Stephenie Meyer owns it all!

This story is betaed by the wonderful Browneyedgirl825! I couldn't have done this without her! Also, she suggested a box of tissues for this chapter.

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Chapter 31 - Carlisle

EPOV

It was a perfect sunny day on the island. The weather was perfect for us to go water skiing, but when Carlisle said that we should go without him, I suggested to stay behind with him. The family wanted to cancel the skiing plans but Carlisle begged them not to.

I smiled broadly as the boat sped away. Jasper's arms were wrapped protectively around Alice and her bump. They were acting like newlyweds; tickling each other, sneaking off in the middle of a family dinner, holding each other constantly...

Of course, Emmett lost the bet and he had to pay me two hundred bucks because as Jasper said when he came back from his 'talk' with Alice; "I just got my brains fucked the hell out of me". It was funny as hell but gross at the same time. That was my sister he was talking about and it was definitely unwanted information.

But, I was happy they worked everything out before Jasper decided that he was divorcing her ass.

I went back into the house when the boat was a mere speck on the ocean. I was worried about my father.

We were in the sitting area where we played some chess but I could see the strain on Carlisle's face and knew that he was in a lot of pain.

"Dad, why don't you go and lie down for a while?" I suggested.

He shook his head and smiled sadly.

"I want to hear you play the piano, son. Will you play for me?" He asked.

"Of course I will," I answered immediately. I helped him onto the futon next to the black piano and made him as comfortable as possible.

I was nervous and there was a pain inside my chest that I couldn't explain.

I pulled the black bench out and took a seat behind the shiny piano. Memories of when I was little appeared before me; Carlisle used to love it when I played the piano so flawlessly. He would spend hours listening to my playing. He was the one who paid thousands of dollars for my piano lessons and when I was ten years old, I composed my very first piece. I named it Carlisle!

My long fingers gently rested on the white keys and before long, beautiful harmonic music filled the house. I played a few pieces from when I was angry and hurt and then played the pieces I knew Carlisle loved. I lived myself into the music I played and felt peaceful as I played the pieces I wrote whilst in love and happy.

"You are so talented, Edward. I knew the moment you laid your long fingers onto that black and white keys that you were born to be a musician," Carlisle whispered softly.

"You always wanted me to be a doctor," I chuckled.

He shook his head.

"That was until I heard you play, Edward. I knew you were going to be a famous musician someday," he chuckled softly in his warm voice, "little did I know that you were going to be a rockstar," he added.

"Yeah, you wanted me to be a pianist but even though I loved playing the piano, I just couldn't picture myself doing it for a living. I wanted to feel alive as the adrenaline pumped through my veins whenever I picked up my guitar, or whenever I set foot on the stage in front of millions of people," I said, feeling my heartbeat racing at the thought of it.

"I also knew that the first time I saw one of your concerts," he said.

I raised my eyebrows and grinned crookedly, "You were at one of my concerts?" I asked surprised.

"Your very first one to be honest. You didn't have as many fans as you do today but I knew that day that you were going to make it," he explained.

"Wow," I exclaimed. "I wish I had known, dad. It would have meant so much to me knowing you were there," I said sadly.

"I know we had our differences about your career choices, Edward, and I'm sorry for all those months that we wasted on being angry at each other. I was wrong and I'm sorry, so sorry. I knew it the moment I saw you on that stage holding your guitar, and the moment you opened your mouth," he said.

"Dad, it's okay. We had differences of opinions, but at least we sorted them out quickly," I said.

Carlisle and I had a huge fight when I dropped out of school when I was sixteen. I wanted to fulfill my dreams of starting my own band and become a world famous rockstar. He was even more pissed that I had dragged Alice and Emmett along. He had hopes that Emmett would become a doctor and fulfill the Cullen legacy.

We parted angry and with a lot of bad things said between us. I was pissed at him because he had encouraged me to become a musician and when I did he wasn't happy because he wanted me to become a pianist. I loved playing the piano but I never wanted to do it for money. It was my private therapy sessions whenever I played those black and white keys, and I wasn't about to share it with the world; open my soul and heart in front of millions of people. No fucking way!

