Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:
This is letting go – Rise Against
Within my heart – Dead by April
Too late – Dead by April
Last Goodbye – Dead by April
Calling – Dead by April
The good left undone – Rise Against (Fuck awesome song…)
A/N: LOL…so many OMG's received on the last chapter and 'Bella should get her head out of her ass'. Haha. I love reading your reviews…thank you so much to every single reader that took the time to review. You keep this story going because you encourage me to continue writing. I had no idea that I would get this kind of responses when I posted that first chapter a few months ago…you guys blew me away and surprised me in more ways than one. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm nervous about this chapter and, yet, excited as well. I'm looking forward to read your responses.
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Chapter Eighteen – This is letting go
But this isn't giving up, no this is letting go
I made the most of all this sorrow
I tried to brave this discontent but now I'm through
I'm letting go of you.
(This is letting go – Rise Against)
EPOV
Her brown hair fell over her shoulders when she straddled her gloriously naked body over mine. My heart hammered with anticipation of what I knew was coming next, but she only sat over me for a while. I wasn't complaining, though, because I had the most amazing view right in front of me.
My eyes stared at her hipbones where my fingers gently held her perfectly still, and scanned every single detail where my eyes fell on her beautiful bellybutton. My one hand loosened around her hip and traced a lazy pattern to said bellybutton. My finger circled it a couple of times and a lazy smile curled my lips upwards when goose bumps erupted across her stomach. I could see the gentle shivering motion she made and I literally groaned when she rubbed her wet center just an inch above my hard as fuck dick.
After I composed myself to some sort of normalcy, considering the circumstances I was under – literally under -, I opened my eyes again and unclenched my other hand from her hip. I traced both hands up along her ribcage, eliciting some more goose bumps where my rough guitar-played-fingers touched her silky soft skin. My fingers trailed up right under her breasts and I teasingly traced the underline of her perfect peaky breasts. A soft whimper escaped her lips when my thumbs rubbed teasingly over her erect nipples.
I had to close my eyes again because that sound alone made me wanna turn her onto her back and bury myself deep inside her warmth. Fuck, I had no idea what she waited for, or why, for that matter. I just knew that it was driving me insane.
I swallowed hard before I opened my eyes again, staring back at my hands busy kneading her breasts. I licked my lips as the want to take her nipple into my mouth and nibble it, overwhelmed me. My hands froze their actions and started tracing up her chest, along her shoulder, her collarbone, up her neck and along her jawline. Finally, my fingers touched her pillowy lips, tracing the contours slowly and softly before my eyes finally connected with hers.
I gasped. Her brown orbs were almost golden from all the emotions that swam in them. Her eyes pierced mine and I recognized the want and need in them…along with love. So much fucking love swirled in her golden diluted orbs that I wanted to fucking cry. Bella loved me. She loved me…was all I kept thinking. It played over and over in my mind like lyrics to new music I've composed.
"Do you love me, Bella?" I asked huskily, my voice thick with emotions. I just had to hear the words rolling off of her sweet tongue and see them form on her plump lips.
"I do" she whispered so softly.
"Say it, Bella, say that you love me" I ordered softly, my thumb gently rubbing her bottom lip.
"I love you, Edward Cullen" she said. Her golden eyes turned darker with love and passion.
Her delicately small hands pressed up against my chest and it felt as if she set my body on fire with just that touch. Her fingers traced the tattoo in the middle of my chest. I closed my eyes at her touch.
"I wish I never made that damn ultimatum. I wish we never broke-up" she said and I opened my eyes to meet hers, which was filled with unshed tears now. My hand shot up and I caught the one tear that escaped her eye with my thumb.
"Most off all, I wish I had the freedom to give my heart to you…"
You remember me, you remember us
It was magical when I felt your touch
It's a strong memory still today
It feels so good with your body close
Those days are gone, time flied away
But it's what I'm dreaming of still today
(Within my heart – Dead by April)
I slowly opened my eyes to the horrific reality. My hand rested on my tattoo and without looking at it, I could trace the lines of the swan in the middle of my chest. The wetness against my temples told me that I was crying, but I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. Numb and broken beyond repair.
Bella was getting married today. My Bella was marrying some other guy and said guy was taking away my family. He would be spending the rest of his life sleeping next to my girl, waking up next to her, having breakfast with my precious kids, taking them to school…
I rubbed the tears out of my eyes before they escaped from the corners of my eyes. I slowly sat up in my bed – for a moment that dream made my dick hard as fuck, but as soon as those words slipped from Bella's lips…he slowly died, just like my heart.
