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Chapter 26 – Coping with life!

BPOV

I was finally able to leave the hospital after spending a week – seven fucking days – in that place. To say that it was not easy would be a big understatement. I literally went through hell!

The second day after Edward found me was worse than the first day. But by the fourth day, I wanted to die. I actually felt like dying and Edward kept encouraging me every step of the way. The doctor said that I only had minor withdrawals because I only used the heroin for four days and that I was lucky. To be honest, I didn't feel so lucky at the time.

I hated Sam even more and wished that I could have killed him myself.

I have done some research on the internet about Opiates and heroin, and couldn't believe what I read. For some people, it took five months to become full blown addicts while others became addicts within five days of usage. It all depended on how frequently they used, how much they used and almost everybody said that it depended on the kind of personality you had.

Now, I have never seen myself as an addictive person, but that was why I've never really done anything to test myself. I take a few glasses of wine every now and then and that was basically all I did that was categorized as 'bad'. I never smoked or used drugs when we were teenagers. I never had interest in these things when we moved to LA because I believed that it was a waste of time. It was a waste of your life to use drugs and I wanted more for myself than to become a junkie.

So, from what I have read, I have a highly addictive personality and that was part of the reason why I had became addicted to the Opiates so quickly. Plus, the fact that Sam had shot me up with the shit four to five times a day wasn't helping me in any way. The fucking bastard wanted to get me addicted to the drugs so that I would become dependent on the opiates. I was astounded on how perfectly he planned out my kidnapping and everything that went along with it.

Another thing I have read is that Heroin use, blocks the brain's ability to perceive pain. Heroin abusers and addicts feel compelled to continue using the drug both because of its pain relieving effects, and because of fear of symptoms they may experience if they stop. That was probably why my levels of pain were non-existent. That was why I mocked Sam into hitting me rather than sexually abusing me. I never felt the pain because of the heroin he gave me.

My symptoms of withdrawal were mild – thank goodness – but I couldn't help but feel pity for those who used the drug for months or years. I was determined to get over this withdrawal stage because I had no desire in me whatsoever to use drugs again. I was forced into this situation, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let it get me down and stop me from living my life with Edward and our children. I would get clean and do something with my life to help others that went through the same thing I had.

I had a strong desire to help other girls or women that went through abuse; whether it was drug abuse, sexual violations or physical abuse. I wanted to help young girls, especially, because I have read that thousands of heroin addicts were young girls selling their bodies either for cash or for drugs. It sickened me that there were so many young girls on the streets that believed that selling their bodies was their only way out.

This was my destiny! I truly believed that what had happened to me happened for a reason and that reason was for me to help other girls that went through the same thing. I became a strong believer while I struggled through life after I had left Edward, especially after Sam had raped me and then of course, after he drugged me.

The second day after I was rescued I started sweating profusely and vomited a little. I also almost shit my brains out. I started having stomach cramps to such an extreme that I literally curled my body into a fetal position and cried the entire time.

By the third day my nose was running, my eyes were watery and my entire body ached. Every muscle, joint and bone was so sore that I thought I was going to die.

By the fourth day the diarrhea subsided because I wasn't able to eat anything. My entire body was shaking violently and I was very irritable – still was. I also felt a sense of hopelessness and also refused to see Edward, but he stood by his promise and refused to leave my side even after I yelled some pretty awful things and called him names. I even brought up ten years ago and blamed him for Sam raping me. Even through my withdrawal stage I could see how my words had hurt him and felt remorseful, but I was in so much pain at the time, that my brain could only focus on one thing; pain.

The worst thing I had felt was when my skin crawled. It had felt like millions of bugs crawled under my skin. It almost drove me to insanity. But after the fourth day my withdrawals had subsided and I was able to sleep again. I have read that some heroin addicts' withdrawals included insomnia and even after the withdrawal stage; they would still have trouble with this. I guess that my situation was different as I only used heroin for four days. I had no idea why or how, but I was thankful that my withdrawals weren't as bad as some of the stuff I have read online.

