Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Lyrics in this chapter belong to:

An ocean between us – As I lay dying

The truth about my perceptions – as I lay dying

Reinvention – As I Lay Dying

Collision – As I lay dying

Within Destruction – As I lay dying

A/N: I am so sorry for updating this late…I had a major case of writers-block. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find words to put into the chapter. I even started a new story hoping that it would trigger something, but to no prevail. I hope that you like this chapter…it was hard writing this…I'll appreciate your honesty!

Also, I'm sorry for not getting back to you guys on the previous chapter's reviews…I'll try and get back to that on this chapter. I'm truly sorry.

oOoOoOoOoO

Chapter Twenty – My Everything

I sat ashore and watched

as one hopeless wave crashed upon another

while my thoughts ran to the hills

my heart never reached the sea

with only delusions of an endless journey

(An ocean between us)

EPOV

Her lips were soft and sweet as they molded with mine, moving slowly – erotically – while our tongues danced together. I couldn't help the moans that vibrated through my lips every few seconds; kissing her like this – freely and Bella kissing me back – was a dream come true. I've dreamt about this moment for ten years. My heart felt like exploding from joy, love and euphoria, but at the same time my heart was in excruciating pain after Bella told me about Abbey's father.

I had no idea what to do.

I had no idea where to go from here.

Guilt consumed me and I slowed our kiss as my concentration was elsewhere. I was torn in two; I wanted to spend the whole night with Bella wrapped up in my arms, kissing her, holding her, whispering sweet 'I love you's' into her ear, but at the same time I felt too guilty to even look into her eyes.

"I'll wait for you at Emmett's" she whispered. The sadness in her voice broke me a little more. The pain on her beautiful face crushed my heart. But, for the love of me, I couldn't bring myself to go with her. It was as if my feet were stuck in the sand, making it impossible for me to move.

"Okay" I whispered hoarsely. I looked away from her face and stared at the raging ocean and then up at the dark sky. The grey clouds were moving fast and I knew it was going to rain soon.

I sighed.

It was twilight; the time of day I used to hate with everything inside of me. It was the time of day that I had the most difficult time coping without Bella. It was the time of day that I would usually use drugs and would drink myself into a coma.

I looked back at the most beautiful woman on this earth.

Twilight will never be the same again because I had the woman I loved back in my life.

"I don't know what's going on inside your head" she whispered, cupping my cheeks in her delicate hands. "But, don't push me away. Don't let this ruin us, Edward, I'm begging you. I can understand that you need time and I'll give you all the time in the world, but don't let it ruin your love for me. What happened wasn't your fault-"

I huffed.

"It wasn't. These things happen, Edward" she argued.

"I'll see you at Em's house, Love" I dismissed her. The anger fueled through my veins causing my heart to burn like hell. I felt my fingers tremble and I quickly made a fist to calm myself down.

"I love you" she whispered and kissed me softly. Her words labored my breathing; my body sizzled with electricity and elicited goose bumps all over. I've longed for those words, fuck, how I've longed for them. I just had to ruin our reconciliation with my stupid fucking questions. I just had to know about Abbey's father right at this moment…I couldn't have waited one day, no, I had to know now.

Tonight was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be perfect in every way…we were back together, after ten years, we were back together. I had my family back…

"Love you, too" I whispered back.

She let go of my face and turned to walk away.

"Bella, wait" I said, reaching for my keys in my pocket. Her eyes displayed hopefulness and I felt like kicking myself. I handed her the keys, "Take my car, I'll give Emmett a call when I'm ready to come home" I explained. She simply nodded and took the keys from my hand.

I watched how Bella walked away from me. My chest felt empty as if she had taken my heart with her. My soul was dark because she was the light.

I went back to my spot where I had left the case of beer. I took one bottle out of the case and opened it, twirling the bottle around in my hands, looking at it as if it had the answers I was looking for. I took a swig, but it had left a vulgar aftertaste in my mouth. My feet carried me to the ocean where there were a few big rocks.

The raging anger I've felt since she had told me about what that fucker had done to her, came back to the surface and I literally exploded. I threw the bottle against the rocks and screamed until I fell into a sobbing mess. Every now and then I would scream from the anger and pain that consumed my heart.

"Why the fuck did it happen to her?" I yelled into the heavens, sobbing with my head between my hands. "Why her?" I whispered.

My chest burned from sobbing. I wanted to kill that fucker. I wanted to hunt him down and destroy him.

The thought of what he had done to her, taking advantage of her in that way, fueled my anger even more.