It wasn't long after that first concert that Carlisle contacted me and we sorted everything out. We were closer than ever before after that.

"I'm just glad that we sorted everything out before Bella left, son. It broke my heart to see you in so much pain. It reminded me of my own pain," he said.

For a moment I was back in that dark place ten years ago where all I knew was pain; agonizing pain. My chest constricted and I could feel the fist punch through my flesh straight to my heart, wrapping its claws around the already dead heart and ripping it from my chest.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Carlisle said, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Dad, no, don't apologize," I quickly answered.

"It was like we were back to then, son, you should have seen your eyes right now," he said

"It was a very painful time, dad, I just..."

"You relived that memory, son. Are you sure you and Bella talked through everything?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's just hard to forget about everything we had been through because of my selfishness and fear," I said in irritation, raking my fingers through my hair.

"There's the problem, Edward. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything you and Bella went through. She had just as much blame as you did," he said. "Forgive yourself, son, forgive yourself and move on from the past because it is going to break you in the long run."

"I know you're right but I don't know how to do that," I said desperately.

"Find a way, son. Maybe you should consider seeking the help of a therapist," he suggested.

I nodded.

"Maybe you're right," I drifted off.

"Play the song you composed for me," he said with a small smile on his lips.

I turned back to the piano and lay my fingers on the keys. I wanted to tell him that Bella was pregnant. It was on the tip of my tongue because I knew he wouldn't live to see our baby. I wanted him to know that I was going to be a father again and I wanted to share my excitement and joy with him.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered. I turned back to face him and saw the weirdest light in his eyes. "I love you, son, and no father has ever been prouder of his son than I am of you," he said.

Tears filled my eyes and quickly flowed over my brims and down my cheeks.

"I love you, too, dad. I am proud to be your son," I choked out.

I quickly started playing his song and completely lost myself in it. Memories of Carlisle and me danced before me as I played through the piece; Carlisle teaching me to play football, our very first football game we saw as father and son, the time he took all of us to a picnic, the very first time he heard me play, the expression on his face when I played the song I composed for him...

The final notes of the song faded and I knew, without turning around, that my father had taken his final breath. I was terrified to turn around, and I prayed that I was wrong. I wasn't ready for him to go. I had so much to tell him and show him. I still needed him...

His eyes were closed and he never looked more peaceful then at that moment. His lips were curled into a soft smile and his hands were clasped together resting on his chest.

I slowly stood from the bench and approached him. I fell to my knees and sobbed out loud. I laid my head on his stomach and screamed from agonizing pain.

"Dad, please wake up? Please don't leave us yet, we still need you," I cried. I grabbed his shoulders and gently shook him, "Dad, please wake up," I cried again. His arms fell limply beside him and I sobbed even louder. Tears and snot mixed together as I cried for the father I have lost. The father all of us had lost. The grandfather Tristan and Abbey lost and the husband Esme had lost.

He was the head of our family; the fucking foundation and I suddenly felt lost without him.

I sniffed hard before I stood up and carried him to his room where I gently laid him down.

"I love you so much, dad, and I have no clue what I'm going to do without you. How do I go on from this? You mean so much to this family, dad, and you brought everyone back together again. How will we cope without you in our lives?" I sobbed out. "You always gave us advice and gave us a shoulder to cry on. You never judged us when we made mistakes but instead, you encouraged us to grow from those mistakes. We are stronger because of you, dad, because no matter what we did wrong in life, you never gave up on us. You believed in us," I wiped the tears from my eyes but more followed. The pain inside my chest was undescribable. My mind was numb and swirled with memories of him. Some made me chuckle only to sob again.

I had to make calls and report his death. I had to wait for everyone to return from their boat trip and share the news with them. I had to...

"Fuck!" I screamed out. "We had months to prepare for this day but we weren't really prepared, dad. We had hope and faith that you'd be with us for months to come."

No amount of time could fully prepare you for someone's death. We had months to prepare and knew this day would come but instead of preparing yourself you found spending every single second of every single day with that person was better. We have so many memories to treasure.

