Roxy curled herself up in a ball on her bed replaying back her two voice mails.
"Hey Roxy, I got your text. I'm not really sure what to say, but if you really want to breakup with me, I respect your decision. I keep trying to call you but you don't answer so Ill give you some time to yourself. Just shoot me a text, let me know you are okay-" From Dirk Strider, received 4 hours ago, Thursday at 9pm.
"This is the Sburb general hospital. We are sorry to inform you of Calliopes recent and untimely death. The hospital will hold a private funeral at the 6th street church for close friends and family. It will be this upcoming Saturday at 6 in the morning. We apologize for your lose." From Sburb General Hospital, received 2 hours ago Thursday at 11pm.
Roxy had listened to both countless times. She had already violently gone through all the stages of grieving; denial, sadness, self-loathing, and now emptiness. Her tear ducts were dry and burnt with salt from the tears and her arms were covered up and down with scratches and cuts. She felt so confident when she broke up with Dirk, like and independent woman who didn't need no man. However now that Calliope was gone she needed him more than ever. She guessed what she really needed was someone to be there with her, but one was dead and the other was too painful to see.
She felt too sick to the stomach with depression to go drown it away at a bar, let alone get up and grab a bottle of wine from her fridge. Pulling her blanket over her head she stared blankly at her phone, illuminating the darkness around her. 12:32 am blinked in the corner. She literally couldn't feel a single thing inside of her as though her soul was floating outside of her actual body instead of wherever it is inside of her now.
Her phone screen blimped and buzzed a couple times indicating a text message. She blatantly ignored it and lay down on her side under her heavy blanket. Her pillow was still pretty damp from earlier and was soggy cool when she lay her head down on it. She felt her phone continue to buzz by her leg; groaning she patted around for it before picking it up. There was a call from an unknown number. She clicked answer but didn't say a word as she held it to her mouth.
"Um Roxy? Its John… If you don't want to talk that's okay, but maybe I can say a few things?" Roxy tried to feel surprised at Johns spontaneous call but she couldn't muster anything. She huffed a breath to let John know she was still there.
"I heard from Dave that you broke up with Dirk. I was just wondering if you were okay, I mean, I know you probably broke up with him because he was still into Jake a bit and…. Damn it. That wasn't really a good thing to say… Well, everyone is kind of wondering if you are okay? I was wondering why you broke up with him, I mean if that isn't too nosy? I… its really nosy… But Dirk can't get a hold of you and we were wondering if something else happened. If you are okay, maybe I could come over…"
"No." Roxy interrupted before John could finish. She wasn't in the state to have people discuss life with her; it would probably lead to her drinking herself to death. All she needed was sleep, even if a shoulder to cry on would be nice.
"Oh, okay well… if you need anything feel free to call." He paused waiting for a response, which was all Roxy's brain needed to completely swing her around.
"Wait… come over… please?" Her words cracked out of her raw throat and she worried if they were audible but she heard John heave a sigh of relief on the other line.
"Im on my way." She could feel him smile the phone. She clicked end before throwing her phone back across the bed, feeling completely stupid about what she had just did. She didn't need him over, …but she wanted a someone with her right now so badly that the loneliness was crushing her innards. She tossed a bit in her bed before settling on her back, rubbing her eyes with her hands. She thought maybe if she just fell asleep that he would leave when he got here.
Yea, that was a good plan. Roxy closed her eyes, her hollowness swallowing her whole almost instantly. She floated around in the blankness of her mind before she completely lost consciousness.
…
It was black and empty except for the screams in her ears.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!"
"OF ALL THE PEOPLE!"
"HOW COULD YOU BETRAY US!"
Roxy could do anything but listen to the rampant disembodied screams. It was too much. She tried to cover her ears but she could feel her hands, or her entire body for that matter. She was helpless.
"LIAR!" "BACK-STABBING BITCH!" "DRUNK FOOL!"
"She tried to scream shut up but she couldn't speak, she could only cry until it gagged her. It was as if she were drowning in their words and her tears. She tried her best to endure their violent screams but it was to much to deal with.
…
Hey Roxy you awake?
Roxy grumbled, shaking from her dream, tossing around in her knot of a blanket. She felt a light tap on her shoulder. Sitting up, she forced open her crusted shut eyelids. Her vision blurred as she looked around, a familiar blue hoodie catching her eye, happy that it wasn't an angry scream.
"Hey Roxy, sorry to wake you up…" John smiled and sat down on the edge of her bed, eyeing her carefully. Oh yea, John was coming over. She didn't even bother feeling surprised, almost wishing she were still asleep.
"How did you get in?" She mumbled out.