I was enraged at Sam.

I was enraged at Charlie for letting him get away.

I was enraged at Bella for walking away from it as if it was nothing? I was fucking furious at her for not pressing charges…letting Sam get away with raping her. Why hadn't she done anything?

I realized that if she hadn't left me that she never would have been raped…

It was my fault. I had done that to Bella. It was as if I had done that horrible crime to her. As if I was an accomplice to that vulgar deed.

I should have chosen her. I should have agreed to marry her when she had asked me to, instead of walking out of that hotel room.

None of this would have happened if I had only chosen her.

I've lived a simple life; numb, but simple. While she had gone through hell; raising Tristan on her own, getting raped, and raising another child on her own…

How could I ever forgive myself for everything she had gone through?

How could she have forgiven me so easily? Yes, I said easily, because even though she had a hard time forgiving me, it was still too easy for her. She should hate me for what I had done to her. She should despise my fucking guts…

Still, she came back after she had left Jake at the altar. She came back and pledged her love…

I never deserved any of it. Her love, forgiveness and reverence…I hadn't deserved it, but still I craved it like the selfish bastard I was. I fucking needed Bella like I needed air to breathe…like my heart needed blood to pump through my veins. I couldn't even imagine losing her again…it would kill me this time. It would literally destroy me…

I groaned while rubbing soothing circles around my chest where the pain was almost unbearable.

Was our life not fucked up enough? Had someone thought we needed more pain, more suffering, more challenges? Why couldn't our broken relationship be enough? Why the need to add to the bullshit that was going on around us?

Why the fuck was life so cruel and so fucking unfair?

If I had chosen Bella…

I shook my head and bawled.

Abbey!

Abbey wouldn't have been here. My beautiful princess wouldn't be on this planet was it not for what Bella had gone through.

I grabbed my head between my hands and screamed again.

I couldn't even imagine life without Abbey. She was in every thought I had. My heart crushed at the thought of Abbey not being alive. How could something so beautiful come from something so vulgar and horrific?

Why couldn't I regret anything?

Why couldn't I regret everything that had happened to Bella and me?

I was a fucking monster. A real piece of shit that never deserved Bella or her love. If I had to go back to ten years ago – knowing I would have Abbey in my life – I would fucking do everything exactly the same.

Have I gone crazy?

How could I even look at Bella with these thoughts and feelings? How could I look into her eyes and say that I loved her while my heart was torn in two; I wished that Sam never existed, but at the same time, he gave me Abbey. How could I – anyone – wish her away? She was the beauty that came from Bella's horrific situation. She was the sunlight…the joy of our lives.

My chest was on fire from all the sobbing and dry heaving. My throat was scratchy and sore from all the screaming and crying, and I felt thirsty. I refused to open another bottle of beer because I wouldn't soothe my pain with alcohol. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never fall off the wagon again by drinking myself numb.

Still, there was a need inside of me…an urgency that I couldn't explain. My heart and soul longed for something, anything to numb this pain. My heart and soul longed for…

I started crying uncontrollably as I realized what the need was inside of me.

Tristan.

Abbey.

Bella.

My heart and soul needed, wanted and longed for them.

They were my drugs…

They were my alcohol…

I knew that Bella and I had a long way to go, but I also knew that we would only be able to move forward together. Not with me sitting on a beach while she was at home with our children. I needed to be with them. I needed to feel their arms around me.

I had to talk to Bella about our relationship. About that fucker Sam. About our future.

For I know the truth of my perceptions

Nothing in life matters more

More than You

(The truth of my perceptions)

I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed Emmett's number.

"I'm on my way" he answered the phone and hung up. Bella must have told him where I was and that I would call him when I was ready. I had no idea what I would have done without Emmett. He had saved me time after time…

It took Emmett about thirty minutes to get to me. He looked worried. His face reminded me of ten years ago when Bella left. I sighed. I felt like shit for causing him worry.

I opened the back door and placed the case of beer on the seat. I thought about leaving it on the beach, but then some teenagers might find it and finished it off. I then climbed into his Jeep and sighed.

"Edward, bro, I don't know what the fuck is going on" his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. He turned to look at me, "But, seeing as Bella came to my house in a sobbing mess, I'm guessing that something horrible happened between the two of you-"

"Em" I sighed. "You've got everything wrong"

"Really?" his eyes widened before a deep frown crinkled his forehead. "Why is she in such a fucking state, Edward?" he almost yelled.

My heart ached at the thought of Bella crying. I had sent her away because I was a selfish fuck…I needed fucking time to calm down while she went through ten years of hell.

