Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:
Hard to say – The Used
Pen and Paper – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
A/N: I'm wondering where all of my regular reviewers are? Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter and I'm relieved that most of you liked the Emmett's POV. Please don't stop reviewing…heaven knows that it's the only thing that keeps this story going, honestly!
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It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, it's not the same
(Hard to say – The Used)
Chapter Fourteen – Leaving LA
EPOV
"I'm going to fucking kill her" I lashed out as I threw the magazine against the wall. My father's head shot up from the kitchen table where he was eating his breakfast.
"What's wrong?" he asked while chewing on a piece of bacon.
"Tanya Denali" I answered in a hiss.
"What did she do?" he asked.
"She gave a statement about our break-up. She blamed everything on Bella, and to make everything worse, she gave a full statement about Tristan" I growled. "I don't understand how she could do this"
"She's trying to hurt you" Carlisle stated.
I huffed. "I know, but to use my son…I'll fucking destroy her" I raked my fingers through my hair.
"Edward, I know you are pissed, but you should calm down" my father said in his soothing voice.
"No, dad, I've had enough of Tanya's games" I said as I grabbed my car keys.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To take care of this shit once and for all" I answered. "Will you be okay?" I asked.
He nodded. "I'll be fine, but I think you should calm down before you go"
"No" I shook my head. "I want to take my wrath out on her"
I didn't wait for a response as I rushed out of my house and straight to my Vanquish.
As I drove through the streets of Hollywood my mind kept reeling on the shit Tanya had pulled. I found it hard that she would stoop this fucking low. Sure, I knew I hurt her, but to use my son to get back at me…unacceptable. Maybe my father was right, I should have calmed down before I left because the way I was feeling now, I would wring her fucking neck and squeeze the life out of her.
My heart was boiling with anger as I stopped in front of her penthouse. And as I rode in the elevator, all I could think about was what that statement must have done to Bella. As if she hadn't had enough on her plate already.
My breathing was hard and labored, my nostrils flared and my heartbeat were frantic as I rang her doorbell. My fists clenched on their own accord as soon as the door swung open, revealing a shocked Tanya. Her eyes were puffy with black circles around them as if she wasn't sleeping. I had to use all of my willpower to keep myself from attacking her right then.
You set yourself up to the sold
and that's ok cause that's your role
Manipulation takes its toll
What will you do when nobody wants you
Though it seems that you believe
You can do whatever it is you please
Know before, know before you wind up on your knees
Don't cry to me no more
(Pen and Paper – The red jumpsuit apparatus)
"You are not welcome here" she spat and moved to shut the door, but I kicked my foot forward and stopped the door from closing. I pushed into her apartment. "Do you want me to call security?"
"Go ahead, but I'm going to say what the fuck I came here to say, Tanya" I hissed in anger.
"So I take it that you've read my statement?" she asked smugly. I growled. I wanted to wipe that smug right off of her face.
"What the hell is wrong with you? My son had nothing to do with our break-up and neither had Bella-"
"Please spare me that same old soppy story. She had everything to do with it" she waved her hands in the air like a crazy person. "But it doesn't matter anymore…I'm going to ruin you, Edward, I'm going to destroy everything you've worked so damn hard for-"
"If you say one fucking word about my son ever again" I clenched my jaw, "I will hunt you down and kill you" I swore. "If you want to take me down, fine, but my son is nine years old and innocent"
She laughed hard and ugly. How had I never seen the ugliness inside of Tanya? How could I have stayed with her for seven years and not see how black and rotten her heart was? Was I seriously that blind and fucking delusional? Would I seriously have married her if it wasn't for Bella and my son?
"Don't threaten me, Edward, you should know that I don't scare that easily" she laughed.
I narrowed my eyes.
"You leave me no choice, Tanya" I sighed. "You have no idea who you are dealing with" I grinned.
"W-w-what do you mean?" she stuttered.
"I'm sure you wouldn't want the DEA crawling around your boutiques" I laughed softly, yet venomously.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she said. Her face gave her away, though; she turned pale and fear was swimming in her eyes.
"Oh, come on, I've known for a while about the illegal activities that's going on in your business. You had me fooled for a while, but I knew something was up with the overnight-millions you've made"
"Edward-"
I held my hands up. "I don't give a shit about your excuses and why you stooped so low to get involved in drug-smuggling" I spat the words out. "But, I will hand you over to the DEA if you give more statements about Bella and my son. Do I make myself clear?"
"Edward, I'm sorry-"
"Oh, fuck, please, you're not sorry. You're sorry you got caught" I bellowed. "One more word, Tanya, just one, and I'll hand you over with the evidence I have" I threatened.
"I loved you, Edward, and you screwed me over for someone who doesn't want you" she yelled. She was close to losing it.
"Leave my family alone, Tanya, that's all I wanted to say" I ignored her ranting as I walked out of the door. I literally sighed when I closed the door behind me. I had no evidence of her illegal activities, but I had my suspicions and the expressions on her face when I mentioned it, proved to me that I was right.
What the fuck was wrong with me? I shook my head. I truly was blind while dating Tanya…I guess running into Bella opened my eyes. Thank goodness!
One thing I knew for certain, Tanya Denali wouldn't bother my family anymore. She was scared out of her mind after I threatened her. Even if I had no idea about her illegal shit, I would have found a way for her to back the fuck off of my family. Bella hadn't deserved what Tanya did and neither had my son. I fucked her over and she should have taken her anger out on me.
On my way back to my house, all I could think off was leaving LA – and everything bad that happened here. This place actually ruined my life – even though it made almost all my dreams come true - almost. I lost Bella here, I threw myself into the bad habits of drugs and alcohol and I actually stopped living ten years ago. I died. Literally died; inside my head and heart.