There were nights that I would lie awake and think of how things would be without my dad but I just couldn't picture it. I've tried to block those thoughts because it was painful and definitely unimaginable.

Right now, though, was reality. It wasn't just a thought or a dream, it was fucking reality. And it hurt like hell.

I placed a kiss on my father's forehead while tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"Your memory will live on, dad. I love you so much," I cried softly.

I pulled a sheet over him but didn't cover his face. He looked peaceful and happy and I wasn't going to cover that up. My family would want to see him and say their goodbyes.

On his bedside table I found letters to all of us including Bella, Tristan and Abbey. I took the letters with a shaking hand, tears welling up in my eyes again. He knew he was going to die today. He knew...

I left the room, glancing back at my father, my hero, before I left the room and closed the door behind me.

I placed the letters on the table in the sitting area and only took mine.

I played his piece on the piano a couple of times remembering the man he was while my face was covered in tears. He was a good man. A compassionate man. He was a fucking excellent father and grandfather. He was a true role-model and hero.

After I played my fingers numb on the piano, I went outside to the beach. With the letter in my hand I picked a spot under a palm tree so that I could read his last words to me.

I carefully tore the envelope open and slipped the piece of folded paper from the white envelope. I swallowed hard and more tears flowed from my eyes. I unfolded the letter and sobbed softly as his familiar doctors handwriting appeared before me.

My beloved Son, Edward

I looked away from the letter as the tears blinded my sight. He probably knew he was going to pass away on this island and that was probably why he wanted to come here and spend his last days with his loved ones. Oh, Dad, why didn't you say something? A warning, anything would've been helpful, I said to myself.

This is probably one of the hardest letters I have ever written. I knew from the moment they diagnosed me with brain cancer that I was going to die. And I was fine with the fact that I wouldn't live anymore. I've lived my life and even though I wish I could have changed a lot of things, I never regretted my life. I was blessed with three beautiful children whom made me prouder than I can ever say.

The problem with my diagnosis wasn't that I was dying, it was the fact that I would have to say goodbye to you. I wouldn't see my grandchildren grow up and I wouldn't even see Emmett say 'I do'!

I smiled through my tears as he always teased Emmett about the whole marriage thing. Emmett was immune to women after Irina and it saddened my father that woman had so much impact on us Cullen men. When we fall in love it was for life, he would always say.

I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to spend my last days with you and your family, Edward. It made me happy to see you so happy and to know that you are going to be just fine. Bella is a good girl and she loves you deeply. A love that strong only comes along once in your life and I'm thrilled that you've worked things out. I also know that Bella is pregnant - yes, she told me.

Congratulations, son. It breaks my heart that I won't be there to see my grandchild and to guide you through everything. I know, though, that you will be just fine, Edward.

I looked away from the letter at the ocean waves rolling to shore. I wiped my nose and eyes with the back of my free hand. Bella told him? Why didn't she say something to me? I should have told him while I was playing the piano for him. I should have given him the news myself. I swallowed hard before I returned my eyes to his letter.

As for those adorable children of yours, they are perfect and complete you in every way possible. You were born to be a father, Son, and I'm so very proud to call you my son.

I've made peace with the fact that I'm dying but the hardest part was yet to come; saying goodbye to you and the others. I tried to do it but it was just too hard. I knew my time was running out and I'm sorry that I didn't have the guts to say goodbye to you...I tried, heaven knows I've tried. The pain was just too much!

So I took the coward's way out and wrote you a letter.

Son, I love you more than words can say. And I'm sorry for leaving you while I know deep down that you still need me. But just remember that I will always be with you, Edward. My body might be gone but my spirit lives on inside of you.

Wipe your tears, son, and give me the brightest and biggest smile you've ever given anyone because I'm here, Edward! I will always be here, looking down on my lovely family...

I don't want you to be sad for too long over my death. I want you to live and live to the fullest. I know you are sad right now and feel like you don't know what to do without me but you still have Bella and your children. Plus, Alice is going to need you after my death.