"It's not my story to tell" I whispered in defeat. If Bella wanted Emmett to know she would have told him…it wouldn't have felt right telling Emmett. It would felt like I had betrayed Bella.

"So everything is fine between you and Bella?" he asked skeptically.

I smiled broadly. My heart rate picked up.

"When she called out my name, fuck, Em" I ran my fingers through my hair before I continued, "My heart was going to burst from happiness and love. I really thought our love was ruined when she sent me away earlier"

"I saw the uncertainty in her eyes when she walked down the aisle" he started saying, "I could see the fight she had with herself inside her head and heart while walking towards Jake. It was as if her mind was someplace else. I prayed that she would stop the wedding" he smiled. "When she said she couldn't do it, I made a fist pump in the air while my heart screamed in relief. All I could think about the entire time was you, Edward. I was afraid of what it was going to do to you" his voice trembled a little. It was weird seeing my big brother in such a state over me.

"It would have destroyed me, Em, but, Tristan and Abbey would have kept me alive" I admitted.

"Do you want to go for a drink before we head home?" he asked before he started the Jeep.

I shook my head. "No, I want to get back to my family" I smiled. My heart was still sore and I still felt furious for everything Bella went through, but I knew that we could deal with it together. I refused to let Sam turn into another stumbling block on mine and Bella's path.

Emmett smiled as he looked at the almost full case of beer.

"I'm proud of you, Edward" he said as we drove off to his house.

"Thanks" I smiled proudly.

The closer we came to Emmett's house, the more nervous and anxious I got. I had asked Bella for time and watched her walk away from me…again! I still had no idea if I was ready to deal with this, but my heart and soul needed her right now. I needed to be with her; close to her and holding her straight through the night.

"How is Tristan and Abbey?" I asked Emmett before we turned into his driveway.

"They were upset to have seen only Bella return. And, with the state she was in it didn't help them relax" he sighed. "I took them for ice-cream while Rose and Bella talked. Abbey kept asking where you were" he smiled before he added, "She wanted to know where her daddy was"

I smiled and imagined how her voice sounded while she asked for me. I could see that little pout that would form on her cute little lips whenever she feels sad or really annoyed. It broke my heart to realize that she would have had a sad pout on her lips while asking for me.

"Abbey and Tristan went to bed a few minutes before you called me" he said. "They were pretty bushed after the hectic day they had"

"I wish I could have seen their faces when Bella called off the wedding" I smiled, knowing how much they wanted Bella and me to get married.

"They had the brightest smiles I've ever seen on their faces. Plus, they encouraged her to get to you as soon as possible while Jake kept hold of her wrist and begged her to stay with him" he chuckled warmly.

"Where's Bella now?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Your room"

"Alice and Jasper?"

"They went out for the night. I think they wanted to give Rosalie and Bella some privacy" he answered.

We got out of the Jeep and I followed Emmett into the house. We found Rosalie in the kitchen where she was cleaning up. Her eyes met mine as soon as I walked into sight.

"I understand that you are angry and that you need time" she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks, "But, if you hurt her, Edward, I swear I'll fucking kill you" she hissed, wiping the tears angrily.

"I'll never hurt her" I said and Rose huffed, so I added, "again"

She nodded and smiled through her tears. "She's pretty messed up right now" she sighed.

"I'm sor-"

"Edward, you don't have to apologize to me. It's Bella that needs to hear that right now. Go to her and we'll talk in the morning" she interrupted me. She gave me a quick hug before she pushed me out of the kitchen. Emmett's laughter echoed through the house as I slowly walked up the stairs. With every step my heart pounded harder and harder. With every step my throat constricted, almost suffocating me to death.

I hoped and prayed that she wouldn't judge me for sending her away. I hoped that she would still want me…even though I didn't deserve her.

My heart was beating wildly when my hand reached for the knob and turned it softly. I gasped in pain when her tiny body was pulled into a fetus position on my bed. She was wearing one of my shirts and nothing else. She was asleep, but her face was strained as if in pain and she was very restless.

I walked into the room and closed the door softly. I grabbed some dry clothes and disappeared into the bathroom where I wanted to take a quick shower. Her wedding dress was on the floor and my heart ached at the thought of how close I came to losing her today. Tears burned my eyes because I couldn't even have thought about it without falling apart. It was so close…

I quickly rid of my close and jumped into the shower. The warm water was welcome as it relaxed the stiff muscles in my body. I was anxious to get to Bella, but I had beach sand over my entire body and it irritated me. After I showered, I grabbed the towel and quickly dried my body before I slipped into sweatpants and a t-shirt.