I actually lost so much more than I gained. The saddest was that I would never get anything I've lost back; I've lost nine years of my son's life, which was impossible to ever get back. The only thing I could do now was to spend the rest of my life making him happy and to show him how much I fucking loved him.
I sighed when I drove up my driveway when I saw Jasper's Mercedes. It was going to be another long and painful day. Last night was pure torment when my father told me he was dying. Today was Alice's turn…I was worried, especially with her pregnancy and all.
I wondered how long they've been here as I approached my front door. Maybe dad would have told her already, or maybe he was waiting for me.
I entered my house silently and gently placed my car keys on the table in the entrance hall. I heard sniffling sounds and little sobs. Guess he already told her about his illness. Thank goodness, I sighed. It would kill me to hear all of that again. It was a brutal reality that we had to face, but I had no idea how. Dad was the head of our family. The glue that kept us together. My mother had changed so much since she and dad divorced. I always remembered how she bad-mouthed my father and how she caused doubts in our hearts about our father's love for us. She was the fucking reason that I feared marriage. I would never forgive her for hurting my father…still hurts him after all these years.
I saw them in my living room; Jasper on a stool and Alice was sitting on top of my father with her head on his chest, crying uncontrollably. Jasper saw me first, tears evident on his face. Carlisle was a father to him as well. I pointed towards the bar with my head and he nodded. I walked out of the living room as quick as my feet could carry me because I was already crying. I also wanted to give my father and sister some privacy.
"How you holding up, bro?" Jasper asked behind me. I slowly turned around and shook my head before I wiped the tears from my face.
"Barely" I sniffled a little. "It's just so hard to believe, you know?"
He nodded slowly while blowing out a long and unsteady breath. "This is so hard to take in…and, don't get me wrong I'm worried about your dad, but this is going to kill Alice" he gripped his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.
"I know, and I'm especially worried about the pregnancy" I sighed, "you guys have been trying for a while"
"Emmett and Esme?" he asked.
I shook my head, "they don't know, yet. I only found out last night" I explained. "Dad is moving to Seattle with me…"
"Alice and I will follow you guys. There's no way that Alice will stay here with everything that's happening with you and Carlisle"
"Fuck" I raked my fingers through my hair. "How did everything get so fucked-up?"
Jasper grabbed two beers from my fridge and handed me one. I thanked him and took a seat on one of the barstools.
"When are you leaving?" Jasper asked me.
"Tonight" I said after I swallowed the beer. "We're staying with Emmett for a while until I can find a house" I chuckled. "I haven't told Tristan or Bella that I've quit the band and that I'm moving to Seattle"
Jasper asked how everything was going with Bella and I told him everything. He wished me luck on winning Bella's heart back, which I sure as hell needed. I had no clue where to even begin because it was clear that Bella still hated me for choosing the band. The anguish was constantly visible in her beautiful brown eyes, lingering there as a reminder of how much I've broken her.
After we finished our beer, I suggested that we should see how Alice and Carlisle was holding up.
She wasn't on my dad's lap anymore, but sat next to him on the couch, hands intertwined. She looked up when we entered the living room and my heart broke all over again. Her eyes pooled with thick tears and her lips quivered. My eyes shot full of tears when I saw her pain. She slowly stood up and walked towards me.
"Ali, sweetie, come here" my voice broke at the end and I had to clear my throat. She jumped into arms and I securely wrapped them around her small figure, hugging her fiercely to my body. I hid my face in the crook of her neck and let go of my own pain, my own heartache over my father's illness.
"Are you okay?" she whispered sobbingly into my chest.
"We have to be" I whispered back. "For dad, for ourselves" I let go of her and placed my hand on her belly. "Especially for this little baby" I smiled sadly because we had no idea if my father was going to meet this grandchild or not.
"You're right, it's just so…hard" she stuttered.
I cupped her soaked cheeks and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I know, but we'll get through it, Ali. You, me, Jasper and Emmett; we'll pull through" I said.
"So, you're leaving in a few hours?" she asked, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"Yup" I smiled.
"We'll follow you" she smiled back. "Emmett's house will be full for a while" she chuckled.
"I'll have all of my children under one roof again" Carlisle chuckled behind us before he wrapped his arms around mine and Alice's shoulders.
"Yeah, yeah, what a dream come true; a bunch of thirty year old kids under the same roof as their father" I huffed with a smile.
"I love you guys" Carlisle said with a sad smile.
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When we arrived at Emmett's house, I immediately excused myself. It was so unfair that I was the first sibling to have found out about my father's illness because I had to sit through everything all over again. This afternoon with Alice was brutal enough and I had no intention on sitting through another one. I knew I was probably being selfish, but my heart could only take so much. It was like receiving the news all over again and the excruciating pain doubled.
I was thinking about giving them an hour before I would offer my support to Emmett as well. I had no idea how he would take the news, but knowing Emmett, it was going to be hard. He had a really close relationship with our father – all of us had a close bond with Carlisle, but Em, fuck, Emmett worshipped the ground my father walked on.
It was past eleven and I really wanted to see my son, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow morning. Luckily, it was Sunday tomorrow and he had no school. I was hoping to bring them here and introduce them to Carlisle, and spend some time with all of them. I had about three weeks to win Bella's heart back before she married that douchebag. Fucking prick!
I grabbed my Blackberry and decided to text Bella. I had told her that I would call her the last time we spoke and she hadn't refused or anything, so I took my chances.