The doctor decided to keep me for another three days to check on me and make sure I was okay. Edward came every day but he was distant and the sadness in his eyes haunted me every night in my dreams.

I knew it was because of what I had said while going through withdrawals, but I couldn't bring the subject up and apologize.

Our wedding was also delayed by a week since I was in hospital for so long. We were getting married in six days – four days before Christmas – and honestly, I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. Maybe it was because of the huge gap that existed between Edward and me. Maybe it was because of what had happened to me a week ago and that I feared that I wouldn't be able to handle everything. I had no idea, but I was scared out of my mind.

What if I would get flashbacks? Would I take them out on Edward or my children? Would I be able to make love to Edward? Even though Sam wasn't able to rape me again he violated me in some ways and he had raped me before. What if it would cause a setback in my recovery road I have designed for myself?

I searched for a psychiatrist that specialized in these types of things and booked myself an appointment for first thing Monday morning. I haven't told Edward about my plans because I wanted to wait until we were at home. Plus, I wanted to fix what I said first.

Alice was driving me insane with all the wedding plans. I had given her free reign to do whatever she wanted but I wanted to pick out my own dress and Abbey's dress.

I was packed and ready to go, waiting for Edward to come get me. I already signed my release forms and promised the good doctor that I would take really good care of myself. Now I was sitting on my hospital bed, waiting for Edward.

The door opened and I was fucking surprised to have seen Esme walk through. I swallowed hard because a mixture of emotions filled my heart. This was the woman whom led Sam to me and my children. This was the woman whom never liked me when I was a child and she had always treated Edward like shit. Still, she was Edward's mother and that fact alone made me not hating her.

"Bella," she said nervously. "Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.

"Urm…sure, I guess." I shrugged.

"I know I'm probably the last person on earth that you want to see," she said while walking towards me, "But, I wanted to apologize and I wanted to explain to you that I had no idea what kind of man Sam was. I didn't even know that he knew you, Bella." she cried.

"Emse, I believe you," I said sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, for everything you went through. I had no idea…" she cried.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure," she nodded.

"Why don't you love your children?" I asked bluntly because it was something that bothered me since I was a kid. Edward and his siblings only received real love from their father. Esme's love was gifts and physical things.

"Carlisle was my world," she started saying, "We were married at a very young age while Carlisle was in medical school. We hardly saw each other and then I found out that I was pregnant a few months after I married Carlisle. It was too soon and I actually never wanted children. After Emmett's birth I suffered from depression and wanted nothing to do with Emmett; he had colic and cried day and night," she said, wiping tears from her face.

"But it wasn't Emmett's fault," I said softly.

"I know, dear, but I was all alone. Carlisle was never around and I had a screaming baby to deal with. I hated it and swore that I never wanted children again," she continued on as if that explained why she never loved her children.

"But then Alice and Edward were born," I said to help her finish the story.

She nodded sadly, "Yes, I found out four years later that I was pregnant again, with twins this time. I was furious and scared. I couldn't handle Emmett let alone twins. Things between Carlisle and myself weren't the same and we hardly spoke to each other. He came home late and left early the next morning…we weren't able to get close again and my depression had gotten worse. Edward and Alice were perfect, though, and I had nothing to fear about, but I still had to do everything by myself. Twins isn't as easy as it sounds, Bella, and I hardly slept one hour at a time," she said.

"I've grown into a cold and bitter woman. I had my whole life in front of me when I married Carlisle but reality hit me so hard and knocked me to the ground. Life wasn't simple and I had learned that the hard way. By the time that I had overcome the depression, it was too late to save my marriage and it was too late to build a relationship with my children. They adored their father while they only tolerated me. And after the divorce I tried to be a good mother but the damage was already done, my children hated me," she said while tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

"Esme, they never hated you. I remember how Edward told me that he wished he had a relationship with you. It was one thing he longed for, Esme. And Alice, she needed a mother. She was a girl and needed a mother's guidance, but like me, she had to figure things out for herself. You always criticized them – that's probably why they are so perfect today – because they wanted your acceptance in every way. But you were too perfect and wanted the impossible from little kids," I accused her.