She stared at me when I walked back into the room. I sighed. I had hoped that I had time to steal a few kisses before she woke up and before we had to face reality. I wanted my time with her to last a while longer before she would come to her senses and leave me again. Before she could realized that I was a fucking loser and not worthy of her love.

"Hi" I whispered hoarsely.

"Hi" she whispered back in a trembling voice. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying.

We stared at each other without saying anything. Fresh tears escaped her eyes and ran into her beautiful hair.

"Come here" she sounded uncertain and desperate at the same time. I slowly made my way to her and dropped to my knees in front of her. I let my head fall on the bed at her stomach and started crying. Her soft and lean fingers ran through my hair before she rested her hand on my head. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

"I'm sorry, Love, so fucking sorry" I bawled. I felt her body shaking and raised my head to look at her sobbing face. She was biting her lip to stifle her sobs. My heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight of a broken Bella. My broken Bella whom I turned my back on.

It took me all but two seconds to scoot her up and lay down next to her on the bed. She quickly crawled back into my arms where I held her for almost an hour, letting her cry her heart out. I kept repeating how much I loved her over and over again until I felt her calm down in my arms.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No, I need to talk to you" she whispered softly. My heart plummeted and I knew what was coming. She was going to tell me how disappointed she was and that she was too good for me. She was going to tell me that it was over before it even started.

"Okay" I said and we sat up on the bed. We sat Indian style facing each other. "Let's talk" I said while my heart was breaking.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"You're asking me if I'm okay?" I asked in disgust. How could she be so selfless?

"You were in bad shape when I left you on the beach and I was worried about you" she explained.

"Baby, I'm angry and sad that I wasn't there to protect you. I'm angry at myself for letting you leave ten years ago because if I had chosen you-"

"Don't" she whispered.

"I can't help it" I whispered back sadly.

"It wasn't your fault, Edward"

"Bella, I'm sorry about what happened to you" I swallowed hard, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself"

"Where does this leave us?" she asked and I frowned. This wasn't what I had expected. I thought she was going to send me packing.

"Where do you want us to be?" I asked instead of answering her.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she reached forward and placed her palm gently on my cheek. "I still want you, Edward" she swallowed hard before her hand dropped – causing a deep earthquake in my heart – and looked away from me. "I mean, that's if you still want me" she added shakily.

"Bella, look at me" I whispered with emotion and waited patiently for her eyes to reconnect with mine. "I always want you, love, always. Nothing can ever change that. My love for you will never die…" I whispered. "No matter what happened in the past"

Her shoulders started shaking as she fell into a sobbing mess. I scooted closer to her and pulled her to me. She grabbed my shirt in her fists and cried loudly as I rubbed her back soothingly. My lips kissed her head every now and again.

"I love you so much" she finally cried with hiccups. I chuckled because she reminded me of Abbey…in a way.

"I love you, too, baby, more than you'll ever know" I said still chuckling.

I let my fingers run through her beautiful, thick locks and the content sigh that escaped her lips made my heart swell. She placed a soft kiss on my neck before a long yawn rolled off of her lips. I chuckled softly before I kissed her forehead.

"Let's get some sleep" I suggested and she nodded without saying anything. I pulled the covers open and pulled Bella – my beautiful Bella – into my bed. She spooned her body against mine, lying with her back against my chest. My arm rested on her side and my hand laid flat on her abdomen where my fingers traced small circles.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I know you want to talk about what happened-"

"Shhh" I whispered against her ear, "we'll talk in the morning. Sleep my love"

"Goodnight Ed-" she whispered the last part of my name before she fell into a deep sleep. I could feel her chest rise and fall as she breathed deeply in her sleep. I smiled. I was the happiest man alive. I placed a soft kiss on her head and hid my nose in her strawberry scented hair before I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

You brought existence

To what I never thought could be

A world where eternity finds description

I followed a dream only to be left in reality

You reminded me of the unexplainable

And then reshaped me by your beauty

Knowing you has reinvented love in my heart

The perfection of loves' true existence

Experienced for the first time

(Reinvention)

I couldn't begin to explain the pure and unadulterated joy that rippled through my heart when I opened my eyes and saw her dark chestnut hair sprawled all over my chest. I wasn't dreaming. It was real; Bella was here in my bed, in my arms and in my life. She chose me and not Jake…fucker.