One last thing before I say goodbye; I'm proud of you, Edward. I've never been prouder of anyone than of my children. I was blessed to be your father and just always remember that I've always been proud of you.

I love you, Edward, take good care of yourself and your beautiful family. Especially that Abbey-girl who's going to break a lot of hearts someday.

This is it, son, my greatest regret, the goodbye part.

There's just no easy way todo this so I'll just say it...Goodbye, son. My heart is in excruciating pain while writing this and I wish I could have given you one last hug.

Stay strong, son, and don't cry for too long!

Love

Your father

I read through the paragraph again and sobbed loudly at his words. I was going to miss him so much...so damn much!

I heard the boat as it came closer but I didn't get up to meet them. I just sat in front of the ocean with my father's letter in my hands and cried silently. Bella must've seen the state I was in because I heard her asked Rose to take Tristan and Abbey for a walk.

My family approached me slowly. My mother gasped and covered her face before she ran into the house. She knew...

"Ed, bro, are you okay?" Emmett asked me first.

I only shook my head.

"I have some...urm," - I trailed off, drew in a deep breath that expanded my chest, and exhaled slowly - "...bad news, guys,"

"It's dad, isn't it?" Alice asked with quivering lips. Tears already pooled in her eyes and she immediately wrapped her arms around her round belly.

"He passed away..." I forced out between sobs.

Emmett took off in a sprint and ran into the house, probably to support Esme. Alice almost fell but Jasper caught her and held her tightly.

Bella fell onto her knees next to me and wrapped her arms lovingly around my sobbing body. She rocked us back and forth and tightened her arms with each rock.

"I don't know how to tell Tristan and Abbey," I whispered through sobs. "I just...I don't know,"

"Shh, Edward. I will tell them if you'd like," she cried.

I only shook my head.

"No, we'll do it together. We've always been stronger together," I sobbed.

After a couple of minutes of crying on the beach, Jasper led Alice to me and then he and Bella left us.

I cradled my sister's body in my arms and she clung to me as if her life depended on it.

"Do you remember when we told Dad that we're dropping out of school to start our band?" She asked softly.

I nodded.

"The disappointment on his face-"

"Ali, he was only angry. Dad was proud of us - all of us. Don't remember the times we've disappointed him, Ali, remember the times we made him proud! Remember the fun times and how his face would lit up whenever he saw us," I whispered softly. My heart ached because I knew we disappointed Carlisle a lot, but I would never forget his dying words; "I love you, son, and no father has ever been prouder of his son than I am of you".

He was proud of us!

"I can't believe he is gone," Alice sobbed and held me tighter.

"Me too," I said and sighed loudly.

Alice gently rubbed over her belly and smiled through her tears. She took one of my hands and laid it on her belly. I was about to ask her what she was doing when I felt the strong kick on my hand. I chuckled and the baby kicked again.

"This is..." I swallowed hard, "Amazing, Alice. I've never experienced this before."

"He knows I'm sad..." Alice drifted off.

"Dad wrote you a letter," I said softly, my hand still on her belly.

"He did?" she asked.

I nodded.

"He wrote for all of us. I already read mine and it made me feel better. Maybe you should read yours..."

"And you need to tell your children about dad," she said.

I simply nodded.

She moved from my lap and I jumped to my feet. We walked back to the house arm in arm; crying and laughing about memories of Carlisle.

Alice took her letter and went back outside to read it in private. Jasper tagged along with his own letter in his hand.

"Daddy, why is everyone crying?" Abbey asked me. Her eyes were sad because everyone around her was sad and she had no idea why. Tristan's face was ashen and I knew that he knew.

"Come here, Princess." I said softly and helped her onto my lap when we gathered in the sitting area. Tristan sat between Bella and me, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Remember we told you that Grandpa Carlisle was sick?" I asked.

She nodded.

"He said that his brain was sick," she said softly and I immediately felt the tears burn my eyes.

"Well, Grandpa Carlisle passed away a couple of hours ago, Abbey." I sobbed.