"I have no idea how to fix it," she said in earnest.

"Talk to them, Esme, begin by apologizing to them and ask them if it's too late to be a part of their lives. Carlisle is dying and they'll need a parent…"

"I'm not the parent they want. I should be the one dying," she interrupted me.

"Maybe there's a reason for everything that's happening now. You should try, Esme, even if they deny you, you shouldn't give up. Fight for them, Esme, fight for your children," I said.

"Thank you, Bella." she cried.

"There's one more thing," I said.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"You should make peace with Carlisle, Esme, that man loves you and he is dying. You should be there for him and support him. He deserves that much," I said seriously.

Esme started crying uncontrollably and it was like a dam had burst.

"I love him so much, Bella," she said through sobs. "I don't know how to fix my relationship with Carlisle and to be honest, I'm scared to death of losing him," she continued.

"Esme," I said and clasped her hands, "Sadly, he is going to die and it's going to break all of our hearts to lose Carlisle. But, we have to be there for him and make his last days the happiest of his life. We wouldn't be able to do that without you, Esme, because Carlisle's one wish was that you would come back to him," I said.

Her eyes widened, "Really?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yes, really. Didn't he tell you?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head. "He only said that he was dying and that he wanted to see me again," she said. "Edward told me that his dying wish was to see me…"

"I know for a fact that Carlisle wants you back, Esme. Go to him and talk to him. Make him the happiest man alive, Esme, because heaven knows he deserves it." I hugged her tightly and felt so good on the inside while I held her in my arms.

"I forgive you, Esme, for everything you have done, especially to Edward. You have to forgive yourself and go to your children and Carlisle. Just be happy for once. Be the compassionate woman Carlisle has told us so much about," I smiled.

"I've always loved you, Bella, I just had a shitty way of showing it. You were like a daughter to me," she said.

"I never felt the same, Esme, but if you're willing, I'll be happy to be your daughter now. I know there's a sweet, loving woman inside of you and the best way to bring her out is with love and forgiveness. You just have to love and forgive." I smiled.

"Thank you, Bella. Edward is so lucky to have you in his life," she said. "You are perfect for him,"

"I'm the lucky one, believe me." I chuckled.

Esme left my room and I could have sworn that there was a light in her eyes that I've never seen before. I hoped and prayed that Edward would forgive his mother and at least try to have a relationship with her. Alice and Emmett were the easy ones, but Edward was as stubborn as a mule. I would talk to him, but only after Esme had.

I looked down at my empty left hand. My ring was still missing and it caused the hole in my heart to increase. Edward and I had been through so much already and now I'd caused another crack in our relationship.

The door opening made me raise my head in anticipation. I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heartbeat sped up at the thought of Edward walking through that door. My heart dropped to my feet when Alice's head peeked around the door.

"Good, you are ready," Alice chimed in her bell-like voice.

"Where's Edward?" I asked in irritation.

"He asked me to pick you up, Bella. He had something to take care of," she answered flatly.

"Could this something be more important than me?" I asked snidely.

Alice huffed and breathed deeply before she attempted to smile.

"Nothing is more important to Edward than you, Bella, you should know this by now," she said with a smile.

I knew this. Plus, Edward had proven himself on more than one occasion. I had no idea why I had so many insecurities all of a sudden, but I had a desperate need to speak to Edward about this. I needed to apologize to him and tell him how I felt.

"Can we go?" I asked, grabbing my bag as I left the room.

"Bella, wait!" Alice yelled, but I ignored her and kept walking. I wanted to get to Edward and fix our relationship. I hated the way we were with each other after everything I had said to him. I wanted to fix it and I wanted to fix it now.

Energetic Alice had to sprint on her short legs and pregnant belly to keep up with my determined walk. She hadn't said anything on the drive to our home but I saw the sideways glances she had given me every few seconds.

"I have some wedding books to show you," she said after ten minutes of silence.