Everything felt so easy…too easy. Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of price we had to pay for our happiness? Was everything going to be downhill from here?

I knew we still had shit to sort and figure out. I knew we had a long road ahead of us, but I truly believed that we could do it together because with Bella by my side, I could do anything. I could walk through fire with her by my side.

"Penny for your thoughts?" her sweet voice – thick and rough from sleeping – brought me out of my reverie.

"I was thinking that I was the luckiest man alive" I smiled. She raised her head and placed her forearm on my chest while resting her chin on her arm, looking straight into my eyes. Her dark brown eyes were dilated into a golden almond brown.

"I have put you through hell" she said simply. "I broke your heart after you pledged your love" her eyes closed for a second before she opened them again. "I'm the lucky one, Edward, because you forgave me for crushing your heart"

I gently trailed my index finger down her cheek.

"We're both lucky then" I chuckled.

"Want to have that talk now?" she asked.

"Only if we don't have to move" I smiled, running my fingers down her cheeks again. Every part of my body had missed Bella and it was as if I couldn't get enough of touching her silky skin. I gulped when I thought about sex. I closed my eyes so she wouldn't notice the shadows that crossed my eyes…the absolute pain I felt ripped through my heart and was sure would display in my eyes.

"I wouldn't mind spending forever in this position" she giggled and the sound was heaven.

"Why didn't you press charges, Bella?" I asked in a pained voice.

She sighed.

"I already told you, Edward, I couldn't go through trials and all the shit that goes along with it…just to see him walk away" she said.

"Bella, what if he does that to other woman?" I asked slowly. "When will it stop if everyone has your attitude?"

"There was no evidence that suggested I was raped" she hissed.

"Are you kidding me, Bella, you had bruises over your body – like you told me – you were drugged with the famous 'date-rape-drug' and there was evidence of rape" I hissed back at her in anger.

"I was ashamed and felt humiliated, Edward" she looked away from me, but remained on my chest. "Besides, I couldn't face that man again" she whispered while her chin wobbled.

All of a sudden I had nothing more to say. I had nothing more I wanted to know because I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. I had asked the question I wanted some answers to and felt there was no need to hear more. She had been through so much, dealt with so much shit, that I hadn't needed to add to her stress. It was a difficult subject – not only for Bella but for me too – and the both of us needed to go forward.

"No more, Love" I whispered, bringing her face back to my sight.

A deep frown formed on her forehead, "I don't understand" she finally said.

"No more talks about Sam and what he had done to you" I explained.

She nodded with a smile and looked relieved. We lay for a couple more minutes just staring at each other.

"Edward" she said my name with uncertainty.

"Yes, love?"

"I have no regret what happened to me" she said softly as if she felt ashamed to have said it.

"Wait, what?" I asked shocked.

"Abbey is my life as much as Tristan is. I can't imagine my life without Abbey, Edward, and I can't regret what happened. Abbey needed to be a part of my life"

"Bella, fuck, you have no idea what you just-"

"I can understand if you're disgusted" she interrupted me.

I quickly sat up and pulled her up into my arms.

"I was thinking the same thing last night while I was struggling with what happened to you" I sighed. "I was furious at first, but then I felt guilty and felt like it was my fault – still feel that way -, but then I thought about Abbey and I couldn't find it in my heart to wish for our lives to have turned out differently. I love Abbey as if she is my daughter, Bella" I sighed. "I felt guilty for even thinking about it last night. I had thought that I was a monster for not regretting how our lives had turned out. Sure, we went through hell – you more than me – but I feel like we had to go through all the shit to come out stronger. I wish I could have spared the both of us the pain and heartache"

"I know what you mean, Edward. I wish for the same thing" she smiled, "but I'll never, never regret Abbey" she smiled the most beautiful smile I've ever seen on her face. It lit up my heart instantly.

She traced lazy patterns on my chest while she stared into my eyes. I moved my hands down her arms and pulled her upwards and to lie on top of me. She quickly straddled my hips and leaned down where she met my awaited and hungry lips.

Electric currents pumped through my veins when our lips touched. Her tongue pushed out and licked over my lips and a low moan erupted from me. Our lips locked while our tongues swirled around each other's. My hands locked around her head, holding her to me.

I quickly flipped us over where I was lying between Bella's legs. Her wetness soaked her panties and the heat radiating off of her was enough to almost make me cum right then and there. Things were moving too fast, we needed to slow down. Those thoughts echoed through my mind as I slowed our kiss and movements. Bella's eyes were dilated with love, passion and lust, but also a hint of confusion as she stared into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't want it to be like this, Love" I finally said, taking the easy way out.