I'm sorry about Tanya's statement. I just wanted to let you know that she won't make any more statements.
I hit the send button and threw the phone on the bed I was sleeping on. I would have liked to call it my own bed, but beggars can't be choosers, right?
I decided to take a shower and then I would go back down and see how Emmett was doing.
I took a quick shower before I got out and dried myself. When I got back into the room with only a towel wrapped around my hips, I saw my LED light flashing. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that it could be from Bella. I almost choked when I saw that I had two missed calls from her and not messages. My fingers trembled as I dialed her number and my heart was literally beating in my throat when she answered the phone softly.
"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. Are you sleeping?" I asked.
"Ur…no. Hang on a sec" she whispered, and I heard her moving around and then closing a door. "I'm here" she said in her normal melodic voice, sending my heart flattering.
"Are you okay?" I asked. "I mean, ur, after Tanya's statement"
She sighed. "I was pissed. I don't give a shit about myself, but to drag Tristan into her schemes just pissed me the hell off"
"I'm sorry, Bella, it's my fault. She's trying to get back at me for leaving her, but, I took care of Tanya. She won't bother you or Tristan again" I explained.
"Thanks, but the damage is already done. I'm worried about Tristan, Edward, he's going to school on Monday and I have no idea what to expect from the media…or the other kids" her voice trembled.
"Bella, I-"
"And he misses you so much" she interrupted me. This surprised me because Bella never opened up about Tristan out of her own; usually I had to drag every fucking detail out of her. My heart thumped loudly at the thought of my son…I knew he missed me, but to hear the actual words from Bella's mouth made my son's pain so real and so fucking hard. My heart ripped open whenever I called him and had to say goodbye; his small voice would tremble and I could hear actual tears in his velvet voice…fucking broke my heart every time.
"I miss him so much that it hurts to fucking breathe" I whispered softly.
"And it doesn't help with you on the other side of the fucking country" she jabbed those accusing and painful words into my ear.
"I need to tell you something, Bella" I sighed, deciding then and there that I wanted to tell Bella about my band.
"What?" she asked carefully.
"I've quit my band" I said slowly.
I heard her gasp, but she was completely silent.
"Bella? Did you hear what I just said?" I asked after a few minutes of silence with her breathing as the only sound.
"Yeah, I…When did you do this?" she stuttered.
"The same day I broke things of with Tanya" I said.
"Why?"
"Why? Are you serious? I told you that I wanted to be with my son, Bella, and…well, you"
"Edward, don't. It's too late for us" she whispered.
"Bella, don't say that. I know that you still love me…I felt it when we kissed"
"That wasn't love, Edward, that was anger fueled with lust"
"You're delusional, Bella, that was far from lust. If that was fucking lust I would have fucked you against that wall-"
"Don't say that" she spat.
"Why not? It's the fucking truth…"
"Goodbye, Edward" she sighed.
"Bella, wait, I'm sorry"
"It's fine. Goodbye" she said and ended the call.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed and threw my phone against the wall. It splattered into tiny pieces. "Fuck" I grabbed my hair in complete frustration.
"Whoa" I heard Emmett's voice behind me, "is this a bad time?" he asked. I slowly turned around to look at him. His eyes were red and puffy. I sighed. I completely forgot about Emmett and my father.
"No…fuck, Em, I'm sorry. I wanted to come down and then…" I wanted to explain to him about Bella, but I stopped mid-sentence. I rubbed my neck viciously before I rummaged through my suitcase and fished out a pair of black flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. "Never mind. Dad gave you the news?" I asked.
He nodded slowly. I disappeared into the bathroom and dressed quickly before I joined him in the room again.
"Why am I the last to know?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Fuck knows, but I couldn't sit through another explanation. I'm sorry…it's just hard to hear all over again" I explained feeling like a complete fucking dick.
"Hey, I understand. I would have done the same" he sighed again.
"Where's dad?" I asked.
"Sleeping" he smiled sadly. "Wanna grab a drink?" he asked and I nodded.
I gave my broken phone one last glare before I followed Emmett out of the room and down to the bar.
"Was that Bella on the phone?" he asked as soon as he handed me a beer.
"Yeah" I nodded. "And I completely fucked that up again" I laughed humorlessly.
"Why?" he asked with the rim of the beer bottle against his lips.
I explained to him what had happened and how I got pissed at Bella for saying that our kiss was just lust. How could she not have felt what I had felt?
"Seems to me that Bella's in denial" he chuckled.
"Ya think?" I smiled. "So, what's happening with you? Made up with Rosalie?" I asked. The fact that we completely ignored my father's illness dawned on me, but I felt that Emmett would talk when he was ready. And if he wanted to ignore that conversation completely, fine by me. Dwelling on the subject wouldn't take dad's illness away nor would it make things better.
His lips curled into a huge smile and his eyes lit up immediately.
"You fucker" I bumped his shoulder, "I knew you would make up with her"
"Actually, I didn't do anything. She came to me" he chuckled.
"What? Seriously?" I asked in shock. "Wow, I definitely had the wrong impression about her. And knowing you…well, I thought for sure that that relationship was doomed because you both seemed thickheaded" I brought the bottle to my lips and dipped the fluid into my mouth. It was cold and refreshing and definitely fucking welcome.
"It was amazing, Ed. She's just so fucking hot and sexy…" he shook his head before he tipped the bottle to his lips. He swallowed hard. "I've never felt like this before"
"Not even about Irina?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Not even close. Marrying Irina would have been one hell of a mistake. Rose is my one" he smiled his familiar dimpled-smile. His eyes lit up with love and awe as he spoke about the woman who claimed his heart. I was extremely happy for my brother, but I was worried because Rosalie made no secret of her hatred towards me. I was going to lose my brother.