"I really don't care, Alice, I just want to marry the love of my life. I don't care how we do it as long as I'm marrying him," I answered softly before I looked at her, "If it was up to me, I'd marry him on a fucking street corner wearing rags," I teased, but deep inside I felt that it was the truth.

Alice's giggles filled the car.

"Oh, silly Bella, you know I won't let that happen," she said through a fit of giggles.

I huffed and turned my head to look out of my window again. I knew she was right. I wanted to get married as soon as possible and I didn't care for fancy churches and venues or thousands of dollars' worth wedding dress. I just wanted to marry Edward and be with him forever.

I frowned when I saw that Alice drove to my house and not Emmett's. I was also a little pissed that they released Emmett - who was shot - and I had to stay in that hospital. Emmett's injuries weren't as bad as everyone had thought and he'd be fine in no time at all. I was the druggy in the family now and that scored me some major time in hospital.

Thank goodness I wasn't shipped off to rehab. The doctor explained to Edward that it would be wise for me to go to rehab but Edward refused. He believed in me and believed that I would get clean with just the help of the hospital and himself.

He believed in me and I treated him like shit. Why did I have to be such a bitch? Why couldn't I just be fucking normal?

"Why are we here?" I asked Alice when she pulled into the driveway.

"Edward wanted me to bring you here," she shrugged, "I don't know, Bella, maybe to see if you'll be able to live here again," she continued.

"And if I can't?" I asked in a whisper, closing my eyes as flashes of Sam entered my mind.

"He'll buy you a new house," she simply answered.

I started laughing hard before it turned into hysterics and I started sobbing. I hated my moods. I honestly felt like a pregnant teenager.

"Oh, shit, Bella, please don't cry," she said. "Edward will kill me if he knew you were crying," she said nervously.

"I just...I love him so much...I'm scared of losing him," I cried, unable to say a complete sentence.

"Silly, Bella, you will never lose Edward. He loves you so much and he will do anything for you, Bella, anything!" She said to comfort me.

She pulled me in for a hug and I willingly fell into her arms. Her belly poked me but at that moment it was the most comforting hug I've had in a while. I missed Edward's arms though.

"Let's get this over with," I said, wiping the tears from my face.

As I walked to the front door, I remembered myself struggling down the same path as Sam dragged me along. The fear I had felt was indescribable and I remembered how I thought that I never would see Edward again.

My hand rested on the huge golden doorknob and my body started shaking as I turned the knob.

"Welcome home, Bella!" Everyone yelled as I entered the house.

I gasped when I saw my family and friends in front of me. Abbey ran towards me with a gift in her hand while Tristan walked towards me with a bouquet of flowers.

Tears pooled in my eyes before they flowed over the brims and down my cheeks.

"Welcome home, Mommy," Abbey said with a smile and handed me the gift. It was a rectangular box wrapped in red paper. I crouched down before her and hugged her.

"Thanks, baby, this is the best homecoming ever!" I exclaimed while my heart was beating out of control from fear.

"Welcome home, Mom," my beautiful son said, smiling crookedly, reminding me so much of his father. It was scary how much they looked alike and how much they were alike.

"And it feels pretty good being here," I said with a smile.

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" Abbey asked.

I trailed my fingers down her face and she giggled.

"I'm perfect, sweetie. I've missed you guys so much," I said and pulled them into my arms.

Edward came closer and my heart thumped loudly in my chest. I loved him so much.

"Welcome home, love," he said and handed me a bouquet of red roses.

I chuckled, looking at all the gifts in my hands.

"I'll put these in water," Rose said and took the flowers from my hands. I smiled dearly at my beloved friend.

Everyone welcomed me back and hugged me. I was surprised to see Jake at the party.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was invited, Bells," he said before he chuckled and pulled me in for a hug.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and I sighed.

"Fine. I'm perfectly fine. I just wish that everyone would stop fussing over me," I complained.

He chuckled again. "They just care about you," he explained.