I had no idea how to stop Bella from marrying that fucker, heaven knows, I've tried everything. I have pledged my love to her every time I saw her, but she thought that I was full of shit. Obviously, she still hadn't forgiven me for what happened ten years ago. I have stayed calm when she attacked me – for no reason whatsoever - with venomous words. I took it all in without saying anything back, well, I may have said something back here and there, but it was nothing compared to Bella's anger. Her words were like daggers and with each word a dagger stabbed into my heart.
Today was the last day that I had to try and change her mind. Today was my last hope. If I wasn't able to win her heart back today then that would be it…over and done.
After I took a shower and dressed in my favorite black ruined jeans, a white Metallica shirt and my Vans, I went downstairs to grab a bowl of cereal. I was surprised to have found my father sitting at the table, eating his own bowl of cereal. Usually he would sleep a bit late before he would come down.
"Morning, dad" I smiled. He raised his head slowly and smiled. Fuck, he was getting paler by the day. "Alice and Jasper still sleeping?" I asked.
Jasper and Alice surprised us last night. They arrived quite late and practically fell asleep while greeting us. I'm excited that they're here, I've gotten used to having them around.
"Yeah, I think they'll be sleeping late. I'm so happy to have all of my children under one roof" Dad smiled.
"Yeah, yeah" I chuckled. "Where's Em and my beauty's?" I asked.
"Em had an emergency at the hospital. Rosalie took them to their rooms so they could get ready because Emmett can't take them to the church, so Rose will take them now" he answered. I grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal before I joined him at the kitchen table. I poured milk on and grabbed a spoon. I wasn't hungry, but I needed to eat something because I felt nauseous. I guessed it was because of the stress.
"Today's the big day?" he said slowly, pain evident in his eyes. He was also hoping for reconciliation between Bella and me.
I sighed long and hard while rubbing the back of my neck.
"What am I going to do, dad? I can't lose her…" I said with burning eyes, "not again" my voice broke at the end. I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing out loud when my heart ripped into pieces.
The thought of losing Bella today, poisoned my heart into a slow and painful death. If only I could go back in time…if only…I would do everything differently.
I felt my dad's arms around my shoulder and I slowly looked up with a tear-stained face. My tears imitated on his face. He grabbed a fistful of my hair before he pulled me to his chest. I felt like a six-year-old boy who just fell down and needed his father's comfort. The excruciating pain inside my chest was unbearable. I wanted to die, but couldn't because my son and daughter needed me, even though Bella didn't.
"Go to Bella, Edward. Go to her and fight until the very end…you can't give up, son" there was an urgency in my dad's voice that I've never heard before.
This was my last chance to win her heart back, and I had to do everything in my power to prevent her from walking down that fucking aisle.
"Thanks, dad" I smiled, feeling like a little kid who was just healed by his father's kiss. I still needed my father, even though I was thirty-one years old, I still fucking needed him. The thought of my father dying scared the living shit out of me, but it was something that we had to make peace with because he refused to go for more treatments.
"Have you spoken to mom?" I asked.
His eyes filled with sadness as he nodded.
"She…urm…she can't come right now" he smiled, but I could see that his heart was broken. Anger filled my body. My hands started shaking.
"What? Why not?"
"She said she can't cope around sick people. It makes her nervous" he chuckled dryly, "But, she promised to come as soon as she's gotten used to the idea"
"Wait, what?" I asked astounded. "She wants to get used to the idea? Fuck, no" I yelled.
"Edward, calm down, son. I expected that much. I never had high hopes for your mother to take me back, even now that I'm dying I knew she wouldn't take me back. I just hoped, I guess…" he looked extremely sad and heartbroken. "I love her so much. I've never stopped loving her"
"Dad, she's selfish and heartless. I guess things never change" I spat. I haven't seen Esme in years. She never visited any of us and only called once in a while, maybe to sooth her guilt. I had at least hoped that she would have come and stood by my dad after everything they went through. I had hoped that she would at least make his final wish come true.
"Don't talk bad about you mother, Edward, you know I don't like it" he chastised me. I swallowed the shit I wanted to say and apologized for the way I spoke about Esme. I love her, she was my mother, but I had no fucking respect for her. She destroyed my father's life and basically turned us kids against him for a while, making him the bad guy in their relationship.
I kept my eyes on Carlisle's sad eyes. It crippled me to see him like this. It damned near killed me. How could my mother be so damn selfish?