"I am so happy for you, Em. Heaven knows you deserve to be happy" I said.
"But?" he prompted.
I frowned.
"But nothing" I smiled.
"Rosalie promised me that she will try to get along with you, Ed. She promised that she'll find a way to forgive you and love you like a brother" he bumped my shoulder, "that's how much she fucking loves me" he added with a wink.
"That's a relief" I sighed. "Hey, how'd you know that I was thinking about that?"
He laughed.
"I know you better than you know yourself" he said casually.
"So you guys already said the 'I love you's'?" I chuckled.
"I'm thinking about asking her to move in? After we made love-"
I covered my ears with a groan. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fuck, Em, I don't need every gory detail" I pulled my face in disgust.
His bellowing laughter echoed through the bar.
"Anyways, after that, I don't want to spend one more night without her. Besides, we're not kids anymore and I know what I want. I don't want to date for years before I ask her to marry me, wasting another couple of years before we get married and move in together. I know what I want…my heart knows what it wants…my body-"
"Okay, okay, I get it" I chuckled.
"I believe that you and Bella will be together…I remember how much you two loved one another. A love like that just don't die" he said.
"Thanks, Em, I pray that you are right. I can't imagine going through life without Bella…heaven knows it's been hell the last couple of years" I sighed.
"So when do I get to meet my nephew?" he asked.
"Haven't you met him already?" I asked astounded.
He shook his head. "Not officially, no. I saw him that one night, but no introductions was made"
"I was planning on bringing them tomorrow"
"Finally. I'll get to meet Tristan and I'll get to see Bella again" he smiled, taking the last sip of his beer.
"I want them to meet dad" I smiled sadly, "it's one of dad's wishes…to meet Tristan before-" my voice died. I just couldn't say that word.
"He also wants to get back together with mom" Emmett declared.
"Wait, what?" I asked astounded.
"Yup…he told me after he explained his illness. One of his dying wishes is to get back with mom"
"She'll never go for it" I shook my head.
"I know, but we'll have to try. She can fucking pretend for a couple of weeks…I'll make damn sure of that" he said fiercely.
We were silent for a couple of minutes before Emmett blew out a long and unsteady breath.
"I'm bushed, bro, so I'll see you in the morning" he punched my shoulder playfully.
"Goodnight, Em" I punched him back. I couldn't wait for tomorrow to see my son again, and Abbey…and Bella. I rubbed my chest as the all-consuming pain racked through my heart.
I made my way to my room and literally fell onto the bed. I was bushed, but sleep was not even on my mind's agenda. My mind had decided to linger on Bella and how she felt in my arms the other night when we kissed. My mind replayed our kiss over and over and fucking over again. As soon as I closed my eyes her deep chocolate brown eyes would appear in front of me, which would have been so fucking awesome was it not for the fact that those eyes were full of anguish and excruciating pain…
After tormenting myself for about an hour, I drifted to sleep, dreaming of Bella and my children. Yes, Abbey is mine.
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My heart hammered in my chest as I raised my hand to knock on Bella's door. It felt like I've been away for years and not a couple of weeks. The band-shit took longer than I expected and I still wasn't done. We still had to make the fucking announcement that Eclipse was breaking up, plus, we still had to do a farewell concert. I had refused to do that shit in LA and all of us decided to do it here – in Seattle.
The door flew open to reveal a much disoriented Tristan. As soon as he saw me, he rubbed his eyes with his tiny fists as if he was dreaming, taking them away and looked back at me with widened eyes.
"Dad!" he screeched before he jumped into my awaiting arms. I held him close, inhaling deeply, reveling in his scent. Fuck, I've missed him so much. I felt him breathing in my neck and I sighed. My heart almost jumped out of my chest from the happiness I felt bubbling inside.
"I've missed you so much" I exhaled against his cheek. He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, cupping my cheeks with his tiny hands. For a minute, he had no care in the world that he was nine years old, and had completely forgotten how he constantly told me that he was a big boy. For a minute, he was a nine year old boy who missed his dad and had no trouble expressing how fucking much.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you, dad. I didn't expect to see you so soon" he smiled crookedly before he wiggled out of my arms. My heart ached at the empty space between my arms where he had been a few seconds ago. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the apartment. I took a deep whiff of the mixed scents in the room; Bella, Tristan and Abbey's distinctive scents swirled around and created the scent of a home…a warm and loving home. I wanted this…I needed this in my life.
Tristan pulled me into the tiny kitchen where Bella was working behind the percolator. The scent of freshly brewed coffee filled my nostrils and made my mouth water. My eyes scanned her body; she was wearing black boxer pants which hugged her fuck-awesome ass.
"Mom, look who came" Tristan jumped in excitement.
She turned around and my eyes – on their own accord – froze on her breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra…oh my fucking word, it had made my mouth water even more than the coffee had. She cleared her throat, telling me that she knew where my eyes were staring, but for the hell of me, I couldn't look away. She crossed her arms over her chest and brought me out of the eye-fucking I was assaulting her with.
"I told you he would come back" Tristan chuckled. My eyebrows puckered at Tristan's words. I remembered how Tristan told me of his fears about me not coming back after he spoke with Bella. She made him doubt me even more. I clenched my jaw and pressed my lips together.
I met her eyes and she looked guilty. She fucking knew what she was causing in Tristan's heart, and she knew – by the shame in her eyes – that I was fucking pissed and hurt at her for causing even more doubt in Tristan's heart.
"M-morning" she stuttered. "Coffee?" she asked while looking everywhere except at me.