Jake and I did a little catching up but my heart missed Edward. I hadn't seen him around and wondered where he was. Was he mad that I was talking to Jake? Why hadn't he joined my side?

"Jake, I'll talk to you a little later, okay," I said.

"Sure," he smiled warmly.

I found Edward standing in front of a window, looking at the sky and it seemed he was in deep thought.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked behind him.

"Nothing in particular," he said in his velvety voice.

"Okay, see ya," I said sarcastically.

"Bella, what the hell?" he asked.

"I'm not going to play guessing games, Edward. Plus, I've been entertaining all these people while you stared out the fucking window and frankly, I'm sick and tired of this shit," I lashed out at Edward. He was so innocent but I felt suffocated, agitated and pissed. I've had enough of everyone asking me if I was okay or how I was holding up or if I needed anything. I was annoyed and irritated and took it out on Edward, again!

He rubbed his forehead and I noticed how his nostrils flared for a second.

"Can I get you something? Some water? Maybe a cup of tea?" he asked as calmly as he was capable off.

It infuriated me and I stomped my foot hard against the floor.

"Stop treating me like a fucking child, Edward. I'll get my own damn water if I want water," I yelled. Edward's face turned red and the room grew quiet. Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly excused myself and ran to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water.

"What's up, Bells?" Rose asked from behind me. "You're acting like a real spoiled brat," she erupted in anger. It startled me and I almost dropped the glass of water I was holding.

"I'm just...I'm taking a breather," I sighed loudly. I plopped down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

"A breather? Is yelling at Edward called a breather? Is treating him like shit called a breather?" she fumed.

"Rose, I don't need this from you. I'm just…I'm nervous and afraid. I'm on edge all the time and really fucking irritated," I hissed back. "I'm just so moody…and I don't understand what's going on with me…I hate this," I started crying. Her face softened and she looked remorseful.

"Was the party a bad idea?" She asked softly, joining me at the table.

I raised my eyebrows, "Now why would you think that?" I asked in sarcasm, going from crying to being pissed again.

"Bells, I only asked you a damn question. You don't have to get all hissy about it," she spat.

"I'm sorry," I said with a sigh, playing with my fingers, "I'm just nervous and really edgy...the last thing I needed was to come home to a party," I explained.

"Edward thought that it would be good for you," she whispered.

"It was sweet of him, but also the most stupid thing he has ever done," I said with irritation. "Coming back to this place, and then to find the whole family here..." I huffed, "it was just too much," I continued. I felt like a bitch and cursed these damn mood swings I've been having.

"He wanted to take some pressure off, Bells, take your mind off of things for a bit..." She answered but her voice died. As she looked past me I knew Edward was standing behind me and my heart plummeted. He heard me and now I've hurt his feelings for a second time today...

"I'll go see if Emmett needs help," Rose excused herself.

I swallowed hard while my heart raced in fear and anger. I refused to turn around though, feeling too guilty.

The chair scraped across the floor as Edward pulled it from under the table. He sat down quietly and folded his hands on the table.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" He asked. Anger fuelled my veins as I've heard that question a million times today. I was pissed as hell.

"Fucking fine!" I said through clenched teeth.

His eyes narrowed and I noticed how he gritted his teeth.

"Bella," Edward started saying, but I held my hands up to stop him.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward. I'm tired and irritated and don't need this right now," I hissed.

"Fine," he said as he got up so fast that the chair fell backwards.

My eyes widened when I saw pure rage fill his entire body.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and rested his other hand on his hip. He glared at me and I felt like shrinking and crawling in to a hole.

"No, I'm not!" He said.

"Edward," I started saying, but he held his hand up - copying me from earlier.

"I realize that I've made a stupid mistake of throwing this party in the house everything had happened to you. I apologize for that, Bella," he said. "I also apologize for being concerned about you and for being worried," he continued on.

"Edward, no," I started sobbing. I've hurt the man I love again!

"Bella, I love you more than life itself and I want to help you," he said through tears, "but I'm not your punching bag and I won't let you treat me like one," he said as tears rolled down his cheeks.

