leaned down and planted a kiss on his head.

"Do I call him 'dad'?" he asked.

I cupped his cheek. "Whatever you're comfortable with. If you feel comfortable calling him 'dad' then it's fine-"

"I don't know what I'll be comfortable with," he interrupted me.

"You have time to decide what you'll be comfortable with, Tristan," I explained.

I didn't know why, but I felt a twinge of jealousy as I watched my son struggle with this situation. In my heart, I felt like Edward hadn't deserved the title 'dad', yet, but I had no right to make decisions for Tristan. He had to decide on his own what he wanted to call Edward.

"Are you okay?" he suddenly asked. I frowned at his question, and he continued, "You look stressed."

I chuckled softly, "I'm fine, Tris. I'm just tired, I guess."

"Was he mad?" he suddenly asked.

"What?" I gasped.

"Was he mad that you kept my existence a secret, Mom?" he literally spelled it out for me.

"A little," I decided to be honest with him.

"I don't want to meet him if it's going to get you into trouble," he whispered.

"Tris, no," I exhaled loudly. "I'm not in trouble, baby."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "I don't want you to worry about Edward and me, or our problems. Just focus on yourself and what you want."

"Okay, if you're sure," he smiled.

"I'm sure," I assured him, ruffling his hair. "I'm going to get dinner ready." I stood from the bed and walked to the door, but turned around when Tristan called me back.

"I love you, Mom."

I smiled, and my heart filled with pride. "I love you, too, Tris."

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