"Morning. That'll be great, thanks" I said coldly.
"Are you here for good?" Tristan asked me, bringing my attention back to him.
I crouched in front of him. My heart swelled with love for my son. I slowly raked my fingers through his bed-hair and smiled.
"I sure am"
He widened his eyes before he jumped into the air and made a fist pump.
"I knew you wouldn't break your promise, I just knew it" he said over and over as if he wanted to convince himself that he had never doubted me.
"I quit the band, but I still have a few things to sort out" I explained and saw the dark cloud of fear shadowing his eyes. "I'm doing it from Seattle, Tristan. I'm not going anywhere" I added quickly.
"Good" he sighed. It broke my heart to have still seen doubt in his eyes, and it pissed me the fuck off that Bella was adding to that doubt. Was she trying to destroy my relationship with Tristan?
"Mom, can we do something with dad today, please" he suddenly asked Bella. She coughed around the rim of the mug she had against her lips, spewing black coffee all over the kitchen.
"Bella, are you alright?" I asked in concern when I took her red, choking face in.
She held her hand out as I was about to help her, "I'm fine" she croaked out, her voice sounded gruff from all the coughing.
"What did you have in mind, Tristan?" she asked.
Tristan looked to me for help and I chuckled.
"If it's okay with your mom" I turned to Bella, "I wanted to take you to Emmett's house and introduce you to your other grandfather" I said hopefully. Bella's eyes widened and suddenly filled with tears.
"Carlisle's here?" she asked with a quivering chin. I remembered how much she loved my parents, especially my father.
I nodded; sadness suddenly overwhelmed me when I remembered the burden of his illness hanging like a dark cloud over my head.
"He'll be staying with me for a while, well, we're staying at Emmett's house until I buy a house" I explained.
"That would be so cool. Can we please go, mom, please" he asked her while jumping up and down.
She raked her fingers through his hair; "I'm sure we can make a plan" she smiled.
"I want you and Abbey to join us, Bella" I said before she could say anything. I knew she had a hard time trusting me with Tristan. It was going to take time for her to see that I was here to stay and had no fucking intention of hurting my son.
Her eyes displayed relief. I still knew her better than anyone else.
"That's very thoughtful, thank you, Edward" she smiled sadly. "Tristan, you should get ready" she said to Tristan.
"I'll be right back, dad" he smiled before he ran out of the kitchen.
"Where's Abbey?" I asked. The atmosphere in the kitchen was thick with awkwardness as Tristan took the cheery atmosphere – from a minute ago – with him.
"Rose takes Abbey to buy pastries every Sunday morning" she explained. "It's kind of a ritual in this house" she giggled.
"That's cute" I smiled.
"Soooo" she stretched the word out, "You're moving back to Seattle?" she asked.
"Yes, I can't live without my son" I said.
"Tristan never said anything about you quitting the band" she sounded shocked – terrified was more fitting. My eyebrows puckered at her shocked expression.
"I wanted to surprise Tristan…I still have shit to sort out with the band, but I'm done"
A humorless chuckle escaped her narrowed lips.
"What?" I asked.
"I guess I should be happy that you didn't put your band before your son" she said.
I groaned.
I should have known that her assaults wouldn't end. She would never forgive me for that, but I couldn't blame her because I couldn't even found it my heart to forgive myself. I had this enormous amount of fear building inside of me that Tristan would hate me once he learned the truth about mine and Bella's break-up. I wouldn't blame him either, but I would fucking beg for his forgiveness because he was everything to me.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I would've quit the band had you only waited for me to return from the soundcheck-"
She scoffed and looked away from my piercing eyes, which was silently pleading with her for some sort of understanding, some sort of sign that she still loved me as much as I loved her. I just needed a little sign to help me believe that there was a chance for us…a chance to be a family.
"It's so convenient to say that after all these years. Do you honestly think I'll believe you now?" she sighed bitterly. I had to bite a snide comment back. Heaven knows I've fucked up enough already.
"You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. I begged you to wait for me, Bella, I fucking begged you" I jabbed my fingers into my unruly hair and pulled hard.
"And I begged you to choose me" she threw back.
"Can we please not do this again? I've explained myself numerous times and it's pretty clear that you don't believe a word I say" I rubbed the back of my neck viciously. "I have so much shit to deal with right now, and I don't want to relive the past each time I see you…I've forgiven you, Bella, why can't you do the same?" I sighed.
"Honestly? I have no fucking idea" she said.
"Bella, please try. Please try and see that I love you and won't hurt you ever again" I said, rubbing my chest where the burning pain consumed me. Fuck, I've tried to rub that fucking pain away for ten years now, but to no prevail. Why couldn't she just give me another chance? Have I completely fucked her up? Pfft, what a dumb fucking question Cullen, I chastised myself.
"Please don't start with that again?" she asked through clenched teeth. "I'm marrying Jacob, Edward, and that's final" she hissed.
I rubbed my chest again where the pain started burning furiously. The pain was indescribable and the anguish was enough to fucking kill me. I seriously had no idea how to live without Bella. Sure, I had my son and he was everything to me, but I also needed Bella. My heart wasn't complete without her.
"Bella" I sighed, "I'm sorry about last night and what I've said…I was pissed-"
She held her free hand up, "It's fine. Forget about it" she smiled.
"Mommy" I heard Abbey's bell-like voice chiming through the apartment. "We're back" she sang in a sing-song voice.
I couldn't help but chuckle. Bella laughed softly while shaking her head.
Abbey halted in the kitchen with eyes as wide as saucers when she saw me. Rose almost walked her over when Abbey just froze in the doorway. Rose looked up the second she almost fell over Abbey, and looked straight into my eyes.