With those words he turned around and left the kitchen. My face fell into my hands and I bit down on my hand to stifle the agonizing sob that escaped.

How did a determination to apologize to Edward turn into another argument?

I'm such a bitch and didn't deserve the love Edward had for me. It would serve me right if he just packed up and left me for good. He would be better off than to deal with a rape-victim and a recovering drug-addict.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Tristan asked as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm just a bit irritated, Tris, and I took it out on your Dad," I explained honestly. He knew me and he would be able to tell if I had lied to him.

"Is that why everybody left?" He asked.

I looked at him in surprise. "They left?" I asked astounded.

"Dad asked them to leave and he asked Rosalie to stay here with us," he said sadly.

"Did Edward leave as well?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yes! He apologized because he wanted to stay here tonight, but he said that you needed rest and space," he explained with quivering lips.

"I'm sorry, Tris. I feel like such an idiot," I said.

"If it's what you need, Mom, then I will support you. I just don't like it when you and Dad fight..." He said.

"I'll fix this, I promise," I said determined.

"Thanks, Mom." He smiled crookedly, causing me to miss Edward so much more. Tristan hugged me tightly, "I love you, Mom, and I'm so glad you're back home," he whispered into my ear.

"I love you, Tris."

I went to my bedroom and froze in the doorway as images of Sam rushed through my mind. I remembered how he took my ring off and threw it on the bed, but everything was replaced in the room and I had no idea where my ring could be.

Edward had hired an interior decorator and redid the house. New furniture, new paint...everything was new! But even though everything was brand spanking new, it didn't erase the memories of that night. I saw Sam in every room I went. It had made me jittery and I found myself rubbing my hand on my shirt.

I plopped myself onto the new bed and opened my gift that Abbey had given me earlier. I gasped loudly when I pulled the white gold chain from the blue box. It had a heart locket and when I opened it I saw my beautiful children smiling back at me. This was the best gift and so close to my heart. I immediately put it on. It was a long chain and the heart almost hung between my breasts. It was perfect!

I took a quick shower and dressed in skinny jeans, an off the shoulder shirt and black boots. I grabbed my coat and asked Rose to look after my children while I dragged the man I love's ass back to our home.

I was surprised that Edward wasn't at Emmett's or Alice's house, which meant that I would only find him at one place; the beach where he went to after I rejected his love.

I drove to that beach and as I walked to that spot where I had found him months ago, I kept thinking of deja vu. How ironically it was that we kept ending up at this place whenever we went through difficulties.

He was standing in front of the big ocean with his hands tucked into his coat's pockets. My heart was in excruciating pain from the distance that formed in our relationship. And, it was my entire fault. Edward was just being his sweet and loving self while I was being an enormous bitch.

"In the hospital, before everything had gone haywire, you told me that you forgive me," I whispered and he slowly turned around to look at me, "I didn't understand at the time because I hadn't done anything...yet, but now I understand why you said those words," I said in a trembling voice. "You knew I was going to call you names and you probably knew that I would bring up the past in my withdrawal state," I sobbed, "what I don't understand is, why haven't you forgiven me if you promised beforehand that you would?" I asked hysterically.

His entire face turned into remorse as sadness spread all over.

"I have forgiven you, Bella, it is just hard to get past the hurt," he answered softly.

"I'm sorry for what I said in the hospital, Edward. I never blamed you for what happened to me-"

"A part of you does, Bella, because it came out while you craved the drugs. It was buried deep down and opened up when you were at your most vulnerable," he said, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"I understand. I blamed myself for Sam raping you and I can see how you would blame me too...it was just hard to hear it out loud," he said as tears flowed down his cheeks.

"I don't know what to say..." I sobbed.

He chuckled sadly before he came to stand in front of me. The warmth of his body filled me in so many ways that I felt whole, complete. His mere presence calmed me and fixed me.

"Just say that you still love me, Bella, even after everything that has happened, just say that you love me..." He cupped my cheeks and I looked deeply into his emerald green eyes, seeing his love for me floating in them.