"Dad-" I started saying, but was interrupted by my beautiful Princess's voice.
"Daddy" my little princess came running into the kitchen with Tristan inches behind her. He had a crooked smile plastered on his face and I knew Abbey must've told him about our conversation. He winked at me and nodded his head. He was my fucking pride and joy.
"Morning, Princess" I scooped her up into my arms and placed kisses all over her face. She giggled before she kissed me back.
"We have to go, but we'll see you tonight" she said sadly.
"Go? Have you eaten breakfast, yet?" I asked. Have I slept that late?
"We had some cereal and then Rosie made me bath and dress" she pouted. I chuckled. Fuck, it was a struggle to get her to bath and dress in the mornings. If she could wear pajama's the whole day, she would do it with a smile.
"Okay then, well…I guess I'll see you tonight after the wedding" my heart broke at those words.
"Hey, dad, you're still the best ever" Tristan bumped my fist before they left the kitchen.
Rosalie came in and told me she would text me the address where Bella was getting dressed. I hugged her tightly. Rosalie was sad because Bella felt the need to hide even from her. Bella probably knew that Rose would have told me where she was hiding.
"Dad, don't worry about mom. I think she'll come around, maybe she's in shock" I said after Rosalie and my kids left.
"Yeah, probably" he smiled, but his eyes gave him away. He knew she wasn't just in shock.
Carlisle and I ate our cereal in silence. He was probably thinking about my stuck-up mother while I was thinking about Bella. Fuck, which was all I seemed to be doing the last couple of days.
My phone vibrated with a message from Rose. She gave me the address where Bella was getting ready. I looked at my father and he smiled widely.
"Go, Edward, get out of here" he ordered with a smile. I nodded.
"Will you be alright?" I asked while standing up.
"GO!" he chuckled.
"Call me if you need anything. I mean it, dad, I'll be here in five minutes" I said worriedly while looking at him. He was getting weaker by the minute. I could see that the time we had with him was minimum.
"I'll be fine, now go" he said again. "I love you, Edward" he smiled before I started walking out of the kitchen. I slowly turned around to face him. Why had that sounded like a fucking goodbye? Suddenly I was torn in two; I wanted to stay with him because he seemed off and looked like shit, and, I wanted to be with Bella to try and win her heart back. There was no more tomorrows, today was the last day.
"I love you, too, dad. Maybe I should stay here with you-"
"No, Edward, you have a few hours left before Bella marries another man. You don't need to be here, you need to be over there fighting for her. Now go" he choked out. "I'm fine, just tired" he added.
"Dad-"
"Alice and Jasper's here if I need anything" he interrupted me again.
"You sure?" I asked quickly. He nodded with a sigh. I gave him a hug before I turned to leave the house. I swung the door open just as Jacob was about to ring the doorbell. My jaw clenched immediately, my eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms over my chest.
"What the hell do you want? And how did you get in?" I hissed infuriated.
"The guard believed me when I told him that Rosalie asked me to pick something up for Emmett" he smiled.
"He'll be out of a job by the end of the day"
"I don't give a shit. I came here to laugh in your fucking face" he chuckled. "I'm marrying Bella today, Edward, I've won. Stay the fuck away from her-"
"Is that a little insecurity I'm picking up, Jacob" I spat his name out.
"You have destroyed her life. You have hurt her and she doesn't need you anymore" he said. A big smile appeared on his face, "Have she told you about Abbey's father?"
"No" I answered.
"You wanna know why?" he asked, but answered without waiting for my answer. "She doesn't trust you enough. The only people who know about him are the ones she trusts" he bragged. "Besides, if she still loved you she would have told you, Cullen, so back the fuck off"
"Leave, Jacob" I hissed.
He laughed softly, "Stay away from her. She doesn't need you nor does she want you" he laughed as he turned around and walked away.
What the fuck was that? What about Abbey's father? Why the fuck wouldn't she have told me about him? What's the big fucking secret?
There was only one way to find out…
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Every little beat within my heart
Is still beating for us
Every little piece of my heart
Is still longing for us
I am not strong enough, I know
I cannot ever let you go
Within my heart,
(Within my heart – Dead by April)
My stomach had millions of butterflies flying around, not out of excitement, but out of fucking nervousness. It actually made me nauseous. My heart jumped to my throat making it impossible for me to swallow and breathe.
Everything about Bella – from the moment I first laid eyes on her up to the day she walked out of my life – swirled around in my mind as I drove to the hotel. It made my foot on the gas heavier and before I knew it I stopped in front of The Edgewater Hotel. Bella was here; Rosalie also gave me her room number.