"There's my princess" I ignored Rosalie's cold eyes and crouched down when Abbey ran towards me. I picked her up when she flew into my arms and I planted kisses all over her beautiful face.
"Will you be my prince charming?" she asked through a fit of giggles.
"Prince Charming, hey?" I asked flattered. My heart swelled with love with this little girl in my arms. I knew she wasn't mine, but I couldn't give a fuck. In my heart she was mine…I wanted to make that a reality, legally. I wanted her to be a Cullen. I frowned. I was reminded that I've never asked Bella about Tristan's surname.
She nodded her little head ferociously. "Yes, you are pretty just like the prince charming in Shrek" she giggled.
"Pretty you tell me" I chuckled and heard Bella and Rosalie giggle. I eyed them warily before I returned my gaze to Abbey. She was so beautiful and cute; she already held my heart in the palms of her tiny little hands.
"So, will you be prince charming?" she asked in a huff.
I chuckled. "Sure, princess, I'll be your prince charming. But this prince charming in Shrek better be as pretty as you make him out to be" I mocked seriousness.
"Oh, believe me, Edward, he is" she pouted, her eyes displaying bright stars.
"You'll have to show me sometime" I suggested. I've never seen the movie. I've never seen any animation movie, but I knew that I had to change that. I had children to think about and I had to have something to share with them. Share their likes and dislikes…I needed to have something that I could do with the both of them. I suddenly wondered if Jacob was a father to Abbey. Jealousy filled my heart which made me green with envy. I wanted to fill those shoes. I wanted to be her father…the father she so desperately wanted and craved.
Bella asked Abbey to go get ready, but Abbey pouted and stomped her tiny foot. She complained with sad eyes until she heard that they were spending the day with me. She screeched and cupped my cheeks – a little too hard – before she planted soppy kisses all over my face. She wiggled out of my arms and ran out of the kitchen, again taking the happy atmosphere with her.
I cleared my throat when I felt eyes on me. When I looked up, both Bella and Rosalie were staring at me. I've never felt so awkward in my entire life.
"Bella, I'm going to Emmett's for the day" Rosalie finally said.
"Well, we'll see you there" Bella sighed.
Rosalie's eyes widened, "Really?" she asked.
"Edward wants to introduce Tristan to Carlisle and Emmett" she explained nonchalantly.
Rosalie's eyes pierced mine, trying to decipher what my motives were. I sighed. She promised Emmett that she would try to forgive me, but she's not really trying hard. I had no motives when it came to my son; I loved him and wanted him in my life forever. The only motives I had, was to make Bella a part of that life.
"Carlisle came with?" she asked me directly.
"Yes, he will be staying with me for a while" I answered friendly. I would show Rosalie that I wasn't the bad guy that she had cut me out to be. I was a fucking human being with real emotional shit going on in my life…I wasn't the hard bastard that she summed me up to be. I would show her that I fucking love Bella and that Bella wasn't the only one affected over our break-up. My life was a living hell – even if it was self-inflicted – and I would pay the price of that hell for the rest of my life.
"How long will you be staying with Emmett?" she asked.
"Until I can find a house" I answered.
Bella eyed Rosalie and me carefully before she placed the box of pastries in the middle of the small kitchen table along with plates. She started the coffee machine again and then excused herself to go and get ready. Rosalie and I were left in the kitchen, alone.
"Look-"
"I know-"
We said at exactly the same time. She took a seat at the table and I copied her.
"You go first" she said.
"I know you hate me. I know you hate what I've done to Bella. And, I know that you think I have some dark motive with my family" I sighed, pulling at my hair before I looked directly into her icy blue eyes. "I can't change your mind and I'm sure as hell not going to try, Rosalie. I can, however, assure you that I fucking love that woman and I'm going to do everything in my power to make her fall in love with me again" I said while rubbing my chest again. She looked at my hand and then at my eyes.
"I don't hate you, Edward. I did hate you, but not anymore" she stated flatly.
"Why?" I asked. "What changed your mind about me?" I asked. Have I won the battle with Rosalie without actually fighting one?
"I could never hate anyone who Emmett loves. I have to love you because he does" she shrugged simply. It was that simple with her.
"That simple hey?" I chuckled.
"Yes, it's that simple" she smiled.
"I wish everything in life could be that simple" I sighed, still rubbing my chest.
"Bella made a promise to Jake, Edward, and she won't break that promise. She won't leave him…not even for you" she explained. With that one sentence she gave me hope and shattered my dreams at the same time. Rosalie knew Bella and she knew Bella's heart as well as I had – not anymore though.
"What are you saying?" I asked.
"There's nothing hidden behind my words, Edward. She won't leave him…it's that simple" she scoffed in annoyance.
"I have to try" I whispered.
"Why do you keep doing that?" she asked, pointing to my chest.
I looked down and saw how my fingers rubbed my chest in a soothing matter, but was everything but soothing. The pain was still excruciating and still burned like hell.
"It hurts" I said and opened myself to this woman without even noticing it.
"What? Do you get chest pains?" she asked.
I shook my head sideways, "It's not like that" I said.
"Well, I don't under-" she stopped mid-sentence. I smiled sadly when an 'o' formed on her lips.
"Bella does it a lot, too" she said sadly. I gasped.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yup" she popped the p.
"What do you know about the fucker" I swallowed when her eyes narrowed, "I mean, Jake?" I said quickly.
"Rose" her melodic voice echoed through the kitchen and mine and Rosalie's heads shot up to see a furious looking Bella in the doorway. "Don't say another word" she said directly to Rosalie. Rosalie blushed and looked down.