"Edward, it's not like I'm a virgin" she chuckled.

"I know, I just…" I raked my fingers through my hair with frustration, "Fuck, Bella, I want us to be completely ready when we do this" I said.

"Ready? I don't understand" she sighed. "I'll understand if you don't want me, Edward, I mean, you only found out that Sam raped me"

"It's not because you were raped, Love. I just know that I'm not ready, Bella, I'm scared and furious at the same time. I want to make love to you while only feeling pure love and passion"

"You're right" she smiled.

"I am?" I asked feeling flabbergasted. I had thought that Bella was going to fight me on this.

"I think you are the most romantic guy on this planet, Edward. I also think it would be too soon if we made love right now because we have some shit to work through. I want our relationship to be based on honesty, love and passion. I want to work through your guilt and anger, baby, especially your fears" she touched my cheek and I couldn't help but lean into her hand. Warmth spread through my veins at her touch.

"I love you so much, Bella" I whispered hoarsely.

"I love you, Edward" she chuckled.

I fell down onto my back on the bed and grabbed my head as I screamed out loud, "I'm the luckiest man alive"

Bella chuckled.

"You're waking up the house" she said.

"I don't care, Love, you've made me so happy. I fucking love you" I smiled from ear to ear, or that was how it felt.

Can you understand my meaning hidden in the roses around my eyes?

I want you to know how much it means to have you in my life

Your love brings me close again in this instance this single moment

When our worlds collide

The wire of eternity twists around us

I can feel this river rising, moving up my back

(Collision)

Everyone was seated around the dining table in the dining room when we came down for breakfast. Tristan and Abbey ran to me and hugged me tightly.

"Daddy, I missed you last night" Abbey complained with a pout.

"I missed you, too, Princess. But, I'm here now and guess what?" I poked her nose softly.

"What?" she widened her eyes.

"I'm going to be with you and Tristan forever" I smiled. The joy inside of me was indescribable. I'm going to spend eternity with my family.

"What about mommy?" she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and pleaded with her eyes.

I chuckled.

"Your mommy too, Princess" I still chuckled.

"Yeah" she squealed while clapping her hands together. She ran to Tristan and took his hands into her own and they twirled together. Tristan winked while dancing with his sister. The happiness in the room caused a joyful atmosphere, but the looks of pure and unadulterated contentment on my children's faces was what made my heart swell with love. Their eyes literally lit up the entire room.

"I'm so happy for the both of you" Carlisle hugged both me and Bella.

"Thanks, Dad" I hugged him back.

"How are you feeling, Carlisle?" Bella asked.

He sighed.

"Just really tired, Bella" he smiled.

"And the headaches?" I asked in concern.

"They come and go, but it's normal" he answered.

Alice danced towards Bella and me with a huge smile plastered on her face. She gave Bella a hug and whispered something in her ear, too soft for me to hear, and then she pulled me in for a hug.

"I knew everything would work out between the two of you. I had faith and although I was really pissed at her for keeping Tristan away from you, I've hoped and prayed for reconciliation between the two of you. I've always loved her as a sister, Edward" she whispered into my ear while holding me tightly.

"Thanks, Ali, have you and Bella spoken?" I asked. Bella joined the rest of the family at the dining table so I could speak to my sister. I noticed how Jasper held her for a while and Bella wiped some tears from her eyes.

"Barely. She was in such a state last night that I promised to take her for breakfast sometime this week and we'll catch up" she said. She turned to look at Carlisle who danced with my children. "He looks so weak" she whispered.

"I know. It changes every morning and he looks weaker and weaker" I said with sadness. "Have you heard from mom?"

"Urm, yeah, she called me two days ago. I asked her if she's coming to see dad and she simply said that she can't face him" she snorted. "Apparently, she wouldn't be able to function around him, knowing he has cancer"

"She's so fucking selfish" I spat. "I wonder where the compassionate woman dad bragged about went? She is selfish and bitter…I've never known the compassionate Esme" I said out loud.

"She's still our mother, Edward" Alice chastised me softly.

"Yeah, and she's breaking my father's heart" I hissed, "It's unforgivable, Alice. I don't care what you say, but I have no respect left for her. She never visits, never calls, and when she does she fucking criticizes everything about us. I'm sorry" I shook my head, "but she's not my mother"

"Don't let dad hear you" she said.