I asked the lady – who was eye-fucking me – at the reception for directions to the room, and as she directed me, she constantly batted her eyelashes at me. I rolled my eyes at her pathetic attempt to be sexy, and as soon as she was done, I ran off, leaving her gaping like a fucking fish.
I raised my hand and knocked softly. I could make out Rosalie's voice as she was loud and then I heard Bella's voice as well. It sounded like they were arguing.
"I don't understand this obsession you have with Jacob fucking Black" I heard Rosalie yell. My eyes widened.
"Rose, don't do this, please, not now" her melodic voice interrupted Rosalie, but Bella seemed calm enough.
"When, Bella? When can I fucking tell you that you are making the biggest mistake if you go through with this? Fuck, I love you so much, Bells, but you are selfish and stubborn and so fucking wrong-"
"STOP!" I heard Bella yell. "Stop, Rosalie. If you can't support me today then you can fucking leave" Bella sounded angry and hurt.
I raised my hand again and knocked harder.
The door flew open and my eyes met Rosalie's. She was pissed as hell that much was clear. She winked at me before she huffed. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell Bella that she gave me the name of the hotel, but I had a feeling that Bella would know Rose gave me the hotel name. Bella wasn't stupid…
"Great" she threw her hands in the air, "another one of your obsessions…" she turned to Bella who was frozen. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. "Or shall I say ex-obsessions is here" Rosalie smirked. Bella turned her back to me, but I still saw her in the mirror she was standing in front of.
I gasped out loud when I saw Bella in her wedding dress. My breathing picked up as I gasped for air. She was so beautiful. The dress was white as snow and wrapped around her gorgeous body – hugging every curve -, but flung out at the bottom, reminding me of a fish tale. My eyes roamed over her body and came to a standstill when our eyes met in the mirror. Her eyes were wide and full of fear while mine displayed awe, love, reverence and adoration for the beautiful woman I saw in the mirror.
"What are you doing here?" she hissed when the reality of the situation sunk in. Her eyes displayed not only fear now, but fury as well.
"You look beautiful, Bella" I all but choked out. I felt the tears building in my eyes as my reality sunk in; she was in the dress, she was going through with the wedding. I took a step closer to her with a heavy and fearful heart.
Open for me
I am standing outside your door
Whatever you say
Don't say it's too late
Open for me
Cannot wait out here anymore
Whatever you say
Don't say it's too late
(Too late – Dead by April)
"Don't come any closer" she fumed while turning around. "Rose" Bella turned to her friend, but I never took my eyes off of Bella. "I needed your support today and you betrayed me by telling Edward where I was" she looked betrayed and hurt.
"Bells-"
"I want to talk to Edward" Bella said. "Alone" she demanded.
"Bells-" Rosalie tried again.
"NOW!" Bella bellowed.
As Rosalie walked past me, she clenched her hand around my shoulder. "This wasn't the best idea, Edward, but good luck" she whispered. I only nodded my head with my eyes still on the most beautiful woman in this world. Fear clawed my heart when I realized that I've lost Bella, and that I've wasted my time coming here. I could see the determination in her eyes; she was going to marry Jake and blew me off. She had no intention of even listening to me. I had done everything in my power to make her fall in love with me again, but I was too late.
I had failed in my mission…
"How many times have I told you that I'm not leaving Jake" she ranted on as soon as Rosalie closed the door. "Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone, Edward? I have made myself pretty clear" she bellowed. She rubbed her forehead ferociously. "Are you seriously so fucking delusional that you can't see that I've gone on with my life? You didn't want me, remember? It took me a long time to get where I am today…I'm not-" her eyes slid closed, "I'm not leaving Jake" she said with a frown and as if she was in pain.
"Bella" a soft sob escaped my lips. I walked until I was in front of her. I fell to my knees – a sobbing mess – and took her hands into my own. "I'm begging you, Love, please don't marry him. I love you so much, Bella" I begged. Even though I knew I've already lost, I still had to try. I still took a chance and hoped – prayed – that she would see that she was making a mistake by marrying Jake.
She pulled her hands out of mine. My head dropped, my chin resting on my chest, as everything came tumbling down. Tears escaped my eyes and dropped onto the thick carpet of the hotel room. My chest burned and my hand automatically started rubbing soothing circles where my heart was situated. I rubbed harder as the pain increased…
"If you really, truly love me…forget about me, Edward" she cried. "I'm not good for you; not good enough…if you really love me, prove it; walk away" she said.