"And you" she came towards me and poked me in my chest, "stop pestering my friend about my life, which doesn't concern you by the way" she poked me with every word she uttered.
"I'm sorry" I said shyly, feeling like a complete dick.
"I have no idea how many more 'I'm sorry's' I'll have to hear out of your mouth, Edward Cullen, but I hope that that was the last time" she joined us at the kitchen table.
Tristan and Abbey joined us seconds after Bella joined us, and we ate the pastries that Rosalie and Abbey had gotten earlier. We made small talk, which was led by Abbey and Tristan. Afterwards, we made our way to my Volvo-rental – Jasper and Alice was driving my Vanquish here while their cars were being shipped to Seattle. Jasper always wanted to drive my car and he wouldn't let this opportunity pass him by.
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Tristan was nervous about meeting Carlisle; the way he fidgeted with his fingers and raked his fingers through his hair and fidgeting some more. I smiled down at him when he clamped my hand tightly as we entered Emmett's house. Abbey sat on Bella's hip and hid her face in her mommy's hair. That sight alone almost killed me. I rubbed my chest with my free hand as the pain was overwhelming. I couldn't lose Bella, Tristan and Abbey to some fucker. I just couldn't…the thought alone crippled me.
"Rosie" I heard Emmett's loud voice as he laid eyes on the love of his life.
"Hey there, handsome" she smiled as she walked into his arms and kissed him passionately.
"Eew, that's disgusting" Tristan mocked them. Abbey giggled as she wiggled out of Bella's arms. One thing I've learned about Abbey was that she wasn't shy. I remembered how she introduced herself to me, and my lips curled upwards into a smile.
"You're the grizzly bear" she giggled behind her tiny hands when she stood in front of Emmett. His bellowing laughter echoed through his house before he crouched down and poked Abbey's nose.
"Abbey!" Bella scolded, but Emmett shook his head at Bella.
"That's how she remembers me, Bella. The first time we met she said that I reminded her of a grizzly bear" Emmett chuckled.
"Hey there pretty little princess" Emmett smiled.
"Uh uh" she stomped her tiny little foot and crossed her arms over her chest. Emmett's eyes widened and looked to Bella for help. Bella only raised her shoulders.
Abbey sighed loudly.
"I'm Edward's princess" she explained while rolling her eyes.
"But…but can't you be my princess too?" Emmett asked a little taken back. I chuckled softly and heard my son's warm laughter as well.
"I'm sorry, no" Abbey shook her head. My heart swelled with pride and adoration. She was my daughter…I couldn't care less what Bella and her douchebag thought of the idea, Abbey was mine. I would die for her…I fucking loved her as much as I loved Tristan; no comparisons.
"I'll just have to find another name for you then" Emmett pouted sadly. It was no surprise that Emmett had called her a princess because when meeting Abbey for the first time she reminds you of a princess…a vision of true and innocent beauty.
"Okay" she said.
"And you must be Tristan?" Emmett's eyes locked on Tristan.
"Yeah" he laughed, "and you do look like a grizzly"
"I do, don't I? I've been baptized with that name since I was a kid" Emmett smiled.
"Who gave you the name?" Tristan asked. Without realizing it, Emmett helped Tristan to relax and be his joyful self.
"Your dad, actually" Emmett grimaced.
Tristan and Abbey both looked at me at the same time; both of them smiling broadly. I laughed softly.
"Hello, Bella" Emmett approached Bella slowly. Tears formed in her beautiful brown eyes before they flowed down. Emmett reached out and rubbed her cheeks with his huge hands.
"I missed you so much, Em" her lips quivered and her chin wobbled from keeping her sobs in. He pulled her into his arms and embraced her tightly. Jealousy filled my heart; I wished that I could have had that kind of greeting from her. I wished that I could have heard that she missed me, too. I wished that I could have felt her head resting against my chest…
A tugging on my jeans brought me out of my reverie. As I looked down, I stared into the widened eyes of Abbey…fuck, she looked so much like Bella. I crouched down and picked her up.
"Why is mommy sad?" she asked softly.
"Uncle Emmett is like a brother to your mommy, and she missed him because she hasn't seen him in years, Princess" I explained softly.
"I don't like it when she cries…" Abbey said.
"I don't like it either" I whispered into her ear.
"She cries a lot, especially when she climbs into bed. Sometimes I can hear her and it upsets me" her pink lips quivered.
"We have to figure something out so that she won't be sad anymore" I said the only thing that came to mind. What else was I supposed to say; I had no clue why Bella cried every night. I had no idea what was happening inside of Bella's heart…I wish I had, though.
"Maybe you can make her a special CD" she said.
"What? Why?" I asked. We were still whispering so that no one knew what we were talking about.
"She likes your music…she listens to it all the time" Abbey said matter-of-factly.
"We'll work on that surprise, okay?" I kissed her forehead.
Emmett and Bella were talking softly. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as she kept weeping and Emmett kept wiping her tears. She nodded almost the entire time as Emmett spoke to her. I wished that I could have heard their conversation…
"Emmett, have you seen-" my father's voice died at the sight in front of him. I hadn't told that I was bringing Tristan over because I wanted to surprise him. His eyes froze at the girl on my hip and then moved to where Tristan was standing. Tears sprung to his eyes as they lingered on Tristan.
"Who is that?" Abbey whispered into my ear.
"My daddy" I whispered back. She gasped.
"He looks sick, Edward" she whispered back. My heart soared at her words.