"Dirk lent me the key." They both sat silently for a moment while Roxy adjusted to waking up. She looked down at her very fashionable dirty tank top and frilly boxers and very quickly pulled her covers up over herself.
"Are you alright? You kind of broke up with Dirk out of nowhere…" John looked her dead in the eye which made her nervous.
"I don't think it was. I could tell he wasn't into me from the beginning yet I still blinded myself with my own feelings." Roxy avoided his gaze.
"That isn't it." She hated that about John. He always knew when there was more. She tried to hide under the blankets but John pulled them away from her face. "Roxy, holding it in wont help."
"WELL MAYBE I WANT TO HOLD IT IN!" She screamed out of nowhere, making John jump out of his seat and surprising her a little bit too. She sat on her knees so she could lean in closer to John. "MAYBE HOLDING IT IN IS THE ONLY THING THAT REMINDS ME SOMETHINGS THERE!" She glared into John stupid worried blue eyes, screaming some more for emphasis. He sighed, looking around her room before wrapping his arms around Roxy. It was a weird, awkward hug and John may be a dork, but at least his chest was comfortable.
Her tears had returned and she was crying into John while he silently cradled her in his arms. When she had finally calmed down a bit she reached for her phone and pulled up the voicemails. Putting on speaker she let John listen to the message from the hospital. John couldn't say a word so he continued to cradle the continuously crying Roxy in his arms. Every now and then he would get up and get her a couple tissues and resume comforting her.
Roxy felt like a child but it felt good to cry into a warm body compared to a sopping pillow.
"Hey Rox, I think you should get some fresh air." She wined a bit, but despite her complains John shifted her into a sitting position. "It's pretty cool outside, the stars are out too. I think it might help a bit." She sat still before nodding. John helped her up and helped her put on a pair of sweat pants and her dark blue sweater. Opening up the window and helping her up the fire escape they made their way to the roof. Roxy, not watching where she stepped, tripped a couple of times, and every time John caught her. When they sat down on the edge of the roof behind the fence John was quietly.
Roxy starred up at the unusually starry night for the city. Every star seemed to have a twinkle of their own.
"Calli would have loved this." She mutters out loud. John didn't say anything, he just kept staring up. It remained silent like that for a couple minutes before she felt her eye lids get heavy again. No matter how she hid it, she was extremely tired, but the brisk night wind washed through her body, spiking her attention occasionally. Roxy gently lay her head on Johns shoulder and closed her eyes.
She waited for images to flow through her head but it was only a warm black, which she didn't mind. It was calmer than she would think it would be, compared to her previous fits of emotion and her dream. She could feel John wrap his arm around her shoulder and twiddle with the ends of her hair. She nuzzles her head into his neck which made him flinch in surprise but he in return set his head on hers. She would have stayed like that for awhile if it weren't for the violent buzzing from his pocket. He quickly skid his phone out of his pocket, answering the call the flashed on his screen.
"Hey Dave, woah! Slow down. What the hell is wrong? Wait what?" Roxy watched as Johns eye widened. "We're fucked." John ended the call, his phone falling from his ear, a look of terror covering every inch of his face. She was suddenly alert and sitting straight up.
"John what happening?" She questioned.
"They know." He whispered.
"They who? And know what?" She pestered on, her voice teetering on high pitched; her heart beating out of her chest.
"The classes, they know that someone in the groups is working behind their backs. Roxy, we could be found out" John looked her dead in the eyes. Roxy's stomach dropped and once again the only word on her lips was "No…"
…
Roxy stood over the casket staring down at Calliopes unnatural porcelain white skin. The hospital had a wig placed over her head which slid down, white strands clumsily sticking out everywhere. Roxy gentle lay a few finger on her cheek, not surprised to feel cold. She quietly pulled off the wig and set it to the side. Nobody told her to stop; she was the only one there, besides Nurse Paint and John who stood quietly behind her.
"You worry too much about your appearance Calli. You look fine to…" she caught her words with tears. Calliope couldn't hear her comments anymore. Roxy inhaled a quick breathe and twiddled the hem of her blue sweater. John tapped her shoulder from behind.
"We should leave soon." He whispered quietly. Roxy nodded. She could hear his and Ms. Paints footsteps walk away.
"I want to be the first to visit your grave Calli, but some business has come up and I don't know what is going to happen." Roxy took one last look at Calliope before turning away. "Good bye." She quickly hurried out to door before John left her behind.
How long has it been… months? This chapter has been almost done for months… sorry for the crap ending to this… damn. Winter Break is coming up the week after next so Ill try to put a chapter out by then. So uh yea. Looks like shits about to hit the ceiling fan!... :I yea.