I slowly raised my head and met her eyes; cold, bitter eyes stared back at me. Not even a sign of remorse or even a sign to have showed me that she wasn't serious. Her eyes displayed dead-fucking-seriousness. She clenched her jaw, her nostrils flared and her eyes were puffy and wild.
"You want me to prove to you how much I fucking love you by walking away from you and never look back?" I asked incredulously. She was serious on Sunday when she requested that I leave her alone. She was dead fucking serious.
"Yes" she answered flatly. I stood up from my knees and took her hands in mine again. I felt her go rigid, but I held tightly so she wouldn't have been able to pull away again.
In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
Bending there in my direction,
I wrapped a hand around its stem,
I pulled until the roots gave in,
Finding there what I'd been missing,
(The Good left Undone – Rise Against)
"I have tried everything to prove to you how much I fucking love you. I am at loss for words at your request, but" I clutched my shirt where my heart was pounding painfully hard. "But, if that's what you want, if that's something I have to do to prove to you just how fucking much I love you and how much you mean to me, I'll do it. I'll walk away, Bella, and never look back, hoping that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me and come back to me where I'll always be waiting for you" I smiled sadly.
Bella was standing in front of me with her hands clasped in front of her mouth. Tears poured out of her eyes.
"W-w-what?" she stuttered.
"I pulled you away from your family when we were seventeen years old. I pulled you out of school to fulfill my dreams. I led you into a life that you hated from the very beginning – you were a beautiful flower and I pulled you from your field where you've always blossomed and stood out. I pulled your roots out because I was selfish in my own ways…and I can see now that your petals dried over the years and that you weren't blossoming anymore. I killed your beautiful soul, Bella" I whispered as I wiped the tears from my face. "I see now that I was the selfish one by keeping you with me when you clearly wanted to be someplace else. I have always loved you, Bella, and I always will. You are my life, but I'm clearly not yours – not anymore anyways" I bit down on my fist to stifle the sob as I stared into her tearing eyes.
"I don't blame you for not forgiving me. I don't blame you for not loving me, Bella" I whispered with a thick throat. "I understand! I really do. I had my chance and I blew it by choosing a stupid fucking band. Jacob Black was always there for you, and he would choose you over anything and everything" I sniffled.
I smiled as a single tear rolled over the brim of my eye and crept down my cheek. I sniffled softly, desperately trying to be brave, and maybe not to ruin any more of Bella's life.
"I've loved you since I was six years old, but truly realized the meaning of those feelings when we turned sixteen and made love for the very first time. You were my life and I watched you walk out of my life because of a stupid fear I had. I don't deserve you or your love…I don't even deserve Tristan's love, but God knows that I need his love, now more than ever" I said while tears soaked my face.
I took her hands away from her mouth, leaned forward and gently locked my lips with hers. I kept the kiss chaste because I promised myself that I would never kiss her passionately again unless she asked me to. It took everything I had to pull my lips away from hers, knowing that it would be the last time I had the privilege to kiss those lips.
"I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused you, Bella. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to support you through your pregnancy and through Tristan's life. I'm even sorry that I wasn't here to protect you after Abbey's father died, but most of all, I'm sorry that I had hurt you so much that you feel the need to marry someone else just to feel save" I whispered sadly. Her eyes widened at my apologies and her lips quivered a little.
"How do you look at the girl you love and say goodbye?" I asked more to myself than to her. I swallowed hard before I took her hands away from her mouth again. I kissed each hand softly before I looked into her eyes again. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I cupped her cheeks.
"I'll always wait for you, hoping that Jake would fuck up so you'll come back to me. I can't live without you, but I have to try – not for you or me, but for my son and Abbey. I love you, Bella, and I'm proving to you just how fucking much by walking away. You can never doubt me after this" I sobbed. "I'm returning this precious flower to the dirt, and pray that you'll grow again, blossoming like you always did before I took you away" I smiled sadly.
Inside my hands these petals browned,
Dried up, fallen to the ground
But it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
Returned this flower to the dirt,
So it could live. I walked away now.
(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)
The heartache was enough to kill me. My head argued with my heart, but my heart knew that it was already too late. She had made up her mind and there was no way in hell that I was going to change it. I had tried to win her heart back and I failed. If Bella still loved me she would have left Jake and called the wedding off.