"He'll be fine" I smiled. "Tristan, Abbey, this is Carlisle – my father" I introduced them to my dad. Dad crouched down in front of Tristan, and Abbey wiggled herself free from my arms.
"Hello, Abbey, Tristan" Carlisle smiled. The tears were still visible in his eyes.
"Can I call you Pops?" Abbey asked straight forward. Everyone in the living room chuckled. My eyes caught Bella's expression; she was in awe, but she also had worry-lines on her forehead. I guessed that she must have seen what Abbey saw. I should tell her about Carlisle, but I had no idea how to do that without breaking down in front of her.
"I want to call you Pops, too" Tristan said. I picked up a little jealousy coming from Tristan. My son wasn't a shy kid, but he was nervous about meeting new people. I remembered how nervous he was when I was introduced to him the first time. But, as soon as he relaxed there was no stopping him.
"I would love to be your Pops" he cupped both their cheeks before he pulled them into his arms. His eyes met mine and he mouthed a silent thank you. I nodded with a smile.
Carlisle was introduced to Rosalie and I could tell that he was very taken with her. Abbey and Tristan wouldn't leave his hands, though, so he had to give her a hug with no arms. Bella tried to chastise them, but they refused to let go of Carlisle's hands. I was so proud of them…
"Bella?" Carlisle finally looked at Bella. She was standing in the farthest corner of the living room. I took hold of Abbey and Tristan as Carlisle made his way to Bella. Another round of tears sprung to her eyes and it damn near killed me to see her so sad and uncertain of herself. My family never blamed her for anything…on the contrary; they blamed me. They missed her terribly, especially Alice and Emmett. I knew Emmett and Alice were a bit pissed with Bella when they've learned how she kept Tristan from me, but Emmett sure as hell calmed down. I hoped that Alice would give her the same amount of love that Emmett just had.
Abbey huffed again and I chuckled. She hadn't liked the fact that her mommy was crying, again.
"You need to work on that CD, Edward" she huffed again.
Tristan looked at me in confusion. I held my hand over his ear and explained Abbey's plan to him. His eyes widened and filled with excitement.
"Can I help?" he asked.
"Sure you can. Besides, you know all of her favorites, I don't" I shrugged.
"When can we start?" he asked excitedly.
"I'll have to get the two of you alone so we can start working on the CD" I smiled at them. They nodded their heads.
"Mom will love it" Tristan said.
"I sure hope so" I said with uncertainty. I had no idea how she could hate me so much, but listen to my music at the same time. Bella was a closed book to me now, I realized. She had changed, but was still the same – if that made sense.
"What do you guys say about a BBQ?" Emmett asked.
"Yeah, that would be awesome" Tristan made a fist pump in the air.
"I agree with Tristan, Emmie" Abbey giggled.
Emmett never waited for the rest of our replies. He asked Bella if it would be okay if he and Rosalie took Tristan and Abbey with them to the grocer. She agreed with a smile and Emmett and Tristan bumped their fists together. I smiled. It was so good seeing my family with my kids. I could tell that Emmett and Tristan would get along extremely well…and Abbey would have Emmett eating from the palm of her hand in no time.
After Emmett and Rosalie left with my life, Bella cut straight to the chase.
"Carlisle, not to be rude or anything, but what's wrong with you?" she asked.
I gulped. There was no getting out of this one.
"Dad, please" I begged softly, tears already brimming in my eyes. He looked back at me with so much sadness that it sent the tears falling. I shook my head, "I can't listen to this again. I'm sorry, I just can't" I whispered hoarsely before I left the room. Bella's eyes were widened as my tears flowed down my cheeks.
"He had to go through this with Alice and Em-" I heard him explain to a baffled Bella. His voice completely died as I entered Emmett's music room.
I took a seat behind the piano and stretched my fingers before I placed them on the white keys. My fingers trailed through the black and white keys playing - on their own accord - the lullaby I wrote Bella years ago. I closed my eyes as three pairs of eyes danced in front of me; two brown pairs and one green pair. I couldn't choose between the pairs of eyes as I loved all of them. All of them took my fucking breath away, but every pair brought out different feelings. My children's eyes brought love, hope, peace, astonishment and happiness into my hollow heart and soul while Bella's eyes brought a different kind of love, passion, desire, reverence and lust. I couldn't choose, all of them filled my heart and soul in completely different ways, but all of them were crucial.
I needed them. I needed their love. I needed their acceptance.
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A/N: I know this took a while…fuck, my son is teething again. He's busy with his fourth tooth and it's driving me crazy LOL. This chapter almost took me two weeks to complete. I hope it's not a disappointment and I hope it flows well. I know you'll be honest, though. I had a lot to cover in this chapter, but I think things will go smoother now that Edward is in Seattle. Angst is not over, though, not by a long shot!
I haven't gotten back to the reviewers of the previous chapter, I'm sorry. I literally don't have the time. I'll try to answer this chapter's reviews, but I'm not promising anything, though.
Everyone but Esme and the kids know about Carlisle's illness now…what do you think Esme's reaction will be? **Warning** Esme is not as sweet as she is in all the other stories…BPOV is up next, guys…hopefully I'll get more time, but I'm not promising anything. My son is very difficult at the moment!
P.S. I have no idea how long this story is going to be…I can't even tell you how many chapters there'll be. I just hope that you'll stick with me to the end. Things will heat up now that Edward's in town…HAHA! I bet he'll make it very hard for Bella to concentrate on her wedding *wink* … Don't ask me about Bella's upcoming wedding because I won't answer…it's a surprise. That chapter is already written, by the way! (I'll say one thing, though; it's going to be nerve wracking)
Please don't stop reviewing…I'm begging you.