I felt her tiny hands cup my cheeks and as I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, more tears escaped my eyes. Her eyes were swimming in tears and her lips trembled. Her tiny shoulders shook slightly.

"Is he an angel now?" she asked through sobs.

"Yes, Princess, he is an angel now." I croaked out.

It was as if a dam had burst. Her entire body shook as she sobbed loudly over the death of her Grandfather. It was the first time, since I knew Abbey, that I've seen her cry so heartbreakingly. I pulled her to my chest and held her tightly as I sobbed along with her.

I felt my son's body tremble next to me and knew he was crying too.

"Abs, can you go to mommy for a second?" I asked her. She only nodded and I passed her on to Bella.

I took my son's trembling hand in my own.

"Let's go for a walk," I suggested. With his hand in mine, I grabbed the letter Carlisle wrote for him and walked out of the house.

I picked a spot under a tree and the moment I sat on the sand, Tristan crawled onto my lap. He buried his face in my chest before he literally burst out with agonizing sobs. I cried too and for a long while, our sniffing and sobbing was the only sounds around us.

"Why did he have to die now?" he asked.

"I asked the same thing, Tris. I guess that it was his time."

"But we still need him...I mean, I only found him now," he sobbed.

"Oh, Tris, I know. Believe me, I know. And if it was up to Carlisle, he would have wanted to stay with you forever," I said softly.

"It's not fair," he cried again.

"I know, son." I sighed. "I have something for you," I said.

He slowly raised he head and looked at me through tears. The pain on his face resembled my own and I quickly swallowed the sob that wanted to escape once more.

"What do you have?" he asked in a trembling voice.

"A letter that Carlisle wrote for you," I smiled and handed him the letter.

He let go of me and took the letter with trembling hands. His fingers went over the ink of his name. He brought the envelope to his nose and took a deep whiff.

"It smells like Grandpa," he smiled sadly.

"It does," I chuckled. "Do you want to read that in private?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"No, I want you to read it for me."

My eyes widened and I took a lungful of air before I looked at him.

"Are you sure?" I asked with my heart in my throat.

"Yes, dad, I'm sure."

He handed back the letter and I swallowed again. Would I be able to do this? I had a hard time reading my own letter and cried through the entire letter. Now I had to read one out loud.

I slowly tore the envelope and pulled out the letter.

The letter wasn't as long as mine was but I was sure that it would be just as intense and sad.

"My dearest Grandson" I started reading with a trembling voice and burning eyes. The tears stung before they rolled over the brims and down my cheeks. More followed and I didn't even bother wiping them away.

Tristan was staring at the ocean but I saw the tears flow freely down his cheeks. He was so vulnerable at the moment.

"I'm sorry that I have to leave you now, Tristan. I'm sorry that I won't see you grow up. I'm sorry that I won't be able to see you graduate and decide what you want to do with your life." I read through sobs.

"Even though I've only known you for a couple of months; they were the best months of my life. You brought sunshine back in our lives along with hope, love and faith."

Tristan's shoulders shook uncontrollably and I sniffed hard.

"I'm so proud of you, Tristan. I love you so much and it hurts to leave you. I wish I could have stayed longer but unfortunately my time has run out. The months I was blessed to get to know you were the best I've ever had."

"You remind me so much of your father when he was your age. You have the same determination, compassion and gentle spirit he had when he was ten years old."

An excruciating sob escaped my lips and I noticed how Tristan was sobbing as well. I leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Never lose your gentle spirit, Tristan, or your determination. I can tell that you are destined for great things as you already accomplished so much greatness so early in your life."

"This is the hard part; the goodbye." I read and the ache in my heart grows deeper and more painful.

"Thank you for all the talks we had and for lighting up my life. I love you, Tristan, so much. Take care of your mother and father and that beautiful sister of yours." I all but choked out. The sobs that racked through my son's body were more than excruciating and I quickly pulled him into my arms. Our bodies rocked together as silent tears rolled down our cheeks.

"It's so hard to believe that he is gone," Tristan said through sobs.