"You look beautiful, Love. Jake's a very lucky guy" I tried to smile, but the heartache was just too painful. Fuck, I knew I had to walk away, but it was just so fucking hard and painful. It felt as if my feet were stuck in dried cement, and I was unable to move. Then I remembered about Jake's visit and I wanted to test Bella…I had no idea why; I wanted to know what happened with Abbey's father.
"Bella, what happened between you and Abbey's father?" I asked.
She paled, eyes widened, lips quivered and her chin wobbled.
"I can't tell you" she whispered.
"Why not?" I pushed. There it was; Jake's words echoed through my mind – if she loved you she would've told you…she doesn't trust you enough…she doesn't need you.
"I just can't" she said.
I gave her a nod before I finally said the words she had been longing to hear, "This is letting go, Bella" I dropped her hands and sighed deeply before I turned around to leave. I closed the door behind me with a heavy and broken heart.
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long,
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,
I'll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.
(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)
"Edward, what happened?" Rosalie asked softly as she stood in front of me.
I smiled through my tears and shook my head with a sad smile. "It's over" I whispered. "I have lost" I added before I tucked my hands into my jacket and walked past her.
"Edward, no-" she said, but I just kept on walking.
Away from Bella.
Away from this hotel.
Away from the memory of what could have been.
Like a closing door, I'm slowly shutting down.
Like a falling leaf, just waiting for the pound.
Don't even bother, nothing can stop it;
Tried my best, but I just can't help it.
It will take a lifetime before I love again.
You will see me die before I love again.
Say my last goodbye.
(Last Goodbye – Dead by April)
On my way to the beach, I stopped and bough a case of beer. I wanted to be alone; alone and drunk while crying my heart out over my losses. I parked my car and pulled my shoes off before I grabbed my beer and walked to the beach – where I had brought my kids to play every day since Monday. They knew this was my favorite place in all of Seattle.
I threw the beer onto the white sand and plopped down. I opened a beer and took a long swig from the bottle before I stared at the raging ocean. New tears leaked down my cheeks as the pain in my chest became unbearable. I remember this feeling from ten years ago. I remember it as if it was yesterday because the pain never subsided. It was still present, lingering on the surface, just waiting to fuck me over; just like ten years ago.
I remembered the first time I kissed Bella Swan; she was six years old and so tiny and fragile. They have just moved to Forks and I remember that I was in awe at her beauty. I was only six years old, but I knew that she would be my girl one day. I remembered how I kissed her knee after she fell down and scraped it. The tears that streamed from her big brown eyes were heartbreaking, and I knew that I had to make her feel better.
I smiled, taking another swig from the bottle.
We were inseparable from that day forward. We shared everything together; every first and every last.
I don't even know how long I've been sitting here, but Bella's probably walking down that aisle right this moment. The stitches that were holding my heart together tore and my heart started bleeding…like ten years ago. No exceptions…everything was the same; the hurt, anguish, numbness, the emptiness inside my chest where there used to be a heart…
I took another beer and downed the contents of the entire bottle. I wanted this pain to go away. I wanted to feel nothing…
I picture you now right in front of me
Your beautiful eyes looking right at me
Remember the warmth you used to give me
I wish I could bring it back
Wish I could take it back
(Calling – Dead by April)
"Does it have to hurt so badly?" I whispered out loud while standing up. I slowly walked to the ocean and stood in the water. The waves rolled to the shore and washed over my bare feet. I know I wasn't a pussy, but fuck; I was in so much pain…unbearable pain. My hand gripped my shirt where my heart was situated because it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. The pain was indescribable.
Can you hear me calling, calling for you?
Can you hear me screaming, screaming for you?
It is like I'm naked out in the rain
Alone and dealing with the pain
Can you hear me calling
(Calling – Dead by April)
I looked up at the sky and reached out with my arms. "Just take this damn pain away" I yelled into the heavens. My arms came down and jabbed into my hair, pulling hard. "Take this fucking love I have for Bella away…please" I whispered hoarsely, tiredly, sobbingly. I was emotionally drained by the love I had for Bella. I just…I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't strong enough.
"Edward" I heard her melodic voice, and it soothed the pain away.
I laughed hysterically before my knees buckled and I fell to them. A loud gut-wrenching sob left my mouth!
Fucking great, now I was hearing voices…not any voice…her voice, and it sounded real and so beautiful…
All because of you,
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
No, not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home,
When home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.
(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)
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A/N: Was it what you expected? Review, Review, Review. I'm eagerly waiting for your responses; thoughts, theories, emotions... Next Chapter's already written and it's just waiting for your reviews LOL…