"I love you so much, Edward Cullen, and I-"

His lips rested on mine before I could finish my sentence, and he started kissing me softly. His lips sent electric currents through my veins and brought me back to life.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said through kisses.

"You were right, though, I have been treating you like a punching bag. Instead of appreciating your concern, love and support, I've taken all my hurt and anger out on you," I said. "Plus, I've called you an ass so many times-"

"You only had that one chance, Swan, the next time you call me an ass I will dump your sexy as hell body in the cold ocean," he chuckled.

"It's a good thing I have gotten all the ass-comments out of my system then," I teased.

"You better have, love, because I wouldn't enjoy pulling your frozen ass out of the water," he winked.

He pulled me into his arms and twirled me around and around until we fell onto the white beach sand. Half of Edward's body laid over mine. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and looked deeply - too deep - into my eyes.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmmm?" He answered as his lips trailed up and down my neck.

"Where is my ring? Sam took it off and threw it on my bed the night he kidnapped me, but I can't seem to find it anywhere," I said in a breathy voice as his kisses brought my body alive.

"That's because I have it," he said, raising his head to look at me.

"You?" I asked. "Then why haven't you given it back?"

"I've been waiting for the right moment," he laughed.

"When is the right moment?" I asked with a pout.

He kissed me again, only slower this time, scorching my lips along the way. Fuck, he was an amazing kisser.

"Now," he whispered and held his body up with one arm while the other hand fiddled in his pockets. He pulled the ring from his pocket and slipped it on my finger and kissed it when it was in place.

"This will never be removed from your finger again," he swore.

"Never!" I agreed solemnly.

"Are you ready to marry me this Saturday?" He asked.

"Pfft, I'm more than ready," I smiled. "Are you ready to marry a rape victim and recovering druggy?" I cocked an eyebrow.

Edward pulled his face and I erupted in laughter.

"That wasn't even remotely funny, Bella!" He chastised.

"Oh, lighten up, Cullen," I smacked his shoulder with another fit of giggles.

"I've never seen you as either of those things you've described yourself as," he said softly.

My laughter died in the morning air as I looked into his beautiful eyes. I cupped his cheek and bubbled up when he leaned into my hand.

"What do you see, Edward?" I asked seriously.

"I see the woman I love, Bella. I see unbelievable beauty that leaves me breathless every time I look at you. I see kindness, compassion and hope. I see the mother of my two children and future children. I see a woman who has been through so much but is still standing tall. I see a determination that leaves me speechless," he said. "But most of all, I see immeasurable love when you look at me,"

"Oh, Edward," I sighed. "I love you, so, so much...it hurts to breathe without you near me,"

"I love you, Bella. You are my life," he smiled.

"Let's go home," I said.

"Home," he repeated with a content smile.

"Home; where Tristan and Abbey await their Daddy's return. Home, where our bed waits for us..."

"That sounds promising." He winked.

"Does that mean you're not going to keep me waiting this time?" I asked.

He helped me up and a look of seriousness crossed his face

"We can do whatever you're ready for," he answered.

"And if I'm ready to make love to my future husband?" I asked.

"Then I'll make love to you all night long," he answered. "I'm never taking one minute with you for granted." He smiled.

"Now that sounds promising." I teased.

"Really?" He asked.

"What? Making love all night long…every night, sure as hell sounds promising to me," I said.

"Fuck, I love you so much," he yelled into the air.

I chuckled. He took my hand and we walked to our cars.

Everything worked out perfectly. We sorted out our shit and we're headed home where our children waited and where I knew he would make love to me later tonight. Next week I would marry him and live happily ever after.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Please review...again, I know nothing about heroin abuse or withdrawals. What I wrote is from searching online and from an old boyfriend who's been through this.

It saddens me that so many people don't review anymore, but thanks a million to those who stil reviews every chapter and still supports me and this story.

Next chapter is already written...so please review. And, no, esme is not the unfinished plot - to answer some questions!