I gently stroked his back in comfort without saying anything. What could I have said? No words of comfort could have taken the pain over losing someone dear to you, away. I could hardly believe that Carlisle was dead.

I would never hear his voice again. I would never see his smiling face again. I would never hear his laughter again. I would never hear him say 'I love you, son' again.

Knowing these things literally killed me. And knowing my son probably felt the same and had the same thoughts that I had, increased the fucking pain levels inside my chest.

"Dad," Tristan said with a trembling voice.

"Mmm?" I hummed.

"I love you so much," he whispered and those words brought more comfort than I have ever expected it would. It made my heart all warm and whole.

I leaned down and planted a kiss on his head.

"I love you, Tristan," I whispered.

That evening we sat on the beach and shared stories about Carlisle. My mother had so many stories to tell about Carlisle from when they were younger and we practically hung on every word she said. We laughed through some stories and cried through others but what made the moment special was the fact that I could have felt Carlisle there with us. As if he was sitting right next to me, smiling at all of us.

Bella leaned onto my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her. I kissed her head and she looked up at me with teary eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be, love," I whispered.

"I love you, Cullen," she said.

I smiled at her as my heart filled with warmth and love.

"I love you too, Bella,"

Everyone went to bed except for Emmett and me. Emmett ran back into the house and came out with a few beers.

"I knew this day would come," Emmett sighed while opening his can of beer. "I didn't expect it to be so soon."

"I know what you mean," I sighed. "We had months to prepare ourselves for this but how do you prepare yourself for someone's death? Especially when that someone is our father?"

"Fuck, I'm gonna miss him!" Emmett whispered hoarsely and I noticed how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"You know what I regret now?" I asked him staring at the black ocean caused by the night.

"What?"

"That by us spending years in a band working so damn hard to become the best we missed out on spending time with our family - with dad. We have wasted precious years-"

"I know what you mean, Edward, but you can't see it like that. We haven't wasted anything, bro. We accomplished what we always dreamed about...yea, we have lost a lot of time with our loved ones but be thankful that we were given these last couple of months with dad," he said with a smile. "Don't ever regret the band, Edward; I know we have been through a lot of hurt because of the band but it is a journey that I wouldn't trade for the world!" He chuckled. "Especially the journey where I kicked your ass into rehab," he added with a snicker.

"I bet you wouldn't trade that for anything, dick," I smiled.

"I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant saving your life," he added on a more serious note.

"And it is the only ass-kicking that I have ever received that I'm grateful for," I chuckled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes thinking back at that time. Emmett literally kicked my ass. I have never been beaten up so badly, but then again, I have never seen Emmett both so livid and sad at the same time. He scared the living shit out of me; slapping me around the one moment and crying the next.

I came down from my high faster than the speed of light and after he fucked up my face pretty badly, I promised him that I would get help. He helped me pack a bag and drove me to the rehab himself. No one knew about it until I was already in the rehab.

I remember the first time I was allowed to see my family that I was only expecting Emmett. Imagine my surprise when I walked through the doors and had Carlisle waiting for me. The mixed emotions I had were unbelievable and tortured my soul with each step I took towards my father. I felt like a failure, an embarrassment to the Cullen name. But when I saw the tears in my father's eyes while he smiled at me, I felt love; unconditional love.

Carlisle held me that day like he never held me in his life. And the thing that made me break down and finally cry was when he said that he was so proud of me. I was booked into a fucking rehab. I was a junkie and a drunk and he was proud of me.

"What's that smile about?" Emmett asked suddenly, bringing me out of my reverie.

"I was just thinking about the time Dad came to visit me in rehab." My smile grew even wider.

"He was an amazing man," Emmett smiled. It was dark but I knew by Emmett's tone that he was crying and I felt the tears pool in my own eyes, stinging from the sensitivity of my already swollen eyes.

"That, he was!" I sniffed.

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Thoughts?

Did you need a box of tissues? Review and tell me please!

That was the other plot I had planned since I started this story! I know a lot of you hoped for a miracle but unfortunately I had this written before I started the story...I only added a couple of paragraphs!