"Let's join the rest of the family" I forced a smile as we walked to the table. Abbey and Tristan argued about who gets to sit next to me, so Bella moved up a spot, letting Abbey and Tristan each have a seat next to me. I sighed. I had missed Bella so much and even with her sitting one seat away from me was excruciating. I wanted to hold her hand under the table and lean down every now and then to kiss her. I never wanted to let her out of my sight again.

"Dad" Tristan pulled on my shirt and I looked down on my beautiful son.

"Yeah, Tris" I said softly.

"You have made me the happiest kid alive" he smiled widely.

"I love you, Tris, and I would do anything to make you and your sister happy" I smiled, planting a kiss on his head.

"Are you happy, dad?" he asked.

"I'm out of this world happy, Tris, I love your mother very much" I answered.

"I can see a difference in her this morning and I know it's because of you" he smiled. "I love you, Dad" he added.

I noticed a few stares from my family members and heard a few 'aawws'.

"You are my life, Tristan, I love you so much" I smiled while leaning down to plant a kiss on his head again.

The feelings I had inside of me were indescribable. I had my family back and I never wanted to leave their side again. They were my life and I wanted for Bella and me to start healing together. Move forward together.

I had a meeting with a realtor tomorrow to go house hunting – this was planned even before Bella's wedding. I knew in my heart that it was too soon for us to move in together, but I hoped that Bella would agree anyway. Warning signs went off in my head and heart, but I switched them off. I've been away from my family for too long…I wanted to be there every night, tucking my children in, sleeping next to the love of my life, having breakfast, lunch and dinner with them. I wanted to watch movies with my children and when they fall asleep in front of the TV, I wanted to be the one to carry them to bed.

This was something I had to discuss with Bella. I wasn't going to push her into anything. If she decided that it was too soon for us to move in together, I would buy the house anyways and let Bella and the kids live there until she was ready for me to move in. I refused for Bella to return to that apartment…

"Fuck" Emmett exclaimed as he walked into the dining room. I was so busy with my own thoughts I haven't even noticed he left in the first place.

"Emmie, you said a bad word" Abbey yelled before she wrapped her tiny hand over her mouth.

Rosalie smacked the back of Emmett's head and he apologized profusely. I glared at him for uttering that word in front of my children.

"What's wrong, Em?" Bella asked and seemed nervous because he was holding the morning paper in his hands.

"Why don't I take Abbey and Tristan outside for a walk" Carlisle suggested and Bella thanked him with her eyes. Tristan and Abbey yelled in excitement and chattered all the way as they left the room.

"See for yourself" Emmett handed me the paper.

A picture of Bella in her wedding dress was printed on the front page with the headline reading: "Runaway Bride"

"Isabella Swan, a.k.a. Izzy Stewart has left her fiancé at the altar on Saturday. She simply stated that she couldn't go through with the wedding as an explanation to her shocked fiancé, Jacob Black. He begged and pleaded with her to not leave him, but she simply walked away" I read out loud. Bella gasped and Rosalie wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders.

A few pictures of Bella getting into the cab were taken and there were a few pictures of a shocked and pale-looking Jacob. I almost smiled at the expression on his face…fucker…coming to my house and bragging about winning. Luckily there were no photos of Tristan and Abbey. One photo of Charlie hugging Bella caught my attention.

"Is that all they wrote?" Bella asked in a trembling voice.

I shook my head.

"Isabella's father, Charlie Swan, supported his daughter every step of the way and encouraged her to go after her long-lost boyfriend, Edward Cullen. After he apologized to her for keeping Edward Cullen away from her, he told her to go after him" I read. My heart pounded painfully inside my chest. Was Charlie supporting Bella's decision? I shook my head before I continued to read.

"The question on society's lips is whether the whole wedding was a fraud to get the press off of Isabella and Edward's backs? Isabella said in a statement that there was nothing going on between herself and Edward Cullen – this after the statement of Tanya Denali – and swore that she was marrying her fiancé, Jacob Black. Was the engagement a cover?"

"How did they get the information?" Bella asked softly.

"They must've dressed up as one of the guests, Bella, that's all I can think of" Rosalie explained.

I turned the page and gasped when there was an A4 size photo of Bella and me kissing on the beach in her wedding dress. The fuckers followed her. How had we not seen this?

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked. I swallowed hard before I turned the paper around to show her the photo. Rose and Bella gasped. "They followed me" she stated and turned pale. "What does it say?"

"After leaving her so-called fiancé at the altar, Isabella Swan ran to her lost love, Edward Cullen, who was patiently waiting on the beach. They literally ran into each other's arms before pulling in for a heated kiss" I read and looked at the pictures on the page. Everything was there, the embrace, the kiss, the tears.

"Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen were once, ten years ago, America's favorite couple and we're wondering – with all their lies and deceit – if they'll hit that mark again. The real question on America's lips is if they've been completely honest with each other, or are there more skeletons in their closets?"

"Fuck" I yelled and threw the paper against the wall. "I've had it with these sons of bitches. Who the fuck do they think they are speculating about our lives?" I was fucking livid with this article. What they wrote was total bullshit and they had no right to print this bullshit.

"Edward, calm down" Bella whispered as her arms wrapped around me. I quickly pulled her closer to me and hugged her fiercely.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly as I kissed her temple.

She nodded, "I don't care what they say about me…us…I love you and I'll never let anything come between us again" she said bravely, but I could see the shadows hiding in her eyes. I could see the hurt swirling and swirling inside her gorgeous chocolate brown pools, and it literally killed me. She had been through so much and now she had to deal with the brutal press, spreading uncertainty and lies about our relationship.

"We'll get through this, Love, I swear I will do everything in my power to stop this" I hissed as the anger fueled through my veins again.

"We can only hope that they'll tire of us and move onto new sensation" she smiled.

I leaned in and gently touched her lips with my own. I wanted to keep the kiss innocent and chaste, but being this close to Bella, feeling her lips electrifying mine, made me groan and pull her even closer. She opened her mouth and I plunged my tongue inside her warmth where I met her awaited tongue. Moans and whimpering's were heard as our tongues swirled and graced one another's.

"Ur…get a fucking room" Emmett cleared his throat. I slowed our kiss, completely ignoring my pain-in-the-ass brother, and gave her one last peck before I pulled away. Bella's cheeks were crimson red and I chuckled. "I've missed this" I whispered hoarsely as my finger trialed over her blushing cheek.

"I want you so badly" she whispered seductively.

It was the words I had wanted to hear ever since I came back, but instead those words caused my stomach to flip and my heart to jump to my throat. I was supposed to be excited about the thought of being buried deep inside of her, making love to her the way I used to, but the mere thought of her freaking out because of what happened to her was like a cold bucket of water thrown over me. I had no idea how Bella was doing mentally…I knew I was fucked mentally after I've heard what Sam had done to her. I hadn't come to terms of what she had gone through and I had no intention of rushing our relationship.

"What's with the uncertainty in your eyes?" she asked softly.

"I want you, too, Bella, but…" I said with a thick voice. My heart was in the pit of my stomach when the hurt – I felt in my heart – easily displayed on her beautiful face.

"I know, I know…it's too soon" she whispered. She pulled away from me and left my arms aching for her.

"Bella" I whispered and grabbed her hand. I looked around the room and noticed Emmett and Rosalie had left us alone.

"Edward, you don't have to explain" she said in irritation. "I only said that I wanted you because it was how I felt at that moment. I didn't mean you have to take me to your bed right this instant"

"I just don't think that we are emotionally ready for that, Bella. I have lost you once and it was a fucking hell that I don't want to relive…ever!" I said, raking my fingers through my hair. "I want to do everything right this time"

"You'll never lose me again, Edward" she said seriously.

I nodded. How could I have looked in her eyes and told her that I was scared to death to sleep with her. I knew I was being stupid and so insecure, but I couldn't help the feelings I had inside of me. Was I a dick?

Absolutely.

My gorgeous Bella wanted me, but I couldn't give in to her request. I had so much mixed emotions inside of me; fear, anger and hatred towards myself. I still blamed myself for what Bella went through, even after Bella and I established that Abbey was the good that came from the entire ordeal. I still fucking blamed myself. I should have taken care of Bella. I should have been there for her…

How do I overcome my fears? How do I get past my anger and bitterness? Where would it leave our relationship if I would not be able to forgive myself? Would I have the fucking guts to explain to Bella what was brewing inside my heart? Would she be disappointed that I was such a pussy?

I could only have hoped that I would sort myself out before it was too late…

If music is

A mirror revealing

The depths of my heart

Then I will write

The darkest song

For without

Forgiveness

My soul is lost

(Within destruction)

oOoOoOoOoO

A/N: I know some of you wanted them to jump right into bed together and I'm sorry for disappointing you…I just didn't see it happening in my mind. I'm sorry!

I would love to hear from you guys…please review.

Do you think Edward is being unreasonable by being scared to sleep with Bella? Do you think he'll be honest with Bella about the real reason he won't make love to her? Review and share your hatred or love ;)